Lists

Let’s Kill ‘Em All!
Top 18 Most Annoying Types of People (Part 1)

Posted on August 4, 2008 by Yoshke in Conversations, Humor, Lists, Rants |

Humans are social animals. This means that we have to live both as individuals and as members of a group. Sometimes, however, we just find ourselves not getting along well with some types of people. No matter how much we try, we find it extremely difficult to like some people for reasons ranging from little nasty habits to utter viciousness.

Throughout the day, we encounter countless types of people. While some are truly delightful, others are just plain vexatious. They may be our friends or family but there are just something we love to hate about them. Here are the top 18 most annoying types of people we encounter everyday.

18. THE WIZARDING GUARDS

I don’t know about other countries, but here in the Philippines, we have a lot of security guards who really do magic. What am I talking about? Well, these guards are those stationed at the entrance to the mall or train station. What’s really magical is they just point their “wands” to your bag, a little flick and voila! You’re bomb-free!

And when something happens, like a bombing or something, the management claims they perform security measures thoroughly. Thoroughly, my ass.

17. THE INDECISIVE ONES

Don’t get me wrong, I’m also one heck of an indecisive guy but not when it comes to frivolous things. I love my friends but when it’s time to eat out, I hate them.

Me: So where are we having lunch?
Friend 1: You decide. I’m ok anywhere.
Friend 2: Me, too.
Me: Aright, Kenny Rogers.
Friends: Eeeeh. I don’t like their food there.
Me: Sbarro.
Friends: It’s too costly. And I’m not in the mood for pasta.
Me: Food Court.
Friends: The place stinks. And too crowded.
Me: KFC.
Friends: Again?! We’re always there. And don’t say McDo.
Me: Well, you decide!
Friend 1: No, you decide. I’m OK anywhere.
Friend 2: Me, too.

Gaaaaaaawd. Why are these people my frieeends?! Why me, why meee?!

16. THE ‘CHANGELESS’ CASHIERS

Remember this post? I just hate it when cashiers tell me they have no change and ask persistently if I have a smaller bill. Ask once, it’s okay. But when I tell you I don’t have a smaller bill, it means I don’t.

Cashier: Do you have a smaller bill, sir.
Me: I’m sorry, I don’t.
Cashier: Really, sir? Because I don’t have change, sir.
Me: Really. I don’t.
Cashier: But sir, I don’t have change.

Why in the world does that have to become my problem when I’m the customer? And as Odin said, “What’s even worse is after you had that annoying conversation, after you’ve gone all trough your pockets and dug inside your bags and the cashier finally gives up, she would then open some sort of secret compartment or pull out a bag from under somewhere. Turns out she had change after all!”

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Top 9 Most Amazing Celebrity Transformations
(For a Movie Role)

Posted on June 7, 2008 by Yoshke in Celebrities, Lists, Movies |

There have been notable transformations for a single role in the past decades. Who would forget Robert DeNiro‘s stint when he inflated his body for his role in Raging Bull? Vincent D’Onofrio even set a Guiness World Record for the most weight gained for a single film role for his mind-blowing presence in Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket.

Contemporary actors, however, will not be left behind. In fact, in recent years, we have seen celebrities shed off their glamourous skin and almost magically transform to give life to some of cinema’s most unforgettable characters. Here is a list of the top 9 most amazing celebrity transformations that rocked Hollywood in the past 10 years.

9. Renee Zellweger, Cold Mountain (2003)

Although starring opposite the ravishing Nicole Kidman will surely make anyone look “unpretty,” Renee Zellweger surely has the spotlight all on her in Cold Mountain. Fortunately for Renee, she has a more interesting role to play — a boyish country girl who never runs out of spirit and humour. After losing an Oscar (also to Nicole) the year before, she came back with a vengeance, winning her much-deserved, first Oscar for this role. She mastered every twist and turn of a farmer’s daughter, who is full of spunk and energy that you wouldn’t think she was that jazz-singing murderess in the hit musical Chicago. Transformation is not really a stranger to Renee as we have seen her gain lots of baby fats like a sack of french fries for her portrayal of Bridget Jones.

8. Edward Norton, American History X (1998)

As if his good looks aren’t impressive enough, Edward Norton takes everyone’s breath away with his intense acting skills. He surely showcased this in American History X, where he played a white supremacist. One of the scariest transformations to date, Edward gained more than 30 pounds before filming. As he ate a lot, he made sure the gym was his second home for his desired toned look. Like many other transformations, this schoolboy-looking wonder was able to transcend the physical by owning the character. This performance earned him his second Oscar nomination.

7. Nicole Kidman, The Hours (2002)

Many people think that it was all in the nose. The truth is, Nicole Kidman’s highly depressing performance is more than that. The nose just added to the character that Nicole had already created for The Hours. Yes, Nicole had to say goodbye to her doctor-that’s-what-I-want nose and wore a scarily large nose plus additional makeup to look like the famed writer Virginia Woolf. But even without it, she would still have won that Oscar. Her performance is beyond the physical. She perfected the accent, gestures and the overall character of an incestuous, insane genius. The result is a performance as beautiful as she is.

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My Top 50 All-Time Favourite Films (Part 7)

Posted on May 27, 2008 by Yoshke in Lists, Movies, Reviews |

So we’ve come to the end of the road. After almost a year of counting down my 50 all-time favourite films, we have now reached the end. If you missed the first 49, here’s help: Top 50-41, 40-31, 30-21, 20-11, 10-4, 3-2.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you my #1 favourite film of all time.

1. The Hours (2002)

Genre: Drama
Director: Stephen Daldry
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep, Ed Harris
Plot: The time to hide is over. The time to regret is gone. The time to live is now.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 80%

“A woman’s whole life in a single day. Just one day. And in that day her whole life.”

If you haven’t seen this film yet, here’s the trailer. Prepare to be blown away.

And here’s a clip from this stunning piece of work.

That’s arguably the most troubling among the many unforgettably affecting scenes in the movie. It’s actually very hard to choose one outstanding scene from the film because almost every scene is important and effective.

Anyway, I’ve seen this film exactly 20 times. I memorised probably 80% of its dialogues. Haha.

Let me enumerate the things I adore about this superb film and the reasons it’s on the top of my list:

Its quietness. It’s a very, very quiet movie but it moved me. Thanks to the awesome screenplay.
Its musical score. Although often dubbed ‘the weakest aspect’ of this film, I was totally haunted by the score.
It’s not preachy. It tackles life, death and everything in between with so much depth but without any attempt to force the audience to believe it. It gives enough space for the audience to think for themselves. Very insightful.
It’s liberating. Although many who have seen this think that this is one heck of a depressing film, I believe otherwise. Yes, it creates a sad atmosphere but it actually urges us to breakaway from sadness and just live life the way we want to.
Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep… How can you not love this movie?
Ed Harris delivers a poignant performance here, earning him an Oscar nomination although he was in only two scenes.
It’s the film that gave Nicole Kidman her first Oscar. Just how amazing Nicole is in this movie? See for yourself.

For the longest time, “The Hours” was considered “unfilmable.” Now it’s a real masterpiece.

Here’s the COMPLETE LIST of my top 50 all-time favourite films. Read more

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Power Makes the World Go Sicko:
Top 10 Craziest Leaders in History

Posted on May 26, 2008 by Yoshke in History, Humor, Lists, The World |

Note: This entry was written for Crunkish.com, a site that our team put up. It is still under construction but if you want to take a peek, knock yourself out.

Throughout history, we have witnessed the rise and fall of countless rulers. Many of them did a really admirable job that their names are written in countless history books. Others still linger in our consciousness today not because of their delightful contributions to mankind but their crazy, twisted ways.

“Crazy” is a very vague word. It can refer to someone mentally ill, utterly evil or just plain ridiculous. Whatever your definition of this word is, here are the top ten craziest leaders in world history.

10. KIM JONG IL (North Korea)

For many people, his name suits him well. Kim Jong Il is really as ill as any leader can get. The current ruler of North Korea, he succeeded his father and the founder of North Korea, Kim Il-sung. He did not just replace his father, he proclaimed himself “Eternal President.” He has been consistently criticised by many contemporary leaders and international organisations for his lack of commitment to make the peninsula free of nuclear weapons.

The country also holds large concentration camps where 50,000 people including women and children who are accused of political crimes are being held. Violations of human rights are being reported left and right — murdering babies and enslaving inmates.

While his country is suffering, he enjoys a very luxurious lifestyle. He boasts North Korea’s finest wine cellar, containing 10,000 bottles of expensive wine. He also purchases bottles of Hennessy Cognac worth $700,000 every year. He had also spent more than $20 million on 200 Mercedes Benz S500 sedans added to the country’s pile of 7,000 Mercedes. He is also a huge movie fan with a collection of over 20,000 tapes.

Craziest quote: “National defence is the sacred duty of the young and all other people. “

Craziest moment: He showed off his country’s nuclear power by conducting two rounds of missile tests on July 5, 2006. The tests received immense negative reactions from the international community. But hey, it actually worked for him! Haha. Clever.

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My Top 50 All-Time Favourite Films (Part 6)

Posted on May 22, 2008 by Yoshke in Lists, Movies, Reviews |

I know this post is long overdue. It’s been seven months since I posted the last installment and I think it’s just time to reveal my top 3 favourite films of all time. You may view the rest of the list here: 50-41, 40-31, 30-21, 20-11 and 10-3.

Again, usual disclaimer: this is not a list of the BEST movies for me. This is a favourites list — films that I can watch over and over again, regardless of how many awards they swept.

…

3. Love Actually (2003)

Genre: Romantic Comedy
Director: Richard Curtis
Starring: Colin Firth, Keira Knightley, Emma Thompson, Hugh Grant, Bill Nighy, Liam Neeson
Plot: Follows the lives of eight very different couples in dealing with their love lives in various loosely and interrelated tales all set during a frantic month before Christmas.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 60%

“Christmas is a time for people with someone they love in their lives.”

This is the ULTIMATE romantic comedy. If you want to feel good and believe that one day, you’ll find the right person for you, watch this movie. Wahaha. This is extremely enjoyable and, er, romantic. In fact, since its release, watching this film on Christmas Eve has become a tradition in my room. Haha.

What I love about it is that it is entertaining and touching. Despite the huge cast and the Altmanesque approach, each storyline actually managed to create a connection to the audience (at least, to me). I especially liked the line of action of Jamie (Colin Firth) and Aurelia (the Portuguese girl).

I also fell in love with the scene above. It’s just moving but poignant. Emma Thompson is also effective here. I felt her pain. Laura Linney’s struggle, too. And oh, that worse-than-the-agony-of-being-in-love kid is love.

Can’t wait for Christmas Eve. Hehe.

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Laugh then Follow:
Top 37 Most Ridiculous Laws in the World

Posted on May 10, 2008 by Yoshke in Humor, Lists, Public Affairs |

NOTE: I only have used several websites that compile absurd laws as my references. There’s no way I can verify if these laws actually exist. Read at your own risk.

Laws are highly dependent on the culture of the jurisdiction. Laws in one country can be seen as idiotic by others. Differences in cultures result in differences among national and state laws.

History also plays a major part on the reason for the existence of some laws. Something might have happened in the past that led the lawmakers to come up with such policies. However, as times change, some laws fail to evolve and cope with the people’s modern way of life. Ergo, there are laws that seem so stupid and utterly foolish to us.

Often, these absurd laws have obvious explanations. For example, in France, naming your pig “Napoleon” is punishable by law. This is because France is the country of the great historical figure Napoleon Bonaparte. Napoleon is the hero of France. That’s why for the French, it is really inappropriate to name a pig “Napoleon.” It’s like someone from the Vatican naming his pig Jesus Christ or Benedict XVI.

For 12 years, chewing gums have been forbidden in Singapore. This may sound ridiculous to many but this law assures the Singaporean government of waste reduction.

Yes, there is an explanation behind every absurd law. However, some laws just sound so dumb that when you hear it, there is no way that you won’t smile, snicker or roll on the floor, laughing to death. Here are 37 of them.

The Married Life

37. In Owensboro, Kentucky, it is illegal for a woman to buy a new hat without her husband trying it on first. (How about a girly hat?)

36. In Pennsylvania, no man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. (Booo! Boo! Haha)

35. In Vermont, it is illegal for women to wear false teeth without written permission from their husbands.

34. In Arkansas, a man can legally beat his wife but only once a month. (Beat her twice, you’re going to jail!)

33. In Colorado, it is illegal for men to kiss their wives on a Sunday.

32. In Hong Kong a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah. Justice is sweet.)

Against the Horny

31. In Iowa, it is illegal to kiss for more than five minutes. (How about 5.01 minutes, no?)

30. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation. (Whew! I’m in the right Southeast Asian country! Thank God.)

29. In Washington, it is illegal to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Under ANY circumstances? Really? Really?)

28. In Tremonton, Utah, no woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of the city. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and “her name is to be published in the local newspaper.” The man isn’t charged nor is his name revealed.

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Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex

Posted on April 28, 2008 by Yoshke in Humor, Lists, Sex |

Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two naked individuals reminds us that we can be free. In fact, in this very intimate and private activity, we let go of all our apprehensions, fears and insecurities.

Some people want to do this in silence. Some prefer the rough, noisy way. Whatever way you choose, never spoil the moment by saying something incredibly stupid. Here are the top 10 most awful things to say while making love. (Not that I’m an expert. It’s just what my friends contributed. Weh.)

10. “Cream. We should paint the ceiling cream.”

One of the most ridiculous things you can do while having an intercourse is not paying attention to your highly engaging activity. When you’re making love or even just having a plain casual sex, focus on your partner and what you do. Do not think about the ceiling, that busted pin light, that ugly painting on the wall or, God forbid, your business presentation for the next day. Sex requires your full attention not just for you to enjoy the activity but also your partner. If ever you get bored in the middle of romancing, at least act as if you were enjoying. Your partner might be doing his/her best and as a sign of common courtesy, do your best enjoying what he/she gives you… or pretending to enjoy what he gives you.

Just swallow it: “Where’s the remote?” “Hon, did you lock the front door?”
Spit it out: “You’re the best.”

9. “You are so much like your sister.”

Or worse, her mom. Or worst, her dad. When you’re making love, never ever compare your partner to another person you have had sex with. That just ruins everything. Think about this: you two are alone, enjoying each other’s company. Your mind should be fixed on your partner and not wandering in some other world. Comparing is not just mean; it is cruel. If you want your partner to give you maximum satisfaction, don’t pull down his/her ego by trying to see how similar or how different he/she is to others.

Just swallow it: “Now I understand why he dumped you.” “You are as great as my ex.”
Spit it out: “Nothing compares to you.”

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Protected: Top 10 Signs that Your Boyfriend is Gay

Posted on April 17, 2008 by Yoshke in Gay, Humor, Lists |

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My Top 50 All-Time Favourite Films (Part 5)

Posted on October 19, 2007 by Yoshke in Lists, Movies, Reviews |

Top 50-41, 40-31, 30-21, 20-11. Whoah. And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my top 10 all-time favourite films….

…

10. Finding Nemo (2003)

Genre: Comedy
Director: Andrew Stanton, Lee Unkrich
Starring: Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Alexander Gould
Plot: 71% of the Earth’s surface is covered by water. That’s a lot of space to find one fish.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 100% — WOW!!!

“I shall call him Squishy. And he shall be mine. And he shall be my Squishy.”

The only animated movie in my list, Finding Nemo is one movie that I really, really enjoyed. I was alone when I watched it in a theatre. (I know, what a loser.) But I still couldn’t help laughing. After the film, I stayed inside and watched it again. Hahaha. My favourite character is Dory and Crush, the turtle. Had I extended this list to Top 100, you’d find a number of animated films including Beauty and the Beast, Lion King, and Monsters, Inc.
…

9. (tied) Chicago (2002)

Genre: Musical
Director: Rob Marshall
Starring: Renee Zellweger, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Richard Gere
Plot: Murderesses Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart find themselves on death row together and fight for the fame that will keep them from the gallows in 1920s Chicago.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 92%

“With the right song and dance, you can get away with murder.”

From its well choreographed dance sequences, entertaining songs, impressive acting performances, excellent direction, and all that jazz, Chicago deserves a slot in my Top 10. However, until now, I still don’t think that it deserves the Oscar Best Picture award. Although Renee Zellweger did a fantastic job giving life to Roxie Hart, Catherine Zeta Jones steals the movie with her Velma Kelly character.

…

9. (tied) Moulin Rouge (2001)

Genre: Musical
Director: Baz Luhrmann
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Ewan McGregor
Plot: A poet falls for a beautiful courtesan whom a jealous duke covets in this stylish musical, with music drawn from familiar 20th century sources.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 65% Aaaw

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

This is the fourth in my list and the first of three Nicole Kidman-starrers in my Top 10. Moulin Rouge is filled with so much elements that only this movie can pull off. As what Bebs might call it, this is a “pastiche.” But what I like most, aside from MY Nicole Kidman, is how they used familiar songs like Roxanne, Like a Virgin, and Smells Like Teen Spirit. I cried twice — the part when they are singing Come What May, and the part when Satine dies. The production design is fantabulous. And every scene is spectacular, spectacular! This should have won the Oscar Best Picture that year, and not A Beautiful Mind. Nicole should have received the Best Actress nod and not Halle Berry. (Nicole Kidman is love, love, love. I loooooooove her.)

…
… Read more

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My Top 50 All-Time Favourite Films (Part 4)*

Posted on October 8, 2007 by Yoshke in Lists, Movies, Reviews |

This is a very lengthy post so no much intro needed now. Just a reminder, this is not a list of the best movies for me, this is my favourites list. If you missed the bottom 30 movies, check these out: Top 50-41, 40-31, 30-21. A’right. Back to the countdown….

…

20. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Genre: Horror
Director: Daniel Myrick, Eduardo Sanchez
Starring: Heather Donahue, Michael Williams, Joshua Leonard
Plot: In October of 1994, three student film makers disappeared in the woods near Burkittesville, Maryland. One year later, their footage was found.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 88%

“I’m afraid to close my eyes, I’m afraid to open them.”

The second of the only two horror films in this list (the other is The Others), The Blair Witch Project is a great horror movie. There was no monster or ghost shown but it really scared the hell out of me. And I watched it already knowing that this did not happen for real. But still, I was blown away. Scary, scary, scary.

…

19. (tied) American Beauty (1999)
Genre: Drama
Director: Sam Mendes
Starring: Kevin Spacey, Annette Bening
Plot: Lester Burnham, a depressed suburban father in a mid-life crisis, decides to turn his hectic life around after developing an infatuation for his daughter’s attractive friend.
Top Critics’ Mark: 93%

“Remember those posters that said, ‘Today is the first day of the rest of your life?’ Well, that’s true with every day except one: the day that you die.”

Everybody was talking about this film and I just couldn’t care less. For starters, I thought, what could be interesting about suburbia. I thought suburbia was boring. And then after watching it, I realised that was exactly the point. Suburbia is boring but it doesn’t mean that nothing is happening.

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About Yoshke

On May 31, 1985, tragedy struck when 41 tornadoes hit Canada and the US, leaving 76 people dead. At the same time, a doomed couple in the Philippines were having the best orgasms of their lives. Nine months (280 days) later, a healthy baby boy was brought into this world by normal delivery. That was exactly a week before Microsoft had its initial public offering.

Today, Yoshke Dimen resides independently in Mandaluyong City. He got a degree in Film from a university in Diliman but is now pursuing a career in Social Media.

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