Status: Ill.
Music: Look After You | The Fray

Surprise, surprise. I’m terribly sick again. Guess what? Tonsilitis. Again. My fifth this year. Damn it. But I’m currently at a net station in Trinoma, waiting for the next screening of Get Smart. And I’m watching alone. Sick and alone. Loser. Haha.

Anyway, last week, a friend sent me a hilarious text message that really made me laugh my ass out. It was the hardest I laughed in months, it made my tonsils hurt. The joke was a compilation of lines that Miss Universe contestants enthusiastically and confidently utter when they introduce themselves. Later that night, I saw Kim Chiu use some of them on My Girl. Here they are:

  • Gutom ako, gutom kayo, gutom tayong lahat… HUNGARY!
  • Malay mo, malay n’ya, malay nating lahat… MALAYSIA!
  • Baha doon, baha dito, baha sa buong mundo… BAHAMAS!
  • One way, two way, there’s no other way… NORWAY!
  • Olah viola kaserola tinola saranggola arinola ni lola… VENEZUELA!
  • Hindi sakin, hindi sa’yo, kanino sya? KENYA!
  • Boom! Kaboom! Kablam! AFGHANISTAN!

The Kenya and Afghanistan parts really gave me a delightful stomachache. That same night, inspired and challenged by the text message, I tried to come up with similar introductions using other countries. I sent these to a couple of friends. Here are some of them. (Warning: Some of these are based on prejudice.)

  • Pak you, pak me, pak everyone… PAKISTAN!
  • May sibuyas at bawang. Ano na lang ang kulang? CHILE!
  • Not duck, not chicken. Definitely… TURKEY!
  • Hindi tuldok, hindi kudlit. Walang iba kundi… KUWAIT!
  • Para kay nanay, para kay tatay, para walang away… PARAGUAY!
  • Binulgar mo, binulgar nya, magkabulgaran na… BULGARIA!
  • Tama man kami o mali, tama pa rin palagi… CZECH REPUBLIC!
  • Kami, laging mali… MALI!
  • Ana Roces, Romnick Sarmienta, Jeffrey Santos… LAOS!
  • Gaano man kalinaw mata mo, hindi mo mahahanap ang bansa ko… TUVALU!
  • *ROOOAR!* MADAGASCAR!
  • Holdap ‘to! Lahat kayo, hostage ko… SOMALIA!
  • Pagkabilang kong tatlo, sasabog na ako… IRAQ!

Yun lang. Come on. Add some more.
image courtesy of cartoonstock.com

If you liked this post, you might want to check out: