I was just about to post the third part of the Top 25 Local TV Shows I Miss when I noticed a Facebook message from my former boss based in Victoria, Canada. The mail contained a link to one of the lists I produced while working with her — Top 10 Signs that Your Boyfriend is Gay. This post was cross-posted to Crunkish.com, where it received a couple of comments that somewhat challenge my morals. Haha. They go:

Honestly, I just don’t know what to say to them. I feel sorry but I think I have made it clear in that entry’s introduction that these signs are not absolute.

…You have to remember, however, that these signs are a bit stereotypical. These are not absolute. If you see these signs on your boyfriend, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is gay or bisexual. Not seeing these signs doesn’t mean that he is not, either. Again, playing detective is a tricky business….

I’m still trying to come up with a polite, apologetic reply. I think that’s proper.

But there’s another comment that made me LOL.

That made me feel a bit better!

Gaaah. Anyway, before my conscience finally convinces me to believe that I am a bad person, I should go back to writing the rest of the Top 25 Pinoy defunct TV programmes that I miss. Or perhaps I should start announcing Yoshke.com’s BLOGS OF THE YEAR.

image courtesy of bantamapparel.com

“Lahat na lang ba ng gwapo ngayon ay bading? Wala na bang straight na cute ngayon?” A friend was hysterical (I think) when she asked me this through Multiply. She was starting to doubt the sexuality of the guy she had been flirting with.

Almost two years ago, I posted a blog entry entitled Top 10 Signs that Your Boyfriend is Gay. It was December 2006. But due to its popularity, I reposted it April this year. If you have time, check it out here.

In fact, the two posts have been viewed about 3000 times already since I installed the views counter plugin just last week. The post ranks third on my Most Viewed Entries. The keywords “signs your boyfriend is gay” has been my top referrer since I posted it in 2006.

It makes me wonder how many women in the world actually find their partner’s gender dubious. Haha. But I thank these people for the significant fraction of my 408,000 hits since December 2006. I just hope they click the ads, haha.

July this year, QTV’s Sunday evening show ANG PINAKA featured the same topic. Just that they counted down the familiar signs that your husband is gay. Here it is.

ANG PINAKA FAMILIAR SIGNS THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY

10. shifty eyes on your honeymoon
09. you’re always more sexually aggressive than your husband.
08. your husband’s a diva fanatic!
07. your husband picks out the clothes he wants you to wear!
06. your husband is too vain for comfort!
05. he has an underwear fetish!
04. he is a beauty pageant freak!
03. he keeps souvenirs from gay bars and saves sexy men’s photos and gaysites in his computer!
02. numbers of gay escorts appear in his cellphone bills!
01. he’s extremely homophobic!

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that they ripped this off of this blog, but the similarities are striking.

What I’m pointing out here is that now, that list I came up with two years ago finally got some sort of credibility. Haha.

“I think you’re 80% straight.”

I was startled by these ridiculous words from my friend Chemae. We were walking back to the cottage at a resort in my hometown in Batangas. The conversation went like this:

Yoshke: Well, that remaining 20% makes me totally gay. 1% can make someone gay, you know.
Chemae: I think in time, you’ll go straight again.
Yoshke: You think so? I doubt that.
Chemae: Aila (our common friend) warned me about you.
Yoshke: Warned you about me?
Chemae: She thinks you’re just pretending to be gay when you are really straight.

Wahahaha. That was officially the most preposterous accusation thrown at me since Frances suspected that I was in love with Astrid or since Ken told me that I only claimed I was gay so I could finally break it off with her sister (who was my girlfriend at the time). Hahaha. I’ve always been very touchy with girls and most of them don’t mind because hey, I’m damn gay. But I guess Aila is one heck of a lady to convince.

Yoshke: Even after Daniel (not his real name; an ex-officemate and ex-boyfriend)? She didn’t buy the whole Daniel-Yoshke thing?
Chemae: Apparently not.

It’s funny. I don’t know how many people still think I’m straight when I see myself (and I know Tonet agrees) that I am already as gay as I can be. Either they’re right or they’re blind. Haha.

Aila and Chemae aren’t the only ones. In fact, I also had a similar conversation with my ex-roomie Ethan (not his real name). I’ve always considered Ethan my older brother. I call him Kuya. He’s genuinely straight like the rest of my bestfriends. And he has this “Republican” worldview going on in his head.

Ethan: When will you shape up?
Yoshke: Excuse me?
Ethan: That gay thing. I know it’s just a phase.
Yoshke: I’m telling you this is sooo NOT just a phase.
Ethan: It’s just a phase. Sooner or later you’ll come to your senses and realise everything’s just silly. And then you’ll regret it. And repent. You know, for your soul.
Yoshke: What are you? A priest? And what makes you so sure?
Ethan: Because I know you! This might just be one of your experiments. And even after turning gay, your dreams didn’t change. You still want to have children of your own.
Yoshke: People change, Kuya.
Ethan: No. They just try new things but they don’t change.
Yoshke: A long time ago you said you would never have a gay friend. Here you are sharing a room with one.
Ethan: That’s because I’d known you even before you became like that. And I like you. And to me you haven’t changed.
Yoshke: I have.

I told Glenn (a college friend) about these conversations one night.

Yoshke: Aila, Chemae and my ex-roomie think this is just a phase and I’ll come around. Silly, right?
Glenn: No. I agree with them.

Oh well. What is it with straight people that they’re so hard to convince sometimes?

I’m telling you. This is not just a phase. And even if it were, it had better be a long one because I friggin’ enjoy every minute of it.
image courtesy of cartoonstock.com

Status: Way better.
Music: Feelin’ So Good | Jennifer Lopez

The past few weeks have been a bitch-ass on me. I struggled with tonsilitis, giving me hellish fever and excruciating time eating. For two weeks, I couldn’t get out of bed. The only time I went out of the house was when I decided to see a doctor. After all, this was my fourth tonsilitis this year and my usual meds didn’t seem to work this time. Ah, damn illness loves me so.

Since our family doctor was somewhere in the South celebrating summer, I chose to visit a hospital. My mum went with me and yes, I let her (because that meant she’d be the one payin’ the bills).

When I approached the front desk, it suddenly dawned on me that it was the hospital my ex-girlfriend works at. I prayed she won’t show up (coz I looked hideous). Thank God she did not. Instead, when I entered the emergency room (which also serves as the hospital’s clinic), I was welcomed by a young doctor — A HOTTT DOCTOR.

Life is pretty fair after all, I thought. Haha.

The nurses did the usual stuff — temperature, blood pressure, etc. And then the hot doctor (probably in his late 30s) started asking questions about my condition. He seemed puzzled that I had been taking the right meds but they weren’t working. And then he asked, “Have you been smoking?”

Thank God my mum was busy texting, she didn’t hear a thing. I asked her if she could just wait for me outside because hey, I’m 22.

After kicking my mum out of the room, I told the doctor that I had been smoking. Like any sane doctor, he asked me to stop. He then asked me to open my mouth coz he needed to take a look at my swollen throat. His brows met.

Me: Is it bad?
Doc: Let’s just say I couldn’t see your tonsils. They’re covered with pus.
Me: I’ll take that as “bad.”
Doc: What have you been shoving down your throat? (Rhetorical)
Me: You have no idea.

I grinned. He snickered. Haha. Then he placed his hands on my neck, just below my jaw and started feeling my swollen whatever.

Doc: Does it hurt when you swallow?
Me: Depends on what I swallow.
Doc: Haha. What else is there to swallow other than food?
Me: I meant, it depends on whether what I swallow is hot or cold. Cold, hurts big time. Hot, doesn’t.

(more…)

Note: I originally wrote this entry for Crunkish.com, a really interesting site which features top 10 lists of just about anything. Our team put up the site and I contributed a lot. It’s a really fun site. It is still under construction but if you want to take a peek, knock yourself out.

Being in a relationship is not easy. It is also very unpredictable. One day, you are having the greatest moment of your life with your partner and the next day, you are crying your eyes out. One day, you desperately want to spend the rest of your life with your partner and the next day, you may find your things all packed up out on the sidewalk. Yes, being in a relationship is very difficult. It is much more difficult if you think that your partner is also having affections for the same sex. It may even be the hardest challenge that any couple could deal with.

Figuring out whether your loved one is gay or not is a very tricky business. There are as many types of gayness as there are many gay guys in the world.  Quintessential to ambiguous.

If you think your boyfriend is gay, watch out for signs. Most gay people share things that are unique or, at least, distinct to them.

WARNING: These signs are a bit stereotypical. These are not absolute. If you see these signs on your boyfriend, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is gay or bisexual. Not seeing these signs doesn’t mean that he is not, either. Again, playing detective is a tricky business. But hey, give it a shot. Here are the top 10 telltale signs that your boyfriend belongs to the fabulous federation.

10. The Bathroom Rituals

Pay attention to his grooming habits. Notice how he meticulously does his hair. Try to find out how he chose the grooming products he owns. An average guy doesn’t care about what brand or what type of products he uses. Is he particularly interested in top designer shoes and other accessories? Another warning sign is the time he spends inside the bathroom. If he takes longer than you do, that may be a sign that he is playing for the other team.

(more…)

Status: I’m gonna smile coz I deserve to.
Music: Better in Time / Yesterday / Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

Last night, I was locked out of the house again. (I know, my silly keys are so stupid they like to stay inside while I’m out.) As I was waiting for my roommate, I started thinking about the men I have had an emotional connection with since I came out in college. While many of these guys I still see and hang out with every once in a while, some of them I haven’t had a chance to talk with in a very long time.

I also realised one thing: I’m not a fan of second chances. When a part of something is messed up, I tend to throw it all away. Hahaaaay.

Anyway, here are the things I want to say to these people whom I want to thank for making me feel happy for a period, albeit very short. (I’m sorry, I will not drop names. Haha.)

- O - -
No two men could be closer than we have been. You taught me a lot of things. You opened my mind to a multitude of new ideas and experiences. We were friends. We still are. People ask me if we had something romantic going on back then. I don’t know. I certainly did not think we had more than friendship although there were too many times you made me feel that I was more than a friend. They say that not knowing is the worst feeling in the world. But in this case, I’m happy not knowing if we really had something. I loved what we had, whatever it was.

- - A - -
Why? What happened to us?

- - - E - -
You brought me the most intense pain. You say you suck at saying sorries? Even if you did apologise earlier, I don’t think it would have made a difference. Sometimes, sorry doesn’t make things better. Sometimes, sorry is just plain annoying.

- E - - -
You are sooo last year. We had it. We lost it. We’ll see each other again this weekend and I hope there will be no damaging awkwardness.

- - - O
I’m sorry I lied when you asked me. Try again. Please try again.

- O - - - -
Maybe one day. But not today. Not anytime soon.

A - - - -
You have no idea. You have no idea.

- - A - - -
Just hang in there. Don’t disappear.

- - - I -
Maybe it was just really a bad time. I have made up my mind. I will not wait. I know I said I would but I changed my mind. I ain’t going to. Anyway, we’re good.

image courtesy of pro.corbis.com

Status: Oooh, these cute pink earphones…
Music: Who Knew - Pink

Everybody keeps noticing my light pink earphones lately. And they’ve been tormenting me, telling me so blatantly how GAY it was of me to actually own them.

Well, I AM gay. So, what’s their problem?! I don’t get it.

But then again, some of them don’t know about my pink secret yet. So okie, I guess, I get it.

# # #

Last weekend I was with two of my close friends. When Girl (obviously, name changed to protect our friendship, hehe) showed up, my initial reaction was look at Boy. His face was just as sour as mine. We then smiled, almost laughing. It’s because of Girl’s get-up. Girl was wearing a violent pink top and a sky blue skirt. So when Girl went to the washroom, we finally had time to talk about it.

Boy said to me, “Tell her not to stand still or she’d look like an MMDA overpass. Tell her it’s horrendous! Tell her!”

“I can’t do that, ” I protested.

“Why not?”

“My parents raised me right! I only talk about a person behind her back.”

Boy displayed an odd look.

So I added, “It’s called ‘friendship.’”

# # #

Suddenly, I miss an ex-girlfriend. She loves pink. And she has a new boyfriend.

Uhm, I think it’s about time that I also get a boyfriend. Anyone? Hahaha.

..

… 

I have moved this entry HERE.
Click here to see the top 10 signs that your boyfriend or husband is gay.

…

Status: At work
Music: Come to Me - P. Diddy feat Nicole Scherzinger

And yes, I already bid goodbye to my German Pride layout and to my entire blogdrive account as well. From now on, I will be using wordpress and the domain name yoshke.com. But if you still want to see my old blog, all you have to do is click this.

# # #

Anyway, as days go by, it becomes more and more difficult for me to conceal my gender from my family. The more I lie, the more I feel guilty. It would be very easy not to let them know about my sexuality, but lately they are getting suspicious and starting to ask questions that are really tough to answer.

Last week, while having dinner, my mum asked, “Oy, Yoshke, when are you going to bring another girlfriend here?”

And I answered so sweetly, “How can I bring a girlfriend? I don’t have one.”

My sister butted in, “The last time you introduced a girlfriend to us was December last year. Isn’t it time for us to meet a new one.”

“But I don’t have a girlfriend,” I uttered. “I have a boyfriend, though.”

Everybody laughed. It was a joke to them. Although it’s not true that I have a boyfriend right now, I wanted to see what their reactions would be. And they just laughed because they thought I was just joshing them.

But last Wednesday night was a different case. Again, we were having dinner when my mother initiated a talk about having a relative in the workplace. My sister and I share the same opinion, “No way.” And then she demanded for a reason.

I told Mum, “I wouldn’t want to be conscious of everything I do… especially when I know that he/she would tell the entire family of the going-ons in my life.”

My sister got curious, “Such as…?”

“Nothing,” I answered.

“Like something illegal, or something gay or something like it?”

And then my mum got on her feet and asked me with an eyebrow raised, “Are you gay?”

“HELL, NO!” I manly denied.

Oh well, that’s life. The dinner ended with a smug look on my face.

# # #

Let me take this opportunity to actually bash some of my gay friends. It annoys me that I always have to explain about my sexuality. In fact I have already talked about it in detail here. And as I said before, I don’t believe in gender. Gender is just a social construct. It doesn’t matter to me if you’re gay or lesbian or bisexual or whatever you want to call the homosexual/bisexual lot. They are just labels anyway. For me, you’re either male or female. And I don’t care if you’re a man who likes women or other men. I just fuckin’ don’t care. To me, you’re still a man because you have a dick hanging between your legs.

And yes, sometimes I use the term bisexual when talking about myself not because I accept the idea but because I want other people to understand. I may like other men but I LIKE GIRLS, TOO. And if you don’t believe me, then don’t. As if your opinion matters to me anyway.

But for a gay person not to believe that there are people who like BOTH men and women, or those who find it so pretentious, it doesn’t make sense. To think that these are the people who have always wanted open-mindedness so that they be accepted. Why can’t you accept that not all people are like you. Not all people who like men cannot love women just as well. Why can’t you understand this? I don’t know if you just have a pea-sized brain or you have some comprehension problem or you are just plain stupid. Anyway, why am I explaining this now when I know that they will never ever understand.

For the last time, I will tell you this, I love both men and women. And if you don’t want to believe this just because you’re not like me, then what can I say? Try this, just get a dick and never take it out of your mouth if it’s the only way for you to shut up.

And yes, I’m talking to you Bebs and Rex.