A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly digested the story that the rhymes tell. And then he began asking rather uncomfortable questions. One of the first rhymes I taught him was Humpty Dumpty.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses, And all the King’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again!

He might have finally understood the rhyme when he gasped and said curiously, “Did he die?”

“Well,” I replied, “he’s an egg. Who cares?”

“I like eggs. Did they cook Humpty Dumpty?”

“Maybe. Who knows?” He looked sorry but we went on singing. And then there was Rock-A-Bye Baby.

Rock a bye baby on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

And again, my nephew asked, “Tito, did the baby die?”

“I hope not. But it was just a baby and it fell from a tree. So… Poor baby.”

“Why was the baby on top of the tree?”

“I dunno. Maybe it was a baby koala bear,” I dodged, not realising that a-koala-cub-in-a-cradle was a very stupid thought. But really, my nephew was right, why the hell is the baby on the tree top, anyway?

I went on teaching him more nursery rhymes. Itsy Bitsy Spider. Pop Goes the Weasel. Peter Peter Pumpkin-eater. Old King Cole. Baa Baa Black Sheep.

I’ve always noticed that many of our nursery rhymes are actually very violent. I don’t usually give a damn. But my nephew was smart enough to understand what he was singing and sensitive enough to actually feel for the characters. After almost every rhyme I taught him, he would ask me what happened to the character.

• to Peter’s wife whom he kept inside a pumpkin. (Peter Peter Pumpkin-eater)
• to the itsy-bitsy spider after going up the spout again (Itsy Bitsy Spider)
• to the three blind mice after the farmer’s wife cut off their tails (Three Blind Mice)
• to the four and twenty blackbirds that were baked in a pie (Sing a Song of Sixpence)
• to Jack who fell down and to Jill who tumbled after (Jack and Jill)

I had to remind my nephew that it was bad to make fun of blind people (or blind mice, for that matter) and that pies don’t have dead black birds in them (at least, not usually). And guess what my nephew said after Jack and Jill. “Tito, did they die?”

Thank God he didn’t ask how many people were killed when the London Bridge fell down.

But even before this incident, I’ve always been wondering why these nursery rhymes have a sort of violent theme. Glenn once told me that they reflect history — what was happening at the time of the rhyme’s creation. It was only five minutes ago when I did some research and this is what I have found.

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“I think you’re 80% straight.”

I was startled by these ridiculous words from my friend Chemae. We were walking back to the cottage at a resort in my hometown in Batangas. The conversation went like this:

Yoshke: Well, that remaining 20% makes me totally gay. 1% can make someone gay, you know.
Chemae: I think in time, you’ll go straight again.
Yoshke: You think so? I doubt that.
Chemae: Aila (our common friend) warned me about you.
Yoshke: Warned you about me?
Chemae: She thinks you’re just pretending to be gay when you are really straight.

Wahahaha. That was officially the most preposterous accusation thrown at me since Frances suspected that I was in love with Astrid or since Ken told me that I only claimed I was gay so I could finally break it off with her sister (who was my girlfriend at the time). Hahaha. I’ve always been very touchy with girls and most of them don’t mind because hey, I’m damn gay. But I guess Aila is one heck of a lady to convince.

Yoshke: Even after Daniel (not his real name; an ex-officemate and ex-boyfriend)? She didn’t buy the whole Daniel-Yoshke thing?
Chemae: Apparently not.

It’s funny. I don’t know how many people still think I’m straight when I see myself (and I know Tonet agrees) that I am already as gay as I can be. Either they’re right or they’re blind. Haha.

Aila and Chemae aren’t the only ones. In fact, I also had a similar conversation with my ex-roomie Tops. I’ve always considered Tops my older brother. I call him Kuya. He’s genuinely straight like the rest of my bestfriends. And he has this “Republican” worldview going on in his head.

Tops: When will you shape up?
Yoshke: Excuse me?
Tops: That gay thing. I know it’s just a phase.
Yoshke: I’m telling you this is sooo NOT just a phase.
Tops: It’s just a phase. Sooner or later you’ll come to your senses and realise everything’s just silly. And then you’ll regret it. And repent. You know, for your soul.
Yoshke: What are you? A priest? And what makes you so sure?
Tops: Because I know you! This might just be one of your experiments. And even after turning gay, your dreams didn’t change. You still want to have children of your own.
Yoshke: People change, Kuya.
Tops: No. They just try new things but they don’t change.
Yoshke: A long time ago you said you would never have a gay friend. Here you are sharing a room with one.
Tops: Because I like you. I’d known you even before you became like that. And to me you haven’t changed.
Yoshke: I have.

I told Glenn (a college friend) about these conversations one night.

Yoshke: Aila, Chemae and my ex-roomie think this is just a phase and I’ll come around. Silly, right?
Glenn: No. I agree with them.

Oh well. What is it with straight people that they’re so hard to convince sometimes?

I’m telling you. This is not just a phase. And even if it were, it had better be a long one because I friggin’ enjoy every minute of it.
image courtesy of cartoonstock.com

Wanted (2008)
Genre: Action, Thriller; Director: Timur Bekmambetov
Stars: James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman

I love love love this film. In fact, of all the movies I’ve seen this year, this is my favourite. Although many would have expected a complex plot, Wanted has a simple, solid, brave storyline which is executed beautifully. Technically, prepare for a visual orgasm. Might be a bit overdone, the editing and camerawork are stunning.

It kinda felt like I was watching a David Fincher masterpiece. (I actually thought he directed it.) I felt like watching Fight Club with more suspense, more violence but less ideologies. I was oh-so-prepared to be mesmerised by James McAvoy but it was Angelina who got me. I’ve always considered her hot but in this film, she’s HOTTT. Damn. I guess it’s time to update my fave films list. 5.0

…

Get Smart (2008)
Genre: Comedy; Director: Peter Segal
Stars: Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway

I must admit that I only watched this film because of Steve Carell (and Anne Hathaway but primarily Steve). I like his brand of comedy and I love many of his films — The 40-Year Old Virgin, Little Miss Sunshine, Dan in Real Life. But Get Smart is not smart at all. It’s disappointing. It’s funny, alright. But I felt like I missed 30 minutes of the movie. Everything happened in a breeze. For example, Smart and Agent 99 falling in love made me go “What?! Where did that come from?!” It is established poorly and the entire process of falling isn’t really shown. The flick is wildly entertaining but that’s just it. It’s empty. 2.0

…

Kung Fu Panda (2008)
Genre: Comedy; Directors: Mark Osborne, John Stevenson
Stars: Jack Back, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu, Ian McShane

Of all the 3D films I’ve seen, this flick left a mark on me — as the most predictable. Really. I kinda knew what would happen in its every twist and turn. Nevertheless, it is still very solid and effective. Yeah, Kung Fu Panda is solid albeit formulaic. It’s nowhere near Shrek, Ratatouille or Finding Nemo but everyone will still surely give this panda a high-five. It cracked me up big time. And to be honest, that’s good enough for me. 3.5

…

Sex and the City: The Movie (2008)
Genre: Comedy; Director: Michael Patrick King
Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon

I know it’s one heck of a lengthy movie but it seemed short to me. I wanted more, more, more. And mind you, I was never a fan of the TV series. But I really really enjoyed it. I actually kinda regret that I only saw one season and still not religiously. I know the film is not as solid and cohesive as any decent film should be (more like a 3-hour TV season finale, if you ask me) but I enjoyed it. Immensely. 3.5

*images courtesy of shaggy4do.wordpress.com, apple.com, blog.indiewire.com, buzzsugar.com

Exactly a month ago, I was staying at my brother’s room, watching Pushing Daisies (oh, Lee Pace is just sooo cute I wanna be dead and be touched by him), when my mother came in and said she wanted to talk. Something that never fails to send me to utter discomfort.

Mum: You told your Tita Esther you wanted to study in London?

Tita Esther is my mum’s friend who has just arrived from London. She visited last week and we kinda had a little chat and I kinda told her how much I wanted to study abroad.

Yoshke: Uhm, Er, I might have told her. Yuh.
Mum: You really want to?
Yoshke: Uhm, yeah, a bit.
Mum: Well, you may. I’m letting you.

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Everybody knows the story of how Archimedes accidentally realized how to measure the volume of irregularly-shaped objects just by soaking himself in a tub. The story of how Alexander Fleming unintentionally discovered the bacteria-fighting properties of a certain mold, which would later inspire the invention of penicillin, is being taught in schools. These are just two of the most amazing accidental discoveries that most people are aware of. If you are blown away by how chance played a huge role in many accidental discoveries, you’ll be more whacked out by some of the greatest and funniest accidental inventions.

Whether it is an experiment that went utterly wrong but produced unsolicited results or a simple situation that squeezed the creative juices out of people, an accidental invention is surely something that never fails to introduce our jaws to the floor. Here is a list of the ten greatest accidental inventions in the past that caught mankind off-guard.

10. Ice Cream Cones

If you don’t believe in fate, ice cream cones will make you. Ice cream cones are a worldwide sensation today. Who would have thought that fate had a lot to do with its advent. The humble beginnings of these yummy cones can be traced back to 1904 at the World’s Fair in St. Louis, Missouri. Prior to that time, ice cream was served on bowls.

But on one particularly sweltering day, two stores were standing near each other. One was selling ice cream while the other was selling zalabia, a kind of Persian wafer thin waffle. While the latter was not doing good business, ice cream was a hit at the fair. Then, the ice cream store ran out of dishes. Instead of panicking, the store owner came up with an excellent idea of buying zalabia from the other store, rolling them into cones and popping the ice cream on top. The rest is delicious history.

9. Potato Chips

If creativity is the root of all ice cream cones, annoyance is to blame for the creation of the good ol’ potato chips. In 1853, George Crum, a chef in Saratoga, New York, had a very hard-to-please customer. Cornelius Vanderbilt, a railway magnate, refused eating the fries that the chef served him. He repeatedly sent them back, demanding that the fries be sliced a bit thinner. The miffed Crum finally reached the boiling point so he sliced the potatoes so thin and fried them so that his fussy customer couldn’t eat them with a fork. The comedy is that Vanderbilt actually liked it. Soon, all the guests at the resort were craving for the crisp potatoes. Later, it officially became part of the menu as Saratoga Chips.

8. Post-it notes

In 1968, Spencer Silver, a 3M scientist was trying to improve adhesive tape. Unfortunately, he only managed to produce semi-sticky adhesive that is not even suitable for tape. Despite being so frustrated about the failure, he decided to set aside his invention, hoping that it could be of great use in the future but he didn’t know what.

Four years later, another 3M researcher, while singing with his church choir, needed something to keep his marker from falling out of his hymnal. Chewing gum would prove to be a little messy, so what he needed was something that would not stick permanently. Then, he finally saw the light when he remembered the weak glue that his co-worker invented a few years back. It was the beginning of the ubiquitous post-it note, which would later be created in 1980.

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A grim incident has transformed our home into a mini-hospital. The air inside the house is perfumed with microbicides and alcohol. Trash bins are brimming with used bandages and cotton balls. Rooms are adorned with antibiotics and painkillers lying around. The coffee table is covered with CT scan results and X-Ray plates. And almost every day, visitors come pouring in with foods and gifts.

Yes, our house has suddenly become a hospital. This is because last Tuesday, almost a mile away from our house, there was a horrible road accident.

My mother, my brother and a maid were in it.

Fortunately, everyone is fine now.