Note: I originally wrote this for crunkish.com, a superduper fun website that features top 10 whatever things. If you wanna check it out, knock yourself out.

The most difficult part of being gay is coming out. We can’t deny the fact that homosexuals are still being looked down to no matter how good they have been all their lives. Every homosexual hiding in his/her closet is afraid of the horror, betrayal, disgust or ridicule that their loved ones could feel once they revealed their true sexuality. That’s why many choose to keep their true colors to themselves, away from excruciating scrutiny of the people around them.

On the other hand, many decide to stand up, assert their rights as individuals and face the world as their true selves — no insecurities, no pretensions, and no regrets. But coming out is really not the easiest thing to do. If you think telling your close friend that every single cell in your body longs for the same sex, imagine confessing to the people who brought you up and supported you since birth — your parents.

Yes, difficulty is doubled when it comes to family members especially to parents. It is for this reason that many choose to come out once they have moved out of their parents house to avoid conflict and confrontation. Others, however, opt to walk the brave path and strive to be loved for what they are right here, right now.

If you’re one of these people and you desperately need a good way to tell your parents you’re gay, here are nine suggestions that may want to consider.

WARNING: Some are stereotypical while others must NOT be taken seriously. And oh, I haven’t come out to my parents myself. There goes my credibility. Haha.

9. “I’m coming out!”

No, you won’t say that out of the blue while attending a church service. Choose a time when your family are having the time of their lives. For example, while you are having a little karaoke party, surprise them with this song. All you need is to sing that title line and let your melody speak for itself. This way, you do not just reveal your sexuality, you also had fun in the process.

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8. “Dad, have you seen ‘Brokeback Mountain?’”

If music isn’t your thing, try movies. Films are an excellent instrument to come out. Invite your family to enjoy a movie marathon with you at home. The movies you should choose are those with “coming out” scenes. Every time this scene appears, make a provocative comment. If in the scene, the great revelation leads to a happy ending, say, “I wish it ends up that way with me.” Otherwise, mumble, “I hope that doesn’t happen to me.”

If that’s too much of a shocker for you, watch “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” instead. Of course, it’s not a gay film but it can be an good tool in performing your stint. Just when the characters in the movie are coming out of the closet, say something like, “It must feel good to come out of the closet.” Don’t forget to release a heavy, deep sigh after that statement.

7. “Ladies and gentlemen, I am gay.”

One of the best ways to come out without giving your parents a choice, at least for a moment, is to make the big announcement at a public ceremony. Kick the host off the stage, grab the mic and unleash the colorful individual in you. This will catch your parents off-guard and will give them no time to react. Shame is such a powerful tool to get what you want.

Of course, your conservative, image-conscious parents won’t do anything but to pretend they understand you fully. At the very least, you can fool yourself that everything will be okay. Once you’re all home, reality kicks in. But the thing is, what is done is done. You revealed the real you in public and from now on, there’s no pretending.

6. “Can you please pass the salt to your gay son?”

The best time to talk about family matters is at dinnertime over a good, heavenly feast. You don’t need any lengthy introduction. Just mention you’re gay so inadvertently, as if you’re stating what is obvious. This will make a few heads turn (especially your four-year old brother’s) but it is really the most appropriate time of the day to confess something as monumental as that.

5. “Me a wicked witch. Boo.”

If there’s one special occasion that can be a good time to come out, that’s Halloween. It is this day that people loosen up the tension by forgetting about the real world and exposing themselves to their fear and some surprises. Give them the shock of their lives by dressing up as you want to be — a wicked witch, a female ghost or Elton John. It’s up to you. This way, you won’t need to explain any further later. If they ask, just tell them the truth. What could be scarier when you have already scared the hell out of them with your getup.

4. “It’s my special day!”

Mark your calendar! October 11 is the National Coming Out Day, a civil awareness day for coming out and other LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) discussions. On this day, wake up with a wide smile painted on your face and tell everyone, including your parents, that it is your special day. They will surely wonder what’s so special about this day. You can even hand them gifts and tell them that you’ve been waiting for this day all your life.

Once everyone is gathered in the living area, spread the banner you made overnight which flashes “Happy Coming Out Day!” They will get the idea.

3. “Mom, Dad, I’m moving to Canada.”

Even when you don’t really mean it, tell your parents how you wish to move to Canada. However, don’t tell them why. It’s just a way of preparing them for the big revelation itself. They will start to wonder what’s with the desire. There are maple leaves here. Alanis Morisette and Celine Dion visits this country every once in a while. You have polar bears at your zoos. The crime rate in your city is so low, almost as safe as an average Canadian city. What’s in Canada that your country doesn’t have? And then, it will just dawn on them.

In many provinces of Canada, gay marriage is recognized and fully accepted as a legal institution. That must be it.

2. “Dear mom and dad, by the time you read this letter, I might already be…”

If you are so afraid of being disowned, or worse, disinherited, then maybe sympathy is what you need. Here’s a surefire way to get your parents accept you for who you really are.

Prepare a rope, a long one. Hang it upon your room’s ceiling. Get a pen and paper. Write a suicide note. Put it on an obvious place that they are most likely to see. Stay in your room and act like you’re trying to kill yourself. Sooner or later, your parents will come storming into your room, telling you how much they love you and that they accept you and support you in any way. Pretend to cry and say your sorries as well as your thanks for understanding you.

PS. PLEASE DON’T DO THIS! THIS IS SICK!!! Blaaah.

1. “I’m gay.”

No matter how clever your ideas can get, nothing beats the simple and classic let’s-sit-down-and-talk method of coming out. Everything can be achieved with talking, just talking.

Tell them how you really feel and who you really are. Be honest about everything. Tell them you feel sorry if this had disappointed them but you just can’t live a lie anymore. Explain how you came to be like that and what your plans are. Answer each of their questions calmly, logically and truthfully.

Should something distasteful happens, don’t do anything. Just give it time and hope that one day, they will accept you fully for who you really are.

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Coming out to your parents may be the hardest thing that you would go through in your life. You can be creative in doing this or be straightforward. Whatever you choose, always remember that every decision you make can have significant effects to the people around you, especially your parents. Thus, you have to make sure that you come out in a way that will reduce the pain they might feel, if not none at all. Still, your life is ultimately your own and whatever path you choose to take is in your hands. The closet is a lonely place to live in.

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