Dirty Fruits and Veggies

In the movie and TV industry, it is common for people to use metaphors when talking about things that we should not talk about (or at least, that’s what MTRCB says). So to avoid vulgarities, people use vegetables to refer to body parts that must not be named. Talong for male genitalia. Pechay for female.

I know one director whose 6-years-old daughter had been so immersed to the culture of movie production that the kid would often hear the word “pechay” when the adults were talking about the vagina.

One day, straight from school, the daughter exclaimed, “Ma, yung pechay pala ay gulay din?!?”

Sabi tuloy ng friend ko, “Shet, nung pinagkulay kaya sila ng teacher nila ng pechay, malamang pink yung kinulay nun! Or black!” Wahaha.

…

Walking from Robinson Forum’s lane of food stalls, my officemates Maik, Aiza, and I compared what we would be having for lunch. Maik got his lunch from Mang Porky’s. I got mine from Choice Burgers.

Yoshke: Oh, when did they start adding bananas to their meals?
Maik: Recently. Perhaps they noticed that Choice Burgers were doing really good so they just had to imitate.
Yoshke: Yeah. Maybe.
Maik: But I think the bananas they have are longer.
Yoshke: Oh? Let’s check.

I whipped out my banana while Maik took his out. I held my banana up in the air and Maik placed his beside mine. Aiza butted in.

Aiza: Grabe! Dito pa talaga kayo nagpahabaan ng saging nyo!

Sorry lang. Ilegal na ba magsukatan ng saging ngayon?!

(Pahabol, mine was longer.  )

…

A conversation over lunch. Esan was eyeing Kat’s banana. Kat was a little reluctant to give it to Esan.

Esan: Anong saging yan?
Mads: Lacatan. Lacatan yan, di ba?
Yoshke: Yep. Lacatan yan.
Esan:Mas gusto ko yung isang klase.
Mads: Baka latundan?
Esan: Ano yung latundan?
Yoshke: Ang alam ko yung mas maputi yung laman tapos mas maliit.
Esan: Ah yun nga yung gusto ko!
Yoshke: Yung gusto ko ay senorita.
Mads: Anliit naman!
Esan: Pero pinakamasarap yung saba!
Mads: (weirded out) Hala, saba. Yung panluto? Yung nilalaga?
Esan: Oo. Masarap yun. Kahit hindi niluto, masarap yun.
Yoshke: Masarap naman talaga ang saba. Masakit lang.

WTF?!

…

Three years ago, when Andre and I were still housemates in Teachers’ Village.

Yoshke: Di ba, you’ve been colonized na? How do you handle it? Doesn’t it hurt?
Andre: It hurts, alright. Especially at first. But one should get used to it.
Yoshke: So how does one get used to something like that?
Andre: Well, that’s what the veggies in the refrigerator are for.

He even mentioned the levels of difficulty — saging >> talong >> pipino >> upo.

Upo?!?!?! Wahahahaha.

(Andre was kidding, by the way.)
*images courtesy of  quickblogcast.com, heavypetal.ca

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If you liked this post, you might want to check out:

• And That’s the Bottom Line!
• Faux Arrogance
• Awkward
• Pasaway sa Pasay
• The Giraffe in the Ref and the Completely Puzzled Life
• Andre and the Passersby
• Office Distractions
• Another Weekend With Andre
• Weekend With Andre
• Similes and Metaphors