A Break-up Letter


I never expected I'd be writing you this letter. We've had six years of wonderful memories but I'm afraid it had come to the Read more

Welcome to the New Yoshke.com


New look. New attitude. New experiences. Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had Read more

Sometimes We Burn to Live


Whenever I meet people for the first time, it always happens. When they start their sentence with "I hope you don't mind me asking but," Read more

Judging By the Cover


Our office is just a stone's throw from where I live. In fact, all I have to do is cross EDSA and voila, hello Read more

Fireworks, Hormones, and this Blog Post


You remember last week when I told you I found it difficult to blog since I met you? Since we became a couple officially, Read more

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?


Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest Read more

Unusual Breakfast


Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I'm getting tired of this Read more

Top 10 National Stereotypes


Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by Read more

EDSA


It could have been a horrible Saturday. I was in the passenger seat. It was a bit raining. Normally, EDSA gets on my nerves. That's why Read more

Why Nursery Rhymes Are So Violent


A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly Read more

Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex


Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two Read more

The Promil Kid Drops the Bomb


Of all the living things created by God, I love my nephew the most. I call him the Promil Kid. He’s the cutest thing. Read more

••••••

Humor

Who Ate the Tiramisu?

Posted on July 6, 2010 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor, Mysteries, University |

I don’t think I’ll ever forget this story.

When we were in senior year, my college friends and I just loved staying at my friend Ayn’s place. The house is along Banawe St. in Quezon City and it was our favorite place to just chill-out, study, work on our group projects, shoot films, and just kill time. We always went there in a group.

image courtesy of Lis Parsons of www.dailymail.co.uk

Why that place? Because it’s so big with seven rooms, far from buzzkill neighbors, the design is ideal for parties, and the best of all, NO PARENTS. Ayn lives with only her sister, who is the type who asks you, “Hey, when is your next party here? I have some spare beer in the fridge.” That’s the kind of sister you wanna have.

Anyway, one time, Ayn was telling us the WHOLE DAY about the cake she had at home. Being someone who is allergic to anything (or anyone) sweet, Ayn offered, “Guys, we have tiramisu at home. You might want to come over and have some. It’s just me and the maid at home these days and we can’t possibly devour it all.“

As much as we’d love to make love with her tiramisu, her house was just too far from the university. It’s a nice place to party but you won’t really drive or commute all the way to that other end of the city just to have cake, when there’s a  bakeshop in Philcoa. Besides, it was thesis season. Everyone was a worker bee.

So no one really went over to Ayn’s place and touched that tiramisu. Poor cake.

A week passed and while all of us were killing time, thinking of something to do, somebody teased Ayn that maybe she had another tiramisu cake that she would love to share since we were not busy anymore.

“Funny you mentioned it,” Ayn said. “It was just so weird. A few days ago, I was gonna have tiramisu so I opened the ref but was shocked to find there was none of it left. So I asked Ate Tessie. I asked her where the cake was. She said that one of my friends ate it.“

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Sundays with the Promil Kid

Posted on June 27, 2010 by Yoshke in Conversations, Family, Humor |

Guess who’s back! I’m finding it hard to blog about my nephew, the Promil Kid, lately because I rarely see him. He’s staying at my parents’ house in Batangas and I only go there once a month. Anyway, enjoy.

image courtesy of www.cartoonfaces.net

AGNOSTIC KID

The Promil Kid is in a difficult identity situation right now. And years from now, it will require a big decision. You see, his mother (my sister) is a Roman Catholic while his dad is INC (Iglesia ni Cristo). So he goes to church twice a week. I’m agnostic so I couldn’t care less. One time, I was preparing breakfast when he walked in to the kitchen and had a small chat with me.

Yoshke: Where are you going?
Promil Kid: I’m going to church.
Yoshke: But I thought you already went yesterday.
Promil Kid: That was Mommy’s church. Now it’s time for Dad’s church.
Yoshke: Aah, I see.
Promil Kid: Tito, what’s your church?
Yoshke: I don’t have one.
Promil Kid: Huh? Why not?
Yoshke: I’m agnostic. I don’t go to church.
Promil Kid: You’re what?
Yoshke: AG-NOS-TIC
Promil Kid: So in your church, you don’t have to go to church?
Yoshke: Yes.

The Promil Kid then walked away, proceeded to the living area and sat down on the couch. He just stayed there. Minutes later, her mom came down from her room and found him there.

His Mommy: Oh, why are you still here? Your Dad’s waiting for you outside!
Promil Kid: I don’t want to go anymore!
His Mommy: Why not?
Promil Kid: I’m agnostic.

I was already eating my pancakes when my sister threw me a what-the-fuck-did-you-just-tell-him look.  “Well, he asked,” I said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly.

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Top 20 Funniest Filipino Statement Fan Pages on Facebook | Part 1

Posted on May 26, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Lists, Web |

Before anything else, thanks to all who liked, shared and commented on my Top 10 Funniest Facebook Fan Pages list (click here to read). I have been receiving requests to feature more so here’s another list of hilarious fan or like pages on Facebook. But this time, let’s get local.

There are thousands of Tagalog statement fan pages on Facebook today. In fact there are over 500 fan pages related to Jejemon alone, so you can just imagine how many you can find non-Jejemon-related. Some are funny, some are pointless, some were set up just so that the creator would have one. Haha.

Anyway, here are the first part of this list.

20. Badtrip ako sa mga guard na pabubukas pa ung bag, tutusukin lang naman!

I super-mega-ultra-uber agree! Haha. This is the second time these wizarding guards make it to a Yoshke.com list. When I enumerated the Top 18 Most Annoying Types of People, these guards opened the chart. So allow me to just quote myself, “I don’t know about other countries, but here in the Philippines, we have a lot of security guards who really do magic. What am I talking about? Well, these guards are those stationed at the entrance to the mall or train station. What’s really magical is they just point their “wands” to your bag, a little flick and voila! You’re bomb-free! And when something happens, like a bombing or something, the management claims they perform security measures thoroughly. Thoroughly, my ass.”

19. ANG MGA KAIBIGAN KO AY PARANG LATA!!! MAINGAY PERO ATLEAST HINDI PLASTIC :)

This one just made me crack up big time. Well, to the creator, good for you! LOL. I’d rather have a bunch of noisy friends than a bunch of fake ones.

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Top 10 Funniest Facebook Fan Pages | Batch 1

Posted on May 7, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Lists, Web, Whatnots |

The advent of Facebook gave the other social networking sites a run for their money. Facebook is just so awesome. I’ve been on Facebook since 2007 and I liked the idea that it does not allow users to personalize the design of the interface. That’s why I left Myspace and Friendster, my friends’ profiles starting to get all messed up that it annoyed me to death.

But because Facebook does not enable users to personalize their user profile interface, I thought it would hinder its population’s creativity. But Facebook fan pages provide just that — an avenue through which users can express their imagination, wit and humor.

So here we go, here are the top 10 funniest fan pages on Facebook that I found.

10. Pandas are the least racist animal. They’re black, white AND asian!

1,587,570 people like this

I love pandas! But I never really thought about the idea of it being black and white and Asian until this fan page! LOL. Sadly, Facebook  took away the creator’s publishing rights! Bad, bad! So now it’s a fan page with virtually no engagement. Would’ve been awesome.

9. I dont care about your farm, or your fish, or your park, or your mafia!!!

6,015,966 people like this

“We also DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR CAFE, ZOO, OR YOUR SORORITY! Wait, WHAT?!?!?!?! PETVILL?!?!?!?! ENOUGH OF THE FLIPPIN VILLS IN GENERAL,” adds the creator of the fan page.

True, it gets annoying sometimes. But as a social media specialist, I understand why Farmville, Yoville, Mafia Wars and whatever encourage people to post their updates, progress and screenshots on their wall. Obviously, they’re going for virality. But I won’t blame other people who gets irked.

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Mother Like No Other

Posted on April 26, 2010 by Yoshke in Conversations, Family, Humor |

So I spent my weekend with my family in Batangas. God, if you’re complaining it’s hot here in Manila, it’s way hotter over there. There was never a moment I didn’t agree with Thomas Edison that genius is 99% perspiration. Good thing there was too much food back there, I was always gorging on something — watermelons, green mangoes, buko, ice cream, name it.

It’d been a month since I last visited our house in Batangas but a lot had changed already. One of them was our living room.

My mom bought a sala set two months ago. She fell in love with these brown couches instantly when they dropped by a local furniture store that she bought it without thinking. Satisfied with her purchase, she went home and waited for arrival of her new sala set.

When the set was delivered, however, she realized it was too big for our living area. WAAAY TOO BIG. But she really wanted this set, so screw the little space we have! She did not bother to change her order. So we had a sala set bigger than our sala.

When I arrived, I immediately criticized her impulse buying stint and declared that our sala was officially ugly. Or as the promil kid would say it, “hideous.”

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The Writings on the Wall | Funny Posters around the Philippines

Posted on April 18, 2010 by Yoshke in Gay, Humor, Whatnots |

Sometimes when we feel so alone and sad, all we need to do is look around us. Many times, the things that will make us happy and forget all our problems for a moment are just around the corner, written or posted on a wall somewhere.

I was organizing my gallery when I stumbled upon some old photos that really made me ROTL. I took these pictures at different places across the country and  with the intention of blogging about them but they kind of slipped my mind. Good thing I love organizing files in my laptop.

PLEASE BEAR WITH US LITERALLY

First up, there’s a building being constructed near Shangri-La’s Chi spa in Mandaluyong. My friends and I were passing by on the way to El Pueblo when we noticed this very cute advisory. Loveth.

TOUCH ME NOT

The next picture was taken at a souvenir shop in Vigan.

In case you can’t read what’s written in the picture, it says, “H’wag hawakan, LUMALAKI.” (Do not touch. Grows bigger when touched.)

Nice. Because of that, I bought one. Kidding.

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I Tweet! Follow Me.

Posted on January 18, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Whatnots |

Before anything else, I’d like to thank Kevin, Vins, The Lady in Green Ruffles, Noah, and Jake for being the top commenters on this blog for 2009. Dahil dyan, may nagtext!

“Uy, ilibre mo naman kami one of these days bilang top commenters.”

Ay, DELETE! Sorry, blame my reflex. Wahaha!

…

So now let’s proceed to the real topic of this post — Twitter. I looooove Twitter so much better than Plurk. Plurk has its strengths but they don’t work for me. I have a Plurk account (Add me! Add me!) but its horizontal orientation drives me nuts.

Some say that the problem with Twitter is that it’s too simple. But I guess that’s exactly what made me a certified tweep — it’s simplicity. 140 characters. Linear. Simple. And not to mention it’s so flexible in terms of third-party applications.

Anyway, like always, when I’m running out of things to blog about, I just post my status messages here on my blog. So here are the things that ran through my head and kept me busy the past several days.

  1. Minsan pag nalulungkot ako, nanonood ako ng GMA7. Gumagaan kasi ang loob ko pag nakikitang may mas pangit pa pala sa buhay ko. -Gege, 2009 | about 1 hour ago
  2. Ampanget ng boyfriend ng ex-girlfriend ko. | about 13 hours ago
  3. has just finished watching THE HURT LOCKER and THE BLIND SIDE. The former is so powerful, the latter so Hollywood. | about 14 hours ago
  4. Dear Dick Gordon, I like you but the Silent Night jingle for your political ad is soooo last year. It’s 2010. Christmas is over. Move on. | 7:07 AM Jan 16th
  5. Mamatay na ang mga sumisingit sa pila! | 1:19 AM Jan 16th
  6. Tigilan ako ng Johann-Cathy-Hermes sh*t. Kaka-dinner ko lang. Ayoko masuka. #PBB |  6:34 AM Jan 15th
  7. Ang ganda ng smile ni Carla Abellana. I hope she quits acting and stick to what seems like the only thing she’s good at — smiling. | 6:05 AM Jan 14th
  8. RT @djmotwister: This just texted to me,gave me a bit of a laugh.Villar: Sipag at Tiyaga, Gibo: Galing at Talino, Noynoy: Mama at Papa. | 6:35 AM Jan 12th
  9. DAVID GUETTA music before going to sleep para upbeat ang gising. Wut? | 9:32 AM Jan 11th
  10. OMG. Suspended daw ang SHOWTIME ng 20 days??!? :( Dahil dyan, MAY NAGTEXT! Sabi, “Wahaha,” -Wilma Galvante. | 4:51 AM Jan 11th
  11. loved Sarah Geronimo’s performance of TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART on ASAP. :D | 12:38 AM Jan 10th
  12. Andre: Kaya pala maitim si Binay, kasi nasunugan sila nung bata siya. LOL! | 4:51 AM Jan 9th
  13. is craving for isaw from UP. But i don’t live in QC anymore. Too bad. | 1:06 AM Jan 9th
  14. Someone tried to insult me on my blog by slandering Muhammad. He thinks I’m a Muslim. When insulting me, insult me right. http://ow.ly/U91V | 2:33 AM Jan 8th
  15. Friday always brings this wonderful feeling of hope, relief. Friday is like the light at the end of the tunnel! Haha. | 2:20 AM Jan 8th
  16. My hubby is so cute, I don’t know what good I did to deserve him. Haha. | 5:02 AM Jan 7th
  17. It’s been 2 months since my Ilocos trip but i still have a pack of Vigan longanisa in my fridge. | 2:07 AM Jan 7th
  18. has the biggest pimple in the history of mankind. | 12:33 AM Jan 7th
  19. My tummy is bigger than my ego. And I’m telling you, my ego IS big. | 7:15 PM Jan 5th
  20. My nephew is beside me sleeping like a rock. Like a rock rolling down a volcano. Ang lakas humilik! | 8:58 AM Jan 3rd
  21. Mom is giving me another lecture on my excessive use of aircon in my room. She has to understand that i get hot easily. Whut? | 8:00 AM Jan 3rd
  22. has finished watching THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL remake on cable. It’s so ugly, it’s criminal. | 7:37 AM Jan 3rd
  23. I think I know why SHARON CUNETA is huge! Could she be stealing her daughters’ NIDO?! | 6:44 AM Dec 16th, 2009
  24. I spend more time with MS Powerpoint than my boyfriend. I should marry Powerpoint. We’ll have cute deck babies! Busy, busy Wednesday! | 11:38 PM Dec 15th, 2009
  25. I kinda miss the days when “lunch” is just lunch and not “working lunch.” Haha | 8:30 PM Dec 15th, 2009
  26. is at UP Cineastes’ Studio Alumni Homecoming. Direks Joyce Bernal & Cathy Garcia Moliina are here, too! | 7:48 AM Dec 12th, 2009

There. So my blog post for this week is covered. I may now go back to being busy. :P

And oh, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER! Also, post your Twitter usernames here and I will follow you. ;)


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And That’s the Bottom Line!

Posted on January 11, 2010 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

Here are some completely innocent statements but my friends’ dirty minds tell them otherwise.

SANAY NA

One very toxic night, I had been editing political ads on my laptop with my small marketing teammates at our apartment FOR HOURS. My friends Dohna, Dane, and Frances were sitting on the airbed while I was on the stairs facing a chair where the laptop was on. There was just no place in the mattress left so I had to sit on the bottom step of the staircase despite the discomfort.

Dohna grew concerned about my situation so she asked, “Yoshke, masakit ba?”

And without thinking, I replied, “Hindi naman. Sanay na ang pwet ko.”

Everyone burst into laughter. I meant I got used to being seated for hours.

PUMAPASOK

Frances, Dohna, Asta, JT, Maikel and I were at Starbucks Shangri-la last Thursday night when we agreed to exchange horror stories. Frances was narrating a horrifying encounter when they stayed in Baguio a few years ago, wherein an old lady was torturing her in her sleep but she was awake and she couldn’t move. More like a case of sleep paralysis.

Frances narrated, “Tapos hindi talaga ako makagalaw. Tapos gusto kong sumigaw pero hindi ko magawa, walang lumalabas na boses. Tapos weird, ang hirap ng i-explain. Alam nyo yung feeling na may malaking bagay na pumapasok sa katawan mo?“

“Oo, alam ko ang feeling nang may malaking bagay na pumapasok sa katawan ko,” I interrupted.

Everyone gave me a look as if saying “You ruined dinner.” Sorry naman. She asked! I just answered. I meant I had the same sleep paralysis experience.

HINDI QUALIFIED

While preparing dinner at the condo a few months ago.

Andre: Pag nagkaroon ng Top Chef Philippines, parang ang sarap sumali. Kaso hindi ako qualified.
Yoshke: Bakit naman?
Andre: Hindi kasi ako “top.”

He meant he’s not that experienced a cook!

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Pasaway sa Pasay

Posted on December 16, 2009 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

Vice President wannabe Jejomar Binay’s Ganito Kami sa Makati promotional ad-slash-political ad in disguise says a lot about the city he’s running. Whether it’s true or not, I think Makati is one of those cities in Metro Manila that project a relatively positive image to the public. But how about the others?

It’s actually quite funny what kind of impressions some cities have on people. For example, I’m sure you have heard people making fun of Malabon and its Venice-like situation, except devoid of all grandeur. Or how many of us still associate the entire Muntinlupa with New Bilibid Prison as though the prison is all there is in the city.

This post isn’t about Makati, Malabon, or Muntinlupa. It’s about another city in the southern part of the metropolis — Pasay City.

I’ve been told a number of times about the city’s reputation. For example, when I’m going to Pasay and I’m asking my mom or my friends for directions, they would insist that I do not go alone or that I do not bring any valuables. Even my dear  friends from Pasay tell me how frustrated they are with how things go, especially how things are being run.

Is Pasay really that bad? I’m asking coz the only parts of Pasay I go to frequently are the SM Mall of Asia area, DFA, and MRT Taft station.

Here are some instances in which I thought Pasay was used by people around me for their random display of sense of humor.

ANYTHING GOES

Fresh from iBlog Mini at World Trade Center a few weeks ago, Andre and I decided to proceed to SM Mall of Asia to check out the new line of hoodies at Fox Men. We didn’t know where the jeepney terminal was so we started looking for it.

Andre: I don’t think it’s here. Maybe it’s over there?
Yoshke: But we have to cross the road to go there.
Andre: So let’s cross, come on.
Yoshke: Err, wait. Can we? This may be a no-jaywalking zone.
Andre: Yoshke, duh? This is Pasay. There are no rules!

A TALE OF A MISSING COMB

“Where the hell is my comb?!”

Debbie had spent minutes trying to find her comb in the office. This happened two years ago, I was a web writer then. Debbie misplaced her comb and she just could not find it in her cubicle. Out of utter frustration, she talked to herself like she normally did.

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The Pics Have the Answers

Posted on September 30, 2009 by Yoshke in Humor, Whatnots |

I’ve been wanting to write something lately but because the Typhoon Ondoy decided to be such a bitchass on the Philippines, priorities shifted and blogging just kissed the bottom of the list. (Btw, let’s continue helping the victims.)

Anyway, I realized that my last two entries on this blog are both very serious and very personal so I want to publish something light. I will post a storm-related entry one of these days, I just need to finish the article.

I was browsing through my pictures in my laptop when I stumbled upon old photos and screenshots. They say that a picture paints a thousand words. True, but wait there’s more. It’s also the easiest way to answer questions.

1. How good I am at bowling.

That’s four consecutive strikes, my dear friends. And one spare! (Yabang!) Just don’t ask me what happened after.

2. Why, for a moment, I was convinced God  is everywhere.

Imagine my surprise when this popped up on my screen. Apparently, it was just a friend named Jesus.

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