A Break-up Letter


I never expected I'd be writing you this letter. We've had six years of wonderful memories but I'm afraid it had come to the Read more

Welcome to the New Yoshke.com


New look. New attitude. New experiences. Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had Read more

Sometimes We Burn to Live


Whenever I meet people for the first time, it always happens. When they start their sentence with "I hope you don't mind me asking but," Read more

Judging By the Cover


Our office is just a stone's throw from where I live. In fact, all I have to do is cross EDSA and voila, hello Read more

Fireworks, Hormones, and this Blog Post


You remember last week when I told you I found it difficult to blog since I met you? Since we became a couple officially, Read more

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?


Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest Read more

Unusual Breakfast


Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I'm getting tired of this Read more

Top 10 National Stereotypes


Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by Read more

EDSA


It could have been a horrible Saturday. I was in the passenger seat. It was a bit raining. Normally, EDSA gets on my nerves. That's why Read more

Why Nursery Rhymes Are So Violent


A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly Read more

Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex


Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two Read more

The Promil Kid Drops the Bomb


Of all the living things created by God, I love my nephew the most. I call him the Promil Kid. He’s the cutest thing. Read more

••••••

Humor

Top 10 Embarrassing Travel Experiences to Avoid

Posted on November 30, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Lists, Travel |

Murphy’s Law doesn’t care about you. Murphy can get you anywhere, anytime. He doesn’t care whether you’re at home, at work or having the time of your life while traveling. Unfortunate events may hit you and ultimately ruin your supposedly relaxing day. So it’s better to be prepared even when traveling — especially when traveling.

image courtesy of dailytelegraph.co.au

Last week, we asked our fans at PhilippineBeaches.org Facebook like page for their most embarrassing experiences while on a trip and we received hundreds of responses. Some of them are really hilarious I just have to feature them on my blog. So here are the top 10 embarrassing things that may happen to you while on a trip.

10. INTERNAL ISSUES

And by “internal,” I mean those that happen inside our bodies, particularly “digestion.” This happens to me all the time. I eat a lot and I love trying local delicacies, including street foods. And so this always happens. Fortunately, I have never experienced any intestine-related embarrassments.

It may be a simple case of farting…

Marife: my small brother loudly and verbally accused me of not controlling the release of my fart, just when the plane was already taxiing… when infact, he is the one who farted… on PR flight from manila bound to aklan, going to boracay… i was 23 y/o that time and he was like 7 or 8…

Or something more severe…

Ligaya: San Juanico Bridge, cant 4get bout it. Vehicles r not alowed to stop n middle of d bridge, so we decided to take a walk instead and do picture taking. Nung nasa kalagitnaan na kami, biglang nag.iba ang timpla ng tyan ko kasi nga mahangin di…n. Ang haba kaya ng bridge,. Talagang nawala poise ko sa kakalakad-takbo, pigil sa nag.aarburoto kung tiyan, muntik nakong bumigay. Tawa lang nga tawa iba kung insan. Buti nalang may nagmagandang loob at pinayagan ako gumamit ng banyo nla. Tapos nun, balik uli ako pikchur taking. Hahahaha wapak! O_o

Daniel: My friend had eaten a hotdog from street vendor at Clark airport, then we boarded the small zest air plane to boracay, half way on route, my friend felt the urge to poo, he very quickly got up and ran to the rear of the plane to use the toi…let, but then realised there was no toilet on board, it was just cargo area, but he could not control himself and made a lot of mess in he’s underwear. The plane was very mabaho, even the pilots were holding there noses, and 2 women passengers had sick bags over their mouths. He has never eaten street food since!

Diatabs is the answer!

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Remembering ‘Iisa Pa Lamang’

Posted on November 10, 2010 by Yoshke in Celebrities, Entertainment, Humor, TV |

At any given time, I am hooked to one, just one, teleserye. Right now, it’s Imortal. Before that, it was Magkaribal. And as I was looking back, trying to remember other teleseryes that got my eyes glued to the boobtube (Tayong Dalawa, Maging Sino Ka Man, Lobo, Kay Tagal Kang Hinintay, Kung Mawawala Ka, Pangako Sa’Yo), I felt like I missed something. I spent minutes trying to figure it out and at last it dawned on me.

It’s been over two years since the conclusion of teleserye Iisa Pa Lamang. It wouldn’t be on my list of the best drama series but it is definitely one of the most unforgettable. This show caught the attention of many for the great performances of its cast. It was Gabby Concepcion’s first teleserye and Claudine Barretto’s comeback.

But more than the cast, I think what really made this program successful was its writing. Although the plot was cliche and formulaic, the lines were such a breath of fresh air on Philippine TV. They were witty and really hard-hitting. It was one of those shows in which I did not care about what would happen in the story but I was always looking forward to what the characters had to say.

Three women ruled the cast — Claudine Barretto, Angelica Panganiban and Cherry Pie Picache. Since Iisa Pa Lamang closed, a lot had happened to these three great actresses. Claudine switched networks and is now with GMA7. Cherry Pie got more and more interesting roles. Angelica Panganiban proved to be one of the most versatile actresses in the industry, paving the way for her first lead role Rubi. She even won Best Villain for this role.

Anyway, here are some of the most memorable lines from Iisa Pa Lamang. Starting with this scene in which Katherine (Claudine) and Scarlet (Angelica) is having a catfight. Thank God the rift between Angelica and Claudine in real life didn’t come to something like this! One YouTuber put some “bekimon” subtitles. Really funny.

Here are some more lines that made me go whoah, and then whoah, and then WHOAH!

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The Other Promil Kids

Posted on October 29, 2010 by Yoshke in Conversations, Family, Friends, Humor |

I have been receiving a lot of emails about the Promil Kid from my readers. If only my nephew could blog, I think he would create his own (which is just right since he has been outshining me here on MY OWN blog, LOL). Or, when he reaches the right age, he’ll ask for his share of whatever I earn from this blog (which he will never get).

Anyway, whenever my friends and I meet, they always ask how my nephew is doing or whether there will be any Promil Kid posts anytime soon. See, he’s stealing my friends, too! That kid is evil! And the worst part is, he doesn’t know it!

Most of the time, my friends would also tell me stories about the little children in their lives. You see, most of us know a Promil Kid. It may not be my nephew but I’m sure you know a smart, know-a-hell-of-a-lot kid. And I never get tired of listening to stories about clever, cute and sometimes rude toddlers! Here are some of them.

PROMIL KIDS ARE VISUAL AND BLUNT.

Mind you, visual + blunt isn’t really a pleasant combination. Take my friend Dane’s little sister for example. A couple of years ago, at the start of classes, her mother came to class only to find out that the little girl was not there. Panicking, she looked for her all over the area and found her in another Kindergarten class. Asked why she was there, the evil kid answered, “Eh kasi yung katabi ko, tulo yung uhog! Kadiri!”

She was brought back to her original class.

The next day, the exact same thing happened. She was missing and they found her  in the other class. My friend’s mother said, “Di ba sabi ko sa’yo, dun ka sa kabilang room? Bakit andito ka?”

The girl responded, “Eh kasi yung teacher ko AMPANGET!!!”

PROMIL KIDS ARE REALISTIC!

Don’t ever mess up their reality! One day, the little sister of one of my friends was having a Science exam. The teacher specifically instructed the children to color living things brown and non-living things yellow.

This Promil Kid went home with one mistake, something that she could not accept. She was pissed.

When her mother checked where she went wrong, she realized that the girl colored the grass green and not brown.

“Bakit mo kinulayan na green? Sabi sa directions, pag living things, kulayan ng brown!”

The kid answered, “Eh sa kulay green yung grass ko eh! Pinipilit nyo ko na kulayan ng brown eh kulay green naman talaga yung grass!”

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THE “Relaks, Puso Lang ‘Yan, Malayo sa Bituka” PLANNER 2011

Posted on October 26, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Reviews, Whatnots |

Remember when I featured the crazy project that my friends were selling last year? The I-was-supposed-to-get-that-coffeehouse-planner-but-I-got-fat-and-broke-on-the-10th-frappe planner? Well, it sold like hotcakes. Thanks to all of you who got your copies. Especially those who bought tons of copies!

This year, Tonet and Chinggay are at it again! They now call themselves Witty Will Save the World, Co and this time, they are going hopeless romantic!!!

From the crazy girls who brought you the I-was-supposed-to-get-that-coffeehouse-planner-but-I-got-fat-and-broke-on-the-10th-frappe planner, presenting this year’s perfect Christmas gift. (Click on the image to enlarge.)

Above is the cover art. It’s 6″x6″ hardcover, springbound.

Below is one of the first pages. A disclaimer.

I’m telling you guys, this is the wittiest, funniest thing you can ever give or want to receive this Holiday Season! And I’m not saying that because they’re my friends. It’s just really hilarious! And to prove that, here’s a glance of the inside pages

It also comes with a LET GO MOVE ON tracker. Here are the pages of this very useful feature:

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3 Funny Call Videos on YouTube

Posted on September 17, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Videos |

What’s the last letter of the alphabet?

For one very special person in the world, it’s “Ek.” Move over, Z.

I stumbled upon this video on Facebook (a lot of my friends shared a link to this video). I was working, doing my usual Facebook monitoring and I decided to finally watch the video and find out exactly. Boy, I almost dried trying to hold my laughs. Seriously.

My favorite part, of course, was when they were going through the alphabet and they reached “Elemeno.” Also towards the end, “W X Y Z. And Ek.”

I’m not sure whether this is an actual call or somewhat fake but regardless, Kamakha Brekker, wherever you are, please give this guy a call.

After watching the video, I was reminded by another hilarious video on YouTube featuring 911 call by a little boy. Here it is:

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Dump Your Guy, Date Andre

Posted on September 9, 2010 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

The last time I featured Andre and his crazy antics on this blog was in December last year when I posted about Pasay City. A lot has changed since then. For starters, we are now working with the same company. And we’re not just officemates, we’re also in the same team. We’re also housemates. So you can just imagine how many doses of major major “crazy” I get from him every day.

Well, Andre is single. Very much so. And if you’re looking for a witty, brilliant, vibrant young guy who can brighten up your day with just a few words, Andre is for you. (OMG I sound like a pimp.) But hey, seriously, he’s a catch. And if you’re looking, drop a comment because he is looking, too. He has been looking. For a long time. Very long time. Very, very long time. Please guys, somebody just take him! It’s such a looong time already. LOL.

And much like the Promil Kid, Andre is actually a most-requested on this blog. So here’s a piece of him. Reasons why Andre is the perfect guy for you. Take it, take it. (Batteries Sold Separately.)

ANDRE IS CHARITABLE.

Andre and I were walking  to our apartment building when we spotted this goodlooking guy having lunch at a carinderia near our place. He squeezed my arm. (That’s a sign of Andre having a chuvachoo-choo moment. Not that chuvachoo-choo means love; it could be just libog for all we know.)

Andre: OMG, Yoshke. Look over there.
Yoshke: Yeah, he’s cute.
Andre: Eeeeeh.
Yoshke: But he’s kinda not your market. You know, social class-wise.
Andre: True. Pero di ba? Siya yung tipong OK lang saken. OK lang saken na gamitin nya ako. Parang gusto ko syang iahon sa kahirapan. Syeeet. Bibigyan ko sya ng pangkabuhayan showcase a la Wowowee!

ANDRE IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR OPPORTUNITIES

Shy Guy, Andre and I were having dinner when Shy Guy mentioned that from his office, they could see Jake Cuenca’s jaw dropping I-want-to-be-a-pair-of-briefs-someday billboard for Bench Uncut.

Shy Guy: Andre, di ba gusto mo si Jake Cuenca?
Andre: Haynaku, tinatanong pa ba yun?
Yoshke: Honga, eh di ba iniiyakan nya si Jake Cuenca.
Shy Guy: Matutuwa ka sa office namin. Mula sa cafeteria namin, kita namin yung billboard ni Jake Cuenca.
Andre: OMG OMG OMG! May job opening ba sa inyo? Kahit anong trabaho.
Yoshke: Haha, I thought you’re very happy with your job.
Andre: Eeeh, with Jake there, I could be happier!

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Someone’s Moving to Isabela

Posted on August 13, 2010 by Yoshke in Hotties, Humor, Videos, Web |

This post is going to be short. I’m in a hurry.

Last week, one of my friends posted this video on Facebook and it’s just so hilarious that I want to share this with all of you. When I saw that it was 7 minutes long, I thought I would not be able to finish watching it but these two guys are just so fun to watch.

This is a video of Turock (Tory) and Jason who have been running a taxi in Isabela, Philippines over the past year. They are Americans who lost their jobs in their homeland and decided to move to the Philippines and start a new job — taxi service. This video was shot last year and it is a short documentation of their very first run.

Their taxi runs from Isabela all the way to Cagayan. According to the description of this YouTube video: Their route starts in Santiago but makes stops in Alicia, Cauayan, Ilagan and Tuguegarao. And they only charge P30 per trip.

So, here’s the video:

I’m not sure whether what made me watch the whole thing was curiosity or lust. Aren’t they cute? And lovely? And funny? I’m in love. Haha.

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Yoshke is Evil | The Guard in our Building

Posted on August 2, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Personal Life, Rants |

I am a good person. At least I think so. I always believe in the good in people. I have faith in a person’s goodness until he proves otherwise. I think I’m kind. I think I’m compassionate. I think I’m helpful. I mean, unlike some people, I wanted to become a diplomat because I actually, genuinely, sincerely, honestly believe in peace and that I had something to contribute to promote it. I donate to charity twice a year. I stand by my friends. I make sure things are fair as far as I could. I like goodwill. So yeah, I think I’m a good person.

Usually, that is.

Sometimes, I question it. Yeah, especially at rare times when I’m orchestrating my plans for revenge retributon justice. Or at rare times I sin in the name of equality or fairness. Or at times I just want to make fun of something… or someone. Or when I scream “Bitch” at a stranger in a very public place. But that’s about it, nothing harmful. Haha.

But there have been a few occasions where I doubted my goodness. I mean really doubted it. They say we all have an evil bone inside of us. And now, the following few posts are some incidents in which I felt that it was the only bone I have left. Here’s the first installment of the “Yoshke is Evil” series.


THE GUARD IN OUR BUILDING

I moved in to my condo building more than a year ago. In my first few months living here, there was a particular guard stationed at the entrance of our tower who always blocked me from entering, asking for my ID and the my unit number. In the first several days, I let it go. After all, it was normal. But then, months into my contract, he still continued doing it and it had become the most annoying thing.

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Top 20 Funniest Filipino Like Pages on Facebook | Part 2

Posted on July 29, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Lists, Web |

In May 2010, I posted the first half of my list of the 20 funniest Pinoy like pages on Facebook. Two months later, I think it’s high time to post the other half. I actually forgot about it, LOL.

Again, this list is personal. This is a list of Filipino fan pages that cracked me up big time. If your favorite pages were not able to make this list, comment and post the link so I could check it out and come up with another compilation.

If you missed the first part of this list, you can find it here. So here we go.

10. HINDI PORKET MAY DSLR KA, PHOTOGRAPHER KA NA!

WINNER!!! Haha. This was probably the first Pinoy statement fan page that I came across with. Well, it’s true but I don’t really see anything wrong with it. I love that Filipinos now love photography with a passion. It’s better that most of us is into the arts than drugs. But yeah, it’s funny.

9. HINDI PORKE TAGA-ABS-CBN AKO, PWEDE KITANG IPASOK SA SHOWTIME, WOWOWEE AT ASAP!

I find this funny because I have a lot of friends working with ABS-CBN and this is usually what they complain about. LOL. I spend most of my internship days at ABS-CBN (Star Cinema to be specific) and yeah, when people hear you work for ABS, they ask you for these things. I guess it happens to GMA7 employees, too.

8. Nag-Group Message ka pa isa lang naman gusto mong magreply

Lahat ng guilty, taas ang kamay! Yun lang. Hahahahahahaha. Syet, ang haba nung tawa ko.

Meron pang kunyari eh group message pero isang tao lang naman yung tinext. O kaya eh kunyari wrong send pero sinadya naman talaga. O kaya kunyari may school-related na itatanong gusto lang naman lumandi. UMAMIN NA!!!

7. Ang Hilig Mo Sa Gwapo/Maganda… Ang PANGIT Mo Naman!

Eh ano naman, walang pakialamanan. Haha. Tinamaan daw? LOL

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How to Kill Cockroaches the Funny Way

Posted on July 10, 2010 by Yoshke in How To, Humor, University |

My college friends and I used to have a barkada forum and a blog. We used to post there absolutely anything that we could think of. Simple things like our dreams. Crazy things like our own dictionary. And weird things like how we prefer to kill cockroaches when we see one.

image courtesy of www.lifehackery.com

One of my college friends called my attention to a certain blog post we posted back in the day. I’d actually forgotten about it already. But now that I’m reading it again, I just can’t help laughing. And I’m sharing it with you. However, I apologize to all my Pinoy readers as some parts are in Tagalog and I kept it that way. Translating it would just ruin it.

HOW TO TORTURE AN IPIS
by Pam Condeno

1. Pour Green Cross alcohol.

2. Get encyclopedia and drop it right on the target. Make sure it finds itself in a very AWKWARD situation where it will render itself confused, disturbed, and a bit in a vertigo state.

3. Make sure when it flies, you have an alcohol with you and swish it to make it pilay.

HOW TO KILL IPIS (especially with wings)
by KZ Ottara

1. Camouflage with the wall

2. Grab a slipper

3. ATTACK!!!

4. Step on the slipper to make piga

5. LEAVE OVERNIGHT FOR MORE FLAVOR!

HOW TO KILL COCKROACHES IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE HOUSE
by Reen Ladignon

1. Slam foot on ipis. (Said foot should be wearing a shoe or slipper.)

2. If ipis is on wall, take off shoe or slipper and make sapak the ipis.

3. If ipis is on kisame, get walis and swish at the ipis to make it fall down. Then proceed to number 1 or 2.

4. If Reen sees ipis while she is washing dishes outside their house, then she makes squirt-squirt it with dishwashing liquid and pours the dirty water on it. See them scatter. If ipis crawls near the hand, grab the nearest kawali and slap it on the ipis. Do nothing if it crawls down the drain.

5. If ipis is flying, grab a Baygon can and spray mercilessly towards the ipis. You will be momentarily disgusted at seeing the legs of the ipis in all their glory nearing toward you—but then you will soon have the satisfaction seeing the ipis make gewang-gewang as it falls to the ground.

All done while screaming like a headless chicken.

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