Status: Wish I’ve done a little bit more
Music: Should Woulda Coulda - Beverly Knight

Wow, I realise that it’s taking me too long to update my blog lately. It’s been a very busy week and it makes me happy. Hehe. Aside from my day job, Tonet and I were able to close a screenwriting deal with an independent film producer. This would be the second full-length script that I sold. If I would continue being able to sell screenplays at the rate I’m going, I wouldn’t even need a day job. So you see, busy means money. Yum, yum.

Anyway, I noticed that it’s been a while since I last talked about my favourite topic in the world: myself. So since most of my readers don’t know me personally, let me tell you a few craps about myself.

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Me and my Selfish Self. I am a happy person. My usual getup is composed of a shirt, a pair of shorts, a pair of Chucks, a Detective Conan dog tag, and a blue Jansport sling bag. My bag contains some civil documents, my wallet, a bottle of Gatorade, an extra shirt (in case I smear the one I’m wearing), an extra hankie (coz I always lose one), a jacket (in case it gets cold), a baseball cap (in case it rains), a supporter (in case I decide to go jogging), a necktie (I don’t know why I have it there), a bunch of Milkita lollipops, a pack of Dunhill Frost cigarettes, a lighter, and my handwritten journal.

I am childish and immature. But I don’t go throwin’ tantrums. And I am not afraid of anything except blood and infertility. I love football and lawn tennis. I love to cook and gorge on what I just cooked. When I feel sad, I sleep in my mum’s bed and hug her ’til I fall asleep.

My pride is waaaaaay up there, no one can see it. I have an elephantine ego but is often downsized.

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Me and my Family. I am the youngest of three. I have a brother and a sister. I am the youngest but I am not the favourite child. In our clan, it is the first-born son who becomes the darling of the family. I don’t take it against my parents because it never was an issue for me. I don’t dwell on that fact. I don’t know why. I just don’t. Let’s just say that I realised that they had been treating my brother differently at the moment I learned I had a brain. Unlike my sister who always rants about it, I don’t really give a damn.

No one in my family is aware of my gender. I choose not to tell them because there is no need. I know they will surely disown me (or worse, disinherit me, hehe) upon learning I’m not straight. But that’s not really the reason why I’m not telling them. Believe it or not, I am more afraid that they would feel bad and disappointed.

Anyway, they have no idea so it’s not really a problem.

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Me and my Friends. I am surrounded by countless people but I consider only a few of them my friends. Lately, I’ve been incredibly close to Tonet, Asta and Andre. When I’m with Tonet, I feel important. When with Asta, I feel happy. When with Andre, I feel gay.

I have five bestfriends. They are all straight guys. I share my apartment with Topher. I met Josh, my half-French little brother, at a French class in college and became close since. Amiel was my roommate since my freshman year until he left for Singapore. Robin is a family friend. Victor is my bestfriend since kindergarten.

Of the five, only three of them know about my sexuality. I was so afraid to tell them because I thought they would change, avoid me and feel disgusted. They did not. Thank heavens. In fact, they’ve been very supportive. And we’ve become even closer. Josh told me he did not care. Topher doesn’t mind if I bring a date to the apartment. He sometimes gets curious about how gay stuff work and we often talk about it provided that I won’t go into details. Robin has become the biggest tease in my life so far.

I did not have a chance to tell Amiel about it because he left for Singapore. I just thought there was no point telling him. I refuse to tell Victor because, as I said, we’ve been the best of friends since Kindergarten. That’s 17 years of our lives. I cannot lose him just like that.

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Me and my Lovelife. Or the Lack Thereof. I am not goodlooking. So it doesn’t come as a surprise to me that I haven’t been in a relationship for more than two years now.

I never had a boyfriend. I had three girlfriends. My first GF is now dead. Seriously. My second gets prettier and prettier. And the last, well, she’s a family friend so we still see each other.

It’s been two months since I last dated someone. It’s been three months since I last got laid. For the past months, I’ve been dating. I’ve dated several guys this year but they are all the feel-good-in-the-moment type. I only like them when I’m with them. Otherwise, I don’t care about them. I don’t even reply to their messages. But when they disappear completely, I miss them.

My bestfriends tell me that I am a lousy boyfriend. I believe them.

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(I have this feeling that I will have this entry password-protected soon.)

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