Similes and Metaphors

HEADACHE

On the way to my boss’s house for a little booze session last Friday night, I couldn’t help bitching about my terrible headache. I was sitting in the backseat with Mads.

Yoshke: Gaaaahd, my head aches like hell.
Mads: Why?
Yoshke: I dunno. But the street lights hurt my eyes, too. Everything’s too bright. And it sends my brain to pain-land.
Mads: So it really aches? How painful is it?
Yoshke: Very. Very painful…. Like the first time.

Like whaaaat?!?! WTF. Wahaha. Steve, who was driving, and Kat, in the passenger seat, let out a little WTF-giggle. Wahaha. I didn’t know why I said that. Like the first time. What was I thinking?!?

(And just a clarification, I know you’re thinking that, well, it’s not that. Wahaha. Aright, too much info.)

RUSSIA

My housemates and I have been noticing how everyone we know seems to be gaining weight. So much weight. Ourselves, included.

Yoshke: Gaaah. I just can’t believe it. When I shopped for pants last year, I was always safe picking size 27 or 28.  Now, I’m 32. And it’s only been a bit more than a year.
Dane: Haaay, me, too. I remember one of my Korean friends. He called one of my skinny batchmates “fat.” And she WAS thin. At that moment, I thought “God, if she’s fat; what does that make me?”
Yoshke: OMG. Have you seen ^&%^%.
Frances: Yeah, yeah, he’s sooo big.
Yoshke: True! When I saw him the other night, I could’ve yelled at him, “OMG! Look at you! You’re bigger than Russia!”

Hey, don’t judge me. At least, it wasn’t the Soviet Union.

PREGNANT

McDo El Pueblo. Kristel was showing us (Gil, Marck, and me) her brand new physique after gaining 20 pounds.

Kristel: I have yet to figure out why I gained this much. Maybe it’s work. Stressful.
Yoshke: Maybe it’s the lack of sex.
Kristel: Hon, maybe it’s too much sex.
Yoshke: Oh. Yeah? Haha. Maybe you’re pregnant!

Kristel got on her feet.

Kristel: OMG! (laughing) You did not just call me pregnant!
Yoshke: Well, it’s a possibility.
Kristel: You’re sooo mean. Do I look pregnant? Am I that huge and swollen?
Yoshke: No! I just suggested coz you said “too much sex,” and maybe some of Gil’s sperm slipped, coz I know you do it all the time, and…
Kristel: You called me pregnant. Waah, I’m that fat!?
Yoshke: No. You’re not… I didn’t… It was… I was just… <insert mumbles-I-could-not-finish here>

And then, she walked around telling some of our other friends that  I told her she looked pregnant. And everybody was like, “Yoshke, you’re sooo mean!”

And I would reply: No… I didn’t… It was… I was just… <insert mumbles-I-could-not-finish here>.

Gaaah. I hate it when my words get taken out of context. Haha.

OIL

Last Saturday night at my dermatologist’s clinic. I’ve always been struggling to get rid of pimples but they just won’t leave me alone. And it’s been months since my doctor started my treatment. Apparently, being pimply and being a keloid-former are not a good combination. They make my life almost impossible to live. Wahaha. So I wanted a more aggressive treatment.

Doc: Oh, that’s too harsh. You wouldn’t want to kill your sebaceous glands. You’ll need them.
Yoshke: But all they have been giving me are pimples, pimples and pimples. And my face is always sooo oily.
Doc: That’s a sign of youth. When you get old, you’re gonna need that oil. In theory, you should be happy coz that means you won’t look old anytime soon coz your glands are still active.
Yoshke: Yeah. Very. Active.
Doc: It’s alright. You know it’s improving.
Yoshke: Gaah. I just hate it that my skin pumps more oil than Saudi Arabia.
Doc: Don’t be too harsh on yourself. It’s not like Saudi Arabia now. It’s more like… Kuwait.

Wow. Thanks Doc. That made me feel good.

COLONIZATION

Film Building railings. More than a year ago. Andre, Jumar, Munich and I were talking about “colonization.”

Munich: Yoshke, have you been colonized?
Yoshke: What do you mean colonized?
Andre: You know, colon-ized.
Yoshke: Oh. Not… yet. Wahahaha. It’s risky.
Andre: So you’re like Antarctica. Cold and frozen.
Yoshke: Not really. More like Thailand.
Munich: Have you been the colonizer?
Yoshke: Uh-huh. How ’bout you Andre?
Andre: Of course, I have been colonized! I loove being colonized. I’m like the Philippines. Whenever one colonizer leaves, another arrives. I let them explore my country, and I let them exploit my resources. And when I’m tired, I stage a revolution!

GO FIGURE!

image courtesy of hipark.austinisd.org, cartoonstock.com, weedcenter.org

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Posted on by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor

93 Responses to Similes and Metaphors

  1. Niel

    Colon-ized? Ay ang babuy! Hehehe.

    • Yoshke

      wahaha. sorry lang daw. HINDI AKO NAGCOIN NYAN HA. :P

  2. geek

    to colonization!!!!!!!!!

    cheers!!!!

  3. Eina

    Is colonization what I think it is, or do I not need to know? Otherwise some very interesting conversations here! Haha, I love the pregnant conversation LOL. Happens all the time with my female friends lmao.

    • Yoshke

      it is what you think it is, eina. wahahahaha

  4. andreEeEe

    OMG. I didn’t say that. You blackmailing ho! Hahaha.

    • Yoshke

      wahaha. YOU DID say that. and im not a ho. :P

      • andreEeEe

        Yes you are. :p

      • Yoshke

        i am not. wahaha

        andre! sinisira mo image ko dito. hmph. hahaha

  5. Schizo

    Blaring lights give you headaches? Baka migraine yan …

    • Yoshke

      hmm… siguro. hindi naman sya regular. minsan lang.

  6. vins

    check-up na ang katapat niyan…

    • Yoshke

      hmmm… napaisip ako ah, haha

  7. gillboard

    I can relate with the whole pregnant thing. Madalas ko napagkakamalan yung ibang tao na buntis. One time, sabay hawak sa tiyan pa gawa ko habang nagtatanong kung ilang buwan na dala niya. Di pala siya buntis.

    • Yoshke

      haha, huy in fairness naman saken, pumasok lang naman sa isip ko na buntis sya kasi sabi nya, puro sya sex. so ayun.

      pero gago ka, buti hindi ka sinasapak nung mga napapagkamalan mo. haha

  8. Jericho

    hahaha.. natuwa ako dun sa russia.. hehehe

    • Yoshke

      wow, salamat po sa pagdaan. :)

  9. ertling

    hehhe.. kakaaliw… :D

    btw, lurve the new banner.. =) the mind, the times, the life…. astiiig.. =)

  10. ertling

    mali pa.. sheeeeeeeep… the mind, times and life pala.. eherm… sori bangaaag.. =)

    • Yoshke

      bago yung banner pero luma na yung “the mind, times and life…”. Yan talaga pangalan ng blog ko. :P

  11. Will

    Haha. You seem like a cool person to hang out with Yoshke. :P I’m also struggling with facial issues. I’m going back to try something different. I enjoyed reading this post. Funny. “Like the first time,” huh. :)

    • Yoshke

      what is this something different that you’re gonna try? :P

      cool person to hang out with. naaaah. my friend andre is gonna disagree. haha

  12. gravity

    colonized! wahahaha!. first time ko marinig yan ah.
    thanks for brightening up our days yoshke! LOL

    • Yoshke

      matagal na yaaaan. salamat ulit sa pagbisita gravity. :)

  13. Kevin

    C’mon! Colonization! Lov’it! LOL

    • Yoshke

      trew. kelangang ipalaganap ang kolonisasyon.

  14. Pilar

    oh no.. colon-ized is sick! :D ang kulit ng metaphors! :D

  15. Pilar

    colon-ization is so sick !!! :D love the metaphors :D

    • Yoshke

      sick pala ha. *batok* hahaha :P

  16. dacz

    hahaha first ko magrussia!!!!lol tnx yoshke napatawa mo ako

  17. dacz

    first time ko magrussia!!!!

    • Yoshke

      tumataba ka rin? sheeet, ako rin. hahaha

      • Kevin

        Bakit lahat na lang ng tao tumataba?! Ako naman minsan pwede? Hehehe

  18. pao

    hahaha! nice post. kapag masakit talaga ang ulo, kahit ano na lang ang nasasabi, just to lessen the pain. at least for me i guess. tawang-tawa ako sa russia. nice one.

    i added you to my blog roll. :)

    • Yoshke

      haha, siguro nga,. hindi ko talag alam kung bakit ko sinabi yung like the first time. haha

  19. Kevin

    ARGH I love reading your convos always. It makes me laugh.

    This made me think I’m not bigger than Russia. SRSLY. I’m just Singapore or Macau or something. Heh

    Your sex-related convos says something. Hmm?

    • Yoshke

      SINGAPORE?!?!? WEEEEEH.

      Anliit naman nun sobra. Iceland, ayaw mo? :P

      • Kevin

        Ako parang Chile. Joke! OA un. LOL

      • Yoshke

        hala, kinakausap na naman ako ng dalawang Kevins.

        nakakalito kayo ha. hahaha

    • Kevin

      Pati nga ako nalito. Akala ko nga nung nakita ko ung isang Kevin, ako. When I checked the heyperlinked name, hindi naman blog ko ung lumabas. Hindi pala ako. Haha. :D

  20. bananachoked

    like the first time? potahhh…hahahaha…
    ibaka yoshke. ibaka!!!

    ano nga bang naramdaman ko nong first time?

    • Yoshke

      sige, sige, i-share mo kung ano naramdaman mo nung first time mo. haha!

      NOW NA! :p

  21. cecille

    naaning ako sa like the first time. hahaha. nice one yoshke. :)

    • Yoshke

      salamat cecille. ikaw pa rin ang pinakamagandang babaeng bisita ko dito. :P

  22. jake

    pinasaya mo naman kame yoshke. colonizer ka? sure? hahaha

    • Yoshke

      yeah, as of now. hahaha.

      • jake

        napakaamo mo kasi para maging colonizer. hahaha

      • Yoshke

        hahaha. nakow, bossy nga daw ako eh, kaya inaakusahan nila ako na nag e-S&M. haha.

        one day, magpapacocolonize rin ako. TANGENA. ano ba ‘tong pinaguusapan natin?!?!?

        Hahaha.

        • jake

          oo nga. nabasa ko na rin yang entry mo abwt S and M. hehehe. pero wala tlga sa itsura mo na bossy ka. parang totoy ka nga nung nakita kita sa UP campus. hahaha. balitaan mo ko kung nagawa mo na yun ha. hahahaha]

        • jake

          oo nga. nabasa ko na rin yang entry mo abwt S and M. hehehe. pero wala tlga sa itsura mo na bossy ka. parang totoy ka nga nung nakita kita sa UP campus. hahaha. balitaan mo ko kung nagawa mo na yun ha. hahahaha

        • Yoshke

          Haha, balitaan kita pag nagpacolonize na ko? haha, sige. haha (WTF) :P

          Oo nga eh, mukha akong bata. Lagi akong napapagkamalang college student (sometimes, high school) haha

        • Kevin

          Pwedeng tumambling sa usapan niyo ni Jake? LOL

        • jake

          high school? sobra naman ata yun. hahaha hindi ka pa na kuntento ha. kevin sure. sabay tayo. hahaha

        • Yoshke

          haha, oo, dati hindi ako papasukin sa sinehan. eh siguro kasi nakshorts, t-shirt at backpack ako nun.

        • jake

          aha…anong pinanood mo at bawal ang mga bata dun? hahaha yoshke….

        • Yoshke

          Liberated 2 yata yun. haha

        • Kevin

          @Jake: Ayoko may kasabay. Ako una, sunod ka. Haha.

          @Yoshke: Parati naman ata masakit pag nako-colonize eh. Unless parang palito si colonizer. LOL

        • jake

          To yoshke: kaya naman pala. naisipan mo pang pumasok sa ganung klaseng palabas ha. dba its intended for straight viewers? hehehe

          To kevin: hmm. anu bang minemean mo? jehehe

        • Yoshke

          Jake, Bakit ba? Eh love ko si Christian Vasquez. CHika lang. Hahaha.

        • jake

          hindi ko pa kasi nasubukan manuod ng ganung mga movies. insosente pa po. hahahaha

        • Yoshke

          well, Film kasi ako. Nung college ako, we had to. :P

        • jake

          ay tama. nakalimutan ko. hehehe. magaling na excuse yun yan ah. sana nagfilm na lang din ako. hahaha

        • NICO

          UR SO0 KINATAL

      • Kevin

        @Jake: Actually hindi ko din alam. I guess plain tumbling. Hehehe. Na-lost ako. LOL

        • jake

          kevin parang hindi tumbling ang tinutukoy mo dun. naughty ka. hahaha

        • Kevin

          Ikaw bahala kung ano interpretation mo. Basta ako, I’ll keep mum. Hahaha! :P

  23. Maki

    wow. nice word, colonization. i’ve been a free country for so long now. hahaha.

    • Yoshke

      haha, natawa ako. grabe. but free is good. :P

      • Maki

        when you’re free, you’ll miss the pain (parinig dun sa mga into S&M). lol.

  24. samjuan

    Bwahahah. natawa namanako sa colonization.
    witty!

    • Yoshke

      ehehehehe. colonization is a trend, K? haha

      • Kevin

        Mukha nga. Ako pabagu-bago eh. Minsan colony, minsan colonizer. Hahahaha

  25. frannie

    i love this andre. history shows that it’s so true! haha. go figure.

    • Yoshke

      wahahaha, sige ilaglag mo si andre. hahaha

  26. ruff

    colonize.. parang analyze din yan, right? :)

    and yoshke, re: headache, i think its “that.”

    • Yoshke

      ruff, it’s not THAT. i have not done THAT yet. haha. HONESTLY! :P

  27. pau

    waaa didnt really understand colonization but not until comments let me figure it out

    • Yoshke

      i guess you have a clean, unadulterated mind. :P

      • Kevin

        Until the day he read your blog. Char! Hahahaha! :P

  28. dust

    gosh the colonized makes me laugh. andre’s reply is so funny. haha!
    cheers yoshke. a very nice blog. :)

    • Yoshke

      thanks dust! ngayon ka lang napadpad dito! BALIK KAAAA! haha :P

      • dust

        i’ve been reading your blog since september last year, i don’t know why just now did i though of commenting on your site. it always never fails to make me smile and laugh. thank you yoshke and i’ll come back , definitely. :)

      • Yoshke

        ehehehe *blush*

        salamat. :)

  29. herbs

    zomg! Andre is such a….hahahah

    • Kevin

      Excuse me po. Ano’ng ZOMG? :D

  30. shea

    wooohoooo…

    malamang ngayon colon-ized ka na hehehe…

    • Yoshke

      natumbok mo teh! wahahahaha

  31. albert aragon

    hi yoshke. naaliw ako sa blog mo. parang ang saya mo maging friend. :) haha.
    kung pwede ka makipagkilala let me know. =) ang saya ng blog mo!!! :D

  32. The Lady in Green Ruffles

    Yoshke: Very. Very painful…. Like the first time.

    colon-ized is the word..

    something new huh!

  33. roj

    Benta yung colonize. Wahahaha :D

  34. finya

    L.T.D as in laugh to death ever.. really love this post.. like the first time thing and the colonized stuff can’t wait to ask this to my BI friends lol.. hahahaha

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