National List of Passers
2007 FOREIGN SERVICE OFFICER WRITTEN EXAMINATIONS
Held 19-21 December 2007 (Released: 29 August 2008)
Department of Foreign Affairs - Philippines

Gaaawd. Just when I start envying my friends (especially Bebs) for reaching new heights in their careers, something like this comes my way.

From a thousand examinees, now we’re down to 58. (Yeah, the mortality rate in FSO Exam makes us all go suicidal.) I didn’t expect this. I absolutely hoped for it but not expected. I mean, come on, the questions were like:

• Formulate an ECONOMIC policy for the Philippine Embassy in Paris and back it up with a theoretical framework. (I didn’t have any Economics classes in college, thank you very much.)
• Trace the history of the Middle East from the Mesopotamian Era up to the present. (What?! Are you frakkin’ serious? I’m a FILM graduate!)

And there were almost 30 questions. Maybe what they needed was a thesis dissertation prepared within half a day. It was the craziest three days of my life. And knowing I failed to follow some test instructions, I really did not expect anything. In fact, I ALMOST GAVE UP ON IT.

Now, there’s just one more round left. Another 3-day exam. Just one more. I’m gonna need a tuxedo. Haha.

Dahil dyan, magpapa-cheeseburger ako! Burger! Burger!

I am sooo gonna become a diplomat.

Exactly a month ago, I was staying at my brother’s room, watching Pushing Daisies (oh, Lee Pace is just sooo cute I wanna be dead and be touched by him), when my mother came in and said she wanted to talk. Something that never fails to send me to utter discomfort.

Mum: You told your Tita Esther you wanted to study in London?

Tita Esther is my mum’s friend who has just arrived from London. She visited last week and we kinda had a little chat and I kinda told her how much I wanted to study abroad.

Yoshke: Uhm, Er, I might have told her. Yuh.
Mum: You really want to?
Yoshke: Uhm, yeah, a bit.
Mum: Well, you may. I’m letting you.

(more…)

Status: Leavin’.
Music: How Far We’ve Come - Matchbox Twenty | This is the Last Time - Keane

I feel cold. I mean that literally. Right now, the cold wind from the air-conditioner is blowing towards my cube as always. Not to mention that I walked from C5 corner Ortigas Avenue, where my sister had dropped me off, to the office (Pearl Drive/San Mig Avenue) early in the morning. Oh yeah, someone was so stupid he walked for 30 minutes in the rain. I don’t know what spirit possessed my body that made me do that but I enjoyed it immensely. Currently, I’m wearing a sweater and I am still shaking. Wuuu.

This is the coldest day since I started working here. Interestingly, today is my last day here. Yep, it’s final. There have been several attempts but this time, I’m really quitting. I already sent my resignation letter two weeks ago. I can’t really explain how I feel right now. A part of me is relieved because I’ve wanted to leave since, er, my second month here. A part of me is sad because, hey, I made a lot of friends here. At the end of the day, it still boils down to money. Would love to have a lot of friends and a lot of money at the same time but the terrible pay here makes it impossible to use the words “happy” and “salary” in one sentence. Oops, I think I just did.

This resignation is also one of my desperate attempts to start a new life. I have no idea why I have been saying “new life” over and over again recently. It’s not as if I’m a drug user or a prostitute and I need to put the past behind. Maybe it’s because I think my life is in disarray now that I need to reassess myself. I need time to reflect and rearrange my cluttered life. Quitting is always difficult. Starting anew is always difficult. But heck, I gotta start somewhere. This is somewhere.

(more…)

Status: God himself could not contain us.
Music: One Last Song - Josiah Leming

I was just browsing through my files and I couldn’t help but snicker at the articles I had written in the past months: medical packaging, bungee cargo nets, pimp canes, folding cutting tables and oh, get this, industrial vinyl extrusions.

Five months ago, I started working as a web writer for my current employer. Although the company is despicable in all sense of the word, I am proud to say that our team’s client is anything but. To be honest, never has the thought of staying here this long entered my mind. But yeah, I’ve been here for five months and I seem to be counting some more.

I remember posting this on my third day at work:

My friends have been asking me how I find my new job as a writer. They ask me if it’s fulfilling. And of course, I have a default answer. “I don’t need a fulfilling job right now. The only job that will give me fulfillment is being a diplomat. And until I become one, I don’t need to feel fulfilled. I just need to feel happy.”

Surprisingly, right now, I feel both happy and fulfilled. The job turned out to be the best training that any type of writer could ever get. On my first day here, I was required to write about romantic love. It was probably the easiest topic any writer as hopeless romantic as me could get. Then the next days brought me diverse topics ranging from GPS dog tracking to jock itch to hoist brakes. Who cares about hoist brakes? Exactly.

I even wrote about how cozy hotels and how fantastic restaurants in Omaha are. Oh yes, Omaha is a nice city. But it would’ve been nicer had I actually been there.

Some of the topics, I’d never even heard of before. Sometimes, resources were scarce; thus, I had to squeeze so much creative juice from the deepest recesses of my brain, which used to contain only a little perversions and a lot of arrogance.

(more…)

Status: I’m not dense. I just had a slight lack of common sense…
Music: Go On Girl - Ne-Yo

Note: I know Halloween has long been over but I just really have to blog about this because this is the first time I experienced something like this since I started blogging in 2004.

I don’t really have a third eye or sixth sense or something. But I have had a few encounters with the supernatural since I was in Grade School. I don’t see them, though. I hear them. I feel them. I just know when there’s someone else (or something else) present in the same room I am in. But it doesn’t happen all the time. Here are some of my past encounters:

- When I was in High School, my friends were shocked to see two “me’s” in the same room. Yep, someone took my form and did a freak-fest with my friends. I never saw him.

- Back in college, I was in Manila when I received a call from a cousin who was staying at our house in Batangas. She told me that she was currently looking at someone who looked exactly like me. That someone was standing at the doorway of our house.

- I was staying at my friend’s house when a heavy invisible force struck me. There was a part of their house that I couldn’t lay my eyes on. It was painful to the eyes and it really felt heavy. I can’t describe it properly. Another friend noticed how I was acting that night. She said, “You see him? I can. It’s an old man.” Later, we found out that it was where my friend’s lolo died.

As I said, since I started blogging in 2004, I haven’t had any contact with them. Until I got this job.

(more…)

Status: I guess I’m dreamin’ again.
Music: Crush Crush Crush - Paramore

Since I’m agnostic and I’m still yet to decide if God really exists or not, may I ask those who are sure that He exists to pray for me for two reasons:

1. The second part of my Foreign Service Exams is just a couple of days away. It’ll be from December 19-21 (Wednesday to Friday). The truth is, I still haven’t opened my books because I’ve been busy with work. I need to review so baaad. So those of you who want to give me some moral support, I’ll be at Gloria Jean’s or Starbucks in Tomas Morato from Monday to Tuesday the whole day (and night). Haha. Nah, really. Coz I can’t study at my apartment — too much distractions around. Waaaaah. I don’t even know why I’m blogging right now. I’m supposed to be reading the ASEAN Charter.

2. Another damn reason I need your prayers is my freakin’ nape. The back of my neck has been giving me the torture of the century for some unknown reason. And it’s not just nape pains. It comes with terrible headache and dizziness — complete package. It’s been bothering me at work for two weeks now.

I went to the hospital and had a check-up. They checked my blood pressure — normal. They took an X-ray of my cervical spine (I believe that’s “neck” in English, haha) — nothing there. They told me that since both tests produced negative results, it could only be one of two things: an eye problem or stress. I really think it’s the latter coz I visit my ophthalmologist regularly and the last time he checked, my vision was 20-20 and perfectly normal except for a couple of cracks on my right lens. MMMkey. The doctor said that I should take some good rest and if nothing changed after a week, then I should come back.

Here’s the problem. How am I gonna take some rest when my exam is just two days away? But if I don’t rest, how am I gonna answer those damn questions well when my nape and head feel like they are gonna explode anytime? But if I rest, how am I gonna study for the exam? And if I don’t take some rest, how am I gonna take the test? And if I take some rest, how about my test? And if don’t rest… Damn, we’re going in circles here. But you do understand my problem, don’t you? It’s a chicken-egg thing. Pffffft.

REST or TEST?! Either way, I’m dead. You see, I need your prayers. If you’re an atheist, just wish me luck. That will do.
image courtesy of nicholsoncartoons.com.au

Status: I’d walk with my people if I could find them.
Music: Deep Inside of You - Third Eye Blind

Last Friday our team had a party at Lauren’s place as a part of our semimonthly office gatherings. There were lotsa fun, food, and of course booze. Among my officemates, there were only a few people who knew about my sexuality — Bridget, who used to be my classmate in UP; Aika, who is also from UP; Chemae, who said she could be bisexual so I confessed to her, too; and Jon, a straight guy whom I volunteered the information to when we were having a drink two weeks ago. But I’m sure others had a clue. I mean, with all my YM status messages, it was pretty obvious. Perhaps, some were just afraid to ask.

Anyway, back to the party we had a drinking-slash-honesty game called “never-have-i-ever.” In this game, a player says a statement beginning with “never have I ever.” For example, “Never have I ever had sex.” All those who have had sex MUST drink. Then another player says another statement. It’s really a nice way to get drunk, hihi.

My officemates came up with statements like:

• Never have I ever had flunked a Math subject. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever slept at work. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever been attracted to anyone in the office. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever had sex in a public place. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever had sex with a stranger. (I didn’t drink.)

I thought, Heck, when will I have to drink? And then came Chemae with her very provocative statement:

Never have I ever had sex with someone from the same sex.

I drank. Bottom’s up.

Wow. The reactions varied widely. Disbelief was painted on some of them. I heard a couple of oh-my-gawd’s. Some are shocked. Lauren kept yelling at me (more like cursing, really). Others weren’t surprised at all giving me an “I-knew-it” look. The ones who knew had a grin slashed on their faces. Their eyes glued to the man of the moment — ME.

I said defensively, “What? Whoever said I was straight?!”

Yep, I didn’t tell them about my sexual orientation but I never told them I was straight. Besides, they never asked. “Coming out” to them was not a good feeling. But it wasn’t bad, either. Until now, I’ve been thinking if I did the right thing. Sometimes I think that maybe I should’ve just kept it to myself and enjoy the idea of my colleagues thinking I’m straight. You know, some things are better left unsaid. But it was an honesty game. And I was just being honest.

My sexuality is something that I am not proud of, but I am not ashamed of, either. I don’t usually volunteer the information. I only tell a person when I’m asked. It was never an issue for me (unless when the person asking knows my family or is family).

So far, I still haven’t felt the aftermath of my honesty. That night, there was no tension or friction or discomfort or whatsoever. Heck, they were all drunk. Today that work resumes, I shall know.

One thing is for sure, though: I do not and will not regret the moment that I drank that glass of beer.

image courtesy of euroross.blogspot.com

Status: Damn cold.
Music: Nobody Wants to be Lonely - Ricky Martin & Christina Aguilera

Gawd, it took me six days before finally updating this blog. Still uber-busy. Nevertheless, I am still glad to announce that it’s been nine days since I last touched a cigarette. This is because my heart has been aching like hell. No, I’m not being schmaltzy. That’s not figurative. I’m talking about the organ (no, not that organ, silly, much higher). You know the organ that pumps blood called “heart.” Right, that organ. It hurts. So I stopped smoking. I can’t believe I survived nine days without nicotine, caffeine, and beer. That’s an accomplishment. I’ve been rewarding myself with too much yogurt with live microorganisms (Nancy Castiglione, ikaw ba yan?). Yum yum. I have to keep this up.

Anyway, being excruciatingly busy at work, I’ve been desperately struggling to find something enjoyable. Yahoo Messenger has become my only source of relaxation. To be more specific — my YM status messages. Here are some of my status messages this past few days. :

1. My last name may be Hungarian but no, I don’t like sausage. (Not true, actually. I like sausage.)
2. “I feel drunk but I’m sober. I’m young and I’m underpaid. I’m tired but I’m working. Yeah!” (Hand in my Pocket, Alanis Morissette)
3. “It’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a DAMN knife.” (modified Ironic, Alanis Morissette)
4. Alanis Morissette is Canada’s greatest contribution to mankind.
5. When I was a kid, I thought I could make a deck of cards explode. You know, like Gambit. When my dad told me it was impossible, I packed my stuff and ran away. They found me in an arcade.
6. I hate bitchy people. They’re just, uh, bitchy.
7. This is when “work” becomes a verb. Oh please, Work, I like you better when you were a noun.
8. This is how it feels to pretend like I know what I’m writing about.
9. Waaaah! I really don’t know what I’m writing about.
10. When I don’t know what I’m writing about, I just… Damn, I really don’t know what I’m writing about.
11. I miss Vanessa Carlton. Damn. This is sooo… gay.
12. I miss oversleeping like I miss college. Damn, I can’t believe I miss college!
13. “Malas mo. Ikaw ang natipuhan ko.” (Oo, Up Dharma Down)
14. Gawd, again, I really don’t know what I’m writing about.
15. Mum, I’m telling you. It’s not just a phase! You see, I still like Baby Spice. And the rest of ‘em.
16. It’s weird that I like the Pussycat Dolls. I mean, I don’t like dolls. I don’t like cats. And I don’t like….
17. My ex-girlfriend and I wanted to hurt each other so badly. She dated my bestfriend. I dated her brother. I won.
18. Writing is like sex. It’s exciting. It’s exhausting. And I suck at it.

Before I end this, I just want to make it clear that the last item is NOT true. Absolutely false. Written just for humour. Haha. Defensive.

Status: We don’t fight fair
Music: The Takeover, The Break’s Over - Fall Out Boy

I can’t help noticing that since it takes me too long to update this blog, my entries get lengthier and lengthier. Uhm, I hate lengthy posts. I know they can get boring sometimes, so don’t worry, I promise that this one is not gonna be lengthy.

I was supposed to update this last night, but I got home at 3:30am, too tired to actually do anything but visit dreamland. Uh.

###

BLUSH, BABY, BLUSH!

One weird thing about me is that I easily blush. And whenever I do, it’s so obvious. I really turn red. I blush every time I feel embarrassed, ashamed or nervous. If I’m keeping a secret, say for example, the identity of this Mr. Perfect, you can easily know without me saying anything just by guessing who he really is. If you mention his name, I will surely blush right at that moment. And then, you’ll know.

Last week, I was gorging on some meal with a friend when my Mr. Perfect greeted me. My friend said I turned red instantly. Good thing my Mr. Perfect didn’t notice. (Or so I think.)

The other night, my friends were just talking about something, teasing me when I turned red. I couldn’t do anything but cover my face with my jacket or I’d have looked terribly stupid.

When I was in college, my friend Icang used to tell me how I would look silly when the person I admired so much back then was around. I would turn incredibly red.

And it’s not just blushing. When I blush, it’s like it comes with the whole package. I stutter, I get clumsy, and I act weird. Things I have no control over.

Heck, I need to do something about it. I know some of my readers are registered nurses so my educated guess is that you know the human body better than I do. Is there any way I can prevent blushing and other physiological manifestations of emotional geysers? Please, I need it right now. I don’t want to get myself in deep shameful shit.

How about you? Do you blush often? Or am I just really, er, abnormal?

###

THE DAYS BETWEEN TODAY AND BECOMING-A-DIPLOMAT DAY

My friends have been asking me how I find my new job as a writer. They ask me if it’s fulfilling. And of course, I have a default answer. “I don’t need a fulfilling job right now. The only job that will give me fulfillment is being a diplomat. And until I become one, I don’t need to feel fulfilled. I just need to feel happy.”

And now, the question is, “Am I happy?” Hmmm. I’m relatively happy. The job is not as easy as I thought. Actually, it is. But it’s pretty stressful, too. My work runs from 7am to 4pm, and after office hours, you’ll find me in an arcade or bowling alley in Megamall just to get rid of the stress I have accumulated the whole day. Very, very high school.

I only have a few people that I get along with in the office — Bridget and Aika (whom I always go out with), Dana, Kristel, Paul and Jon (whom I always spend my cigarette breaks with). It’s funny because Christian, who sat next to me, had already quit the job for a Marketing position for some company — the jobs I turned my back on for this job.

Last Thursday, I got a call from another company offering me a position in Advertising and Promotions. You know how I used to hate the culture in the advertising field. Aika and Bridget told me to grab the chance. I did not. I was afraid their offer would be better than my current company, and would tempt me to quit this early for a better job. That’s just silly. I have just started and I’d be quitting that fast?

Anyway, I think I’m enjoying. I just wish that the Department of Foreign Affairs would release the second exam’s schedule soon.

###

MISTAKEN FOR SOMEONE ELSE, HUH?

Last night, I was to meet my officemates Bridget, Aika, Dana, and Jon for a little drink. On my way to our meeting place from Shangrila Mall, I walked past EDSA Shangrila Hotel. One block away from me was this man in his early 30s, in his long-sleeved polo and blue tie. It was 7:30pm. As I continued walking, I began noticing that he was looking at me. And as the distance between us got shorter and shorter, he wouldn’t look away. He just maintained that eye contact that made me feel very uncomfortable. Two metres between us, he smiled.

I had a good look at him. Yep, thirty-something. Neat. Tall. Nice eyes. A little chubby. Very masculine but his aura sent signals of certain pinkness. Not overly handsome but cute. I continued walking.

In the middle of the pavement, I looked back. There he was standing still in front of the hotel, looking at me. And then he raised his hand and waved. I stopped walking. He ran towards me.

One metre between us, he stopped. He said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I think I’ve mistaken you for someone I know.” He flashed that gorgeous smile again.

I laughed a little, “A’right.”

And then, he stepped a little closer and said…. Oops, uhm, I’m sorry. Gawd, I’m doing it again. This post is long enough. I can’t write any longer. I promised you I would not post lengthy entries anymore. So, a’right, I better stop here. So there. Bye for now. Hehehe.

images courtsy of ryan-design.com, margomilne.com, and blogoscoped.com