Before anything else, I’d like to thank Kevin, Vins, The Lady in Green Ruffles, Noah, and Jake for being the top commenters on this blog for 2009. Dahil dyan, may nagtext!

“Uy, ilibre mo naman kami one of these days bilang top commenters.”

Ay, DELETE! Sorry, blame my reflex. Wahaha!

…

So now let’s proceed to the real topic of this post — Twitter. I looooove Twitter so much better than Plurk. Plurk has its strengths but they don’t work for me. I have a Plurk account (Add me! Add me!) but its horizontal orientation drives me nuts.

Some say that the problem with Twitter is that it’s too simple. But I guess that’s exactly what made me a certified tweep — it’s simplicity. 140 characters. Linear. Simple. And not to mention it’s so flexible in terms of third-party applications.

Anyway, like always, when I’m running out of things to blog about, I just post my status messages here on my blog. So here are the things that ran through my head and kept me busy the past several days.

1. Minsan pag nalulungkot ako, nanonood ako ng GMA7. Gumagaan kasi ang loob ko pag nakikitang may mas pangit pa pala sa buhay ko. -Gege, 2009 | about 1 hour ago
2. Ampanget ng boyfriend ng ex-girlfriend ko. | about 13 hours ago
3. has just finished watching THE HURT LOCKER and THE BLIND SIDE. The former is so powerful, the latter so Hollywood. | about 14 hours ago
4. Dear Dick Gordon, I like you but the Silent Night jingle for your political ad is soooo last year. It’s 2010. Christmas is over. Move on. | 7:07 AM Jan 16th
5. Mamatay na ang mga sumisingit sa pila! | 1:19 AM Jan 16th
6. Tigilan ako ng Johann-Cathy-Hermes sh*t. Kaka-dinner ko lang. Ayoko masuka. #PBB |  6:34 AM Jan 15th
7. Ang ganda ng smile ni Carla Abellana. I hope she quits acting and stick to what seems like the only thing she’s good at — smiling. | 6:05 AM Jan 14th
8. RT @djmotwister: This just texted to me,gave me a bit of a laugh.Villar: Sipag at Tiyaga, Gibo: Galing at Talino, Noynoy: Mama at Papa. | 6:35 AM Jan 12th
9. DAVID GUETTA music before going to sleep para upbeat ang gising. Wut? | 9:32 AM Jan 11th
10. OMG. Suspended daw ang SHOWTIME ng 20 days??!? Dahil dyan, MAY NAGTEXT! Sabi, “Wahaha,” -Wilma Galvante. | 4:51 AM Jan 11th
11. loved Sarah Geronimo’s performance of TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART on ASAP. | 12:38 AM Jan 10th
12. Andre: Kaya pala maitim si Binay, kasi nasunugan sila nung bata siya. LOL! | 4:51 AM Jan 9th
13. is craving for isaw from UP. But i don’t live in QC anymore. Too bad. | 1:06 AM Jan 9th
14. Someone tried to insult me on my blog by slandering Muhammad. He thinks I’m a Muslim. When insulting me, insult me right. http://ow.ly/U91V | 2:33 AM Jan 8th
15. Friday always brings this wonderful feeling of hope, relief. Friday is like the light at the end of the tunnel! Haha. | 2:20 AM Jan 8th
16. My hubby is so cute, I don’t know what good I did to deserve him. Haha. | 5:02 AM Jan 7th
17. It’s been 2 months since my Ilocos trip but i still have a pack of Vigan longanisa in my fridge. | 2:07 AM Jan 7th
18. has the biggest pimple in the history of mankind. | 12:33 AM Jan 7th
19. My tummy is bigger than my ego. And I’m telling you, my ego IS big. | 7:15 PM Jan 5th
20. My nephew is beside me sleeping like a rock. Like a rock rolling down a volcano. Ang lakas humilik! | 8:58 AM Jan 3rd
21. Mom is giving me another lecture on my excessive use of aircon in my room. She has to understand that i get hot easily. Whut? | 8:00 AM Jan 3rd
22. has finished watching THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL remake on cable. It’s so ugly, it’s criminal. | 7:37 AM Jan 3rd
23. I think I know why SHARON CUNETA is huge! Could she be stealing her daughters’ NIDO?! | 6:44 AM Dec 16th, 2009
24. I spend more time with MS Powerpoint than my boyfriend. I should marry Powerpoint. We’ll have cute deck babies! Busy, busy Wednesday! | 11:38 PM Dec 15th, 2009
25. I kinda miss the days when “lunch” is just lunch and not “working lunch.” Haha | 8:30 PM Dec 15th, 2009
26. is at UP Cineastes’ Studio Alumni Homecoming. Direks Joyce Bernal & Cathy Garcia Moliina are here, too! | 7:48 AM Dec 12th, 2009

There. So my blog post for this week is covered. I may now go back to being busy.

And oh, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER! Also, post your Twitter usernames here and I will follow you.

Here are some completely innocent statements but my friends’ dirty minds tell them otherwise.

SANAY NA

One very toxic night, I had been editing political ads on my laptop with my small marketing teammates at our apartment FOR HOURS. My friends Dohna, Dane, and Frances were sitting on the airbed while I was on the stairs facing a chair where the laptop was on. There was just no place in the mattress left so I had to sit on the bottom step of the staircase despite the discomfort.

Dohna grew concerned about my situation so she asked, “Yoshke, masakit ba?”

And without thinking, I replied, “Hindi naman. Sanay na ang pwet ko.”

Everyone burst into laughter. I meant I got used to being seated for hours.

PUMAPASOK

Frances, Dohna, Asta, JT, Maikel and I were at Starbucks Shangri-la last Thursday night when we agreed to exchange horror stories. Frances was narrating a horrifying encounter when they stayed in Baguio a few years ago, wherein an old lady was torturing her in her sleep but she was awake and she couldn’t move. More like a case of sleep paralysis.

Frances narrated, “Tapos hindi talaga ako makagalaw. Tapos gusto kong sumigaw pero hindi ko magawa, walang lumalabas na boses. Tapos weird, ang hirap ng i-explain. Alam nyo yung feeling na may malaking bagay na pumapasok sa katawan mo?”

“Oo, alam ko ang feeling nang may malaking bagay na pumapasok sa katawan ko,” I interrupted.

Everyone gave me a look as if saying “You ruined dinner.” Sorry naman. She asked! I just answered. I meant I had the same sleep paralysis experience.

HINDI QUALIFIED

While preparing dinner at the condo a few months ago.

Andre: Pag nagkaroon ng Top Chef Philippines, parang ang sarap sumali. Kaso hindi ako qualified.
Yoshke: Bakit naman?
Andre: Hindi kasi ako “top.”

He meant he’s not that experienced a cook!

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Vice President wannabe Jejomar Binay’s Ganito Kami sa Makati promotional ad-slash-political ad in disguise says a lot about the city he’s running. Whether it’s true or not, I think Makati is one of those cities in Metro Manila that project a relatively positive image to the public. But how about the others?

It’s actually quite funny what kind of impressions some cities have on people. For example, I’m sure you have heard people making fun of Malabon and its Venice-like situation, except devoid of all grandeur. Or how many of us still associate the entire Muntinlupa with New Bilibid Prison as though the prison is all there is in the city.

This post isn’t about Makati, Malabon, or Muntinlupa. It’s about another city in the southern part of the metropolis — Pasay City.

I’ve been told a number of times about the city’s reputation. For example, when I’m going to Pasay and I’m asking my mom or my friends for directions, they would insist that I do not go alone or that I do not bring any valuables. Even my dear  friends from Pasay tell me how frustrated they are with how things go, especially how things are being run.

Is Pasay really that bad? I’m asking coz the only parts of Pasay I go to frequently are the SM Mall of Asia area, DFA, and MRT Taft station.

Here are some instances in which I thought Pasay was used by people around me for their random display of sense of humor.

ANYTHING GOES

Fresh from iBlog Mini at World Trade Center a few weeks ago, Andre and I decided to proceed to SM Mall of Asia to check out the new line of hoodies at Fox Men. We didn’t know where the jeepney terminal was so we started looking for it.

Andre: I don’t think it’s here. Maybe it’s over there?
Yoshke: But we have to cross the road to go there.
Andre: So let’s cross, come on.
Yoshke: Err, wait. Can we? This may be a no-jaywalking zone.
Andre: Yoshke, duh? This is Pasay. There are no rules!

A TALE OF A MISSING COMB

“Where the hell is my comb?!”

Debbie had spent minutes trying to find her comb in the office. This happened two years ago, I was a web writer then. Debbie misplaced her comb and she just could not find it in her cubicle. Out of utter frustration, she talked to herself like she normally did.

(more…)

I never expected I’d be writing you this letter. We’ve had four years of wonderful memories but I’m afraid it had come to the point where you started to break my heart. I should’ve seen it coming since I’ve been finding it hard to breathe lately. It’s time to end the pain that I’m feeling and I just have to say goodbye. I will truly miss you.

I’ve known you since I was a kid but it was only before my college graduation that we had a real relationship. At first, it was difficult for me to get along with you considering the nasty things some people say about you. They said you would hurt me, and you did. They said, if I continued spending time with you, it would be so hard to let go; it was.

True, you are all the bad things they were saying. Still, I accepted you. I let you get to me deep within. You’re smokin’ hot. I loved the feeling of your body in my mouth. I loved it when my lips touched your butt. You taste like euphoria. You reek of obsession.

(more…)

I’ve been wanting to write something lately but because the Typhoon Ondoy decided to be such a bitchass on the Philippines, priorities shifted and blogging just kissed the bottom of the list. (Btw, let’s continue helping the victims.)

Anyway, I realized that my last two entries on this blog are both very serious and very personal so I want to publish something light. I will post a storm-related entry one of these days, I just need to finish the article.

I was browsing through my pictures in my laptop when I stumbled upon old photos and screenshots. They say that a picture paints a thousand words. True, but wait there’s more. It’s also the easiest way to answer questions.

1. How good I am at bowling.

That’s four consecutive strikes, my dear friends. And one spare! (Yabang!) Just don’t ask me what happened after.

2. Why, for a moment, I was convinced God  is everywhere.

Imagine my surprise when this popped up on my screen. Apparently, it was just a friend named Jesus.

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Almost three years ago, just when I thought I could not handle another mischievous kid in the family, God gave us another walking mayhem. Not many of you are aware that I also have a niece. And she’s just as endearing (the kind that you wanna strangle) as my nephew.

My niece is now three years old. She’s called Natalya. My nephew’s name is Yoshke. I gave him that name. He’s now five. For the sake of this blog entry and to avoid confusion, let’s call my nephew Yoshke “Nephew,” and my niece, “Niece.”

Nephew and Niece are seldom in the same place at the same time. You see, they are not siblings. They are cousins. Nephew is my sister’s son while Niece is my brother’s daughter. But whenever they are together, they make a hilarious duo. Nephew is shy but inquisitive. Niece is a star, hence she has a star complex. She is a queen bee in the making. Maldita. Atribida. Echosera.

What happens when they are together?

TWO GLASSES

Other than fighting, one of the activities that they love doing together is drawing. My brother-in-law is a painter. Nephew got that gene. (In fact, he was Best in Art in his batch last year.) One time, I joined them in their crayon-happy session and told them to draw whatever entered my head. I asked them to draw a flower; they did. I asked them to draw a house; they did. I asked them to draw a pencil; they did.

And then I asked them to draw a glass and a plate.

Using a pencil, Nephew did it well. He colored the plate blue (like the real plate he actually uses). And then left the glass colorless. It’s transparent, anyway, so I let it go.

Niece, on the other hand, colored her plate pink. I was about to praise how well she drew the glass when she whipped out a black crayon and scribbled all over it until the glass was almost completely covered.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?! WHAT’S THAT?” I asked.

“Black gulaman,” was her answer.

TWO MANGOES

The same thing happened when Me-Ann, their tutor, asked them to draw a ripe mango.

Nephew colored it green. “It’s not ripe yet,” he argued. “It will turn yellow later.”

Niece colored hers black. Before their tutor could even ask, she declared, “It’s already rotten.”

(more…)

image courtesy of warkitty.com

One December evening in Paranaque, Andre, Dane and I were killing time by solving puzzles that I compiled in my head since I was a little boy. You see, I love solving puzzles and challenging my friends to put their problem-solving skills to a test. It was one of those nights. We spent hours solving the detective stories I throw at them. Mind you, they were very difficult puzzles.

Just before daybreak, Dane said:

Dane: I am used to simple puzzles like the giraffe-elephant-fridge puzzle.
Yoshke: What’s that puzzle?
Andre: OMG! You don’t know that?
Yoshke: No. Everyone else does?
Andre: Yep. So give it a try.
Dane: Alright, Yoshke, in three steps, how do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Yoshke: Hmmm.

Hmmmmm…

I spend twenty minutes trying to figure it out. When I blurted, “Don’t tell me it’s ‘Open the ref, put the giraffe, and then close it.’”

They laughed their asses off.

Hey, I was expecting a serious puzzle and this silly puzzle just caught me off-guard!

Andre: How about this: In four steps, how do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Yoshke: (confident) (1) Open the door. (2) Move the giraffe aside. (3) Put the elephant inside. (4) Close the door.

Andre and Dane: WRONG!
Yoshke: Seriously? What’s the right answer?
Andre and Dane: (1) Open the door. (2) Take out the giraffe. (3) Put the elephant inside. (4) Close the door.

Yoshke: But I wanted to just move the giraffe aside!
Andre: Well you can’t! You have to remove the giraffe!
Yoshke: WHY?!!?
Dane: Because it won’t fit!

With that, I snapped!

Yoshke: HOW DARE YOU DICTATE HOW BIG MY REFRIGERATOR IS!!! I MANAGED TO PUT THE DARN GIRAFFE INTO IT; OF COURSE IT CAN ACCOMMODATE AN ELEPHANT!

Alright, so I took that puzzle too seriously. Wahaha.

We all love puzzles. Some people can endure trying to solve one puzzle game and not give up even if they end up hating themselves and hitting someone else for failing to solve it.

Whether it’s just a short detective quiz that a friend has shared or a simple anagram or even a mere puzzling question, we always try to solve them and share them with others. Today, most people are going crazy over sodoku, a puzzle originated in Japan and took the world by storm.

image courtesy of sentimentalrefugee.com

Why do most people love puzzles? Maybe it’s because it is human nature to always ask why or how. Maybe it’s because we love the feeling of being up for the challenge. Maybe it’s the sense of pride and accomplishment when we are able to solve one. Maybe it’s because puzzles divert our attention and escape the real world.

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It’s been really, really difficult to feature my nephew here lately. I seldom see him since I visit Batangas once every three weeks. But finally, I have collected enough anecdotes under one theme. All it took was a little trip to Antipolo!

BLOOD OF CHRIST

When I visit Batangas, one of the tasks that I need to do is to accompany my nephew to church. At first, I was hesitant to do this because I’m agnostic and I don’t believe in religion. However, since no one actually knows about this side of mine, I don’t really have a choice.

His dad is not Catholic so he won’t take him. Other members of the family attend the 6am mass, too early and too cold for a toddler. So the burden is passed on to me every time and I pretend I enjoy the priest’s homily and endure the physical workout that is kneeling and standing every now and then..

It’s interesting to go to church with an inquisitive kid. For one, I am always careful not to mention my beliefs (or the lack thereof). His mother wants him to be raised a faithful Catholic, hence the Catholic school and his obsession to Sto. Nino.

One Sunday morning at the local church:

Nephew: Are priests drunkards?
Yoshke: Well, it’s wine. It’s healthy.
Nephew: I’m not allowed to drink wine.
Yoshke: That’s because you are a kid.
Nephew: When I grow up, I too will drink wine in front of many people.
Yoshke: No, it’s not like that. Weren’t you listening to the priest? The wine symbolizes the blood of Christ.
Nephew: The wine is the blood of Jesus’?

He looked at the statue hanging at the end of the church. It’s an image of Jesus Christ, nailed on the cross, soaked in blood. He stared at it for what was like 10 seconds and turned to me.

Nephew: Why would they want to drink that?

He began scratching his head. And I answered, “I have no idea.”

THE OLD MAN ON TV!

Last Sunday, my family and I went to the Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage in Antipolo City, Rizal. The entire time I was with my nephew. My sister and the rest of the family went inside the church and insisted that my nephew be left with me since the place was already crowded and other devotees chose to stay outside anyways. There were TV screens outside the church so the ones outside could see the priest and what was happening inside.

I was shocked when he asked, “Tito, can we switch that to Cartoon Network? The old man is boring.”

JUST CAN’T WAIT

“Tito, is it over yet? Let’s go to Enchanted Kingdom now!”

It had only been 10 minutes but my nephew was already itching to go to Enchanted Kingdom in Laguna, which was next in our itinerary.

Yoshke: Well, we need to finish the mass before we could go.
Nephew: How long is this going to take?
Yoshke: Like usual. Less than an hour.
Nephew: (sad face) Why do we have to go through this?
Yoshke: We just need to.
Nephew: Why?
Yoshke: Because you won’t be allowed to enter Enchanted Kingdom without listening to the priest telling you that you have sinned.
Nephew: Why?
Yoshke: Because!
Nephew: Why?!?! (just about to throw tantrums)
Yoshke: You see that lady <points to a figure of Mama Mary in front of the church>. Well, that’s Our Lady of Enchanted Kingdom! If you don’t stay here longer, she’ll know. You won’t like that.

He behaved like an angel.

(more…)

SM Megamall

Andre, Shy Guy and I were walking around looking for a place to have dinner at when we passed by Petit Monde. The store’s facade is covered with huge posters of Carmen Soo.

Yoshke: Nagagandahan ba kayo kay Carmen Soo?
Shy Guy: Oo. OK lang. Bakit, ikaw?
Yoshke: Oo naman. Ikaw, Andre?
Andre: Oo namaaan. Iba kasi eh. Simpleng ganda lang. Parang… parang… parang ako.

Hala. Maganda daw sya!

Trinoma

Days after the Carmen Soo incident, Andre and I found ourselves in Trinoma. I forgot why we were there (but I swear it wasn’t bird-watching). Anyway, this time, we passed by Bench where a poster showcasing the buffed physique and nakaka-ihing sex appeal ni Gerald Anderson in a sleeveless shirt, his hands under his head, his armpits exposed.

Andre: (squeezing may left shoulder) Gaaaaaah. Eeeeeeh.
Yoshke: O ano na naman?
Andre: Ang sarap naman ng kili-kili ni Gerald… Parang gusto ko dun tumira…

Go lang! Tumira ka sa kili-kili ni Gerald Anderson! Hindi kita pipigilan!

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Note: I originally wrote this for crunkish.com, a superduper fun website that features top 10 whatever things. If you wanna check it out, knock yourself out.

The most difficult part of being gay is coming out. We can’t deny the fact that homosexuals are still being looked down to no matter how good they have been all their lives. Every homosexual hiding in his/her closet is afraid of the horror, betrayal, disgust or ridicule that their loved ones could feel once they revealed their true sexuality. That’s why many choose to keep their true colors to themselves, away from excruciating scrutiny of the people around them.

On the other hand, many decide to stand up, assert their rights as individuals and face the world as their true selves — no insecurities, no pretensions, and no regrets. But coming out is really not the easiest thing to do. If you think telling your close friend that every single cell in your body longs for the same sex, imagine confessing to the people who brought you up and supported you since birth — your parents.

Yes, difficulty is doubled when it comes to family members especially to parents. It is for this reason that many choose to come out once they have moved out of their parents house to avoid conflict and confrontation. Others, however, opt to walk the brave path and strive to be loved for what they are right here, right now.

If you’re one of these people and you desperately need a good way to tell your parents you’re gay, here are nine suggestions that may want to consider.

WARNING: Some are stereotypical while others must NOT be taken seriously. And oh, I haven’t come out to my parents myself. There goes my credibility. Haha.

9. “I’m coming out!”

No, you won’t say that out of the blue while attending a church service. Choose a time when your family are having the time of their lives. For example, while you are having a little karaoke party, surprise them with this song. All you need is to sing that title line and let your melody speak for itself. This way, you do not just reveal your sexuality, you also had fun in the process.

…

8. “Dad, have you seen ‘Brokeback Mountain?’”

If music isn’t your thing, try movies. Films are an excellent instrument to come out. Invite your family to enjoy a movie marathon with you at home. The movies you should choose are those with “coming out” scenes. Every time this scene appears, make a provocative comment. If in the scene, the great revelation leads to a happy ending, say, “I wish it ends up that way with me.” Otherwise, mumble, “I hope that doesn’t happen to me.”

If that’s too much of a shocker for you, watch “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” instead. Of course, it’s not a gay film but it can be an good tool in performing your stint. Just when the characters in the movie are coming out of the closet, say something like, “It must feel good to come out of the closet.” Don’t forget to release a heavy, deep sigh after that statement.

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