Top 5 Signs that a Friend is Flaking on You

It’s not easy planning trips for a group. It’s difficult to find the best deals on accommodations and airfare. It’s difficult to create an itinerary that would fit everyone’s interests. It’s difficult to bring them all together. Yes, planning a group tour is difficult. And flakers make it a lot worse.

Oh yes, what could be more horrible than last minute cancellations. Last year, I planned trips with my friends many times and they were all not flaker-free. Each time, there was always one or more people backing out, leaving the rest of the group with more problems than expected.

Flakers are desirable only when they come in this form. Much more useful.

Here’s what you need to understand with “group traveling.” I wish I could say that you’re too adorable we can’t go without you. Maybe you are. But that’s not the ONLY reason we want you in. In most cases, the more, the merrier, the CHEAPER. Cost of traveling drops as the group goes bigger. This is because there are more of you chipping in and dividing the expenses. But that’s not all. Since you already said “yes,” someone in the group might have already paid for airline tickets or accommodations in advance and it will be a shame to leave them unused.

So this post is for people who are planning trips or other activities with their friends. Hope this helps. Here are the top 5 signs that your friends are flaking on you according to PhilippineBeaches.org fans.

5. Details keep on changing.

Common flaker remark: “Can we move the date?”

One of my friends planned a trip to Tuguegarao in Cagayan. It wasnt her idea; it was something that came up at a school reunion party and everyone loved it. She was tasked to put the trip together and let them know the details. At first, everyone was enthusiastic. But as the big day drew nearer, so did the destination. She kept on hearing complaints like, “Oh, it’s too far. Can we choose a closer venue?” So they changed it to Anawangin Cove in Zambales. And then complaints about facilities (or the lack thereof). Changed to Subic. Then to Puerto Galera. (This circle of friends is based in Batangas so Mindoro is much nearer.)

And then, they decided to cancel it.

Seems like it happens to others, too. Babylyn, a fan of PhilippineBeaches.org, shared:

Una, malau pa ung mga pu2ntahan,.habang lumalap8 ung araw, palapit na ng palapit sa manila, hanggang sa kanya kanyang bahay nlng.. Ngkakatamaran na, tp0s ntu2l0g nlng….

It does not happen only to big trips like that. Have you ever planned a simple night-out and realized that the bar or restaurant you’re planning to go to just keeps on changing and then finally, laziness gets the better of you and then poof, it’s canceled.

Not just with venues, same thing applies to dates. When the date of the trip keeps on changing, you have a problem.

4. Uncertainty strikes.

Common flaker remark: “Let me check my schedule.” “Tingnan ko kung kaya ng budget.”

At first, everyone is excited. At first, everyone is very very sure. And then, uncertainty strikes! Nadeen Olivar ‎shares:

100% sure na sure sa umpisa until.. maybe ng maybe.. until.. hope so ng hope so.. pag dyan na… Ay!! sayang naman, di na tayo TULOY! GRRRRR!.. high blood!

Well, most people are sincerely uncertain but sometimes, being uncertain is a convenient excuse to just back out. And this makes it even worse. if you’re sure early on that you can’t make it, say it right away so the poor planning friend won’t overbook or if we have booked already, we can find a replacement as early as possible and avoid all the hassle that comes with your uncertainty.

3. Commitment vanishes.

Common flaker remark: “Text text na lang.”

You have a problem when each time you bring up the planned trip in your conversations, one of your friends keep on dodging it — changing the topic or saying, “We’ll see,” or “Let’s talk about it later.” Here are some more scenarios:

Aurora de Leon : that awkward moment when you are starting to talk about the plan and nobody seems to listen to you…(:

Anthony: pag ang lagi bukam bibig, cge txt txt nalang

It’s pretty simple. When a friend avoids the topic, he/she is most probably not gonna join the trip. They just don’t know how to back out at that moment.

2. Conditioning starts.

Others have a way of backing out that somehow prepares you for the impending doom. It’s called “conditioning.” It’s when your friend begins telling you that there could be something that might prevent him/her from going with you but it’s not final yet. For example, they tell you that suddenly they have so much work to do and they might not be able to finish by the target date of the trip but they will try and they think they could do it and they still want to join but let’s see. If you hear something like that, take that as “I’m out.”

The upside is, they are giving you a hint. Downside, come on, stop leading us on! If you can’t, just say so. Don’t make us expect you could still make it when you have no intention to.

1. No response is NO response.

First time I heard this line was in one of our Communication Theory classes back in college and it is usually true. When your friends are not responding when you bring up the trip, they are probably not joining.

Jasmin Gonzales: when no one from the group pays the trip’s dues or ur friends keep on ignoring u when u started to collect the dues.

Jasmin mentioned a good point. Sometimes, the best sign of commitment is paying the dues. And if it’s only a few days before the trip and no one has chipped in yet, don’t shoulder anything because there’s a good chance that the trip isn’t going to happen.

..

There’s a reason you are invited — we want you to be part of the experience. You know why? Because you’re a friend. And when you give us your word that you’re going, then go. And if there really is a good reason to back out, please, please don’t do it in the last minute.

How about you? Have you experienced something like this? Do you have more signs to add? Share your stories!






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  • http://twitoaster.com/country-ph/yoshke/ yoshke

    [New Post] Top 5 Signs that a Friend is Flaking on You – http://www.yoshke.com/2011/02/top-5-sign

    • nolliejay

      OO nga, mas gusto ko pa yung nagrespond sila na hindi makakapunta kesa yung hindi talaga nagrespond sa mga invitation ko.

      Nice entry sir!

      Your comment is awaiting moderation.

      • http://www.yoshke.com Yoshke

        thanks nolliejay!

        oo, kakainis yung walang reply. haha

  • moveout

    hi yosh!

    nice to read a new entry :)
    nga pala, para may mali, hehe. your blog title says its five but this paragraph says otherwise:

    “So this post is for people who are planning trips or other activities with their friends. Hope this helps. Here are the top 10 signs that your friends are flaking on you according to PhilippineBeaches.org fans”

    i hate #3, the text2x thingy. kainis! pag tinext mo, di naman magrereply, which leads then to #1. haaay nkuh..

    • http://www.yoshke.com Yoshke

      hahaha, OMG, honga, may mali!!! thanks for pointing it out. I originally wanted to list down 10 signs but then wala na ko maisip na iba. LOL

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    • http://www.yoshke.com Yoshke

      EXACTLY!!!!

    • http://www.yoshke.com Yoshke

      yeah. there are times when traveling alone feels a lot better!

  • http://micamyx.com Micamyx

    Naku, ilang beses ko nang na-experience ‘to. Organizing group travels isn’t easy lalo na kung ikaw ang in-charge. I get easily upset dun sa mga kunwari magye-yes then last minute magba-backout lalo na kung na-consider na sa count yung tao. Ayoko rin nung mga masyadong pa-importante pero ano ba ang magagawa ko friend ko sila eh T_T

    • nolliejay

      OO nga, mas gusto ko pa yung nagrespond sila na hindi makakapunta kesa yung hindi talaga nagrespond sa mga invitation ko.

      Nice entry sir!

    • http://www.yoshke.com Yoshke

      hahahaha. dead at paimportante. true true

  • http://thecreativedork.com Robbie

    I hate hate hate HATE flakers!

    Once a friend flakes out on me, that person will no longer get an invite. That’s it. When I plan trips, I make sure those who are going are SURE and kahit may mag-backout, tuloy pa rin ang trip even if 2-3 na lang ang kasama. I’m not gonna let flakers ruin it.

    Aaaargh!!!! hate ko talaga yan!

  • becky_bloomwood

    It happened to me. Super badtrip experience.

    We already booked for our SG trip for three. Me, my friend and his tita. When the date is near na, biglang nag cancel yung tita ng friend ko kasi wala daw package (kainis sobra, sarap sakalin) then kami naiwan ng friend ko. Ayaw na rin pasamahin yung friend ko for some weird reason. Ang ending ako nalang mag isa ang pumunta ng SG!

    It happens a lot to me kaya minsan I’d rather go on a solo trip para di ma-hassle buhay ko. Pasaway sila sobra!!!

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  • http://bubblegumbasics.blogspot.com/ Ela

    God, this is why I stopped organizing group activites for my friends. Laging, “Tingnan ko kung pwede/may pera ako.”

  • Bhety

    Made 5 Group travels with 10-12 pax on it.. and it is always successful… I always collect dues for accommodation and van rentals and also airfare in advance para kung may magcancel di mahuhurt ang buong tour. So most of the time sila na talaga gumagawa ng paraan na makasama kasi sayang ng binayad nila…

  • Anonymous

    its hard to plan a trip talaga. most of the time di natutuloy. buti pa ung spur of the moment trips or activities, un, kadalasan ang tuloy. proven and tested na yan.

  • Anna

    This is the most enlightened post ever. Thanks for writing this. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. :)

  • Raylene

    I hate it when my friends just say words so I gave up on asking them and went alone in the philipinnes many thought wow and also some thought im a loner with no friends hehe so funny when I just want to chill and have fun!

  • http://coycaballes.tumblr.com/ This is Coy

    Naka-relate ako dito. hahaha. Won’t do this again. Pramis. :P

  • http://www.xyzaspeaks.com Xyzaspeaks

    kaya nga masgusto ko ang biglaang trips para go na go. hehehe pero minsan kailangan din talagang magplan. Usually di na nakakaulit sakin ang ganyan hehehehe. pero usually it takes 3 incidents for me to not invite them anymore. lols

  • http://twitter.com/00eunyoung/status/177332481668825088/ eunyoung (@00eunyoung)

    Top 5 signs that a friend is flaking on you http://t.co/ZtQekm2R