Never Mess With Kids (Especially Promil Kids)

Status: Tonsilitis… Waaaah!
Music: I’m Just a Kid – Simple Plan

WHO’S TO BLAME?

This happened more than a year ago, you can see the original post here. I was with my then 2-year old nephew in my mum’s room when I accidentally broke the lamp on the side table. Of course, the only witness was my dear nephew. So I decided to talk to him.

Yoshke: When they ask you who broke that, you say MIMI (name of his cat). Understand?
Nephew: *nod*
Yoshke: Yaya (the maid) forgot to close the door so Mimi entered, sat on the side table, and broke the lamp. Understand?
Nephew: *nod*
Yoshke: Who entered the room?
Nephew: Mimi!
Yoshke: Who sat on the side table?
Nephew: Mimi!
Yoshke: Who broke the lamp?
Nephew: Tito (Uncle)!
Yoshke: Who broke the lamp?
Nephew: Tito!
Yoshke: Mimi!
Nephew: Tito!

The poor kid did not have any chocolate for the rest of the day. Nyahahaha. Child abuse, anyone?

# # #

HE WAS RIGHT, ANYWAY

Last night, when I came home, I forgot to close the gate. My nephew, now 3, was playing on the porch.

Nephew: Tito! Close the gate! What if my ball went over there and I would fetch it. I might get hit by a car.
Yoshke: So don’t go out!
Nephew: But I’m a kid. I don’t know what I do.

Yeah, right. I shut the gate.

# # #

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Most of the time, my nephew and I get along really well. And the times when there are chocolate bars in the fridge are not one of them. We always end up fighting about who gets what. And it’s agreed upon that Snickers bars are mine like it has always been. So a couple of months ago, when my nephew was throwing tantrums, I was pissed that he wanted my Snickers. I mean, whaaat? Those were mine.

But being a kid, of course, he could get away with it. And I was the one scolded for acting like a kid. But I’m sure you get me. Those bars were mine! Mine! Mine!

So when my nephew was climbing up the stairs to his room, displaying the bars of Snickers, mocking me (I was lying in the couch), I prayed, “Oh God, please, do anything so I could have those Snickers. ANYTHING.”

Seconds later, my nephew lost his balance and came crashing down the stairs. I was appalled and befuddled. The blood all over the floor made it hard for me to move (coz I’m extremely afraid of blood). My brother hurriedly approached my nephew and drove to the hospital.

I didn’t go with them to the hospital. When the maid asked me what happened, I couldn’t utter a word. I was feeling incredibly guilty. Besides, I really couldn’t talk because my mouth was full. Of Snickers bars. The bloody kid left them on the floor.

Picture courtesy of newciv.org

Angel Locsin, Kapamilya Na!

Status: Tonsilitis is killing me
Music: If it Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow

I really have no plans of talking about the issue, but since all my friends have been festering and pestering me asking me for what I have to say about Angel Locsin‘s ober-da-bakod stint, what the heck? Fine.

So where to begin? Again, I am not loyal to ABS-CBN 2. But if your definition of being a kapamilya or kapuso is based on who I like better, then fine, call me a kapamilya. Most of the shows I love are on ABS-CBN, and in GMA 7′s history, I’ve only had a few shows that really glued my eyes to the screen. One of them — CLICK. Click was a youth-oriented show aired on Saturday afternoons opposite G-Mik. I mean come on, between G-Mik and Click, I’d definitely choose Click. That was the first time I heard of her name. So when Click bade goodbye, I never heard of Angel again until her boyfriend’s fatal fall. And I think that Miko Sotto‘s tragic death actually launched Angel’s career as a star. We all wanted to symphatise with the grieving girlfriend (not including Claudine Barretto who was somehow blamed for Rico Yan‘s unexpected death, oh Gawd, I miss him).

Continue reading »

Bababa Ba? Bababa.

Status: Horneee
Music: Overload – Sugababes

I just received this anecdote from a friend, who had read this somewhere. And it made me realise how fun Tagalog really is as a language.

I was in the elevator with an American. We were going down to the ground floor, but before reaching it, we stopped at the 4th floor. It opened to a Filipino.

She asked me, “Bababa ba?”

I replied, “Bababa.”

In she went. Upon closing of the door, the American asked curiously, “I’m sorry. Did you guys just have a conversation?“

A’right. To all my non-Filipino readers, I’m gonna explain this to you. “Bababa” is the tagalog word for “going down.” And to change any noun, pronoun, verb, adverb, or adjective to a question, all you have to do is add “ba.” Of course, a question mark and the proper intonation go with it.

She: “Bababa ba?” (Going down?)
Me: “Bababa.” (Going down.)

There. Though they might have sounded like they were trying to mimic goats/sheep, they actually had a conversation. Hehehe. Ahlove’t.  Continue reading »

We Can’t Be Friends

Note: This is not a poem.

To you, uber-cute son of a bitch (sorry, foul language),

Damn you, don’t text me.
When you text me, I can’t help replying.
When I reply, we start talking.
When we talk, we get to know each other better.
If we keep on doing that, we’ll become friends.

And we can’t be friends.
If we’re friends, we’ll get closer.
If we’re closer, I’ll care so much.
When I care that much, I might fall.
If I fall, I might get hurt.
When I’m hurt, I become vengeful.
You won’t like that.

Your sister won’t like that, either.

So please, don’t do this.
We can’t be friends.
Seriously.

And oh, again, don’t text me.
And stop calling me!!!

So there. I said it.

*** Actually, I really, really like the guy. He’s intelligent, knowledgeable, articulate, funny, and most of all, CUTE. But that’s exactly the problem. If he continues being nice to me, I’ll fall. To quote Ian Hainsworth (Desperate Housewives): “If we can’t have anything more than friendship, then we’d rather have nothing. Nothing at all.”

Waaaah. But damn! I like him.

Harry Potter & Cinemalaya News

Status: Sleepy
Music: Out of Reach – Gabrielle

Yey! I’m sooo happy. Three of my most loved actors are joining the cast of the next movie installment of Harry Potter. According to this site:

“Joseph Fiennes, Stuart Townsend and Naomi Watts are the latest addition to the 6th Harry Potter movie ‘Half-Blood Prince.’ Schedule for a late November 2008 release, the new Harry Potter movie will start shooting in September…”

Naomi Watts might play Narcissa Malfoy. Stuart Townsend and Joseph Fiennes? Hmmm. I don’t know yet. But this is great news! Ahlove’t.

UPDATE: FALSE NEWS!

Continue reading »

Names, Like Size, Matter

Status: Starving
Music: White Flag – Dido

My friends from the university and I were playing Charades and the theme was “movie titles.” When an opponent drew “Little Nicky,” we thought it was a giveaway. So when he started acting it out for his team, for the first word, he just levelled his palm at his hips and his team shouted “Little” right away. Hmmm. But “Nicky” was something less easy.

One of our team members was Monique, also known as Nikki. Monique is not the skinny type. She’s a bit, er… endomorphic. It didn’t come as a surprise to us when the player who was acting out pointed to Nikki for the second word. What we didn’t expect was when someone from his team shouted: “Pig? Little Pig?”

Mean. Mean. Mean.

# # #

One of our organisation’s applicants is this Japanese exchange student, Kazu. Kazu has been staying here in the Philippines since March. He takes up Philippine Studies. And we were surprised to find out that he was more fluent in Tagalog (our native language) than English. It was amazing, really. So one day, my friends and I had a small talk with Kazu.

Us: So Kazu, how do you find the Philippines?
Kazu: Mainit. (Hot)
Us: Oooh. Anything else?
Kazu: Madaming bakla. (Gay men are all around.)
Us: (laughing our guts out) Why? In Japan, are there no gay people?
Kazu: Meron din. Pero hindi kasing-ingay. (There are. But not as noisy.)
Us: Oh, it’s just here in this building. It’s just that we’re in the Mass Communication building so everyone just love… talking… out loud. Anything else?
Kazu: Maraming gwapo. (Many goodlooking men.)
Us: Oooh. How about the women? What can you say about the Filipinas?
Kazu: Malaki suso. (They have huge breasts.)

Monique, who was with us, pretended to walk out. She claimed it hit home. As we looked around, we realised how Kazu had that impression. Yeah, with Monique, Maj, Sanya, and Bunggay around, we couldn’t really blame Kazu for making that pretty accurate observation.

# # #

Nina posted something like this on her blog last week, and I guess it’s my turn to explain a few things about my names. Yep, names. Plural. A’right. My real name is Edison. So why Yoshke? Yoshke is more like my pen and online name. I got the name from a Japanese animation “Wedding Peach.” Yoshke was one of the male characters; he was the heroine’s love interest. I liked his character in the series, so I chose that name. But of course, more than anything, I just really wanted to mock a Jewish friend. “Yoshke” is what Jews call Jesus Christ.

When I’m at Starbucks, my name changes to Edward. Why Edward? When ordering coffee, they ask for your name, right? I used to give them my real name Edison, but the conversation always went like this:

Barrista: May I have your name, sir?
Yoshke: Edison.
Barrista: I’m sorry. Erickson?
Yoshke: Edison.
Barrista: Oh. Okay, Jason.
Yoshke: Nah. Just write Ed.
Barrista: Right. Ted.

I still don’t know if there was something wrong with the way I speak, or they all have hearing problems, or it’s just that here in this country Edison, although famous, is not a popular name. So I think it’s wise to just use Edward to save time and spit.

Most people call me E.S., my nickname. Why ES? I don’t know, either. But whenever someone asks me, I just tell them that because Edison means Edward’s Son in Old English. But that’s not really why I’m called ES. Rumour has it that E.S. means Erwin-Siony. Siony is my mum. And Erwin… is NOT my dad. My dad’s name is Benito. So who is this Erwin? He’s the man my mum had an affair with. (Yeah, I know, don’t mention it.) But I don’t buy that idea, and will not. I have my father’s nose, and I look like my cousins on my dad’s side. DNA testing is not necessary. I am a Dimen.

Dimen is my family name. It is of Hungarian/Romanian origin. Here in a country where family names are either Spanish or Filipino, having a “weird” family name is a curse especially for a kid. My playmates called me “demon” when angry. They would draw a picture of a devil and post it on the board and write my name on it. They would also tease me “di men.” In Tagalog, “di” means “not,” hence saying I was not man enough. And it was a big deal because as a kid, I was sickly and weak.

I got over it learning that having an unusual family name actually worked for me, and was something I could use to my advantage. My teachers would notice and remember me so easily upon seeing the class list. I thought it was nice. But although “Dimen” is a Hungarian/Romanian name, I don’t think we actually have East European blood. Or if we did, then there’s actually very little of it left in the family. My aunt, however, told me that one of my great grandparents was German. It makes sense. There are many Dimens in Germany. Whatever. But I think it’s cool. I looove the German National Football (Soccer) Team. Hahahaha.

The Art of Sabotage

“Sabotage. Everyone is capable of it. But some go about it more ruthlessly than others… like the ones who crave vengeance… or the ones who hunger for love… or the ones who are determined to burn bridges. And then there are those who simply want something… Something that belongs to someone else.”
                                 — Mary Alice Young, Desperate Housewives

What a nice way to begin this blog entry. Hmmm. Anyway, whatever it is that I feel right now, Prech felt it first, although we’re talking about two different bananas. So let me just quote her:

“Yum! Don’t we all just love to gloat when we know we are soooo right in the first place and it’s too late for people to realize the truth and we wanna say ‘I told you so’ to smack them in the face?” 

Read the rest of this entry >>>

Protected: The Art of Sabotage (Unrated Version)

Protected: Arrogant. Anti-Poor. Whatever.

Elliott Yamin is Coming to the Philippines!

Status: Frantic
Music: Wait for You – Elliot Yamin

Yep, it’s true! After the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy hosts and Nigel Barker, the Ayala Malls is bringing Elliott Yamin to the country. Don’t you just love Ayala Malls? Hahaha. Elliott has always beeen one of my favourite American Idol hopefuls (all seasons). And man, am I delirious! First, Christina Aguilera, now Elliott. But there’ll be no big concert. It’ll just be a simple mall tour. Simple. Interactive. Intimate.

Anyways, here’s the schedule I got from Elliot’s myspace:

September 21 – Trinoma, Quezon City
September 22 – Glorietta, Makati
September 23 – Alabang Town Centre
September 26 – Ayala Mall, Cebu
September 28 – Market! Market!, Taguig

Oh Elliott, I’ll surely wait for you.