I spent weeks trying to figure out the password to an email account that I had set up two years ago. It was an account especially created for all work-related top-secret files that my colleagues and I kept back then. I was the only one who knew the password. And none of my neurons could remember it. The only thing I was sure of: my password is usually the name of someone I love — Nicole Kidman, Francois Truffaut, Christian Bale, Miroslav Klose…

A password-resetting email was sent to my secondary email address. The problem was, it was already inactive. So I was forced to answer a security question:

What is your pet’s name?

Silly me. I never had a pet. Ever. Damn. I don’t know why I chose this security question in the first place. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

For many nights, I tried to come up with pet names that I might have possibly used as my password. None worked. It was only minutes ago when, out of utter frustration, I typed in “YOSHKE.”

Bingo. It opened. So much for being a UP graduate, cum laude.

I immediately rummaged through my mailbox and found the file I was looking for. Downloaded it. Opened it. But to my surprise, another “Enter password” bullshit popped up. Not again, I thought.

And then, you crossed my mind. Just like that. You crossed my mind. Reluctantly, I typed in something — your name. My fingers spelled it correctly. Yep, the file opened.

Good thing I thought of you first.

Right now, my fingers are still stammering your name. They used to shout it out loud. Two years ago.

I’ve had many passwords after you.

.

.

Now I wish I hadn’t remembered the second password.

Status: I’m gonna smile coz I deserve to.
Music: Better in Time / Yesterday / Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

Last night, I was locked out of the house again. (I know, my silly keys are so stupid they like to stay inside while I’m out.) As I was waiting for my roommate, I started thinking about the men I have had an emotional connection with since I came out in college. While many of these guys I still see and hang out with every once in a while, some of them I haven’t had a chance to talk with in a very long time.

I also realised one thing: I’m not a fan of second chances. When a part of something is messed up, I tend to throw it all away. Hahaaaay.

Anyway, here are the things I want to say to these people whom I want to thank for making me feel happy for a period, albeit very short. (I’m sorry, I will not drop names. Haha.)

- O - -
No two men could be closer than we have been. You taught me a lot of things. You opened my mind to a multitude of new ideas and experiences. We were friends. We still are. People ask me if we had something romantic going on back then. I don’t know. I certainly did not think we had more than friendship although there were too many times you made me feel that I was more than a friend. They say that not knowing is the worst feeling in the world. But in this case, I’m happy not knowing if we really had something. I loved what we had, whatever it was.

- - A - -
Why? What happened to us?

- - - E - -
You brought me the most intense pain. You say you suck at saying sorries? Even if you did apologise earlier, I don’t think it would have made a difference. Sometimes, sorry doesn’t make things better. Sometimes, sorry is just plain annoying.

- E - - -
You are sooo last year. We had it. We lost it. We’ll see each other again this weekend and I hope there will be no damaging awkwardness.

- - - O
I’m sorry I lied when you asked me. Try again. Please try again.

- O - - - -
Maybe one day. But not today. Not anytime soon.

A - - - -
You have no idea. You have no idea.

- - A - - -
Just hang in there. Don’t disappear.

- - - I -
Maybe it was just really a bad time. I have made up my mind. I will not wait. I know I said I would but I changed my mind. I ain’t going to. Anyway, we’re good.

image courtesy of pro.corbis.com

Status: keep bleeding love.
Music: Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis, Love Song - Sara Bereilles

I know Dohna has already posted this video on her blog but I just want to share this to my readers, too. This is sooooo cute. Watch it now, now, NOW!!!

My Gawd! Life is so unfair! That little boy has a friggin’ love life?!?! And I? Ugh, I’d rather not mention. Haha.

Anyway, Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

…

…

…

Uhm, basically, the title says everything I have to say. *blush*

PS. Crush lang naman. Petty infatuation. ^_^

Status: I’m love stoned I could swear
Music: Lovestoned - Justin Timberlake | I Will Remember You - Ryan Cabrera

Have you ever felt something sooo INTENSE you feel like you are going to blow anytime? Well, that’s what I’m feeling right now. That’s what I’ve been feeling since I met this guy. I have never felt something like this before. This is the beginning of a potential obsession.

You know the Mr. Perfect I painted on my mind when I was still naive and then later on, I realised he couldn’t possibly exist? The type that would make me fly to Amsterdam and get married as soon as possible? That’s him.

When I first laid eyes on him, I was shocked because he looked so mighty familiar. I had dreamt about him since the very minute I turned bisexual. But then he was imaginary and unreal. And now, I met him. My Mr. Perfect. (Yeah, I know nobody’s perfect but I’m sure you get me.)

When I first saw him, I told myself, “This can’t be real. He can’t be real.” I created a picture of my Mr. Perfect in my head, and then I found someone who looks EXACTLY like him. “He can’t be real.” But he is.

Every time I see him, I freeze and melt on the spot. I feel like I would do anything just to have him. ANYTHING. And the funny part is, I think he notices his effect on me — sublime, excruciating and mortifying, all at the same time.

The sad part part is, I know that nothing I do can make that possible. Argh. I think he’s straight.

But sooner or later, I will get him. Someday, he will be mine. (Naks! Conviction!) In the meantime, I shall divert my attention to something more useful. Like beer. Or blogging. Or other guys.

“…And now I walk around without a care.
He’s got me hooked; It just ain’t fair, but I…
I’m love stoned and I could swear that he knows
Think that he knows, oh, oh
He knows, he knows…”

PS: Contrary to what you might be thinking right now, hindi ito libog. This is sooo beyond lust. He’s charming and smart. He’s my Mr. Perfect.

Status: Wish I’ve done a little bit more
Music: Should Woulda Coulda - Beverly Knight

Wow, I realise that it’s taking me too long to update my blog lately. It’s been a very busy week and it makes me happy. Hehe. Aside from my day job, Tonet and I were able to close a screenwriting deal with an independent film producer. This would be the second full-length script that I sold. If I would continue being able to sell screenplays at the rate I’m going, I wouldn’t even need a day job. So you see, busy means money. Yum, yum.

Anyway, I noticed that it’s been a while since I last talked about my favourite topic in the world: myself. So since most of my readers don’t know me personally, let me tell you a few craps about myself.

… (more…)

a what-to-do-in-case-of-fire pamphlet
one, two, into the cabinet

my birth certificate
one, two, into my closet

my winning lotto ticket
one, two, into the garbage basket

a scratch paper with your name on it
one, two
one, two
one, two

it will never land.
it will never leave my hand.

Note: I already posted this on my previous blog, click here. I just had to move it here so I could file my literary works under one category. Anyway, usual reminder, blogger’s original work. Please see legal and ethical reminders on the sidebar. Thanks very much.
image courtesy of jamboree.freedom-in-education.co.uk

Hey, I was hoping I could display or embed the Flash I made for you here on my blog. But I couldn’t find a way. So I’ll just give you the link. Click here.

I know it’s cheesy or mushy or whatever goddamn adjective you want to call it. But what the heck? I still spent a full hour making that. So you HAVE to see it. Hehehe.

Happy Birthday.