Status: All right now.
Music: You’re So Vain - Brooke White, All Right Now - David Cook

Me with my cousins. Second pic: Yep, that’s me, leftmost. Gawd, I’ve just noticed that I was holding a green sausage-shaped balloon. Was that a sign? A foreshadowing? Haha.

Exactly a year ago, my family had a little dinner party. We invited some relatives and friends and had some fun. But that’s about it. Nothing really special.

Two years ago, I was so sick. But I was able to travel from Batangas to Manila, and meet some of my friends at the university. I planned to watch Pride and Prejudice with Josh, but I backed out the last minute because my body couldn’t withstand my aching joints and terrible fever. When I felt a little better hours later, I decided to just push through with the movie thing but because Josh couldn’t make it that night, Andre joined me instead. We spent the rest of the night at Figaro.

Three years ago, Josh gave me a Kitchie Nadal album, and we had lunch at Oz Cafe — my treat. We stayed there longer than we intended to. That night, I had dinner with Ayn. I can’t remember where, but I know I gave her a treat.

Six years ago, I saw a movie in a theatre in Lemery with my girlfriend back then, Michi, and some of my friends. Again, I can’t remember what movie we watched that day. But I know I was really, really happy. (It was Pearl Harbor pala.)

Twelve years ago, my mum threw a very lavish party for me at our place in Batangas. Most of my classmates and teachers were present. It was one of the most expensive parties my mum had ever thrown.

Twenty-two years ago, a midwife was pulling me out of my mother’s womb as my Daddy watched. It was a very bloody day.

Yep! Today I turned 22! Happy Birthday to ME!

Honestly, this is the first time since High School that I really anticipated my birthday.

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Status: I’d walk with my people if I could find them.
Music: Deep Inside of You - Third Eye Blind

Last Friday our team had a party at Lauren’s place as a part of our semimonthly office gatherings. There were lotsa fun, food, and of course booze. Among my officemates, there were only a few people who knew about my sexuality — Bridget, who used to be my classmate in UP; Aika, who is also from UP; Chemae, who said she could be bisexual so I confessed to her, too; and Jon, a straight guy whom I volunteered the information to when we were having a drink two weeks ago. But I’m sure others had a clue. I mean, with all my YM status messages, it was pretty obvious. Perhaps, some were just afraid to ask.

Anyway, back to the party we had a drinking-slash-honesty game called “never-have-i-ever.” In this game, a player says a statement beginning with “never have I ever.” For example, “Never have I ever had sex.” All those who have had sex MUST drink. Then another player says another statement. It’s really a nice way to get drunk, hihi.

My officemates came up with statements like:

• Never have I ever had flunked a Math subject. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever slept at work. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever been attracted to anyone in the office. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever had sex in a public place. (I didn’t drink.)
• Never have I ever had sex with a stranger. (I didn’t drink.)

I thought, Heck, when will I have to drink? And then came Chemae with her very provocative statement:

Never have I ever had sex with someone from the same sex.

I drank. Bottom’s up.

Wow. The reactions varied widely. Disbelief was painted on some of them. I heard a couple of oh-my-gawd’s. Some are shocked. Lauren kept yelling at me (more like cursing, really). Others weren’t surprised at all giving me an “I-knew-it” look. The ones who knew had a grin slashed on their faces. Their eyes glued to the man of the moment — ME.

I said defensively, “What? Whoever said I was straight?!”

Yep, I didn’t tell them about my sexual orientation but I never told them I was straight. Besides, they never asked. “Coming out” to them was not a good feeling. But it wasn’t bad, either. Until now, I’ve been thinking if I did the right thing. Sometimes I think that maybe I should’ve just kept it to myself and enjoy the idea of my colleagues thinking I’m straight. You know, some things are better left unsaid. But it was an honesty game. And I was just being honest.

My sexuality is something that I am not proud of, but I am not ashamed of, either. I don’t usually volunteer the information. I only tell a person when I’m asked. It was never an issue for me (unless when the person asking knows my family or is family).

So far, I still haven’t felt the aftermath of my honesty. That night, there was no tension or friction or discomfort or whatsoever. Heck, they were all drunk. Today that work resumes, I shall know.

One thing is for sure, though: I do not and will not regret the moment that I drank that glass of beer.

image courtesy of euroross.blogspot.com

Status: Wish I’ve done a little bit more
Music: Should Woulda Coulda - Beverly Knight

Wow, I realise that it’s taking me too long to update my blog lately. It’s been a very busy week and it makes me happy. Hehe. Aside from my day job, Tonet and I were able to close a screenwriting deal with an independent film producer. This would be the second full-length script that I sold. If I would continue being able to sell screenplays at the rate I’m going, I wouldn’t even need a day job. So you see, busy means money. Yum, yum.

Anyway, I noticed that it’s been a while since I last talked about my favourite topic in the world: myself. So since most of my readers don’t know me personally, let me tell you a few craps about myself.

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Status: Oooh, these cute pink earphones…
Music: Who Knew - Pink

Everybody keeps noticing my light pink earphones lately. And they’ve been tormenting me, telling me so blatantly how GAY it was of me to actually own them.

Well, I AM gay. So, what’s their problem?! I don’t get it.

But then again, some of them don’t know about my pink secret yet. So okie, I guess, I get it.

# # #

Last weekend I was with two of my close friends. When Girl (obviously, name changed to protect our friendship, hehe) showed up, my initial reaction was look at Boy. His face was just as sour as mine. We then smiled, almost laughing. It’s because of Girl’s get-up. Girl was wearing a violent pink top and a sky blue skirt. So when Girl went to the washroom, we finally had time to talk about it.

Boy said to me, “Tell her not to stand still or she’d look like an MMDA overpass. Tell her it’s horrendous! Tell her!”

“I can’t do that, ” I protested.

“Why not?”

“My parents raised me right! I only talk about a person behind her back.”

Boy displayed an odd look.

So I added, “It’s called ‘friendship.’”

# # #

Suddenly, I miss an ex-girlfriend. She loves pink. And she has a new boyfriend.

Uhm, I think it’s about time that I also get a boyfriend. Anyone? Hahaha.

Note: Uhm, no disclaimer this time. This is not fiction. Uh, does it matter? Everytime I say something is fiction, you don’t believe me anyway. So what the heck? Here it goes.

Tagaytay City is more or less 30 minutes away from my mum’s house in Batangas so I’m always there. (Lucky me!) I was in Tagaytay again last Saturday night with a good friend. We were in his car parked somewhere near Starbucks, music-trippin’. I was enjoying my cup of hot white choco, and he, white choco mocha. My friend bears the same name as the performer of the song that was playing that time. Of course, I was singing in the car. (More like a mini-concert, really.)

It was “When I Get You Alone” by Robin Thicke.

“…When I get you alone (’lone)
When I get you you’ll know baby (know)
When I get you alone (’lone)
When I get you alone now (it’s all mine)….”

I was just singing when he suddenly threw me a look so sexy and displayed a mischievous grin. I turned down the volume, almost inaudible, and said, “What?!”

“What would you do if you got me alone?” He asked.

“Well, right now I got you alone and I’m not doing anything. So I guess, uh, nothing?”

“Why don’t you do something?”

“What? You’re Britney Spears now?”

“Come on. Do something. Do it.”

“Do what?”

“You know. It.”

“Oh I can’t do that. You have an effin’ girlfriend. My parents raised me well.”

“But you’ve done it once before with someone who was in a relationship. Still, you did it. Why not do it again now?”

“I can’t do that.”

“Oooh. I know, someone here is just afraid.”

“I’m afraid that you’re afraid that I might really do it.”

“No, I’m not. I dare you. Do it.”

“Do what?”

“It. Do it.”

“What is it?”

“What it is that you want to do! Do it.”

“And what do you think it is that I want to do?”

“It. Just do it!”

“Do what?!”

“Oh for Christ’s sake. Don’t do this. Do it!”

“Now I’m confused. You want me to do it or not?”

“I want you to do it.”

“Do what?”

“IT!!!”

“What is it? Why can’t you say it?”

“Why do I have to say it when you can just do it?”

“Do what?” My smile was the biggest I’ve ever had. Ever.

“Alright. I get it. Fine. I give up. That’s what you want, fine. Well then, as long as you’re in this car, DON’T YOU DARE DO ANYTHING.”

“Hmmkey. I won’t do anything.”

No one said anything for a while. We just sat there. After minutes of uncomfortable silence and unbearable awkwardness, (I was just flashing a wide smile the whole time) I asked, “Can I sing?”

He nodded. I turned the volume up, and played another song. It was Nelly Furtado’s “Do It.”

“…Do it like you do it to me (I’m burning up)
Do it like you do it to me (it’s not enough)
Do it like you do it to me (just open up)
Don’t you know how much I want you….”

He gave me a nasty look, and a cute embarassed grin.

I snickered. “WHAT?!”

pictures courtesy of zingmagazine.com and jupiterimages.com

..

“Sabotage. Everyone is capable of it. But some go about it more ruthlessly than others… like the ones who crave vengeance… or the ones who hunger for love… or the ones who are determined to burn bridges. And then there are those who simply want something… Something that belongs to someone else.”
                                 — Mary Alice Young, Desperate Housewives

What a nice way to begin this blog entry. Hmmm. Anyway, whatever it is that I feel right now, Prech felt it first, although we’re talking about two different bananas. So let me just quote her:

“Yum! Don’t we all just love to gloat when we know we are soooo right in the first place and it’s too late for people to realize the truth and we wanna say ‘I told you so’ to smack them in the face?” 

Read the rest of this entry >>>

Status: In Pain
Music: Look After You - The Fray

I just received the most ridiculous text message from Frances:

“Sudden realisation. I think you’re in love with Astrid. I don’t know, it just entered my mind.”

What the..?! Where did this come from?! Asta is an incredibly good friend. Yes, she’s very special to me, considering the ups-and-downs that we’ve been through. We’ve experienced the worst in our friendship. We hated each other so much, and now, we’re good friends. We’re close, but nowhere close to having a romantic relationship. Really.

Anyways, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the condition of my heart lately. And I realised something:

The truth is: B1* is the reason I smile everyday. But B2* is still the reason I cry at night. Damn.

Considering that it’s been more than a year since B2 hurt me, I just can’t get over it. I want to be angry at him but he’s too cute to be mad at. Gawd, I hate myself. I hate what happened. And until now, I still haven’t forgiven him, myself, and the other guy. But it pains me that they seem to have moved on, and now, I’m the only one left in pain. It’s just… painful. And sad. Good thing B1 is here. Obicham Te, B1.

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