Status: In Pain
Music: Look After You - The Fray

I just received the most ridiculous text message from Frances:

“Sudden realisation. I think you’re in love with Astrid. I don’t know, it just entered my mind.”

What the..?! Where did this come from?! Asta is an incredibly good friend. Yes, she’s very special to me, considering the ups-and-downs that we’ve been through. We’ve experienced the worst in our friendship. We hated each other so much, and now, we’re good friends. We’re close, but nowhere close to having a romantic relationship. Really.

Anyways, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the condition of my heart lately. And I realised something:

The truth is: B1* is the reason I smile everyday. But B2* is still the reason I cry at night. Damn.

Considering that it’s been more than a year since B2 hurt me, I just can’t get over it. I want to be angry at him but he’s too cute to be mad at. Gawd, I hate myself. I hate what happened. And until now, I still haven’t forgiven him, myself, and the other guy. But it pains me that they seem to have moved on, and now, I’m the only one left in pain. It’s just… painful. And sad. Good thing B1 is here. Obicham Te, B1.

Earlier today, Andre sent me a message, which he got from “The Purpose-Driven Life.” I snickered. I never imagined I could use the words Andre and “The Purpose-Driven Life” in one sentence. That was just sooo un-Andre-ly. Anyway, here’s the message:

“…Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now — unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. Your past is past, nothing will change it. You are only hurting yourself with your bitterness. For your own sake, learn from it and then let it go….”

I just wish it’s that easy to let go. Andre also said that I was (and still am) full of resentment. But Andre himself is in the same situation that I am now. And so I suggested that we set up a Bitter Men’s Club; and I’m willing to be his Vice Chairman. Hehehe.

I was also able to meet up with my very first girlfriend last week. And damn, she’s still beautiful. She’s even more attractive now. God, why is it that my ex-girlfriends become more beautiful after break-up? That’s just… RUDE.

*Obviously, not their real names. I can’t be in love with bananas.

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