Status: Clueless
Music: Who Do You Love - The Moffatts
WITH VIKTOR KRUM (Haha)
Parts of my conversations with a Bulgarian online friend (I don’t know if I’m allowed to mention his name):
Yoshke: You’re pure evil. But if all devils were just like you, then I would definitely buy a one-way ticket to hell.
Him: Why not a one-way ticket to Bulgaria? There’s one here.
This one, we had more than a month ago.
Yoshke: New York has the Statue of Liberty. Paris has the Eiffel Tower. What’s in Bulgaria that is well worth a visit?
Him: Aren’t I enough?
Yoshke: Well, yeah. You’re enough.
# # #
WITH A FOREVER-INNOCENT FRIEND
A simple talk with a young friend who was so unsure about how he felt for some girl.
Ken: How do you know if you’re in love?
Yoshke: I don’t think there are definite standard symptoms. You just know. That’s it. You just know. Why? Are you in love?
Ken: I don’t know.
Yoshke: You’re not in love.
Ken: What makes you so sure?
Yoshke: Cos you don’t know.
# # #
WITH MY HALF-FRENCH BROTHER
This convo I had with Josh on our way to FC Gloria’s Canteen for lunch after our French class the day before my birthday.
Josh: You already got a Kitchie Nadal album?
Yoshke: No. But I borrowed a friend’s and listened to it last night.
Josh: How was it? You liked it?
Yoshke: One big NO. I only liked a couple of tracks. The record is rubbish.
Josh: Oh, don’t be so cruel on her. You’d probably appreciate the album more if you listen to it a little longer.
Yoshke: I don’t think so. Only a couple of songs really appealed to me.
After lunch, he handed me something in a white plastic bag.
Josh: Here. It’s my present. Happy birthday. But don’t open it yet. Open it after I leave.
Yoshke: Why? Is it some kind of a bomb or something?
Josh: No. Just open it when I’m gone. Trust me on this one.
So, he left and I opened the package and *bulaga*, it was Kitchie Nadal’s album.
# # #
WITH THE BIGGEST TEASE IN MY LIFE
A part of my convo with a very good friend while staying at his place but let’s just keep this person’s anonymity so as not to affect his personal life. Haha.
Him: Why can’t we be together?
Yoshke: Cos number 1, you’re straight.
Him: You’re not sure of that.
Yoshke: Oh? Number 2, you have a girlfriend.
Him: If that’s your only problem, then we can easily solve that.
Yoshke: You know, that’s so sweet, but I think you’re just being a tease.
Translated version of one of our online conversations. This guy (you know who you are), one of my closest friends, is really ONE BIG TEASE and I just can’t believe I’m not losing my grip yet. If you weren’t my friend, God knows what I might’ve done to you.
Him: When are you going back to Lemery? I’m gonna bring you home. I’ve been missing Tagaytay. So let’s stop there for awhile.
Yoshke: Nah, I’ll just commute. You’ll just have me pay for your gas, anyway. And besides, other people might assume we’re dating. Eeew.
Him: Eeeew? Why eeew? I think I’m cute.
Yoshke: Wow. Confidence. Well yeah, you are. But what am I gonna do with you? You’re straight. And besides, I don’t screw friends.
Him: Oh come on! Don’t give me that crap. You always break your own rules.
# # #
WITH A PROMISCUOUS GAY
While sleeping in the same room with a gay friend who just kept on touching every surface of my body, he kept on caressing and talking about sex.
Yoshke: Guys are better kissers.
Him: I agree. I should know. Who is the best kisser that you tried?
Yoshke: %&%&^%. He’s the best.
Him: You haven’t tried me yet.
Yoshke: No, thanks.
Minutes later…
Him: Tell me you’re aroused.
Yoshke: I’m not. You know what, I’m tired and sleepy. So do whatever you want, touch whatever you want, just let me sleep.
# # #
WITH A FEMINISM GODDESS
While at Seatle’s Best Katipunan, Tricia and I were talking about how I would always portray women as evil and pathetic in my films. She’s a cold-blooded feminist, by the way.
Yoshke: It’s not that I hate women but if there were a need for an evil or bad character in my films and I had a choice between a man and a woman, I would make sure it’s the woman.
Tricia: Why is that?
Yoshke: Cos I love men. Duh?
# # #
WITH, UH, WELL, DOHNA
While walking along some filthy curved KNL street.
Dohna: Any plans of going straight?
Yoshke: No. Not any time soon.
Dohna: Aaaah.
Yoshke: But I would really love to have kids of my own.
Oh, life. Sometimes, you’re cruel.
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