The Promil Kid Goes to Church
It’s been really, really difficult to feature my nephew here lately. I seldom see him since I visit Batangas once every three weeks. But finally, I have collected enough anecdotes under one theme. All it took was a little trip to Antipolo!
BLOOD OF CHRIST
When I visit Batangas, one of the tasks that I need to do is to accompany my nephew to church. At first, I was hesitant to do this because I’m agnostic and I don’t believe in religion. However, since no one actually knows about this side of mine, I don’t really have a choice.
His dad is not Catholic so he won’t take him. Other members of the family attend the 6am mass, too early and too cold for a toddler. So the burden is passed on to me every time and I pretend I enjoy the priest’s homily and endure the physical workout that is kneeling and standing every now and then..
It’s interesting to go to church with an inquisitive kid. For one, I am always careful not to mention my beliefs (or the lack thereof). His mother wants him to be raised a faithful Catholic, hence the Catholic school and his obsession to Sto. Nino.
One Sunday morning at the local church:
Nephew: Are priests drunkards?
Yoshke: Well, it’s wine. It’s healthy.
Nephew: I’m not allowed to drink wine.
Yoshke: That’s because you are a kid.
Nephew: When I grow up, I too will drink wine in front of many people.
Yoshke: No, it’s not like that. Weren’t you listening to the priest? The wine symbolizes the blood of Christ.
Nephew: The wine is the blood of Jesus’?
He looked at the statue hanging at the end of the church. It’s an image of Jesus Christ, nailed on the cross, soaked in blood. He stared at it for what was like 10 seconds and turned to me.
Nephew: Why would they want to drink that?
He began scratching his head. And I answered, “I have no idea.”
THE OLD MAN ON TV!
Last Sunday, my family and I went to the Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage in Antipolo City, Rizal. The entire time I was with my nephew. My sister and the rest of the family went inside the church and insisted that my nephew be left with me since the place was already crowded and other devotees chose to stay outside anyways. There were TV screens outside the church so the ones outside could see the priest and what was happening inside.
I was shocked when he asked, “Tito, can we switch that to Cartoon Network? The old man is boring.”
JUST CAN’T WAIT
“Tito, is it over yet? Let’s go to Enchanted Kingdom now!”
It had only been 10 minutes but my nephew was already itching to go to Enchanted Kingdom in Laguna, which was next in our itinerary.
Yoshke: Well, we need to finish the mass before we could go.
Nephew: How long is this going to take?
Yoshke: Like usual. Less than an hour.
Nephew: (sad face) Why do we have to go through this?
Yoshke: We just need to.
Nephew: Why?
Yoshke: Because you won’t be allowed to enter Enchanted Kingdom without listening to the priest telling you that you have sinned.
Nephew: Why?
Yoshke: Because!
Nephew: Why?!?! (just about to throw tantrums)
Yoshke: You see that lady <points to a figure of Mama Mary in front of the church>. Well, that’s Our Lady of Enchanted Kingdom! If you don’t stay here longer, she’ll know. You won’t like that.
He behaved like an angel.
Yoshke, The Dreamer
One of the first books I received was a children’s bible. It was small, red, and a little too thin for a bible.
Of course, as a kid the first thing I did upon receiving it was scan it and see the pictures. On every page was an image and a short story. My uber-Catholic parents and siblings used to read me biblical stories to sleep. (Oh yes, I grew up in a so very Catholic environment and look how I turned out, haha, agnostic, gay and reckless). Thus, I recognized some of those stories instantly — Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah, Abraham, Jacob — so I didn’t bother reading them.
What caught my attention was the story after Jacob’s. There was a picture of a kid being pulled up a well, and in the background were several men and a caravan. I read it and fell in love with it right away. It was the first story I read on my own. The story — Joseph, the Dreamer.
I admire Joseph. I’m in love with him. He is kind. He is vengeful. He is human. And in my head, he’s hot.
Also, “dreams” fascinate me the way porn does. Not that I like porn. Yeah, I do, who doesn’t? But I meant, how it fascinates other people. Yeah, dreams fascinate me the way porn fascinates other people. Haha. Nagmalinis daw.
Anyway, I’ve been dreaming a lot recently. And I sorta remember those dreams even up to now. So I’m reminded of Joseph once again. But unlike Joseph, I’m not really good at interpreting dreams. Anyone here who’d like to play Joseph and try to figure out what my dreams mean?
If you’re right, I’ll give you.. err… nothing. If you’re right, good for you. 
Here are the dreams:
MUTE USHERS AND A BROKEN CELLPHONE
There was a blogger event at Star Mall parking lot. I’m assuming it was Star Mall because I could see an overpass leading to SM Megamall from where I was seated. One of the ushers was a college friend. For this narrative’s sake, let’s call him Joseph. Well, so Joseph was an usher but ushers were not allowed to talk. He was wearing this weird usher uniform which resembled a London guard. He approached me and he said that I won a cellphone. I was confused because I didn’t even join any contest or raffle. Without talking, he was able to let me know that he was not allowed to talk any more. So he walked me to the overpass. Once there, the organizers gave me a high-end phone but it had a girl-ish decoration, something like flower stickers. Worse, it didn’t have a battery. I asked why the phone was like that but no one would talk. So I left and sat again. And then, I woke up.
Another Weekend in Palawan
The last time I visited Palawan before this trip was with officemates December last year. The destination was Puerto Princesa. Everything was so easy in the province’s capital. Walk, drive, boat, dock and then enjoy. We had a blast. That’s why when our company treated us to another trip to Palawan, I felt like saying “no” was a criminal offense. As if I would refuse an all-expense paid trip. Kahit dyan lang yan sa Malabon, basta libre, bring it on.
This time was a lot different, though. Coron offers not just a place of wonder but a place of wonder which challenges your strength, determination and sanity. Coron offers an adventure — the type that makes you yell “oh shit” in utter exhaustion and worrying while on journey. But once you’re at the destination, you yell a louder “oh shit,” this time your jaws touching the ground involuntarily.
Yes, it was tiring. After so many trekking and snorkelling, I felt like I was raped by 71 Cucumber men. Muscles that I didn’t even know I had suddenly started making its presence felt by aching like hell. But like I said, no muscle aches enough for an experience that is more enjoyable than my first sex. And mind you, my first was so very enjoyable.
Coron is sooo beyond magnificent. When I was there it felt like not admiring the place was against the laws of God.
We climbed Mt. Tapyas, swam across the Twin Lagoons, plunged into Barracuda Lake, pretended to be mermaids in Kayangan Lake, witnessed marine animals feast on my tuna sandwich (haha) and so on. I know we missed a lot, thus I’m planning to come back.
Yoshke taking a break, not taking a poop.
Yoshke trying to avoid the camera on some island.
The hills are alive with Yoshke and the gang on top of Mt. Tapyas
Alright, of the many lakes and lagoons we visited, I don’t remember which one this is. But the water was sooo clear and sooo sea urchin-infested. Haha.
Next stop, El Nido. Hopefully before the year ends.
Movie Rundown | Star Cinema (January – June 2009)
I was at the French Film Festival a couple of weeks ago to see one of my all-time fave films “The 400 Blows,” directed by the French New Wave director that I more than worship — Francois Truffaut. It was the nth time I’d seen it; I lost count already.
The night before, Shy Guy and I went to see L’Esquive, and we really enjoyed it. Waaah. It’s such a shame that the French Film Fest is over. I guess I just need to wait for Eiga Sai 2009 (Japanese Film Festival) this July. I’m a sucker for foreign film festivals like that. Coz the films are really good. And it’s one of the rare times that I go back to my Film roots. And yeah, coz it’s free most of the time.
Anyway, so now that I’m film-happy and since we’re talking about national cinemas here, I’ll be listing the local films that I have seen this year and what I think about them. These are not film reviews, just some random thoughts.
BFF: Best Friends Forever (2009)
Genre: Comedy; Director: Wenn Deramas
Stars: Sharon Cuneta, Ai-ai Delas Alas, John Estrada
Have you seen the trailer? If you have, then don’t bother watching the film. Once you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen it all.
Seriously.
It’s funny, alright. But in between laughs you wonder, “My God, why am I laughing? Am I that shallow?” When the laughter subsides, you realize that the joke is empty, the scene is pointless, the movie is insulting you, and yeah, you’re shallow. I certainly laughed. But then again, I’m always shallow.
Sayang, after Crying Ladies, I was sooo excited to see Sharon Cuneta do comedy again. But the word “disappointment” won’t even match the way I feel after seeing it.
Somebody should really brainwash Wenn Deramas into quitting showbiz. I still don’t forgive him for ruining “Dyosa,” a TV series concept that could have been good but turned out insufferably ridiculous because it fell in the hands of a director who just loves slapstick and DJ Durano. 
1.5
…
T2 (2009)
Genre: Horror; Director: Chito Rono
Stars: Maricel Soriano, Derek Ramsay, Mica Dela Cruz
Arguably the weakest among the Chito Rono horror trilogy, T2 started strong only to reach an anti-climactic twist. It was oh-so-well until the characters arrived at T2. That’s when it all came crashing down.
Sayang din. I like it’s horror road-trip feel. I love the entire going-to-Samar-and-back sequence. But gaaaah, why do they have to enter the Engkanto world?!
Even Maricel Soriano‘s flawless acting can’t save the last parts of the film — especially the “school” finale; that was really lame and lousy.
Something is lacking in T2 that Sukob and Feng Shui have. No, it’s not Kris Aquino. 
3.0
My Top 100 All-Time Favorite Love Songs (Part 3)
On with the third batch! If you missed the first two parts, simply click here and here.
Note that this is a personal list. These songs may be those that affected me immensely, became an anthem of a certain period of my life, or just personal favorites.
Click the title to see the music video or listen to the song. Links will lead you to YouTube. I’m also posting lyrics to the songs.
70. All Saints – Never Ever
I love All Saints. I was at the front line on All Saints’ side during the height of their rivalry with Spice Girls (although I liked Spice Girls, too). Never Ever is not my fave song of theirs; it’s actually Bootie Call but that’s hardly a love song. Haha.
Coke used this song as their jingle at one time. They tagalized this and the lyrics were like, “Ang sarap kasama ng pamilya, lalo pag may Coca Cola…” I adored that TV commercial, too.
Also listen to: Black Coffee, All Hooked Up, Bootie Call, I Know Where It’s At, Pure Shores
Well, I’m a pop music fan so that should be reason enough for you why I like this song. When my ex-girlfriend passed away, I was reminded of this song because the time we were together, this song was so popular. And that makes it unforgettable.
The days went by so quickly,
cos I thought you’d always be there.
It’s hard to let you go,
though I know that I must try.
I feel like I’ve been cheated,
cos we never said goodbye.
By the way, where the hell is this guy now?
Also listen to: Special Kind of Something, Thank You
Andre and the Passersby
SM Megamall
Andre, Shy Guy and I were walking around looking for a place to have dinner at when we passed by Petit Monde. The store’s facade is covered with huge posters of Carmen Soo.
Yoshke: Nagagandahan ba kayo kay Carmen Soo?
Shy Guy: Oo. OK lang. Bakit, ikaw?
Yoshke: Oo naman. Ikaw, Andre?
Andre: Oo namaaan. Iba kasi eh. Simpleng ganda lang. Parang… parang… parang ako.
Hala. Maganda daw sya!
Trinoma
Days after the Carmen Soo incident, Andre and I found ourselves in Trinoma. I forgot why we were there (but I swear it wasn’t bird-watching). Anyway, this time, we passed by Bench where a poster showcasing the buffed physique and nakaka-ihing sex appeal ni Gerald Anderson in a sleeveless shirt, his hands under his head, his armpits exposed.
Andre: (squeezing may left shoulder) Gaaaaaah. Eeeeeeh.
Yoshke: O ano na naman?
Andre: Ang sarap naman ng kili-kili ni Gerald… Parang gusto ko dun tumira…
Go lang! Tumira ka sa kili-kili ni Gerald Anderson! Hindi kita pipigilan!
Darna’s Kili-kili Power!
Darna 2005 and Darna 2009 without their costumes and showing their kili-kili. Angel Locsin vs Marian Rivera! Game on!
They’re both hot, aright? But uhm yeah, someone is hotter than the other.
images courtesy of Folded and Hung, and Jag.
special thanks to Shy Guy for the title. haha
My Top 100 All-Time Favorite Love Songs (Part 2)
OK, moving on. If you missed the first part, simply click here.
Note that this is a personal list. These songs may be those that affected me immensely, became an anthem of a certain period of my life, or just personal favorites.
Click the title to listen to the song.
85. The Pussycat Dolls – Stickwitu
I first heard this song when it hit no. 1 in Top of the Pops. The Pussycat Dolls performed it. And I was so blown out of my chair not because the performance was amazing but because I could not believe it was a Pussycat Dolls song.
I wasn’t really a fan then even though lead singer Nicole Scherzinger has Filipino blood. But with this song, I was turned into a Pussycat slave magically. It’s such a happy, feel-good, look-at-me-somebody-loves-me song. But after I listen to this record, I just can’t help wondering if this is really a joyful song. Never in the song, not even once, that the singer mentioned if she also loves the guy she is singing this to.
It’s always:
Nobody gonna love me better
I must stick with you forever.
Nobody gonna take me higher
I must stick with you.
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you, my baby.
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you.
Er, well, she did say: I want you to know that you’re the only one for me. So I think that’s good enough.
Also listen to: “I Hate This Part”
I was so very missing Mariah Carey before the release of Emancipation of Mimi. Its carrier single It’s Like That was catchy, I thought, but there was something missing. When this single came out, all I could utter was “Mariah is back.” And as a big Mariah fan, it was enough for me not the forget this song.
And yeah. The song is just sooo good. Yung tipong kahit hapong-hapo ka na sa pagkanta sa videoke, trying to keep up with Mariah, go ka pa rin hanggang sa last ulit ng chorus tapos gigil na gigil ka na sa part na WHEN — YOU — LEFT — I — LOST — A — PART — OF — ME. IT’S… tas ayaw mo na. Ipapasa na yung mic sa iba. Haha.
When you left I lost a part of me (Together)
It’s still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
‘Cause we belong together
Also listen to: “Don’t Forget About Us,” “Bye Bye,” “Breakdown”
On May 31, 1985, tragedy struck when 41 tornadoes hit Canada and the US, leaving 76 people dead. At the same time, a doomed couple in the Philippines were having the best orgasms of their lives. Nine months (280 days) later, a healthy baby boy was brought into this world by normal delivery. That was exactly a week before Microsoft had its initial public offering.
Today, Yoshke Dimen resides independently in Mandaluyong City. He got a degree in Film from an overrated university in Diliman but is now pursuing a career in Social Media.
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