A Break-up Letter


I never expected I'd be writing you this letter. We've had six years of wonderful memories but I'm afraid it had come to the Read more

Welcome to the New Yoshke.com


New look. New attitude. New experiences. Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had Read more

Sometimes We Burn to Live


Whenever I meet people for the first time, it always happens. When they start their sentence with "I hope you don't mind me asking but," Read more

Judging By the Cover


Our office is just a stone's throw from where I live. In fact, all I have to do is cross EDSA and voila, hello Read more

Fireworks, Hormones, and this Blog Post


You remember last week when I told you I found it difficult to blog since I met you? Since we became a couple officially, Read more

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?


Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest Read more

Unusual Breakfast


Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I'm getting tired of this Read more

Top 10 National Stereotypes


Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by Read more

EDSA


It could have been a horrible Saturday. I was in the passenger seat. It was a bit raining. Normally, EDSA gets on my nerves. That's why Read more

Why Nursery Rhymes Are So Violent


A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly Read more

Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex


Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two Read more

The Promil Kid Drops the Bomb


Of all the living things created by God, I love my nephew the most. I call him the Promil Kid. He’s the cutest thing. Read more

••••••

Career

Protected: The Ghost Behind Debbie

Posted on January 10, 2008 by Yoshke in Career, Mysteries, Oddities |

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Prayers for a Diplomat Wannabe

Posted on December 17, 2007 by Yoshke in Blurts, Career, Emo |

Status: I guess I’m dreamin’ again.
Music: Crush Crush Crush – Paramore

Since I’m agnostic and I’m still yet to decide if God really exists or not, may I ask those who are sure that He exists to pray for me for two reasons:

1. The second part of my Foreign Service Exams is just a couple of days away. It’ll be from December 19-21 (Wednesday to Friday). The truth is, I still haven’t opened my books because I’ve been busy with work. I need to review so baaad. So those of you who want to give me some moral support, I’ll be at Gloria Jean’s or Starbucks in Tomas Morato from Monday to Tuesday the whole day (and night). Haha. Nah, really. Coz I can’t study at my apartment — too much distractions around. Waaaaah. I don’t even know why I’m blogging right now. I’m supposed to be reading the ASEAN Charter.

2. Another damn reason I need your prayers is my freakin’ nape. The back of my neck has been giving me the torture of the century for some unknown reason. And it’s not just nape pains. It comes with terrible headache and dizziness — complete package. It’s been bothering me at work for two weeks now.

I went to the hospital and had a check-up. They checked my blood pressure — normal. They took an X-ray of my cervical spine (I believe that’s “neck” in English, haha) — nothing there. They told me that since both tests produced negative results, it could only be one of two things: an eye problem or stress. I really think it’s the latter coz I visit my ophthalmologist regularly and the last time he checked, my vision was 20-20 and perfectly normal except for a couple of cracks on my right lens. MMMkey. The doctor said that I should take some good rest and if nothing changed after a week, then I should come back.

    Here’s the problem. How am I gonna take some rest when my exam is just two days away? But if I don’t rest, how am I gonna answer those damn questions well when my nape and head feel like they are gonna explode anytime? But if I rest, how am I gonna study for the exam? And if I don’t take some rest, how am I gonna take the test? And if I take some rest, how about my test? And if don’t rest… Damn, we’re going in circles here. But you do understand my problem, don’t you? It’s a chicken-egg thing. Pffffft.

    REST or TEST?! Either way, I’m dead. You see, I need your prayers. If you’re an atheist, just wish me luck. That will do.
    image courtesy of nicholsoncartoons.com.au

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Protected: Why I Hate Halloween Pictures

Posted on November 5, 2007 by Yoshke in Blurts, Career |

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Never Have I Ever Regretted a Drink

Posted on October 30, 2007 by Yoshke in Career, Emo, Friends, Vanities |

Status: I’d walk with my people if I could find them.
Music: Deep Inside of You – Third Eye Blind

Last Friday our team had a party at Lauren‘s place as a part of our semimonthly office gatherings. There were lotsa fun, food, and of course booze. Among my officemates, there were only a few people who knew about my sexuality — Bridget, who used to be my classmate in UP; Aika, who is also from UP; Chemae, who said she could be bisexual so I confessed to her, too; and Jon, a straight guy whom I volunteered the information to when we were having a drink two weeks ago. But I’m sure others had a clue. I mean, with all my YM status messages, it was pretty obvious. Perhaps, some were just afraid to ask.

Anyway, back to the party we had a drinking-slash-honesty game called “never-have-i-ever.” In this game, a player says a statement beginning with “never have I ever.” For example, “Never have I ever had sex.” All those who have had sex MUST drink. Then another player says another statement. It’s really a nice way to get drunk, hihi.

My officemates came up with statements like:

  • Never have I ever had flunked a Math subject. (I didn’t drink.)
  • Never have I ever slept at work. (I didn’t drink.)
  • Never have I ever been attracted to anyone in the office. (I didn’t drink.)
  • Never have I ever had sex in a public place. (I didn’t drink.)
  • Never have I ever had sex with a stranger. (I didn’t drink.)

I thought, Heck, when will I have to drink? And then came Chemae with her very provocative statement:

Never have I ever had sex with someone from the same sex.

I drank. Bottom’s up.

Wow. The reactions varied widely. Disbelief was painted on some of them. I heard a couple of oh-my-gawd’s. Some are shocked. Lauren kept yelling at me (more like cursing, really). Others weren’t surprised at all giving me an “I-knew-it” look. The ones who knew had a grin slashed on their faces. Their eyes glued to the man of the moment — ME.

I said defensively, “What? Whoever said I was straight?!”

Yep, I didn’t tell them about my sexual orientation but I never told them I was straight. Besides, they never asked. “Coming out” to them was not a good feeling. But it wasn’t bad, either. Until now, I’ve been thinking if I did the right thing. Sometimes I think that maybe I should’ve just kept it to myself and enjoy the idea of my colleagues thinking I’m straight. You know, some things are better left unsaid. But it was an honesty game. And I was just being honest.

My sexuality is something that I am not proud of, but I am not ashamed of, either. I don’t usually volunteer the information. I only tell a person when I’m asked. It was never an issue for me (unless when the person asking knows my family or is family).

So far, I still haven’t felt the aftermath of my honesty. That night, there was no tension or friction or discomfort or whatsoever. Heck, they were all drunk. Today that work resumes, I shall know.

One thing is for sure, though: I do not and will not regret the moment that I drank that glass of beer.

image courtesy of euroross.blogspot.com

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How is teh Me?

Posted on October 25, 2007 by Yoshke in Blurts, Career, Vanities |

Status: Damn cold.
Music: Nobody Wants to be Lonely – Ricky Martin & Christina Aguilera

Gawd, it took me six days before finally updating this blog. Still uber-busy. Nevertheless, I am still glad to announce that it’s been nine days since I last touched a cigarette. This is because my heart has been aching like hell. No, I’m not being schmaltzy. That’s not figurative. I’m talking about the organ (no, not that organ, silly, much higher). You know the organ that pumps blood called “heart.” Right, that organ. It hurts. So I stopped smoking. I can’t believe I survived nine days without nicotine, caffeine, and beer. That’s an accomplishment. I’ve been rewarding myself with too much yoghurt with live microorganisms (Nancy Castiglione, ikaw ba yan?). Yum yum. I have to keep this up.

Anyway, being excruciatingly busy at work, I’ve been desperately struggling to find something enjoyable. Yahoo Messenger has become my only source of relaxation. To be more specific — my YM status messages. Here are some of my status messages this past few days. :

  1. My last name may be Hungarian but no, I don’t like sausages. (Not true, actually. I like sausages.)
  2. “I feel drunk but I’m sober. I’m young and I’m underpaid. I’m tired but I’m working. Yeah!” (Hand in my Pocket, Alanis Morissette)
  3. “It’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a DAMN knife.” (modified Ironic, Alanis Morissette)
  4. Alanis Morissette is Canada’s greatest contribution to mankind.
  5. When I was a kid, I thought I could make a deck of cards explode. You know, like Gambit. When my dad told me it was impossible, I packed my stuff and ran away. They found me in an arcade.
  6. I hate bitchy people. They’re just, uh, bitchy.
  7. This is when “work” becomes a verb. Oh please, Work, I like you better when you were a noun.
  8. This is how it feels to pretend like I know what I’m writing about.
  9. Waaaah! I really don’t know what I’m writing about.
  10. When I don’t know what I’m writing about, I just… Damn, I really don’t know what I’m writing about.
  11. I miss Vanessa Carlton. Damn. This is sooo… gay.
  12. I miss oversleeping like I miss college. Damn, I can’t believe I miss college!
  13. “Malas mo. Ikaw ang natipuhan ko.” (Oo, Up Dharma Down)
  14. Gawd, again, I really don’t know what I’m writing about.
  15. Mum, I’m telling you. It’s not just a phase! You see, I still like Baby Spice. And the rest of ‘em.
  16. It’s weird that I like the Pussycat Dolls. I mean, I don’t like dolls. I don’t like cats. And I don’t like….
  17. My ex-girlfriend and I wanted to hurt each other so badly. She dated my bestfriend. I dated her brother. I won.
  18. Writing is like sex. It’s exciting. It’s exhausting. And I suck at it.

Before I end this, I just want to make it clear that the last item is NOT true. Absolutely false. Written just for humour. Haha. Defensive.

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Blush. Rush. Hush.

Posted on October 14, 2007 by Yoshke in Career, Vanities |

Status: We don’t fight fair
Music: The Takeover, The Break’s Over – Fall Out Boy

I can’t help noticing that since it takes me too long to update this blog, my entries get lengthier and lengthier. Uhm, I hate lengthy posts. I know they can get boring sometimes, so don’t worry, I promise that this one is not gonna be lengthy.

I was supposed to update this last night, but I got home at 3:30am, too tired to actually do anything but visit dreamland. Uh.

###

BLUSH, BABY, BLUSH!

One weird thing about me is that I easily blush. And whenever I do, it’s so obvious. I really turn red. I blush every time I feel embarrassed, ashamed or nervous. If I’m keeping a secret, say for example, the identity of this Mr. Perfect, you can easily know without me saying anything just by guessing who he really is. If you mention his name, I will surely blush right at that moment. And then, you’ll know.

Last week, I was gorging on some meal with a friend when my Mr. Perfect greeted me. My friend said I turned red instantly. Good thing my Mr. Perfect didn’t notice. (Or so I think.)

The other night, my friends were just talking about something, teasing me when I turned red. I couldn’t do anything but cover my face with my jacket or I’d have looked terribly stupid.

When I was in college, my friend Icang used to tell me how I would look silly when the person I admired so much back then was around. I would turn incredibly red.

And it’s not just blushing. When I blush, it’s like it comes with the whole package. I stutter, I get clumsy, and I act weird. Things I have no control over.

Heck, I need to do something about it. I know some of my readers are registered nurses so my educated guess is that you know the human body better than I do. Is there any way I can prevent blushing and other physiological manifestations of emotional geysers? Please, I need it right now. I don’t want to get myself in deep shameful shit.

How about you? Do you blush often? Or am I just really, er, abnormal?

###

THE DAYS BETWEEN TODAY AND BECOMING-A-DIPLOMAT DAY

My friends have been asking me how I find my new job as a writer. They ask me if it’s fulfilling. And of course, I have a default answer. “I don’t need a fulfilling job right now. The only job that will give me fulfillment is being a diplomat. And until I become one, I don’t need to feel fulfilled. I just need to feel happy.”

And now, the question is, “Am I happy?” Hmmm. I’m relatively happy. The job is not as easy as I thought. Actually, it is. But it’s pretty stressful, too. My work runs from 7am to 4pm, and after office hours, you’ll find me in an arcade or bowling alley in Megamall just to get rid of the stress I have accumulated the whole day. Very, very high school.

I only have a few people that I get along with in the office — Bridget and Aika (whom I always go out with), Dana, Kristel, Paul and Jon (whom I always spend my cigarette breaks with). It’s funny because Christian, who sat next to me, had already quit the job for a Marketing position for some company — the jobs I turned my back on for this job.

Last Thursday, I got a call from another company offering me a position in Advertising and Promotions. You know how I used to hate the culture in the advertising field. Aika and Bridget told me to grab the chance. I did not. I was afraid their offer would be better than my current company, and would tempt me to quit this early for a better job. That’s just silly. I have just started and I’d be quitting that fast?

Anyway, I think I’m enjoying. I just wish that the Department of Foreign Affairs would release the second exam’s schedule soon.

###

MISTAKEN FOR SOMEONE ELSE, HUH?

Last night, I was to meet my officemates Bridget, Aika, Dana, and Jon for a little drink. On my way to our meeting place from Shangrila Mall, I walked past EDSA Shangrila Hotel. One block away from me was this man in his early 30s, in his long-sleeved polo and blue tie. It was 7:30pm. As I continued walking, I began noticing that he was looking at me. And as the distance between us got shorter and shorter, he wouldn’t look away. He just maintained that eye contact that made me feel very uncomfortable. Two metres between us, he smiled.

I had a good look at him. Yep, thirty-something. Neat. Tall. Nice eyes. A little chubby. Very masculine but his aura sent signals of certain pinkness. Not overly handsome but cute. I continued walking.

In the middle of the pavement, I looked back. There he was standing still in front of the hotel, looking at me. And then he raised his hand and waved. I stopped walking. He ran towards me.

One metre between us, he stopped. He said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I think I’ve mistaken you for someone I know.” He flashed that gorgeous smile again.

I laughed a little, “A’right.”

And then, he stepped a little closer and said…. Oops, uhm, I’m sorry. Gawd, I’m doing it again. This post is long enough. I can’t write any longer. I promised you I would not post lengthy entries anymore. So, a’right, I better stop here. So there. Bye for now. Hehehe.

images courtsy of ryan-design.com, margomilne.com, and blogoscoped.com

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Je Suis Paresseux. Comprendez-Vous?

Posted on September 10, 2007 by Yoshke in Career, Rants |

Status: Pissed
Music: The Power of Orange Knickers - Damien Rice and Tori Amos

I had a terrible dream last night. In my dream, I failed the second of the three Foreign Service exams because I flunked the Foreign Language part. Gawd. God must’ve been telling me to brush up on my French now. But everytime I grab my readings, something tells me to just do something less boring, like, I don’t know, blogging. And yeah, I’m just too darn lazy. Aaargh.

Actually, it’s not entirely my fault. After passing the first exam, I’ve been waiting for the second set for, like, forever but the Department of Foreign Affairs postponed the damn three-day exam. Talk about prolonging the agony.

Having a half-French younger brother, Josh, doesn’t help because aside from the fact that we haven’t been seeing each other lately, he doesn’t speak the language fluently, either. The guy is useless. Hehe. (I can say this because I know he doesn’t visit my blog so I can call him whatever I want. But Josh, if ever you stumble upon this post, know that I am just kidding. Hehehe.)

The last time I spoke French was two or three years ago (my French class). But it’s really hard to master a language that you don’t really use everytime. And not to mention that French is a really difficult language to learn. Je comprends et parle un petit peut français mais c’est tres complique et difficile. Waaaah. I should’ve taken up German instead.

I’m thinking of enroling in an intensive French course at Alliance Française de Manille this October. Or might just go back to UP.

I shall become an ambassador.

# # #

Another thing that pisses me off is the idea that I should’ve been in Singapore this past weekend. Tonet invited me to join her at a film festival there. I didn’t have a passport so last month, I requested for a copy of my birth certificate from the National Statistics Office.

Apparently, they have no record whatsoever of my birth. What the eff?! They said that the municipal office might have had forgotten to forward the document to them so all I had to do was wait while they process my papers and it took them forever. When I finally got my copy, I still had to apply for a passport and of course, it was too late. Tonet is now having the time of her life in Singapore and I’m still blogging here. Why didn’t I take care of my documents earlier, anyway? Pffffft.

First, London. Next, Shanghai / Beijing. Then, Jakarta. And now, Singapore. Why does laziness always get the better of me? If sloth is indeed a deadly sin, then heck, I better have a reservation in hell!

Oh well, c’est la vie.

picture courtesy of krustofski.com

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Job Requirement: Must Be in Your Right Mind

Posted on July 13, 2007 by Yoshke in Career |

Status: My lungs are in pain. Damn cigarettes.
Music: Take My Breath Away - Emma Bunton

I’ve been trying to find a job online for a week now. The job I want is just something that can fill the gap between now and me-becoming-a-diplomat day. And being naturally picky, I am really having a tough time finding jobs which I think suit me, or at least interest me. Having a BA Film degree (which is under the Mass Communication umbrella ella ella eh eh eh hehehehe), the employers who are most likely to hire me are advertising agencies, production houses, TV networks, and movie outfits. However, I’ve tried all of them and I didn’t like them. Or if I did like them, the compensation wasn’t really likeable. Hehehe. And I don’t want a call centre job. And it’s too risky to set up my own business using the savings I got. So there’s only one place for me to go: the Academe. I love teaching, anyways. So why not? And I was glad to find sooo many schools looking for teachers or instructors. Most of them require a Master’s degree, but some don’t. So I composed an email with a good cover letter saying why they should hire me and that they could check out my attached resume, and sent that e-mail to a few prospects.

It’s been a week since I sent them and I was really worried not one of them gave me a call. I was already thinking:

“Am I really that incompetent? My resume is impressive, or is it really? Am I doomed? The employers don’t like me, or have no interest in me because, I don’t know, maybe I’m not good enough.”

I was really feeling terrible. So I decided to try again: send another e-mail. I opened my Sent Items folder so I could just forward my previous e-mail to another set of employers when I realised one stupid thing. One very stupid thing. I forgot to attach my resume to my previous e-mails.

Damn.

 

Anyway, good news now. I sold one of the full-length screenplays I wrote when I was still in college to a Filipino-American independent producer. Yey! Finally, one of my scripts will become a film. They got the script at a pretty low price but I’m happy. I’m just a budding writer. It was the first full-length script I wrote, and it was just a class project. After all, not all scripts written for a class get produced for real. I told my professors back in college about it and they said I made a pretty good deal. Yey. I’m now a bit richer. Just a bit. Hehe.

Picture courtesy of discoverfun.com

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Define Happiness

Posted on June 29, 2007 by Yoshke in Blurts, Career, Dictionary, Euphoria |

NATIONAL LIST OF QUALIFIERS
Foreign Service Examination Qualifying Test
Department of Foreign Affairs
06 May 2007


Source: Civil Service Commission. Click here to see the full list of qualifiers.

Now, I have a pretty good reason to smile for the rest of the week. One step closer to becoming an ambassador, er, diplomat. Ehehehe.

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A Bitter Man’s Whining

Posted on May 29, 2007 by Yoshke in Career, Emo, Movies, Rants |

Status: Hopeful
Music: 4 in the Morning – Gwen Stefani

I am not a fan of film festivals and competitions. Er… well… I am. But only up to the spectator level. I’m not really into joining them. Unlike my friend Tonet, who joins every contest imaginable (and won some), I am not the type who really watches out for film festivals.

Yes, I have joined some. Our class project “Comfort Zone” has been to a number of competitions, too. But it wasn’t really my decision. My groupmates took care of the application, requirements and everything. “Sangang Daan” has never exited my room to participate in any contest, primarily because my thesis partner Jerwin and I are too busy and too lazy to actually move a muscle. “Bad Trip,” the documentary I filmed with Nep, made it to ABC5′s TV show “Dokyu” because it was Nep who practically did everything. I didn’t have the drive. I didn’t have the motivation. I didn’t have the passion. And I was just too lazy.

The truth is, long before I graduated from UP, I had already given up Film as a career. So then, I could not see the point of joining competitions and winning any. Back then, I knew I wanted to become a diplomat. I tried looking for Film-related jobs not because I was planning to pursue a career in it, but because I need fillers. I need something to do while waiting for the Foreign Service exam.

But if there’s one thing I could not give up about Film, that’s screenwriting. I’ve always enjoyed writing and I always will.

Last year, Tonet dragged me with her to ABS-CBN for a pitch for CinemaOne Originals. She initially wanted Leo to join her but realising Leo was too busy to be her chaperone, she chose me instead. I never really liked being the second choice but that was Tonet. I could not let her down. She’s a great friend.

CinemaOne Originals had a theme: modern Filipino family. Tonet already had a concept. Although I did not really love her storyline, I helped her in developing it. Though it was Tonet’s project alone (I was just a sabit), I felt proud that Tonet made it to the semi-finals – or finals – the part where you get to pitch. Our pitch was terrible. There were too many flaws in the story. Right there and then, I felt sad. We would not make it. And unfortunately, we were right.

When the winners were announced for that season last year, I was aghast. There were too many big names — film directors, advertising people, and one of our professors back in college. All I could say was, “Oh-key.” But disappointment eventually turned into anger upon realising that their concepts were not really about modern Filipino families — fake identities, boobies falling in love in Rome, metlogs? I mean, come on. So much for having a theme.

Read more

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