And That’s the Bottom Line!
Here are some completely innocent statements but my friends’ dirty minds tell them otherwise.
SANAY NA
One very toxic night, I had been editing political ads on my laptop with my small marketing teammates at our apartment FOR HOURS. My friends Dohna, Dane, and Frances were sitting on the airbed while I was on the stairs facing a chair where the laptop was on. There was just no place in the mattress left so I had to sit on the bottom step of the staircase despite the discomfort.
Dohna grew concerned about my situation so she asked, “Yoshke, masakit ba?”
And without thinking, I replied, “Hindi naman. Sanay na ang pwet ko.”
Everyone burst into laughter. I meant I got used to being seated for hours.
PUMAPASOK
Frances, Dohna, Asta, JT, Maikel and I were at Starbucks Shangri-la last Thursday night when we agreed to exchange horror stories. Frances was narrating a horrifying encounter when they stayed in Baguio a few years ago, wherein an old lady was torturing her in her sleep but she was awake and she couldn’t move. More like a case of sleep paralysis.
Frances narrated, “Tapos hindi talaga ako makagalaw. Tapos gusto kong sumigaw pero hindi ko magawa, walang lumalabas na boses. Tapos weird, ang hirap ng i-explain. Alam nyo yung feeling na may malaking bagay na pumapasok sa katawan mo?”
“Oo, alam ko ang feeling nang may malaking bagay na pumapasok sa katawan ko,” I interrupted.
Everyone gave me a look as if saying “You ruined dinner.” Sorry naman. She asked! I just answered. I meant I had the same sleep paralysis experience.
HINDI QUALIFIED
While preparing dinner at the condo a few months ago.
Andre: Pag nagkaroon ng Top Chef Philippines, parang ang sarap sumali. Kaso hindi ako qualified.
Yoshke: Bakit naman?
Andre: Hindi kasi ako “top.”
He meant he’s not that experienced a cook!
MASAKIT LANG
And now, some reposts. Haha.
A conversation over lunch. Esan was eyeing Kat’s banana. Kat was a little reluctant to give it to Esan.
Esan: Anong saging yan?
Mads: Lacatan. Lacatan yan, di ba?
Yoshke: Yep. Lacatan yan.
Esan:Mas gusto ko yung isang klase.
Mads: Baka latundan?
Esan: Ano yung latundan?
Yoshke: Ang alam ko yung mas maputi yung laman tapos mas maliit.
Esan: Ah yun nga yung gusto ko!
Yoshke: Yung gusto ko ay senorita.
Mads: Anliit naman!
Esan: Pero pinakamasarap yung saba!
Mads: (weirded out) Hala, saba. Yung panluto? Yung nilalaga?
Esan: Oo. Masarap yun. Kahit hindi niluto, masarap yun.
Yoshke: Masarap naman talaga ang saba. Masakit lang.
Anu daw?! Haha. But I meant it was relatively difficult to swallow compared to other types of bananas.
SAKIT SA ULO
On the way to my boss’s house for a little booze session last Friday night, I couldn’t help bitching about my terrible headache. I was sitting in the backseat with Mads.
Yoshke: Gaaaahd, my head aches like hell.
Mads: Why?
Yoshke: I dunno. But the street lights hurt my eyes, too. Everything’s too bright. And it sends my brain to pain-land.
Mads: So it really aches? How painful is it?
Yoshke: Very. Very painful…. Like the first time.
Like whaaaat?!?! WTF. Wahaha. Steve, who was driving, and Kat, in the passenger seat, let out a little WTF-giggle. Wahaha. I didn’t know why I said that. Like the first time. I meant the first time I had that kind of headache.
