Someone’s Moving to Isabela
This post is going to be short. I’m in a hurry.
Last week, one of my friends posted this video on Facebook and it’s just so hilarious that I want to share this with all of you. When I saw that it was 7 minutes long, I thought I would not be able to finish watching it but these two guys are just so fun to watch.
This is a video of Turock (Tory) and Jason who have been running a taxi in Isabela, Philippines over the past year. They are Americans who lost their jobs in their homeland and decided to move to the Philippines and start a new job — taxi service. This video was shot last year and it is a short documentation of their very first run.
Their taxi runs from Isabela all the way to Cagayan. According to the description of this YouTube video: Their route starts in Santiago but makes stops in Alicia, Cauayan, Ilagan and Tuguegarao. And they only charge P30 per trip.
So, here’s the video:
I’m not sure whether what made me watch the whole thing was curiosity or lust. Aren’t they cute? And lovely? And funny? I’m in love. Haha.
Yoshke is Evil | The Guard in our Building
I am a good person. At least I think so. I always believe in the good in people. I have faith in a person’s goodness until he proves otherwise. I think I’m kind. I think I’m compassionate. I think I’m helpful. I mean, unlike some people, I wanted to become a diplomat because I actually, genuinely, sincerely, honestly believe in peace and that I had something to contribute to promote it. I donate to charity twice a year. I stand by my friends. I make sure things are fair as far as I could. I like goodwill. So yeah, I think I’m a good person.
Usually, that is.
Sometimes, I question it. Yeah, especially at rare times when I’m orchestrating my plans for revenge retributon justice. Or at rare times I sin in the name of equality or fairness. Or at times I just want to make fun of something… or someone. Or when I scream “Bitch” at a stranger in a very public place. But that’s about it, nothing harmful. Haha.
But there have been a few occasions where I doubted my goodness. I mean really doubted it. They say we all have an evil bone inside of us. And now, the following few posts are some incidents in which I felt that it was the only bone I have left. Here’s the first installment of the “Yoshke is Evil” series.
THE GUARD IN OUR BUILDING
I moved in to my condo building more than a year ago. In my first few months living here, there was a particular guard stationed at the entrance of our tower always blocked me from entering, asking for my ID and the my unit number. In the first several days, I let it go. After all, it was normal. But then, months into my contract, he still continued doing it and it had become the most annoying thing.
Top 20 Funniest Filipino Like Pages on Facebook | Part 2
In May 2010, I posted the first half of my list of the 20 funniest Pinoy like pages on Facebook. Two months later, I think it’s high time to post the other half. I actually forgot about it, LOL.
Again, this list is personal. This is a list of Filipino fan pages that cracked me up big time. If your favorite pages were not able to make this list, comment and post the link so I could check it out and come up with another compilation.
If you missed the first part of this list, you can find it here. So here we go.
WINNER!!! Haha. This was probably the first Pinoy statement fan page that I came across with. Well, it’s true but I don’t really see anything wrong with it. I love that Filipinos now love photography with a passion. It’s better that most of us is into the arts than drugs. But yeah, it’s funny.
9. HINDI PORKE TAGA-ABS-CBN AKO, PWEDE KITANG IPASOK SA SHOWTIME, WOWOWEE AT ASAP!
I find this funny because I have a lot of friends working with ABS-CBN and this is usually what they complain about. LOL. I spend most of my internship days at ABS-CBN (Star Cinema to be specific) and yeah, when people hear you work for ABS, they ask you for these things. I guess it happens to GMA7 employees, too.
8. Nag-Group Message ka pa isa lang naman gusto mong magreply
Lahat ng guilty, taas ang kamay! Yun lang. Hahahahahahaha. Syet, ang haba nung tawa ko.
Meron pang kunyari eh group message pero isang tao lang naman yung tinext. O kaya eh kunyari wrong send pero sinadya naman talaga. O kaya kunyari may school-related na itatanong gusto lang naman lumandi. UMAMIN NA!!!
Eh ano naman, walang pakialamanan. Haha. Tinamaan daw? LOL
How to Kill Cockroaches the Funny Way
My college friends and I used to have a barkada forum and a blog. We used to post there absolutely anything that we could think of. Simple things like our dreams. Crazy things like our own dictionary. And weird things like how we prefer to kill cockroaches when we see one.
image courtesy of www.lifehackery.com
One of my college friends called my attention to a certain blog post we posted back in the day. I’d actually forgotten about it already. But now that I’m reading it again, I just can’t help laughing. And I’m sharing it with you. However, I apologize to all my Pinoy readers as some parts are in Tagalog and I kept it that way. Translating it would just ruin it.
HOW TO TORTURE AN IPIS
by Pam Condeno
1. Pour Green Cross alcohol.
2. Get encyclopedia and drop it right on the target. Make sure it finds itself in a very AWKWARD situation where it will render itself confused, disturbed, and a bit in a vertigo state.
3. Make sure when it flies, you have an alcohol with you and swish it to make it pilay.
HOW TO KILL IPIS (especially with wings)
by KZ Ottara
1. Camouflage with the wall
2. Grab a slipper
3. ATTACK!!!
4. Step on the slipper to make piga
5. LEAVE OVERNIGHT FOR MORE FLAVOR!
HOW TO KILL COCKROACHES IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE HOUSE
by Reen Ladignon
1. Slam foot on ipis. (Said foot should be wearing a shoe or slipper.)
2. If ipis is on wall, take off shoe or slipper and make sapak the ipis.
3. If ipis is on kisame, get walis and swish at the ipis to make it fall down. Then proceed to number 1 or 2.
4. If Reen sees ipis while she is washing dishes outside their house, then she makes squirt-squirt it with dishwashing liquid and pours the dirty water on it. See them scatter. If ipis crawls near the hand, grab the nearest kawali and slap it on the ipis. Do nothing if it crawls down the drain.
5. If ipis is flying, grab a Baygon can and spray mercilessly towards the ipis. You will be momentarily disgusted at seeing the legs of the ipis in all their glory nearing toward you—but then you will soon have the satisfaction seeing the ipis make gewang-gewang as it falls to the ground.
All done while screaming like a headless chicken.
Who Ate the Tiramisu?
I don’t think I’ll ever forget this story.
When we were in senior year, my college friends and I just loved staying at my friend Ayn’s place. The house is along Banawe St. in Quezon City and it was our favorite place to just chill-out, study, work on our group projects, shoot films, and just kill time. We always went there in a group.
image courtesy of Lis Parsons of www.dailymail.co.uk
Why that place? Because it’s so big with seven rooms, far from buzzkill neighbors, the design is ideal for parties, and the best of all, NO PARENTS. Ayn lives with only her sister, who is the type who asks you, “Hey, when is your next party here? I have some spare beer in the fridge.” That’s the kind of sister you wanna have.
Anyway, one time, Ayn was telling us the WHOLE DAY about the cake she had at home. Being someone who is allergic to anything (or anyone) sweet, Ayn offered, “Guys, we have tiramisu at home. You might want to come over and have some. It’s just me and the maid at home these days and we can’t possibly devour it all.”
As much as we’d love to make love with her tiramisu, her house was just too far from the university. It’s a nice place to party but you won’t really drive or commute all the way to that other end of the city just to have cake, when there’s a bakeshop in Philcoa. Besides, it was thesis season. Everyone was a worker bee.
So no one really went over to Ayn’s place and touched that tiramisu. Poor cake.
A week passed and while all of us were killing time, thinking of something to do, somebody teased Ayn that maybe she had another tiramisu cake that she would love to share since we were not busy anymore.
“Funny you mentioned it,” Ayn said. “It was just so weird. A few days ago, I was gonna have tiramisu so I opened the ref but was shocked to find there was none of it left. So I asked Ate Tessie. I asked her where the cake was. She said that one of my friends ate it.”
Sundays with the Promil Kid
Guess who’s back! I’m finding it hard to blog about my nephew, the Promil Kid, lately because I rarely see him. He’s staying at my parents’ house in Batangas and I only go there once a month. Anyway, enjoy.
image courtesy of www.cartoonfaces.net
AGNOSTIC KID
The Promil Kid is in a difficult identity situation right now. And years from now, it will require a big decision. You see, his mother (my sister) is a Roman Catholic while his dad is INC (Iglesia ni Cristo). So he goes to church twice a week. I’m agnostic so I couldn’t care less. One time, I was preparing breakfast when he walked in to the kitchen and had a small chat with me.
Yoshke: Where are you going?
Promil Kid: I’m going to church.
Yoshke: But I thought you already went yesterday.
Promil Kid: That was Mommy’s church. Now it’s time for Dad’s church.
Yoshke: Aah, I see.
Promil Kid: Tito, what’s your church?
Yoshke: I don’t have one.
Promil Kid: Huh? Why not?
Yoshke: I’m agnostic. I don’t go to church.
Promil Kid: You’re what?
Yoshke: AG-NOS-TIC
Promil Kid: So in your church, you don’t have to go to church?
Yoshke: Yes.
The Promil Kid then walked away, proceeded to the living area and sat down on the couch. He just stayed there. Minutes later, her mom came down from her room and found him there.
His Mommy: Oh, why are you still here? Your Dad’s waiting for you outside!
Promil Kid: I don’t want to go anymore!
His Mommy: Why not?
Promil Kid: I’m agnostic.
I was already eating my pancakes when my sister threw me a what-the-fuck-did-you-just-tell-him look. “Well, he asked,” I said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly.
Top 20 Funniest Filipino Statement Fan Pages on Facebook | Part 1
Before anything else, thanks to all who liked, shared and commented on my Top 10 Funniest Facebook Fan Pages list (click here to read). I have been receiving requests to feature more so here’s another list of hilarious fan or like pages on Facebook. But this time, let’s get local.
There are thousands of Tagalog statement fan pages on Facebook today. In fact there are over 500 fan pages related to Jejemon alone, so you can just imagine how many you can find non-Jejemon-related. Some are funny, some are pointless, some were set up just so that the creator would have one. Haha.
Anyway, here are the first part of this list.
20. Badtrip ako sa mga guard na pabubukas pa ung bag, tutusukin lang naman!
I super-mega-ultra-uber agree! Haha. This is the second time these wizarding guards make it to a Yoshke.com list. When I enumerated the Top 18 Most Annoying Types of People, these guards opened the chart. So allow me to just quote myself, “I don’t know about other countries, but here in the Philippines, we have a lot of security guards who really do magic. What am I talking about? Well, these guards are those stationed at the entrance to the mall or train station. What’s really magical is they just point their “wands” to your bag, a little flick and voila! You’re bomb-free! And when something happens, like a bombing or something, the management claims they perform security measures thoroughly. Thoroughly, my ass.”
19. ANG MGA KAIBIGAN KO AY PARANG LATA!!! MAINGAY PERO ATLEAST HINDI PLASTIC
This one just made me crack up big time. Well, to the creator, good for you! LOL. I’d rather have a bunch of noisy friends than a bunch of fake ones.
Top 10 Funniest Facebook Fan Pages | Batch 1
The advent of Facebook gave the other social networking sites a run for their money. Facebook is just so awesome. I’ve been on Facebook since 2007 and I liked the idea that it does not allow users to personalize the design of the interface. That’s why I left Myspace and Friendster, my friends’ profiles starting to get all messed up that it annoyed me to death.
But because Facebook does not enable users to personalize their user profile interface, I thought it would hinder its population’s creativity. But Facebook fan pages provide just that — an avenue through which users can express their imagination, wit and humor.
So here we go, here are the top 10 funniest fan pages on Facebook that I found.
10. Pandas are the least racist animal. They’re black, white AND asian!
1,587,570 people like this
I love pandas! But I never really thought about the idea of it being black and white and Asian until this fan page! LOL. Sadly, Facebook took away the creator’s publishing rights! Bad, bad! So now it’s a fan page with virtually no engagement. Would’ve been awesome.
9. I dont care about your farm, or your fish, or your park, or your mafia!!!
6,015,966 people like this
“We also DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR CAFE, ZOO, OR YOUR SORORITY! Wait, WHAT?!?!?!?! PETVILL?!?!?!?! ENOUGH OF THE FLIPPIN VILLS IN GENERAL,” adds the creator of the fan page.
True, it gets annoying sometimes. But as a social media specialist, I understand why Farmville, Yoville, Mafia Wars and whatever encourage people to post their updates, progress and screenshots on their wall. Obviously, they’re going for virality. But I won’t blame other people who gets irked.
Mother Like No Other
So I spent my weekend with my family in Batangas. God, if you’re complaining it’s hot here in Manila, it’s way hotter over there. There was never a moment I didn’t agree with Thomas Edison that genius is 99% perspiration. Good thing there was too much food back there, I was always gorging on something — watermelons, green mangoes, buko, ice cream, name it.
It’d been a month since I last visited our house in Batangas but a lot had changed already. One of them was our living room.
My mom bought a sala set two months ago. She fell in love with these brown couches instantly when they dropped by a local furniture store that she bought it without thinking. Satisfied with her purchase, she went home and waited for arrival of her new sala set.
When the set was delivered, however, she realized it was too big for our living area. WAAAY TOO BIG. But she really wanted this set, so screw the little space we have! She did not bother to change her order. So we had a sala set bigger than our sala.
When I arrived, I immediately criticized her impulse buying stint and declared that our sala was officially ugly. Or as the promil kid would say it, “hideous.”
The Writings on the Wall | Funny Posters around the Philippines
Sometimes when we feel so alone and sad, all we need to do is look around us. Many times, the things that will make us happy and forget all our problems for a moment are just around the corner, written or posted on a wall somewhere.
I was organizing my gallery when I stumbled upon some old photos that really made me ROTL. I took these pictures at different places across the country and with the intention of blogging about them but they kind of slipped my mind. Good thing I love organizing files in my laptop.
PLEASE BEAR WITH US LITERALLY
First up, there’s a building being constructed near Shangri-La’s Chi spa in Mandaluyong. My friends and I were passing by on the way to El Pueblo when we noticed this very cute advisory. Loveth.
TOUCH ME NOT
The next picture was taken at a souvenir shop in Vigan.
In case you can’t read what’s written in the picture, it says, “H’wag hawakan, LUMALAKI.” (Do not touch. Grows bigger when touched.)
Nice. Because of that, I bought one. Kidding.
ABOUT YOSHKE
On May 31, 1985, tragedy struck when 41 tornadoes hit Canada and the US, leaving 76 people dead. At the same time, a doomed couple in the Philippines were having the best orgasms of their lives. Nine months (280 days) later, a healthy baby boy was brought into this world by normal delivery. That was exactly a week before Microsoft had its initial public offering.
Today, Yoshke Dimen resides independently in Mandaluyong City. He got a degree in Film from an overrated university in Diliman but is now pursuing a career in Social Media.
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