yoshke.com

Status: I’d walk with my people if I could find them.
Music: Deep Inside of You - Third Eye Blind

Last Friday our team had a party at Lauren’s place as a part of our semimonthly office gatherings. There were lotsa fun, food, and of course booze. Among my officemates, there were only a few people who knew about my sexuality — Bridget, who used to be my classmate in UP; Aika, who is also from UP; Chemae, who said she could be bisexual so I confessed to her, too; and Jon, a straight guy whom I volunteered the information to when we were having a drink two weeks ago. But I’m sure others had a clue. I mean, with all my YM status messages, it was pretty obvious. Perhaps, some were just afraid to ask.

Anyway, back to the party we had a drinking-slash-honesty game called “never-have-i-ever.” In this game, a player says a statement beginning with “never have I ever.” For example, “Never have I ever had sex.” All those who have had sex MUST drink. Then another player says another statement. It’s really a nice way to get drunk, hihi.

My officemates came up with statements like:

• Never have I ever had flunked a Math subject. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever slept at work. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever been attracted to anyone in the office. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever had sex in a public place. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever had sex with a stranger. (I didn’t drink.)

I thought, Heck, when will I have to drink? And then came Chemae with her very provocative statement:

Never have I ever had sex with someone from the same sex.

I drank. Bottom’s up.

Wow. The reactions varied widely. Disbelief was painted on some of them. I heard a couple of oh-my-gawd’s. Some are shocked. Lauren kept yelling at me (more like cursing, really). Others weren’t surprised at all giving me an “I-knew-it” look. The ones who knew had a grin slashed on their faces. Their eyes glued to the man of the moment — ME.

I said defensively, “What? Whoever said I was straight?!”

Yep, I didn’t tell them about my sexual orientation but I never told them I was straight. Besides, they never asked. “Coming out” to them was not a good feeling. But it wasn’t bad, either. Until now, I’ve been thinking if I did the right thing. Sometimes I think that maybe I should’ve just kept it to myself and enjoy the idea of my colleagues thinking I’m straight. You know, some things are better left unsaid. But it was an honesty game. And I was just being honest.

My sexuality is something that I am not proud of, but I am not ashamed of, either. I don’t usually volunteer the information. I only tell a person when I’m asked. It was never an issue for me (unless when the person asking knows my family or is family).

So far, I still haven’t felt the aftermath of my honesty. That night, there was no tension or friction or discomfort or whatsoever. Heck, they were all drunk. Today that work resumes, I shall know.

One thing is for sure, though: I do not and will not regret the moment that I drank that glass of beer.

image courtesy of euroross.blogspot.com

Status: Damn cold.
Music: Nobody Wants to be Lonely - Ricky Martin & Christina Aguilera

Gawd, it took me six days before finally updating this blog. Still uber-busy. Nevertheless, I am still glad to announce that it’s been nine days since I last touched a cigarette. This is because my heart has been aching like hell. No, I’m not being schmaltzy. That’s not figurative. I’m talking about the organ (no, not that organ, silly, much higher). You know the organ that pumps blood called “heart.” Right, that organ. It hurts. So I stopped smoking. I can’t believe I survived nine days without nicotine, caffeine, and beer. That’s an accomplishment. I’ve been rewarding myself with too much yogurt with live microorganisms (Nancy Castiglione, ikaw ba yan?). Yum yum. I have to keep this up.

Anyway, being excruciatingly busy at work, I’ve been desperately struggling to find something enjoyable. Yahoo Messenger has become my only source of relaxation. To be more specific — my YM status messages. Here are some of my status messages this past few days. :

1. My last name may be Hungarian but no, I don’t like sausage. (Not true, actually. I like sausage.)
2. “I feel drunk but I’m sober. I’m young and I’m underpaid. I’m tired but I’m working. Yeah!” (Hand in my Pocket, Alanis Morissette)
3. “It’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a DAMN knife.” (modified Ironic, Alanis Morissette)
4. Alanis Morissette is Canada’s greatest contribution to mankind.
5. When I was a kid, I thought I could make a deck of cards explode. You know, like Gambit. When my dad told me it was impossible, I packed my stuff and ran away. They found me in an arcade.
6. I hate bitchy people. They’re just, uh, bitchy.
7. This is when “work” becomes a verb. Oh please, Work, I like you better when you were a noun.
8. This is how it feels to pretend like I know what I’m writing about.
9. Waaaah! I really don’t know what I’m writing about.
10. When I don’t know what I’m writing about, I just… Damn, I really don’t know what I’m writing about.
11. I miss Vanessa Carlton. Damn. This is sooo… gay.
12. I miss oversleeping like I miss college. Damn, I can’t believe I miss college!
13. “Malas mo. Ikaw ang natipuhan ko.” (Oo, Up Dharma Down)
14. Gawd, again, I really don’t know what I’m writing about.
15. Mum, I’m telling you. It’s not just a phase! You see, I still like Baby Spice. And the rest of ‘em.
16. It’s weird that I like the Pussycat Dolls. I mean, I don’t like dolls. I don’t like cats. And I don’t like….
17. My ex-girlfriend and I wanted to hurt each other so badly. She dated my bestfriend. I dated her brother. I won.
18. Writing is like sex. It’s exciting. It’s exhausting. And I suck at it.

Before I end this, I just want to make it clear that the last item is NOT true. Absolutely false. Written just for humour. Haha. Defensive.

Top 50-41, 40-31, 30-21, 20-11. Whoah. And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my top 10 all-time favourite films….

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10. Finding Nemo (2003)

Genre: Comedy
Director: Andrew Stanton, Lee Unkrich
Starring: Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Alexander Gould
Plot: 71% of the Earth’s surface is covered by water. That’s a lot of space to find one fish.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 100% — WOW!!!

“I shall call him Squishy. And he shall be mine. And he shall be my Squishy.”

The only animated movie in my list, Finding Nemo is one movie that I really, really enjoyed. I was alone when I watched it in a theatre. (I know, what a loser.) But I still couldn’t help laughing. After the film, I stayed inside and watched it again. Hahaha. My favourite character is Dory and Crush, the turtle. Had I extended this list to Top 100, you’d find a number of animated films including Beauty and the Beast, Lion King, and Monsters, Inc.
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9. (tied) Chicago (2002)

Genre: Musical
Director: Rob Marshall
Starring: Renee Zellweger, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Richard Gere
Plot: Murderesses Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart find themselves on death row together and fight for the fame that will keep them from the gallows in 1920s Chicago.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 92%

“With the right song and dance, you can get away with murder.”

From its well choreographed dance sequences, entertaining songs, impressive acting performances, excellent direction, and all that jazz, Chicago deserves a slot in my Top 10. However, until now, I still don’t think that it deserves the Oscar Best Picture award. Although Renee Zellweger did a fantastic job giving life to Roxie Hart, Catherine Zeta Jones steals the movie with her Velma Kelly character.

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9. (tied) Moulin Rouge (2001)

Genre: Musical
Director: Baz Luhrmann
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Ewan McGregor
Plot: A poet falls for a beautiful courtesan whom a jealous duke covets in this stylish musical, with music drawn from familiar 20th century sources.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 65% Aaaw

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

This is the fourth in my list and the first of three Nicole Kidman-starrers in my Top 10. Moulin Rouge is filled with so much elements that only this movie can pull off. As what Bebs might call it, this is a “pastiche.” But what I like most, aside from MY Nicole Kidman, is how they used familiar songs like Roxanne, Like a Virgin, and Smells Like Teen Spirit. I cried twice — the part when they are singing Come What May, and the part when Satine dies. The production design is fantabulous. And every scene is spectacular, spectacular! This should have won the Oscar Best Picture that year, and not A Beautiful Mind. Nicole should have received the Best Actress nod and not Halle Berry. (Nicole Kidman is love, love, love. I loooooooove her.)

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Status: We don’t fight fair
Music: The Takeover, The Break’s Over - Fall Out Boy

I can’t help noticing that since it takes me too long to update this blog, my entries get lengthier and lengthier. Uhm, I hate lengthy posts. I know they can get boring sometimes, so don’t worry, I promise that this one is not gonna be lengthy.

I was supposed to update this last night, but I got home at 3:30am, too tired to actually do anything but visit dreamland. Uh.

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BLUSH, BABY, BLUSH!

One weird thing about me is that I easily blush. And whenever I do, it’s so obvious. I really turn red. I blush every time I feel embarrassed, ashamed or nervous. If I’m keeping a secret, say for example, the identity of this Mr. Perfect, you can easily know without me saying anything just by guessing who he really is. If you mention his name, I will surely blush right at that moment. And then, you’ll know.

Last week, I was gorging on some meal with a friend when my Mr. Perfect greeted me. My friend said I turned red instantly. Good thing my Mr. Perfect didn’t notice. (Or so I think.)

The other night, my friends were just talking about something, teasing me when I turned red. I couldn’t do anything but cover my face with my jacket or I’d have looked terribly stupid.

When I was in college, my friend Icang used to tell me how I would look silly when the person I admired so much back then was around. I would turn incredibly red.

And it’s not just blushing. When I blush, it’s like it comes with the whole package. I stutter, I get clumsy, and I act weird. Things I have no control over.

Heck, I need to do something about it. I know some of my readers are registered nurses so my educated guess is that you know the human body better than I do. Is there any way I can prevent blushing and other physiological manifestations of emotional geysers? Please, I need it right now. I don’t want to get myself in deep shameful shit.

How about you? Do you blush often? Or am I just really, er, abnormal?

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THE DAYS BETWEEN TODAY AND BECOMING-A-DIPLOMAT DAY

My friends have been asking me how I find my new job as a writer. They ask me if it’s fulfilling. And of course, I have a default answer. “I don’t need a fulfilling job right now. The only job that will give me fulfillment is being a diplomat. And until I become one, I don’t need to feel fulfilled. I just need to feel happy.”

And now, the question is, “Am I happy?” Hmmm. I’m relatively happy. The job is not as easy as I thought. Actually, it is. But it’s pretty stressful, too. My work runs from 7am to 4pm, and after office hours, you’ll find me in an arcade or bowling alley in Megamall just to get rid of the stress I have accumulated the whole day. Very, very high school.

I only have a few people that I get along with in the office — Bridget and Aika (whom I always go out with), Dana, Kristel, Paul and Jon (whom I always spend my cigarette breaks with). It’s funny because Christian, who sat next to me, had already quit the job for a Marketing position for some company — the jobs I turned my back on for this job.

Last Thursday, I got a call from another company offering me a position in Advertising and Promotions. You know how I used to hate the culture in the advertising field. Aika and Bridget told me to grab the chance. I did not. I was afraid their offer would be better than my current company, and would tempt me to quit this early for a better job. That’s just silly. I have just started and I’d be quitting that fast?

Anyway, I think I’m enjoying. I just wish that the Department of Foreign Affairs would release the second exam’s schedule soon.

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MISTAKEN FOR SOMEONE ELSE, HUH?

Last night, I was to meet my officemates Bridget, Aika, Dana, and Jon for a little drink. On my way to our meeting place from Shangrila Mall, I walked past EDSA Shangrila Hotel. One block away from me was this man in his early 30s, in his long-sleeved polo and blue tie. It was 7:30pm. As I continued walking, I began noticing that he was looking at me. And as the distance between us got shorter and shorter, he wouldn’t look away. He just maintained that eye contact that made me feel very uncomfortable. Two metres between us, he smiled.

I had a good look at him. Yep, thirty-something. Neat. Tall. Nice eyes. A little chubby. Very masculine but his aura sent signals of certain pinkness. Not overly handsome but cute. I continued walking.

In the middle of the pavement, I looked back. There he was standing still in front of the hotel, looking at me. And then he raised his hand and waved. I stopped walking. He ran towards me.

One metre between us, he stopped. He said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I think I’ve mistaken you for someone I know.” He flashed that gorgeous smile again.

I laughed a little, “A’right.”

And then, he stepped a little closer and said…. Oops, uhm, I’m sorry. Gawd, I’m doing it again. This post is long enough. I can’t write any longer. I promised you I would not post lengthy entries anymore. So, a’right, I better stop here. So there. Bye for now. Hehehe.

images courtsy of ryan-design.com, margomilne.com, and blogoscoped.com

This is a very lengthy post so no much intro needed now. Just a reminder, this is not a list of the best movies for me, this is my favourites list. If you missed the bottom 30 movies, check these out: Top 50-41, 40-31, 30-21. A’right. Back to the countdown….

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20. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Genre: Horror
Director: Daniel Myrick, Eduardo Sanchez
Starring: Heather Donahue, Michael Williams, Joshua Leonard
Plot: In October of 1994, three student film makers disappeared in the woods near Burkittesville, Maryland. One year later, their footage was found.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 88%

“I’m afraid to close my eyes, I’m afraid to open them.”

The second of the only two horror films in this list (the other is The Others), The Blair Witch Project is a great horror movie. There was no monster or ghost shown but it really scared the hell out of me. And I watched it already knowing that this did not happen for real. But still, I was blown away. Scary, scary, scary.

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19. (tied) American Beauty (1999)
Genre: Drama
Director: Sam Mendes
Starring: Kevin Spacey, Annette Bening
Plot: Lester Burnham, a depressed suburban father in a mid-life crisis, decides to turn his hectic life around after developing an infatuation for his daughter’s attractive friend.
Top Critics’ Mark: 93%

“Remember those posters that said, ‘Today is the first day of the rest of your life?’ Well, that’s true with every day except one: the day that you die.”

Everybody was talking about this film and I just couldn’t care less. For starters, I thought, what could be interesting about suburbia. I thought suburbia was boring. And then after watching it, I realised that was exactly the point. Suburbia is boring but it doesn’t mean that nothing is happening.

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Status: I’m love stoned I could swear
Music: Lovestoned - Justin Timberlake | I Will Remember You - Ryan Cabrera

Have you ever felt something sooo INTENSE you feel like you are going to blow anytime? Well, that’s what I’m feeling right now. That’s what I’ve been feeling since I met this guy. I have never felt something like this before. This is the beginning of a potential obsession.

You know the Mr. Perfect I painted on my mind when I was still naive and then later on, I realised he couldn’t possibly exist? The type that would make me fly to Amsterdam and get married as soon as possible? That’s him.

When I first laid eyes on him, I was shocked because he looked so mighty familiar. I had dreamt about him since the very minute I turned bisexual. But then he was imaginary and unreal. And now, I met him. My Mr. Perfect. (Yeah, I know nobody’s perfect but I’m sure you get me.)

When I first saw him, I told myself, “This can’t be real. He can’t be real.” I created a picture of my Mr. Perfect in my head, and then I found someone who looks EXACTLY like him. “He can’t be real.” But he is.

Every time I see him, I freeze and melt on the spot. I feel like I would do anything just to have him. ANYTHING. And the funny part is, I think he notices his effect on me — sublime, excruciating and mortifying, all at the same time.

The sad part part is, I know that nothing I do can make that possible. Argh. I think he’s straight.

But sooner or later, I will get him. Someday, he will be mine. (Naks! Conviction!) In the meantime, I shall divert my attention to something more useful. Like beer. Or blogging. Or other guys.

“…And now I walk around without a care.
He’s got me hooked; It just ain’t fair, but I…
I’m love stoned and I could swear that he knows
Think that he knows, oh, oh
He knows, he knows…”

PS: Contrary to what you might be thinking right now, hindi ito libog. This is sooo beyond lust. He’s charming and smart. He’s my Mr. Perfect.

Status: Wish I’ve done a little bit more
Music: Should Woulda Coulda - Beverly Knight

Wow, I realise that it’s taking me too long to update my blog lately. It’s been a very busy week and it makes me happy. Hehe. Aside from my day job, Tonet and I were able to close a screenwriting deal with an independent film producer. This would be the second full-length script that I sold. If I would continue being able to sell screenplays at the rate I’m going, I wouldn’t even need a day job. So you see, busy means money. Yum, yum.

Anyway, I noticed that it’s been a while since I last talked about my favourite topic in the world: myself. So since most of my readers don’t know me personally, let me tell you a few craps about myself.  

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