Similes and Metaphors
Monday January 12, 2009 11:18 | 2,629 views

HEADACHE
On the way to my boss’s house for a little booze session last Friday night, I couldn’t help bitching about my terrible headache. I was sitting in the backseat with Mads.
Yoshke: Gaaaahd, my head aches like hell.
Mads: Why?
Yoshke: I dunno. But the street lights hurt my eyes, too. Everything’s too bright. And it sends my brain to pain-land.
Mads: So it really aches? How painful is it?
Yoshke: Very. Very painful…. Like the first time.
Like whaaaat?!?! WTF. Wahaha. Steve, who was driving, and Kat, in the passenger seat, let out a little WTF-giggle. Wahaha. I didn’t know why I said that. Like the first time. What was I thinking?!?
(And just a clarification, I know you’re thinking that, well, it’s not that. Wahaha. Aright, too much info.)
RUSSIA
My housemates and I have been noticing how everyone we know seems to be gaining weight. So much weight. Ourselves, included.
Yoshke: Gaaah. I just can’t believe it. When I shopped for pants last year, I was always safe picking size 27 or 28. Now, I’m 32. And it’s only been a bit more than a year.
Dane: Haaay, me, too. I remember one of my Korean friends. He called one of my skinny batchmates “fat.” And she WAS thin. At that moment, I thought “God, if she’s fat; what does that make me?”
Yoshke: OMG. Have you seen ^&%^%.
Frances: Yeah, yeah, he’s sooo big.
Yoshke: True! When I saw him the other night, I could’ve yelled at him, “OMG! Look at you! You’re bigger than Russia!”
Hey, don’t judge me. At least, it wasn’t the Soviet Union.
PREGNANT
McDo El Pueblo. Kristel was showing us (Gil, Marck, and me) her brand new physique after gaining 20 pounds.
Kristel: I have yet to figure out why I gained this much. Maybe it’s work. Stressful.
Yoshke: Maybe it’s the lack of sex.
Kristel: Hon, maybe it’s too much sex.
Yoshke: Oh. Yeah? Haha. Maybe you’re pregnant!
Kristel got on her feet.
Kristel: OMG! (laughing) You did not just call me pregnant!
Yoshke: Well, it’s a possibility.
Kristel: You’re sooo mean. Do I look pregnant? Am I that huge and swollen?
Yoshke: No! I just suggested coz you said “too much sex,” and maybe some of Gil’s sperm slipped, coz I know you do it all the time, and…
Kristel: You called me pregnant. Waah, I’m that fat!?
Yoshke: No. You’re not… I didn’t… It was… I was just… <insert mumbles-I-could-not-finish here>
And then, she walked around telling some of our other friends that I told her she looked pregnant. And everybody was like, “Yoshke, you’re sooo mean!”
And I would reply: No… I didn’t… It was… I was just… <insert mumbles-I-could-not-finish here>.
Gaaah. I hate it when my words get taken out of context. Haha.
OIL

Last Saturday night at my dermatologist’s clinic. I’ve always been struggling to get rid of pimples but they just won’t leave me alone. And it’s been months since my doctor started my treatment. Apparently, being pimply and being a keloid-former are not a good combination. They make my life almost impossible to live. Wahaha. So I wanted a more aggressive treatment.
Doc: Oh, that’s too harsh. You wouldn’t want to kill your sebaceous glands. You’ll need them.
Yoshke: But all they have been giving me are pimples, pimples and pimples. And my face is always sooo oily.
Doc: That’s a sign of youth. When you get old, you’re gonna need that oil. In theory, you should be happy coz that means you won’t look old anytime soon coz your glands are still active.
Yoshke: Yeah. Very. Active.
Doc: It’s alright. You know it’s improving.
Yoshke: Gaah. I just hate it that my skin pumps more oil than Saudi Arabia.
Doc: Don’t be too harsh on yourself. It’s not like Saudi Arabia now. It’s more like… Kuwait.
Wow. Thanks Doc. That made me feel good.
COLONIZATION

Film Building railings. More than a year ago. Andre, Jumar, Munich and I were talking about “colonization.”
Munich: Yoshke, have you been colonized?
Yoshke: What do you mean colonized?
Andre: You know, colon-ized.
Yoshke: Oh. Not… yet. Wahahaha. It’s risky.
Andre: So you’re like Antarctica. Cold and frozen.
Yoshke: Not really. More like Thailand.
Munich: Have you been the colonizer?
Yoshke: Uh-huh. How ’bout you Andre?
Andre: Of course, I have been colonized! I loove being colonized. I’m like the Philippines. Whenever one colonizer leaves, another arrives. I let them explore my country, and I let them exploit my resources. And when I’m tired, I stage a revolution!
GO FIGURE!
image courtesy of hipark.austinisd.org, cartoonstock.com, weedcenter.org
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- Category: Conversations, Friends, Humor
- (93) Comments


Niel
Colon-ized? Ay ang babuy! Hehehe.
Yoshke
wahaha. sorry lang daw. HINDI AKO NAGCOIN NYAN HA.
geek
to colonization!!!!!!!!!
cheers!!!!
Yoshke
cheers!
Eina
Is colonization what I think it is, or do I not need to know? Otherwise some very interesting conversations here! Haha, I love the pregnant conversation LOL. Happens all the time with my female friends lmao.
Yoshke
it is what you think it is, eina. wahahahaha
andreEeEe
OMG. I didn’t say that. You blackmailing ho! Hahaha.
Yoshke
wahaha. YOU DID say that. and im not a ho.
andreEeEe
Yes you are. :p
Yoshke
i am not. wahaha
andre! sinisira mo image ko dito. hmph. hahaha
Schizo
Blaring lights give you headaches? Baka migraine yan …
Yoshke
hmm… siguro. hindi naman sya regular. minsan lang.
vins
check-up na ang katapat niyan…
Yoshke
hmmm… napaisip ako ah, haha
gillboard
I can relate with the whole pregnant thing. Madalas ko napagkakamalan yung ibang tao na buntis. One time, sabay hawak sa tiyan pa gawa ko habang nagtatanong kung ilang buwan na dala niya. Di pala siya buntis.
Yoshke
haha, huy in fairness naman saken, pumasok lang naman sa isip ko na buntis sya kasi sabi nya, puro sya sex. so ayun.
pero gago ka, buti hindi ka sinasapak nung mga napapagkamalan mo. haha
Jericho
hahaha.. natuwa ako dun sa russia.. hehehe
Yoshke
wow, salamat po sa pagdaan.
ertling
hehhe.. kakaaliw…
btw, lurve the new banner.. =) the mind, the times, the life…. astiiig.. =)
ertling
mali pa.. sheeeeeeeep… the mind, times and life pala.. eherm… sori bangaaag.. =)
Yoshke
bago yung banner pero luma na yung “the mind, times and life…”. Yan talaga pangalan ng blog ko.
Will
Haha. You seem like a cool person to hang out with Yoshke.
I’m also struggling with facial issues. I’m going back to try something different. I enjoyed reading this post. Funny. “Like the first time,” huh.
Yoshke
what is this something different that you’re gonna try?
cool person to hang out with. naaaah. my friend andre is gonna disagree. haha
gravity
colonized! wahahaha!. first time ko marinig yan ah.
thanks for brightening up our days yoshke! LOL
Yoshke
matagal na yaaaan. salamat ulit sa pagbisita gravity.
Kevin
C’mon! Colonization! Lov’it! LOL
Yoshke
trew. kelangang ipalaganap ang kolonisasyon.
Pilar
oh no.. colon-ized is sick!
ang kulit ng metaphors!
Pilar
colon-ization is so sick !!!
love the metaphors
Yoshke
sick pala ha. *batok* hahaha
dacz
hahaha first ko magrussia!!!!lol tnx yoshke napatawa mo ako
dacz
first time ko magrussia!!!!
Yoshke
tumataba ka rin? sheeet, ako rin. hahaha
Kevin
Bakit lahat na lang ng tao tumataba?! Ako naman minsan pwede? Hehehe
pao
hahaha! nice post. kapag masakit talaga ang ulo, kahit ano na lang ang nasasabi, just to lessen the pain. at least for me i guess. tawang-tawa ako sa russia. nice one.
i added you to my blog roll.
Yoshke
haha, siguro nga,. hindi ko talag alam kung bakit ko sinabi yung like the first time. haha
Kevin
ARGH I love reading your convos always. It makes me laugh.
This made me think I’m not bigger than Russia. SRSLY. I’m just Singapore or Macau or something. Heh
Your sex-related convos says something. Hmm?
Yoshke
SINGAPORE?!?!? WEEEEEH.
Anliit naman nun sobra. Iceland, ayaw mo?
Kevin
Ako parang Chile. Joke! OA un. LOL
Yoshke
hala, kinakausap na naman ako ng dalawang Kevins.
nakakalito kayo ha. hahaha
Kevin
Pati nga ako nalito. Akala ko nga nung nakita ko ung isang Kevin, ako. When I checked the heyperlinked name, hindi naman blog ko ung lumabas. Hindi pala ako. Haha.
bananachoked
like the first time? potahhh…hahahaha…
ibaka yoshke. ibaka!!!
ano nga bang naramdaman ko nong first time?
Yoshke
sige, sige, i-share mo kung ano naramdaman mo nung first time mo. haha!
NOW NA! :p
cecille
naaning ako sa like the first time. hahaha. nice one yoshke.
Yoshke
salamat cecille. ikaw pa rin ang pinakamagandang babaeng bisita ko dito.
jake
pinasaya mo naman kame yoshke. colonizer ka? sure? hahaha
Yoshke
yeah, as of now. hahaha.
jake
napakaamo mo kasi para maging colonizer. hahaha
Yoshke
hahaha. nakow, bossy nga daw ako eh, kaya inaakusahan nila ako na nag e-S&M. haha.
one day, magpapacocolonize rin ako. TANGENA. ano ba ‘tong pinaguusapan natin?!?!?
Hahaha.
jake
oo nga. nabasa ko na rin yang entry mo abwt S and M. hehehe. pero wala tlga sa itsura mo na bossy ka. parang totoy ka nga nung nakita kita sa UP campus. hahaha. balitaan mo ko kung nagawa mo na yun ha. hahahaha]
jake
oo nga. nabasa ko na rin yang entry mo abwt S and M. hehehe. pero wala tlga sa itsura mo na bossy ka. parang totoy ka nga nung nakita kita sa UP campus. hahaha. balitaan mo ko kung nagawa mo na yun ha. hahahaha
Yoshke
Haha, balitaan kita pag nagpacolonize na ko? haha, sige. haha (WTF)
Oo nga eh, mukha akong bata. Lagi akong napapagkamalang college student (sometimes, high school) haha
Kevin
Pwedeng tumambling sa usapan niyo ni Jake? LOL
jake
high school? sobra naman ata yun. hahaha hindi ka pa na kuntento ha. kevin sure. sabay tayo. hahaha
Yoshke
haha, oo, dati hindi ako papasukin sa sinehan. eh siguro kasi nakshorts, t-shirt at backpack ako nun.
jake
aha…anong pinanood mo at bawal ang mga bata dun? hahaha yoshke….
Yoshke
Liberated 2 yata yun. haha
Kevin
@Jake: Ayoko may kasabay. Ako una, sunod ka. Haha.
@Yoshke: Parati naman ata masakit pag nako-colonize eh. Unless parang palito si colonizer. LOL
jake
To yoshke: kaya naman pala. naisipan mo pang pumasok sa ganung klaseng palabas ha. dba its intended for straight viewers? hehehe
To kevin: hmm. anu bang minemean mo? jehehe
Yoshke
Jake, Bakit ba? Eh love ko si Christian Vasquez. CHika lang. Hahaha.
jake
hindi ko pa kasi nasubukan manuod ng ganung mga movies. insosente pa po. hahahaha
Yoshke
well, Film kasi ako. Nung college ako, we had to.
jake
ay tama. nakalimutan ko. hehehe. magaling na excuse yun yan ah. sana nagfilm na lang din ako. hahaha
NICO
UR SO0 KINATAL
Kevin
@Jake: Actually hindi ko din alam. I guess plain tumbling. Hehehe. Na-lost ako. LOL
jake
kevin parang hindi tumbling ang tinutukoy mo dun. naughty ka. hahaha
Kevin
Ikaw bahala kung ano interpretation mo. Basta ako, I’ll keep mum. Hahaha!
Maki
wow. nice word, colonization. i’ve been a free country for so long now. hahaha.
Yoshke
haha, natawa ako. grabe. but free is good.
Maki
when you’re free, you’ll miss the pain (parinig dun sa mga into S&M). lol.
samjuan
Bwahahah. natawa namanako sa colonization.
witty!
Yoshke
ehehehehe. colonization is a trend, K? haha
Kevin
Mukha nga. Ako pabagu-bago eh. Minsan colony, minsan colonizer. Hahahaha
frannie
i love this andre. history shows that it’s so true! haha. go figure.
Yoshke
wahahaha, sige ilaglag mo si andre. hahaha
ruff
colonize.. parang analyze din yan, right?
and yoshke, re: headache, i think its “that.”
Yoshke
ruff, it’s not THAT. i have not done THAT yet. haha. HONESTLY!
pau
waaa didnt really understand colonization but not until comments let me figure it out
Yoshke
i guess you have a clean, unadulterated mind.
Kevin
Until the day he read your blog. Char! Hahahaha!
dust
gosh the colonized makes me laugh. andre’s reply is so funny. haha!
cheers yoshke. a very nice blog.
Yoshke
thanks dust! ngayon ka lang napadpad dito! BALIK KAAAA! haha
dust
i’ve been reading your blog since september last year, i don’t know why just now did i though of commenting on your site. it always never fails to make me smile and laugh. thank you yoshke and i’ll come back , definitely.
Yoshke
ehehehe *blush*
salamat.
herbs
zomg! Andre is such a….hahahah
Kevin
Excuse me po. Ano’ng ZOMG?
shea
wooohoooo…
malamang ngayon colon-ized ka na hehehe…
Yoshke
natumbok mo teh! wahahahaha
albert aragon
hi yoshke. naaliw ako sa blog mo. parang ang saya mo maging friend.
haha.
kung pwede ka makipagkilala let me know. =) ang saya ng blog mo!!!
Yoshke
sure albert
The Lady in Green Ruffles
Yoshke: Very. Very painful…. Like the first time.
colon-ized is the word..
something new huh!
roj
Benta yung colonize. Wahahaha
finya
L.T.D as in laugh to death ever.. really love this post.. like the first time thing and the colonized stuff can’t wait to ask this to my BI friends lol.. hahahaha