A Break-up Letter


I never expected I'd be writing you this letter. We've had six years of wonderful memories but I'm afraid it had come to the point where you started to Read more

The New Yoshke.com


New look. New attitude. New experiences. Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had been unforgiving on weekdays and Read more

Sometimes We Burn to Live


Whenever I meet people for the first time, it always happens. When they start their sentence with "I hope you don't mind me asking but," I know they are going Read more

Fireworks, Hormones, and this Blog Post


You remember last week when I told you I found it difficult to blog since I met you? Since we became a couple officially, I have not had enough Read more

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?


Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest memory is, in fact, months Read more

Unusual Breakfast


Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I'm getting tired of this really. Everything's a routine. And Read more

Top 10 National Stereotypes


Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the Read more

Why Nursery Rhymes Are So Violent


A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly digested the story that the Read more

Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex


Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two naked individuals reminds us that Read more

The Promil Kid Drops the Bomb


Of all the living things created by God, I love my nephew the most. I call him the Promil Kid. He’s the cutest thing. I’ve always written about him Read more

•••••

Humor

Never Mess With Kids (Especially Promil Kids)

Posted on July 29, 2007 by Yoshke in Family, Humor |

Status: Tonsilitis… Waaaah!
Music: I’m Just a Kid – Simple Plan

WHO’S TO BLAME?

This happened more than a year ago, you can see the original post here. I was with my then 2-year old nephew in my mum’s room when I accidentally broke the lamp on the side table. Of course, the only witness was my dear nephew. So I decided to talk to him.

Yoshke: When they ask you who broke that, you say MIMI (name of his cat). Understand?
Nephew: *nod*
Yoshke: Yaya (the maid) forgot to close the door so Mimi entered, sat on the side table, and broke the lamp. Understand?
Nephew: *nod*
Yoshke: Who entered the room?
Nephew: Mimi!
Yoshke: Who sat on the side table?
Nephew: Mimi!
Yoshke: Who broke the lamp?
Nephew: Tito (Uncle)!
Yoshke: Who broke the lamp?
Nephew: Tito!
Yoshke: Mimi!
Nephew: Tito!

The poor kid did not have any chocolate for the rest of the day. Nyahahaha. Child abuse, anyone?

# # #

HE WAS RIGHT, ANYWAY

Last night, when I came home, I forgot to close the gate. My nephew, now 3, was playing on the porch.

Nephew: Tito! Close the gate! What if my ball went over there and I would fetch it. I might get hit by a car.
Yoshke: So don’t go out!
Nephew: But I’m a kid. I don’t know what I do.

Yeah, right. I shut the gate.

# # #

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Most of the time, my nephew and I get along really well. And the times when there are chocolate bars in the fridge are not one of them. We always end up fighting about who gets what. And it’s agreed upon that Snickers bars are mine like it has always been. So a couple of months ago, when my nephew was throwing tantrums, I was pissed that he wanted my Snickers. I mean, whaaat? Those were mine.

But being a kid, of course, he could get away with it. And I was the one scolded for acting like a kid. But I’m sure you get me. Those bars were mine! Mine! Mine!

So when my nephew was climbing up the stairs to his room, displaying the bars of Snickers, mocking me (I was lying in the couch), I prayed, “Oh God, please, do anything so I could have those Snickers. ANYTHING.”

Seconds later, my nephew lost his balance and came crashing down the stairs. I was appalled and befuddled. The blood all over the floor made it hard for me to move (coz I’m extremely afraid of blood). My brother hurriedly approached my nephew and drove to the hospital.

I didn’t go with them to the hospital. When the maid asked me what happened, I couldn’t utter a word. I was feeling incredibly guilty. Besides, I really couldn’t talk because my mouth was full. Of Snickers bars. The bloody kid left them on the floor.

Picture courtesy of newciv.org

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Bababa Ba? Bababa.

Posted on July 26, 2007 by Yoshke in Family, Humor, Travel |

Status: Horneee
Music: Overload – Sugababes

I just received this anecdote from a friend, who had read this somewhere. And it made me realise how fun Tagalog really is as a language.

I was in the elevator with an American. We were going down to the ground floor, but before reaching it, we stopped at the 4th floor. It opened to a Filipino.

She asked me, “Bababa ba?“

I replied, “Bababa.“

In she went. Upon closing of the door, the American asked curiously, “I’m sorry. Did you guys just have a conversation?“

A’right. To all my non-Filipino readers, I’m gonna explain this to you. “Bababa” is the tagalog word for “going down.” And to change any noun, pronoun, verb, adverb, or adjective to a question, all you have to do is add “ba.” Of course, a question mark and the proper intonation go with it.

She: “Bababa ba?” (Going down?)
Me: “Bababa.” (Going down.)

There. Though they might have sounded like they were trying to mimic goats/sheep, they actually had a conversation. Hehehe. Ahlove’t.  Read more

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Protected: Names, Like Size, Matter

Posted on July 21, 2007 by Yoshke in Humor, University, Vanities |

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OUT, You Psycho!

Posted on April 30, 2007 by Yoshke in Humor, TV |

Warning: If you are someone who loves Maricris of Pinoy Big Brother or if you ARE Maricris, please stop reading, skip this entry, or leave now. Thanks very much.

The Maricris-Beatriz dispute inside the PBB house was priceless. I loved how Bea handled the situation and how she was able to deal with what Andre calls “psychotically violent” Maricris. Winner ka, Bea. Isa kang alamat.

Anyway, that was arguably the most entertaining confrontation inside the big yellow house since the Keanna-Mitch conflict of the Celebrity Edition. You still remember this?

Ang hirap kasi sa’yo, ang KFC mo! Ay, KSP pala.

That was one of Keanna’s glorious moments. Haha. Anyway, Maricris had her share of oh-my-god-what-did-she-say moments. While having that heated argument with Bea, she uttered:

I didn’t that. I didn’t that!

But wait, there’s more. She kept on saying she was calm when she was shouting her lungs out. Calm my ass, you jerk. Haha. And oh, is it just me or she really pronounced honest — HA-nest; and judge — JADS?

And how about Bea? Well, she told Maricris:

Don’t be such a pushy!

I believe the sentence is actually not a sentence yet. Unless, Bea meant… you know… just replace H with another S; starts with a P and sounds like fussy. And yes, that word is sooo Maricris.

Damn, she’s really crazy. Or maybe I just love Bea so much. (She’s my second favourite female housemate. Next to Gee-Ann.)

OUT! You pathetic freak of nature.

[Edit: Naawa naman ako bigla nung lumabas na nga si Maricris sa bahay. Hehehe.]

If you are someone who loves Maricris or if you ARE Maricris, I told you so.
*pictures courtesy of pinoybigbrother.com

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Just Turned Blue

Posted on March 30, 2007 by Yoshke in Humor, University |

Status: Just turned blue
Music: Blind – Lifehouse

I’ve been in and around the UP Diliman campus lately because I had to claim my diploma, apply for a transcript of records, and get my clearance slip. People have been asking me why I’m always around. And after telling them the above reason, I usually add, “Oh, and I’m also enroling for a certificate programme (Foreign Service Review Programme) in Ateneo.”

I can’t believe how ugly some answers can get and how highly some UP students and graduates (like me) think of themselves. But of course, these were said just for humour. Yet again, we all know jokes are almost always half-meant.

Here are some of the reactions I won’t forget.

Yoshke: I’m actually just about to go to Ateneo to enrol.
Angel: You better give me a really good reason why Ateneo!

OK, Angel. Is because-UP-doesn’t-have-the-same-program good enough for you? Hehe. Here’s another one:

Jake: Tell me you’re kidding.

I’m sorry Jake, but I wasn’t.

Dan: I don’t think studying there would make that much of a difference.

But of all reactions, Kriz’s was the best.

Kriz: My God, Yoshke, why are you stooping down sooo low?!

Hmmm… Maroon to Blue…

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Top 10 Signs that Your Boyfriend is Gay

Posted on December 22, 2006 by Yoshke in Gay, Humor, Lists |

… 

I have moved this entry HERE.
Click here to see the top 10 signs that your boyfriend or husband is gay.

…

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Asian Guys and their Dinky-Doodle-Doo’s

Posted on December 4, 2006 by Yoshke in Humor, Sex |

Status: Damn horny. (Kidding)
Music: Size Matters - Natasha Bedingfield

Caution: The following contains sexually explicit language and may be a little graphic. If you are offended by this kind of stuff, please stop reading, skip this entry, or leave now. Thanks very much.

Asians have this reputation of having small dicks. On the average, it is said that among the races, Asians are the least gifted. It’s not congruent to saying “All Asians have small dicks.” That’s a generalisation. As I said, it’s the average. The Africans pride themselves on being the ones with longest manhoods.

And yep, I agree that Asians have small dicks relatively. I have a number of Caucasian friends and they’ve been telling me about this kind of “reputation.” And because I didn’t have anything else to do in the office (oh, I love my job) I searched the web and tried to look for what other people have to say regarding this. And I successfully found a forum regarding races and their sizes. The following are some of their thoughts….

I think it’s a big myth. i’ve been with guys from different ethnicities. there’s never any correlation. as for asian guys, none of the ones i’ve been with had a small dinky… all pretty good size… well, except for one asian dude who was Filipino.

Wahaha. Wow. That was really funny! Err… wait a minute… I’m a Filipino! That’s supposed to hurt! (sobs) Waaaaah! But thanks for defending my fellow Asians. Anyway, here’s another one:

I’ve seen some Japanese porn and the men usually have cocks that are almost half the size of mine.

And a white guy replied to the post above.

Wow. It’s visible with the naked eye?

Oh my God. And I thought they were being evil to Filipinos. What they think about Japanese sizes was even worse.

Read more

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Speak, Squeal, Spill

Posted on September 10, 2006 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor, University |

Status: Clueless
Music: Who Do You Love - The Moffatts


WITH VIKTOR KRUM (Haha)
Parts of my conversations with a Bulgarian online friend (I don’t know if I’m allowed to mention his name):

Yoshke: You’re pure evil. But if all devils were just like you, then I would definitely buy a one-way ticket to hell.
Him: Why not a one-way ticket to Bulgaria? There’s one here.

This one, we had more than a month ago.

Yoshke: New York has the Statue of Liberty. Paris has the Eiffel Tower. What’s in Bulgaria that is well worth a visit?
Him: Aren’t I enough?
Yoshke: Well, yeah. You’re enough.

# # #

WITH A FOREVER-INNOCENT FRIEND
A simple talk with a young friend who was so unsure about how he felt for some girl.

Ken: How do you know if you’re in love?
Yoshke: I don’t think there are definite standard symptoms. You just know. That’s it. You just know. Why? Are you in love?
Ken: I don’t know.
Yoshke: You’re not in love.
Ken: What makes you so sure?
Yoshke: Cos you don’t know.

# # #

WITH MY HALF-FRENCH BROTHER
This convo I had with Josh on our way to FC Gloria’s Canteen for lunch after our French class the day before my birthday.

Josh: You already got a Kitchie Nadal album?
Yoshke: No. But I borrowed a friend’s and listened to it last night.
Josh: How was it? You liked it?
Yoshke: One big NO. I only liked a couple of tracks. The record is rubbish.
Josh: Oh, don’t be so cruel on her. You’d probably appreciate the album more if you listen to it a little longer.
Yoshke: I don’t think so. Only a couple of songs really appealed to me.

After lunch, he handed me something in a white plastic bag.

Read more

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