Keeping Them Straight

“What’s wrong with me?” cried Celine, a friend and colleague. Moments earlier, she mastered the art of using all the functional muscles on her face to signal that there was a hot, goodlooking male behind me. Drowning in excitement and a deadly sin, she watched the guy behind me like she was ready to mate.

“Yeah, he was behind me in the queue earlier. He’s tall. He smelled really nice.” I told her. “And he’s gay.”

“No, he’s not.” First stage of grief, denial.

“Don’t you sense it?” I added. “Look at their body language, Celine. The other guy is his boyfriend.”

“Really? That‘s his boyfriend?”

I nodded.

“Really?! THAT GUY??! With THAT face?” Second stage of grief, anger.

“You’re mean.”

“Come on, they’re an item? Really?”

Our order was served and she was still observing the two guys. She glued her eyes on them as if waiting for a definitive sign that the hot guy was indeed gay and that the other guy was really his boyfriend. She was watching them like she was orchestrating a grand plan of tearing the two apart in her head. Who could blame her. The guy was hot. It wasn’t long until she was convinced.

Suddenly, she shrieked, “What’s wrong with me? The men that I get attracted to are ALWAYS either cute but taken, or hot but gay.”

“Hot AND gay,” I corrected.

“Hot BUT gay,” she insisted.

“You make it sound like being gay is a negative thing.”

“It is negative for me. I’m a woman!” I acted shocked. Although she was kidding the whole time, she looked genuinely worried about the possibility of all desirable men turning gay in the distant future.

“Well, look on the bright side,” I said. “You can get yourself a gay bestfriend. Seems like every girl has one these days,” I suggested.

“I DON’T NEED A FRIEND!!! I ALREADY HAVE LOTS OF MALE FRIENDS AND THEY’RE ALL GAY!!! LOOK AT YOU, RONNIE, ANDRE! YOU’RE ALL GAY!” Celine shouted. My caps lock don’t do justice to the extreme frustration she exhibited that time.

I just laughed at Celine and went on enjoying my dinner. Eventually, she did the same. We talked about how good and affordable the food was, how we loved that restaurant, and how excited we were that a new branch was opening near our office. We had a few refills of rice and more juicy conversations over dinner.

We talked about her latest crush. He’s in a relationship.

The crush before that, in a relationship, too.

Before that, single. And gay.

Just before we finished dinner, her face turned sour again and it was not because of the food.

“Really?” She asked.

“What?”

“He’s gay?” Apparently, she caught another glimpse of the two guys behind me.

“Yes.”

“Really? That guy?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think he has a brother?”

Ooh yes. I bet he’s gay, too.




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  • Ronnie

    Celine, we’re always here for you. Haha

    • http://www.yoshke.com Yoshke

      haha. moral support FTW!

  • http://pointlessparanoia.wordpress.com Jay

    She should really experience the love of a gay guy.

  • Jamaica Manongsong

    (-____,-)

    • http://www.yoshke.com Yoshke

      Relate? :P

  • Ces Vuitton

    Hahaha :D

    • http://www.yoshke.com Yoshke

      Your sister needs to sharpen her gaydar. :P

  • http://mylifeasnoah.blogspot.com Noah

    Haha… now I see how you ended it. Love the ending. :) I feel for Celine, HOT and GAY guys… why o why?!?!? >_< But then again, I don't have anything against gays. :D

  • http://citybuoy.blogspot.com citybuoy

    Strange. A friend and I were talking about how these days, it seems all the good ones are straight and/or married. lol

    • http://www.yoshke.com Yoshke

      hahaha. in my crowd, the desirable ones, those who appeal to me, are mostly gay. And I love it. :)

  • http://www.micamyx.com Micamyx

    LOL! I can relate to Celine. It actually hurts when you start loving a person without a hint that he’s gay then in just a snap poof. poof. pak!

    But I don’t look at it na as a negative thing. Nagkataon lang talaga na karamihan ng matinong gwapo ay gwapo rin ang hanap. =)) I think sa akin 90% naging gay or bi (bi now, gay later), pero i’m glad to have them as friends. Ang saya kaya haha :D

  • http://www.red-isthenewblack.blogspot.com red the mod

    Gender is not an absolute value. Preference could actually change numerous times across a person’s lifetime. The point of this ideal is that the human consciousness is capable of evolution and transformation. The end objective is to become more of who you really are, down the line. Some reach their final stasis faster than others, while the rest dabble along the way as to what suits them for the time being.

  • http://sagoyism.com Josh Sarz

    my girlfriend has a super gaydar. when we’re at malls, i often tease her about her taste in men, mostly because i dont look like any of her crushes but ahe said yes to me.

    i point out someone and tell her “type mo o.” and sometimes she says thw guy is gay. she then points out a lot of reasons and after a while we find out she is right.

    great post. fun.

  • finya

    hahaha.. I agree with this.. most men nowadays are gay.. I also have high gaydar and the funny thing is that most men who were close to me are turned into gay.. at masaya ang buhay because of them hahaha kaya ako nangongontrata na ako ng gay friend na when we reach a certain age kami nalang ang magpakasal with a condition na lahat ng magiging boyfriend niya share kami.. LOL!! Joke! :p

  • anonymous

    true that! A friend shared this in facebook:

    Noon: pag may bet kang lalake, make sure na gwapo
    Ngayon: pag may bet kang gwapo, make sure na lalaki

  • Carl

    Seems like the world is not fair. When men figure out that a girl is a lesbian, it ain’t a big thing. LOL