The Writings on the Wall | Funny Posters around the Philippines

Sometimes when we feel so alone and sad, all we need to do is look around us. Many times, the things that will make us happy and forget all our problems for a moment are just around the corner, written or posted on a wall somewhere.

I was organizing my gallery when I stumbled upon some old photos that really made me ROTL. I took these pictures at different places across the country and  with the intention of blogging about them but they kind of slipped my mind. Good thing I love organizing files in my laptop.

PLEASE BEAR WITH US LITERALLY

First up, there’s a building being constructed near Shangri-La’s Chi spa in Mandaluyong. My friends and I were passing by on the way to El Pueblo when we noticed this very cute advisory. Loveth.

TOUCH ME NOT

The next picture was taken at a souvenir shop in Vigan.

In case you can’t read what’s written in the picture, it says, “H’wag hawakan, LUMALAKI.” (Do not touch. Grows bigger when touched.)

Nice. Because of that, I bought one. Kidding.

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Sam Milby for ‘Folded and Hung’ Mediterranean Summer 2010

Thank you, Lord, for this food we are about to receive from Thy bounty. May we use it to nourish our bodies, and thee to nourish our souls. Make us ever more mindful of the needs of others, and the needs of our planet. Amen.

It’s not a secret that I love Sam Milby. I don’t care about what other people say about his acting skills (or to some, the lack thereof). I just love him. (And by “him,” I mean his body and all that comes with it, wahaha). I blogged about his Bench Blackout billboard here and now I’m blogging about him again.

When I first heard he left Bench, I was pretty upset. Not that I like the brand, I just couldn’t believe I won’t be seeing sexy, topless pictures of him plastered along EDSA. But when I found out he jumped to Folded & Hung, the agony ceased. I was ecstatic knowing there could be more daring billboards of him, considering how F&H rules the billboard arena. Sam Milby is my one way ticket to hell. Or to death, supposing lust is indeed a deadly sin. *drops dead*

It just dawned on me how difficult it could be to be a Folded and Hung endorser, given that your female counterpart is Angel Locsin, who is also oozing with sex appeal. Angel is that one thing that keeps the “straight” in me alive. But then, looking at this almost nude Sam Milby photo again, that little “straight” thing I have left inside me has just died. Bwahahaha.

Oh yeah, it’s so dead.

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A Not-So-Straight History:
Top 10 Great People in History Who Might Be Gay

Most gay people find it extremely difficult to accept their true sexuality for so many reasons. First, it is hard to struggle and assert your true colors in a hostile world who has always looked down on homosexuals in general. Second, many are afraid of discrimination. Admit it, no matter how objective people are, sexual orientation still affects the way we judge a person. Prejudice has always been there it will take a while to get rid of it completely, if that is ever possible. Thus, lastly, gays and lesbians are bombarded with a number of awful problems such as low self-esteem, trouble in belonging and lack of opportunities.

If you’re gay or you have a friend or family member who struggles to come out, know that being a homosexual doesn’t necessarily equate to being incapable to accomplish great things in life. In fact, many important figures who have marked their names on the face of the world turned out to be gay. These include Virginia Woolf and Oscar Wilde. But if they aren’t enough for you, here are ten of the greatest people in history who could have been gay.

But first, a DISCLAIMER: I’m not saying these people are gay. Heck, I myself don’t even believe some of these. This is just a compilation of historical figures whom some people think MIGHT have been gay.

10. William Shakespeare

William Shakespeare was married and had three children. Given this fact, who would think that England’s greatest writer was actually gay. The only indication that Shakespeare could have been gay was his sonnets, which were not intended for publication. A huge fraction of these sonnets address his love for, they say, a young man. If you read them, you’ll be blown away by the intense romantic feelings in them that would really make anyone easily conclude that the poet was actually involved in a homosexual affair. The sad thing is, there is no way we can verify this for there is only very little information about Shakespeare’s personal life.

9. Lawrence of Arabia

T.E. Lawrence, more popularly known as Lawrence of Arabia, went to the Middle East to do archeology. At the same time, he was a spy for the British, who considered that war was imminent. While in the region, Lawrence met Salim Ahmed, also known as Dahoum, at a dig in southern Turkey. Lawrence made him his assistant and taught him to read and write. Soon, they moved in together. Lawrence even put a nude carving of Dahoum on top of their house.

Several historians claim that many Arabs on the ancient site were scandalized by the friendship that they shared. Many believe that it was just mere friendship and claim that Lawrence only encouraged the scandalous rumors because they appealed to his sense of humor.

When war broke out, Lawrence was forced to move back to England. They never met again because Dahoum died of typhus in 1918. Lawrence was then quoted, “I liked a particular Arab, and thought that freedom for the race would be an acceptable present.” He also wrote a dedicatory poem, “To S.A.” It could have been anyone but it clearly fits his lost “friend” Dahoum.

8. Abraham Lincoln

Believe it or not, there are also speculations that America’s greatest president was actually gay. It is a little difficult to believe because he was married with four kids. But there is also strong evidence claiming otherwise.

Aside from the accounts that Lincoln’s relations with women were either distant or problematic, he shared a special friendship with another man. When Lincoln moved to Springfield, he met Joshua Speed. He became a very close friend to the president. Many biographers say that Speed was the only intimate friend that he ever had. It is documented that Lincoln and Speed shared a double bed for four years.

What is more intriguing than the sleeping arrangement was the tone of their so-called friendship. Lincoln’s letters to his “friend” before and after Speed’s wedding were rather fretful. Many of them were signed “Yours forever.”

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Top 9 Ways to Come Out to Your Parents

Note: I originally wrote this for crunkish.com, a superduper fun website that features top 10 whatever things. If you wanna check it out, knock yourself out.

The most difficult part of being gay is coming out. We can’t deny the fact that homosexuals are still being looked down to no matter how good they have been all their lives. Every homosexual hiding in his/her closet is afraid of the horror, betrayal, disgust or ridicule that their loved ones could feel once they revealed their true sexuality. That’s why many choose to keep their true colors to themselves, away from excruciating scrutiny of the people around them.

On the other hand, many decide to stand up, assert their rights as individuals and face the world as their true selves — no insecurities, no pretensions, and no regrets. But coming out is really not the easiest thing to do. If you think telling your close friend that every single cell in your body longs for the same sex, imagine confessing to the people who brought you up and supported you since birth — your parents.

Yes, difficulty is doubled when it comes to family members especially to parents. It is for this reason that many choose to come out once they have moved out of their parents house to avoid conflict and confrontation. Others, however, opt to walk the brave path and strive to be loved for what they are right here, right now.

If you’re one of these people and you desperately need a good way to tell your parents you’re gay, here are nine suggestions that may want to consider.

WARNING: Some are stereotypical while others must NOT be taken seriously. And oh, I haven’t come out to my parents myself. There goes my credibility. Haha.

9. “I’m coming out!”

No, you won’t say that out of the blue while attending a church service. Choose a time when your family are having the time of their lives. For example, while you are having a little karaoke party, surprise them with this song. All you need is to sing that title line and let your melody speak for itself. This way, you do not just reveal your sexuality, you also had fun in the process.

…

8. “Dad, have you seen ‘Brokeback Mountain?’”

If music isn’t your thing, try movies. Films are an excellent instrument to come out. Invite your family to enjoy a movie marathon with you at home. The movies you should choose are those with “coming out” scenes. Every time this scene appears, make a provocative comment. If in the scene, the great revelation leads to a happy ending, say, “I wish it ends up that way with me.” Otherwise, mumble, “I hope that doesn’t happen to me.”

If that’s too much of a shocker for you, watch “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” instead. Of course, it’s not a gay film but it can be an good tool in performing your stint. Just when the characters in the movie are coming out of the closet, say something like, “It must feel good to come out of the closet.” Don’t forget to release a heavy, deep sigh after that statement.

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Ruining Relationships. Worldwide.

I was just about to post the third part of the Top 25 Local TV Shows I Miss when I noticed a Facebook message from my former boss based in Victoria, Canada. The mail contained a link to one of the lists I produced while working with her — Top 10 Signs that Your Boyfriend is Gay. This post was cross-posted to Crunkish.com, where it received a couple of comments that somewhat challenge my morals. Haha. They go:

Honestly, I just don’t know what to say to them. I feel sorry but I think I have made it clear in that entry’s introduction that these signs are not absolute.

…You have to remember, however, that these signs are a bit stereotypical. These are not absolute. If you see these signs on your boyfriend, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is gay or bisexual. Not seeing these signs doesn’t mean that he is not, either. Again, playing detective is a tricky business….

I’m still trying to come up with a polite, apologetic reply. I think that’s proper.

But there’s another comment that made me LOL.

That made me feel a bit better!

Gaaah. Anyway, before my conscience finally convinces me to believe that I am a bad person, I should go back to writing the rest of the Top 25 Pinoy defunct TV programmes that I miss. Or perhaps I should start announcing Yoshke.com’s BLOGS OF THE YEAR.

image courtesy of bantamapparel.com

Doubtful Girlfriends

“Lahat na lang ba ng gwapo ngayon ay bading? Wala na bang straight na cute ngayon?” A friend was hysterical (I think) when she asked me this through Multiply. She was starting to doubt the sexuality of the guy she had been flirting with.

Almost two years ago, I posted a blog entry entitled Top 10 Signs that Your Boyfriend is Gay. It was December 2006. But due to its popularity, I reposted it April this year. If you have time, check it out here.

In fact, the two posts have been viewed about 3000 times already since I installed the views counter plugin just last week. The post ranks third on my Most Viewed Entries. The keywords “signs your boyfriend is gay” has been my top referrer since I posted it in 2006.

It makes me wonder how many women in the world actually find their partner’s gender dubious. Haha. But I thank these people for the significant fraction of my 408,000 hits since December 2006. I just hope they click the ads, haha.

July this year, QTV‘s Sunday evening show ANG PINAKA featured the same topic. Just that they counted down the familiar signs that your husband is gay. Here it is.

ANG PINAKA FAMILIAR SIGNS THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY

10. shifty eyes on your honeymoon
09. you’re always more sexually aggressive than your husband.
08. your husband’s a diva fanatic!
07. your husband picks out the clothes he wants you to wear!
06. your husband is too vain for comfort!
05. he has an underwear fetish!
04. he is a beauty pageant freak!
03. he keeps souvenirs from gay bars and saves sexy men’s photos and gaysites in his computer!
02. numbers of gay escorts appear in his cellphone bills!
01. he’s extremely homophobic!

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that they ripped this off of this blog, but the similarities are striking.

What I’m pointing out here is that now, that list I came up with two years ago finally got some sort of credibility. Haha.

The Winding Road

“I think you’re 80% straight.”

I was startled by these ridiculous words from my friend Chemae. We were walking back to the cottage at a resort in my hometown in Batangas. The conversation went like this:

Yoshke: Well, that remaining 20% makes me totally gay. 1% can make someone gay, you know.
Chemae: I think in time, you’ll go straight again.
Yoshke: You think so? I doubt that.
Chemae: Aila (our common friend) warned me about you.
Yoshke: Warned you about me?
Chemae: She thinks you’re just pretending to be gay when you are really straight.

Wahahaha. That was officially the most preposterous accusation thrown at me since Frances suspected that I was in love with Astrid or since Ken told me that I only claimed I was gay so I could finally break it off with her sister (who was my girlfriend at the time). Hahaha. I’ve always been very touchy with girls and most of them don’t mind because hey, I’m damn gay. But I guess Aila is one heck of a lady to convince.

Yoshke: Even after Daniel (not his real name; an ex-officemate and ex-boyfriend)? She didn’t buy the whole Daniel-Yoshke thing?
Chemae: Apparently not.

It’s funny. I don’t know how many people still think I’m straight when I see myself (and I know Tonet agrees) that I am already as gay as I can be. Either they’re right or they’re blind. Haha.

Aila and Chemae aren’t the only ones. In fact, I also had a similar conversation with my ex-roomie Ethan (not his real name). I’ve always considered Ethan my older brother. I call him Kuya. He’s genuinely straight like the rest of my bestfriends. And he has this “Republican” worldview going on in his head.

Ethan: When will you shape up?
Yoshke: Excuse me?
Ethan: That gay thing. I know it’s just a phase.
Yoshke: I’m telling you this is sooo NOT just a phase.
Ethan: It’s just a phase. Sooner or later you’ll come to your senses and realise everything’s just silly. And then you’ll regret it. And repent. You know, for your soul.
Yoshke: What are you? A priest? And what makes you so sure?
Ethan: Because I know you! This might just be one of your experiments. And even after turning gay, your dreams didn’t change. You still want to have children of your own.
Yoshke: People change, Kuya.
Ethan: No. They just try new things but they don’t change.
Yoshke: A long time ago you said you would never have a gay friend. Here you are sharing a room with one.
Ethan: That’s because I’d known you even before you became like that. And I like you. And to me you haven’t changed.
Yoshke: I have.

I told Glenn (a college friend) about these conversations one night.

Yoshke: Aila, Chemae and my ex-roomie think this is just a phase and I’ll come around. Silly, right?
Glenn: No. I agree with them.

Oh well. What is it with straight people that they’re so hard to convince sometimes?

I’m telling you. This is not just a phase. And even if it were, it had better be a long one because I friggin’ enjoy every minute of it.
image courtesy of cartoonstock.com

My Achy-Breaky-Flirty Tonsils

Status: Way better.
Music: Feelin’ So Good | Jennifer Lopez

The past few weeks have been a bitch-ass on me. I struggled with tonsilitis, giving me hellish fever and excruciating time eating. For two weeks, I couldn’t get out of bed. The only time I went out of the house was when I decided to see a doctor. After all, this was my fourth tonsilitis this year and my usual meds didn’t seem to work this time. Ah, damn illness loves me so.

Since our family doctor was somewhere in the South celebrating summer, I chose to visit a hospital. My mum went with me and yes, I let her (because that meant she’d be the one payin’ the bills).

When I approached the front desk, it suddenly dawned on me that it was the hospital my ex-girlfriend works at. I prayed she won’t show up (coz I looked hideous). Thank God she did not. Instead, when I entered the emergency room (which also serves as the hospital’s clinic), I was welcomed by a young doctor — A HOTTT DOCTOR.

Life is pretty fair after all, I thought. Haha.

The nurses took the usual stuff — temperature, blood pressure, etc. And then the hot doctor (probably in his late 30s) started asking questions about my condition. He seemed puzzled that I had been taking the right meds but they weren’t working. And then he asked, “Have you been smoking?”

Thank God my mum was busy texting, she didn’t hear a thing. I asked her if she could just wait for me outside because hey, I’m 22.

After kicking my mum out of the room, I told the doctor that I had been smoking. Like any sane doctor, he asked me to stop. He then asked me to open my mouth coz he needed to take a look at my swollen throat. His brows met.

Me: Is it bad?
Doc: Let’s just say I couldn’t see your tonsils. They’re covered with pus.
Me: I’ll take that as “bad.”
Doc: What have you been shoving down your throat? (Rhetorical)
Me: You have no idea.

I grinned. He snickered. Haha. Then he placed his hands on my neck, just below my jaw and started feeling my swollen whatever.

Doc: Does it hurt when you swallow?
Me: Depends on what I swallow.
Doc: Haha. What else is there to swallow other than food?
Me: I meant, it depends on whether what I swallow is hot or cold. Cold, hurts big time. Hot, doesn’t.

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Top 10 Signs that Your Boyfriend is Gay

Note: I originally wrote this entry for Crunkish.com, a really interesting site which features top 10 lists of just about anything. Our team put up the site and I contributed a lot. It’s a really fun site. It is still under construction but if you want to take a peek, knock yourself out.

Being in a relationship is not easy. It is also very unpredictable. One day, you are having the greatest moment of your life with your partner and the next day, you are crying your eyes out. One day, you desperately want to spend the rest of your life with your partner and the next day, you may find your things all packed up out on the sidewalk. Yes, being in a relationship is very difficult. It is much more difficult if you think that your partner is also having affections for the same sex. It may even be the hardest challenge that any couple could deal with.

Figuring out whether your loved one is gay or not is a very tricky business. There are as many types of gayness as there are many gay guys in the world.  Quintessential to ambiguous.

If you think your boyfriend is gay, watch out for signs. Most gay people share things that are unique or, at least, distinct to them.

WARNING: These signs are a bit stereotypical. These are not absolute. If you see these signs on your boyfriend, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is gay or bisexual. Not seeing these signs doesn’t mean that he is not, either. Again, playing detective is a tricky business. But hey, give it a shot. Here are the top 10 telltale signs that your boyfriend belongs to the fabulous federation.

10. The Bathroom Rituals

Pay attention to his grooming habits. Notice how he meticulously does his hair. Try to find out how he chose the grooming products he owns. An average guy doesn’t care about what brand or what type of products he uses. Is he particularly interested in top designer shoes and other accessories? Another warning sign is the time he spends inside the bathroom. If he takes longer than you do, that may be a sign that he is playing for the other team.

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To the Men (I Thought) I Loved

Status: I’m gonna smile coz I deserve to.
Music: Better in Time / Yesterday / Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis

Last night, I was locked out of the house again. (I know, my silly keys are so stupid they like to stay inside while I’m out.) As I was waiting for my roommate, I started thinking about the men I have had an emotional connection with since I came out in college. While many of these guys I still see and hang out with every once in a while, some of them I haven’t had a chance to talk with in a very long time.

I also realised one thing: I’m not a fan of second chances. When a part of something is messed up, I tend to throw it all away. Hahaaaay.

Anyway, here are the things I want to say to these people whom I want to thank for making me feel happy for a period, albeit very short. (I’m sorry, I will not drop names. Haha.)

- O – -
No two men could be closer than we have been. You taught me a lot of things. You opened my mind to a multitude of new ideas and experiences. We were friends. We still are. People ask me if we had something romantic going on back then. I don’t know. I certainly did not think we had more than friendship although there were too many times you made me feel that I was more than a friend. They say that not knowing is the worst feeling in the world. But in this case, I’m happy not knowing if we really had something. I loved what we had, whatever it was.

- – A – -
Why? What happened to us?

- – - E – -
You brought me the most intense pain. You say you suck at saying sorries? Even if you did apologise earlier, I don’t think it would have made a difference. Sometimes, sorry doesn’t make things better. Sometimes, sorry is just plain annoying.

- E – - -
You are sooo last year. We had it. We lost it. We’ll see each other again this weekend and I hope there will be no damaging awkwardness.

- – - O
I’m sorry I lied when you asked me. Try again. Please try again.

- O – - – -
Maybe one day. But not today. Not anytime soon.

A – - – -
You have no idea. You have no idea.

- – A – - -
Just hang in there. Don’t disappear.

- – - I -
Maybe it was just really a bad time. I have made up my mind. I will not wait. I know I said I would but I changed my mind. I ain’t going to. Anyway, we’re good.

image courtesy of pro.corbis.com