Status: We don’t fight fair
Music: The Takeover, The Break’s Over - Fall Out Boy

I can’t help noticing that since it takes me too long to update this blog, my entries get lengthier and lengthier. Uhm, I hate lengthy posts. I know they can get boring sometimes, so don’t worry, I promise that this one is not gonna be lengthy.

I was supposed to update this last night, but I got home at 3:30am, too tired to actually do anything but visit dreamland. Uh.

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BLUSH, BABY, BLUSH!

One weird thing about me is that I easily blush. And whenever I do, it’s so obvious. I really turn red. I blush every time I feel embarrassed, ashamed or nervous. If I’m keeping a secret, say for example, the identity of this Mr. Perfect, you can easily know without me saying anything just by guessing who he really is. If you mention his name, I will surely blush right at that moment. And then, you’ll know.

Last week, I was gorging on some meal with a friend when my Mr. Perfect greeted me. My friend said I turned red instantly. Good thing my Mr. Perfect didn’t notice. (Or so I think.)

The other night, my friends were just talking about something, teasing me when I turned red. I couldn’t do anything but cover my face with my jacket or I’d have looked terribly stupid.

When I was in college, my friend Icang used to tell me how I would look silly when the person I admired so much back then was around. I would turn incredibly red.

And it’s not just blushing. When I blush, it’s like it comes with the whole package. I stutter, I get clumsy, and I act weird. Things I have no control over.

Heck, I need to do something about it. I know some of my readers are registered nurses so my educated guess is that you know the human body better than I do. Is there any way I can prevent blushing and other physiological manifestations of emotional geysers? Please, I need it right now. I don’t want to get myself in deep shameful shit.

How about you? Do you blush often? Or am I just really, er, abnormal?

###

THE DAYS BETWEEN TODAY AND BECOMING-A-DIPLOMAT DAY

My friends have been asking me how I find my new job as a writer. They ask me if it’s fulfilling. And of course, I have a default answer. “I don’t need a fulfilling job right now. The only job that will give me fulfillment is being a diplomat. And until I become one, I don’t need to feel fulfilled. I just need to feel happy.”

And now, the question is, “Am I happy?” Hmmm. I’m relatively happy. The job is not as easy as I thought. Actually, it is. But it’s pretty stressful, too. My work runs from 7am to 4pm, and after office hours, you’ll find me in an arcade or bowling alley in Megamall just to get rid of the stress I have accumulated the whole day. Very, very high school.

I only have a few people that I get along with in the office — Bridget and Aika (whom I always go out with), Dana, Kristel, Paul and Jon (whom I always spend my cigarette breaks with). It’s funny because Christian, who sat next to me, had already quit the job for a Marketing position for some company — the jobs I turned my back on for this job.

Last Thursday, I got a call from another company offering me a position in Advertising and Promotions. You know how I used to hate the culture in the advertising field. Aika and Bridget told me to grab the chance. I did not. I was afraid their offer would be better than my current company, and would tempt me to quit this early for a better job. That’s just silly. I have just started and I’d be quitting that fast?

Anyway, I think I’m enjoying. I just wish that the Department of Foreign Affairs would release the second exam’s schedule soon.

###

MISTAKEN FOR SOMEONE ELSE, HUH?

Last night, I was to meet my officemates Bridget, Aika, Dana, and Jon for a little drink. On my way to our meeting place from Shangrila Mall, I walked past EDSA Shangrila Hotel. One block away from me was this man in his early 30s, in his long-sleeved polo and blue tie. It was 7:30pm. As I continued walking, I began noticing that he was looking at me. And as the distance between us got shorter and shorter, he wouldn’t look away. He just maintained that eye contact that made me feel very uncomfortable. Two metres between us, he smiled.

I had a good look at him. Yep, thirty-something. Neat. Tall. Nice eyes. A little chubby. Very masculine but his aura sent signals of certain pinkness. Not overly handsome but cute. I continued walking.

In the middle of the pavement, I looked back. There he was standing still in front of the hotel, looking at me. And then he raised his hand and waved. I stopped walking. He ran towards me.

One metre between us, he stopped. He said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I think I’ve mistaken you for someone I know.” He flashed that gorgeous smile again.

I laughed a little, “A’right.”

And then, he stepped a little closer and said…. Oops, uhm, I’m sorry. Gawd, I’m doing it again. This post is long enough. I can’t write any longer. I promised you I would not post lengthy entries anymore. So, a’right, I better stop here. So there. Bye for now. Hehehe.

images courtsy of ryan-design.com, margomilne.com, and blogoscoped.com

Status: Pissed
Music: The Power of Orange Knickers - Damien Rice and Tori Amos

I had a terrible dream last night. In my dream, I failed the second of the three Foreign Service exams because I flunked the Foreign Language part. Gawd. God must’ve been telling me to brush up on my French now. But everytime I grab my readings, something tells me to just do something less boring, like, I don’t know, blogging. And yeah, I’m just too darn lazy. Aaargh.

Actually, it’s not entirely my fault. After passing the first exam, I’ve been waiting for the second set for, like, forever but the Department of Foreign Affairs postponed the damn three-day exam. Talk about prolonging the agony.

Having a half-French younger brother, Josh, doesn’t help because aside from the fact that we haven’t been seeing each other lately, he doesn’t speak the language fluently, either. The guy is useless. Hehe. (I can say this because I know he doesn’t visit my blog so I can call him whatever I want. But Josh, if ever you stumble upon this post, know that I am just kidding. Hehehe.)

The last time I spoke French was two or three years ago (my French class). But it’s really hard to master a language that you don’t really use everytime. And not to mention that French is a really difficult language to learn. Je comprends et parle un petit peut français mais c’est tres complique et difficile. Waaaah. I should’ve taken up German instead.

I’m thinking of enroling in an intensive French course at Alliance Française de Manille this October. Or might just go back to UP.

I shall become an ambassador.

# # #

Another thing that pisses me off is the idea that I should’ve been in Singapore this past weekend. Tonet invited me to join her at a film festival there. I didn’t have a passport so last month, I requested for a copy of my birth certificate from the National Statistics Office.

Apparently, they have no record whatsoever of my birth. What the eff?! They said that the municipal office might have had forgotten to forward the document to them so all I had to do was wait while they process my papers and it took them forever. When I finally got my copy, I still had to apply for a passport and of course, it was too late. Tonet is now having the time of her life in Singapore and I’m still blogging here. Why didn’t I take care of my documents earlier, anyway? Pffffft.

First, London. Next, Shanghai / Beijing. Then, Jakarta. And now, Singapore. Why does laziness always get the better of me? If sloth is indeed a deadly sin, then heck, I better have a reservation in hell!

Oh well, c’est la vie.

picture courtesy of krustofski.com

..

Status: My lungs are in pain. Damn cigarettes.
Music: Take My Breath Away - Emma Bunton

I’ve been trying to find a job online for a week now. The job I want is just something that can fill the gap between now and me-becoming-a-diplomat day. And being naturally picky, I am really having a tough time finding jobs which I think suit me, or at least interest me. Having a BA Film degree (which is under the Mass Communication umbrella ella ella eh eh eh hehehehe), the employers who are most likely to hire me are advertising agencies, production houses, TV networks, and movie outfits. However, I’ve tried all of them and I didn’t like them. Or if I did like them, the compensation wasn’t really likeable. Hehehe. And I don’t want a call centre job. And it’s too risky to set up my own business using the savings I got. So there’s only one place for me to go: the Academe. I love teaching, anyways. So why not? And I was glad to find sooo many schools looking for teachers or instructors. Most of them require a Master’s degree, but some don’t. So I composed an email with a good cover letter saying why they should hire me and that they could check out my attached resume, and sent that e-mail to a few prospects.

It’s been a week since I sent them and I was really worried not one of them gave me a call. I was already thinking:

“Am I really that incompetent? My resume is impressive, or is it really? Am I doomed? The employers don’t like me, or have no interest in me because, I don’t know, maybe I’m not good enough.”

I was really feeling terrible. So I decided to try again: send another e-mail. I opened my Sent Items folder so I could just forward my previous e-mail to another set of employers when I realised one stupid thing. One very stupid thing. I forgot to attach my resume to my previous e-mails.

Damn.

Anyway, good news now. I sold one of the full-length screenplays I wrote when I was still in college to a Filipino-American independent producer. Yey! Finally, one of my scripts will become a film. They got the script at a pretty low price but I’m happy. I’m just a budding writer. It was the first full-length script I wrote, and it was just a class project. After all, not all scripts written for a class get produced for real. I told my professors back in college about it and they said I made a pretty good deal. Yey. I’m now a bit richer. Just a bit. Hehe.

Picture courtesy of discoverfun.com

NATIONAL LIST OF QUALIFIERS
Foreign Service Examination Qualifying Test
Department of Foreign Affairs
06 May 2007

Source: Civil Service Commission. Click here to see the full list of qualifiers.

Now, I have a pretty good reason to smile for the rest of the week. One step closer to becoming an ambassador, er, diplomat. Ehehehe.

Status: Hopeful
Music: 4 in the Morning - Gwen Stefani

I am not a fan of film festivals and competitions. Er… well… I am. But only up to the spectator level. I’m not really into joining them. Unlike my friend Tonet, who joins every contest imaginable (and won some), I am not the type who really watches out for film festivals.

Yes, I have joined some. Our class project “Comfort Zone” has been to a number of competitions, too. But it wasn’t really my decision. My groupmates took care of the application, requirements and everything. “Sangang Daan” has never exited my room to participate in any contest, primarily because my thesis partner Jerwin and I are too busy and too lazy to actually move a muscle. “Bad Trip,” the documentary I filmed with Nep, made it to ABC5’s TV show “Dokyu” because it was Nep who practically did everything. I didn’t have the drive. I didn’t have the motivation. I didn’t have the passion. And I was just too lazy.

The truth is, long before I graduated from UP, I had already given up Film as a career. So then, I could not see the point of joining competitions and winning any. Back then, I knew I wanted to become a diplomat. I tried looking for Film-related jobs not because I was planning to pursue a career in it, but because I need fillers. I need something to do while waiting for the Foreign Service exam.

But if there’s one thing I could not give up about Film, that’s screenwriting. I’ve always enjoyed writing and I always will.

Last year, Tonet dragged me with her to ABS-CBN for a pitch for CinemaOne Originals. She initially wanted Leo to join her but realising Leo was too busy to be her chaperone, she chose me instead. I never really liked being the second choice but that was Tonet. I could not let her down. She’s a great friend.

CinemaOne Originals had a theme: modern Filipino family. Tonet already had a concept. Although I did not really love her storyline, I helped her in developing it. Though it was Tonet’s project alone (I was just a sabit), I felt proud that Tonet made it to the semi-finals - or finals - the part where you get to pitch. Our pitch was terrible. There were too many flaws in the story. Right there and then, I felt sad. We would not make it. And unfortunately, we were right.

When the winners were announced for that season last year, I was aghast. There were too many big names — film directors, advertising people, and one of our professors back in college. All I could say was, “Oh-key.” But disappointment eventually turned into anger upon realising that their concepts were not really about modern Filipino families — fake identities, boobies falling in love in Rome, metlogs? I mean, come on. So much for having a theme.

(more…)

Status: Reminiscin’
Music: Say It Right - Nelly Furtado

I know this comes a bit late. But what the hell? I just want to say this. You know, 2006 is not that pretty a year for me, but it’s not terrible either. But surely, the past year gave me a lot of memories I can never ever let go of. Here are the top 9 highlights of the past year:

9. World Tour (?).
Have you ever gone to more than five countries in just one day? Sounds impossible, eh? Well, Maw and I have. Some time in July or August, the quest for a Film school scholarship started. Maw and I did a little world tour. And because technically, foreign embassies are foreign territories, we felt like we were having a world tour when in fact we never left Manila, entering one embassy to another, sending letters to ambassadors, and talking with some foreigners. It was fun.

8. Mugged!
Talking with Tonet while walking has to be my biggest regret last year. Just a block away from Andre’s apartment (which is now my apartment), a stranger with a knife approached me and forced me to hand him my cellphone. I did not become upset because of the cellphone. It was the idea that I was mugged. It was terribly traumatic. And for the longest time last year, I was cursing the entire urban poor population, and whenever I saw a squatters’ area, I secretly wished for a big fire. See this post for more. But after several months, I grew tired of hating them and learned to understand them, and eventually got over it. I’m a good boy now.

7. This Kiss, This Kiss
It’s not the kiss per se that is unforgettable. It’s how the issue exploded way out of proportion in no time. Nah, I rather not discuss it.

6. North Luzon Trip
Straight from a Palawan trip, I joined Winwin, Icang, Dohna, Pam, Lei, Nep, and KZ on a three-day trip to Northern Luzon — Pangasinan, Baguio, and every place in between. A lot of things happened that I don’t know what to say. Heehee.

5. Thesis Defence
Yes, it was nerve-wracking, but after a few months, I could barely remember the entire thesis defence experience. Maybe because, there was really nothing spectacular and nothing horrible to remember. It was just, all right, we faced the faculty, defended our film, and that was it. All happy.

4. Palawan Trip
A simple trip to Palawan turned into a wake, when my grandfather died while we were having a vacation there. All my plans were cancelled and for a week, I just helped my relatives take care of the wake and ran some errands. But less than an hour after the funeral, I went island-hopping. Hahaha. And it felt fantastic. I told you, I’m the type who easily moves on.

3. World Cup — Germany
Unlike Ayn who really flew to Germany and its neighboring countries and felt the stagerring energy the world’s favourite sport creates, I satisfied myself by just staying inside my room and having my eyes glued to my TV screen as I watched football game after game after game. And when the quarterfinals kicked off, I stayed in Manila just to see the games live in Ateneo. And yes, the lowest point of last year for me was when Germany lost to Italy in the semi-final. That was totally bad… and painful.

2. Thesis Production
The memories of the entire thesis production linger longer than the thesis defence. I learned a lot of things and met new friends in the process. Pre-production — I got closer to Prech. Principal photography — I got closer to several people, some of which I did not even imagine I could be friends with. Editing — I got closer to Andre. And of course, from the very start up to the very last minute of production, Winwin was with me. And that was really unforgettable.

1. Graduation
Finally, after four years in a hell-like heaven, it was over. I was very proud, and indeed, it was the most unforgettable.

Status: Freezing and Starving.
Music: Irreplaceable - Beyonce

Yeeha! I’m back to the civilised world at last! I terribly missed the polluted air, the congested streets, the irritating noise, and the violent jolt of cosmopolitan Manila. Whew. I’m back! But not for long. Tomorrow morning, off to Matabungkay Beach Resort in Batangas again. In case you didn’t know, I didn’t spend my entire January at a resort just to have fun. It’s work, baby. Work.

Damn. I missed Manila so much. Sooo much. And of course, what did I do the moment I arrived? I met up with my college friends. Gosh! Some people just don’t change. Hehe. And then, I went online, and geeked out. Do you know how awful it felt when I hadn’t touched a mouse for a month? Awful. Awful! Last night, we went to Sidebar Cafe and had a few rounds of booze. Damn. Zombie tasted really good! In Matabungkay, I only had beer every other night. It was nice to drink every other night but I needed to taste something else. And God knows how that glass of zombie quenched that thirst last night. Uhmmm. I just got home from an afternoon of shopping and coffee drinking, and watching a film. It was also my first time to enter a movie theatre in a month. I watched Babel. I like it but I really think that 21 Grams is way, way better than this. I will publish a decent review later.

I missed Manila. But it’s funny that I want to go back to Matabungkay asap, because believe it or not, I miss that place now. I miss the free meals, billiards, tennis, the beach, the sunsets, and my hotel room. And I miss the kids.

I’ll be back on the 16th to take care of the documents I would be needing for the Foreign Service Exam. And I will not work until June.

See you guys, soon.

Status: Infuriated.
Music: Too Little Too Late - Jojo

It annoys me so much when the people you usually help suddenly accuse you of being the cause of all mishaps in the world.

Yesterday, despite being deprived of sleep and feeling a little sick, I decided to go to work because, although there’s not much to accomplish this week, I wanted to finish what I would be able to so I could just relax in the office for the rest of the week. Then came the time that I needed to print something out. Here’s the scenario: there’s only one printer in the office and it is directly connected to the secretary’s computer. There used to be a network that connects all the PCs to that printer but I don’t know what the fuck happened.

Here’s what happened: I appoached Mariah Carey (name changed to protect identity) and told her that I would be printing something out so I would have to use her computer for a few seconds. I was smiling, mind you. And then she blurted, “Bakit ba parati nyo na lang akong iniistorbo? Hindi mo ba nakikitang may ginagawa ako.” (It was a good thing she said that in Tagalog cos I can hardly stand her English.)

I was shocked, like seeing-Britney’s-pussy shocked. She’s crazy. First of all, the printer is connected to her PC and only to her PC. Second, what was she doing anyway? She was just chatting. Yes, chatting. She was just chatting with men from all over the world trying to find a boyfriend. What’s wrong with that, you ask? Well, get this. She’s married.

Being the warfreak that I am, I answered smilingly. This time, I was faking the smile. “Uhm, maybe because the printer is connected to your PC and not to anybody else’s.” But of course, here’s what I wanted to tell her, “Duh?”

“Ano ba kasing nangyari sa network printer sharing?”

“I don’t know. It is you and Celine Dion (again, name changed) who are here outside.” (Because two other colleagues and I have our own room, separating us from the rest of the employees, and our PCs are not connected to any network, so we really have to use the other computers when printing.)

“E ikaw ang nakasira nun e!”

“Huh? Me? Why me?”

“Di ba nasira yung connection nung may pinaayos sayo si Celine Dion sa computer nya? Di ba ginalaw-galaw mo yung PC niya kaya hindi na maka-connect ang PC niya sa printer na ‘to.”

That’s the point I lost my cool and released the magnificently angry gay me. “Excuse me! It was this network printer connection that she was asking me to fix! Meaning, if you still don’t get it, it was already broken before she even asked me to touch her PC. Nagpatulong sya saken kasi hindi sya makapagprint. I was trying to help, and it’s not like I volunteered. She asked me to help her.”

She was speechless. She must have realised I was really furious and that she was wrong. She then said, “Ikaw naman, nagalit kaagad. Para konting biro.”

NEKNEK MO, LECHE KA. Biro ka dyan. I was waiting for a “sorry,” but it never came.

“Sa susunod at may mangyare sa PC nyo, kahit maglupasay pa kayo sa sahig, hinding hindi ko na kayo tutulungan.” I walked out gracefully.

What made me really angry was the idea that whenever they experience problems with their PCs, they would always call me to fix it. And I would always try. But with the limited computer skills, I can only do so much. They call me when their PCs catch spywares, and to install something on their system, and to ask me the how-to’s. They always turn to me when it comes to technical stuff, and never have I heard a word of appreciation. As if it were really my job to help them with computer-related stuff.

Like, haller? The last time I checked there’s nothing about computer troubleshooting and maintenance in my job description.

And the last time I checked, I’m the Research and Development Head and she’s the secretary.

And oh, the last time I checked, I earn more than she does, more than she could imagine I do, I could even buy her a new husband (definitely an exaggeration), hehe.

Bitch.