Friends

Another Weekend With Andre

Posted on February 9, 2009 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

FRIDAY NIGHT (February 6)

Sa MRT Ayala Station. While waiting for TP Winwin who was at a reloading station, we couldn’t decide where to go and what to do…

Yoshke: O ano nang kyeme natin?
Andre: Depende nga sayo kung kekyeme tayo. Eh di ba nga may kyeme kang hinihintay?
Yoshke: OK lang naman sa akin kahit ano.
Andre: So kekyeme nga tayo? Kasi kung hindi tayo kekyeme, uuwi na ko. Dito lang naman sakayan ko.
Yoshke: Gusto mo bang kumyeme?
Andre: Gusto kong kumyeme kasi ayoko pang umuwi. Eh ikaw nga? Anong kyeme mo?
Yoshke: May kyeme lang ako. Kung kekyeme tayo, san tayo kekyeme? Eh yun lang naman ang kyeme ko.
Andre: Sa Sidebar nga tayo kekyeme.
Yoshke: Sige, kyeme na tayo.

Akalain mong nagkaintindihan kami nun!

SATURDAY MORNING (January 31)

Andre went up to my room. He just woke up. I’d been listening to Kelly Clarkson for almost an hour already when he came in.

Andre: I gargled with Astring-O-Sol. I poured the liquid to the cap up to the brim and gargled.
Yoshke: Full cap? Up to the brim? It’s Astring-O-Sol CONCENTRATED! You’re supposed to mix it with water!
Andre: I know. I found out the moment I put it in my mouth. I can’t feel my mouth right now.
Yoshke: Wahaha. Next time, sabi nga ni Dyan Castillejo sa NIDO commercial, it pays to check the label!
Andre: I DID check the label! Eh malay ko bang seryoso pala sya.

Hala. So may labels na nagjo-joke lang?

SATURDAY NIGHT (January 31)

My housemate Glenn emerged from his room about to go out. Andre and I were at the living area.

Yoshke: Glenn, you having dinner?
Glenn: Yes.
Yoshke: I’m going with you. I wanna have dinner now.
Andre: Look at you, you’re so selfish. I thought we’re friends! You didn’t even consider me. I’m hungry, too, you know.
Yoshke: I did consider you.
Andre: You said “I’m going with you.”
Yoshke: Well, yeah… but I meant the two of us.
Andre: How? You said “I’m going with you…” I, I… Singular pronoun!
Yoshke: I meant the two of us coz… *isip ng palusot* Coz… Coz… Coz you’re already a part of me.

WTF! Wahaha.

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Weekend With Andre

Posted on January 19, 2009 by Yoshke in Conversations, Fashion, Friends, Humor |

Status: SICK! TONSILITIS! My first this year.
Music: Mad – Ne-Yo | Poker Face – Lady GaGa

Last year, my friend Andre introduced Diego to me. And right then, I fell in love. Diego was just soooo nice and cool and fashionable and affordable. Oh, sorry, I’m talking about the store. DIEGO Store.

Their items, especially their pullovers and shirts were so cute. The best thing about it is that since it’s not that popular yet, you don’t have to worry about being in the same place with someone wearing the same shirt. Exactly the reason I stay away from popular lines like Penshoppe, Bench, Folded and Hung. I don’t usually care about fashion, but it happened to me once. I was wearing Bench and I ran into a guy who was in the same shirt. Gaaaah, mortifying.

Last Friday (8pm), Andre and I dropped by the Mall of Asia to grab a gift. And we came across a new shop — FOX. And whoooah, I looove the store. It excites me in ways that only sex does. It’s an Israel-based fashion chain. They have really, really pretty items there, and they are not costly!

My conscience tells me I must come back. Yeah, coz my conscience is gay like that.

Saturday, 1am.

After the party. Somewhere around BF Homes in Paranaque.

Andre: You wanna kill time at Starbucks?
Yoshke: Eeeh. I don’t wanna spend anymore. I have a couple of gift certificates from my boss but I left them at home.
Andre: Oh, you don’t need gift certificates. You just need me.

Huwaaaw. That’s me being a friend with benefits. LOL.

Saturday, 6pm

While on the train to my apartment. Andre spotted a cute CILF (Commuter I’d Like to Fu… er… poke. yeah, Commuter I’d Like to Poke). Make that CILP.

Andre: Confirmed. That guy is gay.
Yoshke: How’d you know?
Andre: He’s wearing Folded & Hung.

Wahahahaha. WTF.

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Similes and Metaphors

Posted on January 12, 2009 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

HEADACHE

On the way to my boss’s house for a little booze session last Friday night, I couldn’t help bitching about my terrible headache. I was sitting in the backseat with Mads.

Yoshke: Gaaaahd, my head aches like hell.
Mads: Why?
Yoshke: I dunno. But the street lights hurt my eyes, too. Everything’s too bright. And it sends my brain to pain-land.
Mads: So it really aches? How painful is it?
Yoshke: Very. Very painful…. Like the first time.

Like whaaaat?!?! WTF. Wahaha. Steve, who was driving, and Kat, in the passenger seat, let out a little WTF-giggle. Wahaha. I didn’t know why I said that. Like the first time. What was I thinking?!?

(And just a clarification, I know you’re thinking that, well, it’s not that. Wahaha. Aright, too much info.)

RUSSIA

My housemates and I have been noticing how everyone we know seems to be gaining weight. So much weight. Ourselves, included.

Yoshke: Gaaah. I just can’t believe it. When I shopped for pants last year, I was always safe picking size 27 or 28. Now, I’m 32. And it’s only been a bit more than a year.
Dane: Haaay, me, too. I remember one of my Korean friends. He called one of my skinny batchmates “fat.” And she WAS thin. At that moment, I thought “God, if she’s fat; what does that make me?”
Yoshke: OMG. Have you seen ^&%^%.
Frances: Yeah, yeah, he’s sooo big.
Yoshke: True! When I saw him the other night, I could’ve yelled at him, “OMG! Look at you! You’re bigger than Russia!”

Hey, don’t judge me. At least, it wasn’t the Soviet Union.

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See, I Have a Heart

Posted on January 9, 2009 by Yoshke in Causes, Friends |

Every December, my high school barkada and I visit Our Lady of Perpetual Help Orphanage in Taal, Batangas to bring some toys, some books, some clothes, some food and some fun. This is how we end the year.

Although it seems like an act of charity, it’s more like an act of gratitude, really. This is our way of acknowledging all the blessings that came along our way in the year that is just about to come to a close.

We’ve been doing this since we were college freshmen. It’s been 7 years. Pero mas marami kami ngayong taon. Mas marami ring gifts. Mas masaya. Mas magulo. Mas nakakatuwa.

But I hope, this 2009 is gonna be different. I’ve been urging my friends to help me throw a party for cancer patients, instead. Meow here kinda inspired me. I realized that since I completely understand what cancer patients are going through, I should be helping them feel better. I lost my dad to cancer and we almost had the same problem with my mum.

Yeah, I really should be doing that. I’m gonna need to brush up on the forgotten Art of Brainwashing and Manipulation, which I haven’t practiced in quite a while. Haha.

Ahem, ahem.

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We Crash Like Planes Do

Posted on January 2, 2009 by Yoshke in Blurts, Emo, Friends |

I don’t want to start this blogging year with an emo entry but I really have got something emo to say. And I’ve got to say this now.

Even before I hit puberty, my friends have been emigrating — to Canada, to the US. That’s why back then, I developed some sort of hatred towards these two countries. I felt like, “North America is stealing my friends.”

Years passed, and I noticed that I’d been losing friends not just to Canada or the US but also to Australia, to the UK, to the Middle East. It’s as if all the other nations are conspiring to make my life miserable. I felt like being left behind. Left alone.

But then, as I grow older, I’m starting to realise that this is life. And that it’s not about me. It’s about them. That although the friendship you share is deeply treasured, your friendship is not all there is in the world. That no matter how much distance the world puts between you two, the value of that friendship does not change.

That people come and go. Just like that.

But it’s hard to accept this truth because when people come into our lives, we love them. We love them as though they will be with us all the time. We just don’t think about the moment they’re gonna have to leave. Because we never think they are gonna. Until they do.

Who could blame us? They are friends. We get used to the comfort of their presence.

That when they reach out, it’s hard not to hold their hands.

That when they speak, it’s hard not to listen.

That when it’s their turn to listen, it’s hard not to cry.

That when we need to cry, it’s hard not to be with them.

That when we are with them, it’s hard to leave.

And that when it’s their turn to leave, it’s just hard — so hard — to let go.

To JT. You will be missed.

image courtesy of bifsniff.com
PBA09035542p

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The People Around Us

Posted on December 10, 2008 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor, University |

SIR HUBERT

On the way to the Subterranean River Park, we were being briefed by our Tour Guide. He was telling us many interesting things about Palawan. One of us, itago na lang natin sa pangalang Sir Hubert, asked, “San magandang mamalengke dito sa Puerto Princesa?”

At sumagot si Tour Guide, “Sa palengke po.”

Tama nga naman.

KAT

One of my officemates was raving about the places they visited on the third day. Itago na lang natin sya sa pangalang Ma. Katrina Larida. “Grabe, ang ganda talaga sa Crocodile Farm! Andami-daming crocodiles!”

Ay friend, sana naman madaming crocodiles dun bilang crocodile farm sya.

REEN

Yoshke: Reen! Help! Gaaaah! I think I’m falling in love with an animé character!
Reen: Gagu! You’re asking the wrong person. I’m married to one!

REEN’S 2ND YEAR P.E. TEACHER

2nd year PE teacher: “Would you please pick up the pieces of DIRT!”
Reen: Ah eh ma’am medyo mahirap isa-isahin ang alikabok.

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Inside the Previous Room

Posted on November 21, 2008 by Yoshke in Conversations, Emo, Friends |

The other night, I had a strong urge to text someone. Kuya Ethan (name changed to protect our friendship, haha). He’s my 23-year old friend who had been my roommate since my early days in college until we parted ways middle of this year.

Although extreme opposites, we got along really well. He doesn’t like my political stand but I’m not a fan of his Republican ways, either. His sense of humour is very different from mine. He smirks at my favourite films and songs. He doesn’t like me being gay although he understands and respects me completely. He’s very reserved and serious while I’m very vocal and opinionated. He’s more of the logical type (a Law student) while I’m more creative (a Film graduate). He doesn’t like some of my other friends but he is totally aware that most of my friends have a huge crush on him. (He’s cute, btw.) He’s a light sleeper. I’m a late sleeper.

Despite all our differences, I found an older brother in him. And yes, I miss him.

Days after we decided to live separately, he was always telling me that there was no chance he would miss me. And I would just laugh it off, most of the time. Not sharing the room with him required tectonic adjustments at first. But eventually, I got used to it. A week after we separated, I received a text message from him.

Ethan: Hey, where are you?
Yoshke: Home. Why?
Ethan: Aaah.
Yoshke: Why?
Ethan: Nothing.
Yoshke: Why? Why? Why?
Ethan: It’s just that I’m in Trinoma and I was wondering if you were around the area. Maybe we could grab dinner.
Yoshke: Wahahaha. Someone’s missing me!

Kuya doesn’t like showing emotions. He doesn’t like mushy things. But back then, a number of times, we always found ourselves in rare mushy friendship talks. One time, I came home late. He asked me where I had gone and I told him I was with my friends. Kuya is always cynical when it comes to human relationships.

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Words of Wisdom from Dohna Sarmiento

Posted on November 10, 2008 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

Trinoma, Quezon City. September 2008.

I don’t eat beef.

Don’t ask why not. I don’t know either. I just don’t.

But of course, I know how it tastes like. Last month, I was at FoodEx Trinoma to taste beef for the first time. (It was the first of the three times I ate beef in my life.) Mimay, JT and Dohna were all there to witness the momentous event. Mimay had it recorded. Video uploaded to Facebook.

I ordered T-Bone steak. They were all crying “Oh my God” repeatedly in anticipation. Because you know, one day, I’ll be so famous and I’ll be a great historical figure and people will go back to that moment as the first time I ate beef. They’ll be erecting a monument in the middle of that mall captioned “This was where The Great Yoshke Dimen had his first beef.” And it will become a popular tourist destination besting New York’s Statue of Liberty, Rio’s Jesus Christ the Redeemer and the then most visited Manila’s Yoshke The Full-of-Himself Tower.

Anyway, just when the first morsel touched the tip of my tongue, Dohna asked me “How was it?”

It took me several seconds before I could finally answer. I had to chew and swallow, you know.

“Yummy. A bit gummy,” was my answer. “Not as bad as I expected but not as good as people say it is.”

They were all delighted with my response. It meant “I liked it.” I was just sorta in denial but I liked it.

“You see? You liked it, right? Beef is very good,” Dohna said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly. “Beef is our friend.”

“If beef is our friend, why do we have to eat it?” I replied.

“Well…” Dohna paused and then uttered confidently, “Because sometimes we have to eat our friends! In order to live.“

Wahaha.

Mimay added “And because they eat us, too. Unto unto others, unto unto you!“

Ad Congress. Subic Bay. November 2007.

After the Neil Gaiman event, Ayn, Astrid, Dohna and I decided to kill time at the Subic Bay Christmas Carnival. We hadn’t been at a “perya” in a long time. Enchanted Kingdom not counted. When I say “perya,” I mean those horrible yet fun places where you feel like the Ferris Wheel will come crashing down any minute and whenever you brush your hand with the grimy metal railings, you feel like a bottle of Green Cross alcohol won’t be enough and you won’t touch food in the next 72 hours. And whenever you hear a scream, you assume it’s not of excitement but of agony and you picture a little girl free falling from that Ferris Wheel you thought was made of rust. Haha. But peryas are fun. Haha.

After almost an hour of deciding what rides to take, we ended up not taking any. Haha. So we just agreed to wait for Lei and hitch a ride back to Manila — the only ride we were gonna take that day.

We were staying near a puto-bumbong stall — all tired, sleepy and waiting. All quiet. No one was saying anything. Until Dohna broke the silence with a song. Out loud, she started singing “Burn” by Tina Arena.

“Do you wanna be a fo…” And then she stopped singing so suddenly. She realised she might have mispronounced something. Might have. Haha.

Ayn, being herself, smirked and asked “What? A FFFoet? Do you wanna be a FFFoet?“

Ah sarcasm. Sarcastic bickering. My favourite hobby.

“I was gonna say ‘FOREST!’” said Dohna, thinking she could fool us.

I butted in, “Why on earth would you want to be a forest? Why would anyone want to be a forest?!?“

We all laughed. Dohna was silent.

“Err… Coz they want to… burn? ” was her answer. Clever.

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How My Friends See Me II:
“Mastering” Vanilla Sex?

Posted on October 12, 2008 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor, Sex, Vanities |

What’s wrong with my friends?

They’ve been so very imaginative lately; they’re accusing me of things. Things that are, well, pretty amusing. Very recently, they, albeit separately, came up with an interesting theory. More like a guess, actually.

ROBIN

While malling. A few months ago.

Robin: I kinda miss the “bossy” you.
Yoshke: Hey, I was never bossy.
Robin: You were. You are. It’s just today that you seem to be not that.
Yoshke: Must be the weather.
Robin: What about the weather?
Yoshke: Humid. Makes me feel sleepy.
Robin: I bet you’re also bossy in bed.
Yoshke: OMG. If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were hitting on me.
Robin: Ass. It was a neutral question! I just wanna know if you boss your partner around…
Yoshke: Hmmm. So you really wanna know? Haha.
Robin: That’s not what I meant, Dimen.
Yoshke: Then, you’ll never know.
Robin: But really, something tells me you’re into S&M (sadomasochism, sadism and masochism, slave and master).
Yoshke: (bonggang bonggang LOL)
Robin: So, are you?
Yoshke: You’ll never know.

JT

After watching the hilarious 3D animation “Igor” (starring my fave John Cusack)

You see, most hunchbacked assistants to evil scientists in many celebrated literary and film works (Dracula, Frankenstein, etc) are named Igor.

The movie Igor is sooo entertaining that even after seeing it, JT, Klara, Dohna, Chino and I couldn’t shake it off. When I was finally home, I texted JT.

Yoshke: Igor, you home na?
JT: Yes, master. I’ll pull the switch.
Yoshke: Ah JT, stop impersonating Igor. It’s turning me on. JOKE LANG.
JT: Really? Joke daw.
Yoshke: Haha. Bahala ka. You really think I’m into S&M?
JT: Pwede. So what role do you play?
Yoshke: I won’t answer that question.
JT: You don’t have to. I think I know, Mr. Power.
Yoshke: Hahaha. I won’t confirm or deny anything.

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Recycled Conversations II: College Moments

Posted on September 27, 2008 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor, University |

Some of the most bloggable conversations I had with my friends in our thesis days (2 years ago). Allow me to repost them. (And oh, ngayon lang yata ako magta-Tagalog sa blog ko nang bonggang bongga since I got my .com account.)

DOHNA

Nung Friday night, hindi dapat ako pupunta sa rehearsals nina Dohna and Glenn. Dumaan lang ako sa Aldaba Hall para sana magpaalam na manonood na lang ako ng Close To You, starring John Lloyd Cruz, Bea Alonzo and Sam Milby.

Sa labas pa lang, nakita ko na si Dohna. Sabi ko, “Hoy Dohna, may sasabihin ako sa’yo…“

Sabi naman ni Dohna na nagmamadali nung panahon na yun, “Akyat ka na, dun mo na lang sabihin sa loob. Bilis, marami pang gagawin.“

So sumama naman ako kay Dohna paakyat. Balak ko, dun ko na lang sasabihin na hindi na lang muna ako tutulong sa pagset-up at pagrehearse.

Pero, pero, pero pagpasok namin ng Aldaba Hall, isang superly duper cute na choreographer ang bumulaga saken. So ayun, pinakilala naman kami ni Dohna sa isa’t isa.

Tapos, tinanong ako ni Dohna, “O ano na ang sasabihin mo saken, bilis!“

Damn.

“Uhm, Dohna… ano pang kelangang gawin?“

Hahaha, punyetang kalandian ‘to. Nakalimutan ko bigla yung sine.

ICANG

Sa Baywalk habang naglalakad kasama ko sina Icang, Dohna and Chinggay, napasigaw ako: “Oh my God! ICE MONSTER!!!” Peborit ko kasi ang Ice Monster. Strawberry forever.

Sabi ni Dohna, “Shet, Ice Monster tayo!”

Nag-second the motion naman ako. “Honga! Tara! Ice Monster! Ice Monster!”

“Ay, malamig e. Anlamig-lamig na nga, malamig pa kakainin natin,” hirit ng KJ na si Chinggay.

Sabi ko naman, “Sige na nga. Hanap na lang tayo ng iba. Figaro na lang, para coffee tayo.”

So papunta na lang kami ng Figaro.

Biglang nagsalita si Icang, Excited na excited, “Guys, ayun o, may Ice Monster dun! Waaah! Ice Monster tayo!”

Uhm, Icang, where have you been?!? Kanina pa namin pinaguusapan, in fact, nagmove on na kami.

Minsan talaga, feeling ko, nakadrugs si Icang.

TEZ

Si Tez naman, minsan magulo kausap.

Yoshke: Tez, hanggang anong oras bukas ang shoot?
Tez: Oo.

Hala. Ewan ko sa’yo.

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About Yoshke

On May 31, 1985, tragedy struck when 41 tornadoes hit Canada and the US, leaving 76 people dead. At the same time, a doomed couple in the Philippines were having the best orgasms of their lives. Nine months (280 days) later, a healthy baby boy was brought into this world by normal delivery. That was exactly a week before Microsoft had its initial public offering.

Today, Yoshke Dimen resides independently in Mandaluyong City. He got a degree in Film from a university in Diliman but is now pursuing a career in Social Media.

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