A Break-up Letter


I never expected I'd be writing you this letter. We've had six years of wonderful memories but I'm afraid it had come to the Read more

Welcome to the New Yoshke.com


New look. New attitude. New experiences. Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had Read more

Sometimes We Burn to Live


Whenever I meet people for the first time, it always happens. When they start their sentence with "I hope you don't mind me asking but," Read more

Judging By the Cover


Our office is just a stone's throw from where I live. In fact, all I have to do is cross EDSA and voila, hello Read more

Fireworks, Hormones, and this Blog Post


You remember last week when I told you I found it difficult to blog since I met you? Since we became a couple officially, Read more

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?


Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest Read more

Unusual Breakfast


Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I'm getting tired of this Read more

Top 10 National Stereotypes


Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by Read more

EDSA


It could have been a horrible Saturday. I was in the passenger seat. It was a bit raining. Normally, EDSA gets on my nerves. That's why Read more

Why Nursery Rhymes Are So Violent


A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly Read more

Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex


Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two Read more

The Promil Kid Drops the Bomb


Of all the living things created by God, I love my nephew the most. I call him the Promil Kid. He’s the cutest thing. Read more

Love

Do What?!

Posted on by Yoshke in Flash Fiction, Friends, Love |

Note: Uhm, no disclaimer this time. This is not fiction. Uh, does it matter? Everytime I say something is fiction, you don’t believe me anyway. So what the heck? Here it goes.

 

Tagaytay City is more or less 30 minutes away from my mum’s house in Batangas so I’m always there. (Lucky me!) I was in Tagaytay again last Saturday night with a good friend. We were in his car parked somewhere near Starbucks, music-trippin’. I was enjoying my cup of hot white choco, and he, white choco mocha. My friend bears the same name as the performer of the song that was playing that time. Of course, I was singing in the car. (More like a mini-concert, really.)

It was “When I Get You Alone” by Robin Thicke.

“…When I get you alone (‘lone)
When I get you you’ll know baby (know)
When I get you alone (‘lone)
When I get you alone now (it’s all mine)….”

I was just singing when he suddenly threw me a look so sexy and displayed a mischievous grin. I turned down the volume, almost inaudible, and said, “What?!”

“What would you do if you got me alone?” He asked.

“Well, right now I got you alone and I’m not doing anything. So I guess, uh, nothing?”

“Why don’t you do something?”

“What? You’re Britney Spears now?”

“Come on. Do something. Do it.”

“Do what?”

“You know. It.”

“Oh I can’t do that. You have an effin’ girlfriend. My parents raised me well.”

“But you’ve done it once before with someone who was in a relationship. Still, you did it. Why not do it again now?”

“I can’t do that.”

“Oooh. I know, someone here is just afraid.”

“I’m afraid that you’re afraid that I might really do it.”

“No, I’m not. I dare you. Do it.”

“Do what?”

“It. Do it.”

“What is it?”

“What it is that you want to do! Do it.”

“And what do you think it is that I want to do?”

“It. Just do it!”

“Do what?!”

“Oh for Christ’s sake. Don’t do this. Do it!”

“Now I’m confused. You want me to do it or not?”

“I want you to do it.”

“Do what?”

“IT!!!”

“What is it? Why can’t you say it?”

“Why do I have to say it when you can just do it?”

“Do what?” My smile was the biggest I’ve ever had. Ever.

“Alright. I get it. Fine. I give up. That’s what you want, fine. Well then, as long as you’re in this car, DON’T YOU DARE DO ANYTHING.”

“Hmmkey. I won’t do anything.”

No one said anything for a while. We just sat there. After minutes of uncomfortable silence and unbearable awkwardness, (I was just flashing a wide smile the whole time) I asked, “Can I sing?”

He nodded. I turned the volume up, and played another song. It was Nelly Furtado‘sDo It.”

“…Do it like you do it to me (I’m burning up)
Do it like you do it to me (it’s not enough)
Do it like you do it to me (just open up)
Don’t you know how much I want you….”

He gave me a nasty look, and a cute embarassed grin.

I snickered. “WHAT?!”

pictures courtesy of zingmagazine.com and jupiterimages.com

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I’m in Pain

Posted on by Yoshke in Emo, Health, Love, Rants |

Status: In Pain
Music: Never Be the Same Again - Melanie C feat Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopez

BREATHE IN, DAMN IT!
My nasty lungs are giving me the torture of the century. Every effin’ breath hurts. Damn. And now I’m imposing a cigarette ban on myself. For now.

###

A TALE OF MY BLOODY TOENAIL
My right big toe is swollen. I got ingrown toenails, and I had been complaining about it since, like, forever but I couldn’t do anything because I was afraid it would bleed. And you know how I react when I get up close and personal with blood. Aargh. My housemate told me to forget about shoes for a while. What?! Are you kidding me? I could stand that pain but not the feeling of looking like a fashion disaster. So I still wore my fave pair of Chucks and got through my day filled with walking, walking, and uh, walking. It was excruciating. Like I said, every breath hurt, and every step did, too. I knew I should’ve just worn slippers. Hehe.

Later that day, I went home limping. Bad mood, of course. I took off my shoes and turn my PC on. But it wouldn’t boot. I pressed power again. Nah. Restart. Nah. In utter frustration, I began jerking the monitor and kicked the CPU with my right foot.

HOLY MARY MOTHER OF CHRIST!

The ingrown nail cut through my big toe and blood started to squirt. Painful is a freakin’ understatement. Not to mention the blood that made me feel more uncomfortable. My initial reflex was to wash away the blood with something. Looked into my bag and found my bottle of Green Cross alcohol, and without thinking, poured some on my bloody toe.

You know what happened next. (Was I cursing in Russian?)

Damn alcohol.

###

THE TROUBLE WITH LOVE ME IS
And of course, there’s this painful feeling of being alone. I’m happy but I still believe I could be happier. My last relationship ended almost two years ago. It was with Liza. Back then, I was busy with my thesis and crazy over someone else (ehehehe, I was so evil).

Hmmm. I’ve been single that long already. Wah.

Prech and Patti told me once that I didn’t know how to handle relationships. That all I was good at was just fall in love. But relationships… I suck (they say). I believe them.

I’ve only had three girlfriends (and zero boyfriends, hehe) but not one of them lasted more than five months.

###

“OKIE. NO BIGGIE.”
Here’s how one of my exes, Michi, and I broke up.

“Hey, so how are we?” She said.
“I don’t know,” I answered.
“Do you want it over?”
“It’s up to you.”
“Won’t you say anything?”
“If you want it over then fine. It’s really up to you.”
“I want it over.”
“Okie. No biggie.”
“I’m serious. I want it over.”
“I am, too. And it’s really no big deal.”

After that, we hated each other sooo much. Both claiming how we still loved each other but incredibly hurt that the other did not even try to fight for the relationship. Yeah. I know, right? I just didn’t want to look like I was on the losing end. Too bad, she shared the same thought.

Oh, pride.

###

“…So when I’m lying in my bed, thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead, I’m loving angels instead….”
Angels, Robbie Williams

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Just Did

Posted on by Yoshke in Flash Fiction, Love |

Note: I already posted this on my previous blog, click here. I just had to move it here so I could file my short stories under one category. Anyway, usual reminder: blogger’s original work. Please see legal and ethical reminders on the sidebar. Thanks very much. Again, this is fiction.

When one of my bestfriends and I were at a resort somewhere in the south three years ago for his despedida party (he would be flying to London in less than two days), we decided to leave the crowd for a moment and stay on the beach. We were lying on the sand. I was staring at the moon and I was quite sure that he was staring at me.

He was the first to speak. “Have you given it a thought?”

“Not much,” I replied.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to think about it.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t. Why does it always have to have a reason?”

He didn’t utter a single word. And then he sat up and felt the grains on his palms.

Then he spoke again. “We’re bestfriends.”

“Yeah.”

“And it’s all we could ever be. We’re bestfriends. And we’re both guys.”

I just looked at him while he stared blankly at the sea. Then he somewhat rubbed his palms against his knees, and said, “So you really don’t feel anything for me? Anything more than friendship?”

“I don’t.”

Silence fell.

“You’re too honest, it hurts. You never lie. Never.”

Then the moon caught my attention again. I just stared at it for God knows how many seconds.

“I just did,” I said.

By the time I could even finish that sentence, he was already standing, about to leave. He didn’t even hear what I just said. I watched him as he walked away.

“I just did.” I whispered.

We’ve never seen each other again since.

picture stolen from jakehowlett.com

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Everything Comes in Threes

Posted on by Yoshke in Love, Poetry |

The Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost;
The Wise Men who visited Jesus;
Hades, Poseidon, Zeus;
the heads of Cerberus;
The Godfather series;
The Lord of the Rings;
Harry, Ron, Hermione;
Tito, Vic, Joey;
Randy, Paula, Simon;
Hanson;
Destiny’s Child, TLC, Dixie Chicks;
the musketeers, the blind mice, the little pigs;
papa bear, mama bear, baby bear;
I came, I saw, I conquered;
core, mantle, crust;
solid, liquid, gas;
protons, neutrons, electrons;
the King, the Queen, and Jack;
the number of strikes before a player is out;
I, love, you;

It was just my second chance I blew.

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Mahal Na Yata Kita Mahal Na Nga Yata Kita

Posted on by Yoshke in Blurts, Love |

I just freakin’ wish you feel the same for me.
Whatever it is that we have, it’s officially dead. I killed it. OK. It’s resurrected. Hehehe.

But I know, it’s never really over. And it’s not over. I hope it won’t be.

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We Can’t Be Friends

Posted on by Yoshke in Love, Rants |

Note: This is not a poem.

To you, uber-cute son of a bitch (sorry, foul language),

Damn you, don’t text me.
When you text me, I can’t help replying.
When I reply, we start talking.
When we talk, we get to know each other better.
If we keep on doing that, we’ll become friends.

And we can’t be friends.
If we’re friends, we’ll get closer.
If we’re closer, I’ll care so much.
When I care that much, I might fall.
If I fall, I might get hurt.
When I’m hurt, I become vengeful.
You won’t like that.

Your sister won’t like that, either.

So please, don’t do this.
We can’t be friends.
Seriously.

And oh, again, don’t text me.
And stop calling me!!!

So there. I said it.

*** Actually, I really, really like the guy. He’s intelligent, knowledgeable, articulate, funny, and most of all, CUTE. But that’s exactly the problem. If he continues being nice to me, I’ll fall. To quote Ian Hainsworth (Desperate Housewives): “If we can’t have anything more than friendship, then we’d rather have nothing. Nothing at all.”

Waaaah. But damn! I like him.

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Heart Check-up

Posted on by Yoshke in Friends, Love |

Status: In Pain
Music: Look After You
– The Fray

I just received the most ridiculous text message from Frances:

“Sudden realisation. I think you’re in love with Astrid. I don’t know, it just entered my mind.”

What the..?! Where did this come from?! Asta is an incredibly good friend. Yes, she’s very special to me, considering the ups-and-downs that we’ve been through. We’ve experienced the worst in our friendship. We hated each other so much, and now, we’re good friends. We’re close, but nowhere close to having a romantic relationship. Really.

Anyways, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the condition of my heart lately. And I realised something:

The truth is: B1* is the reason I smile everyday. But B2* is still the reason I cry at night. Damn.

Considering that it’s been more than a year since B2 hurt me, I just can’t get over it. I want to be angry at him but he’s too cute to be mad at. Gawd, I hate myself. I hate what happened. And until now, I still haven’t forgiven him, myself, and the other guy. But it pains me that they seem to have moved on, and now, I’m the only one left in pain. It’s just… painful. And sad. Good thing B1 is here. Obicham Te, B1.

Read more

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Window Shopping

Posted on by Yoshke in Emo, Love, Poetry |

Beauty surrounds me in this hell
of goods as good as you:
those African love birds that you find
too noisy; those cool keep-out and hands-off signs
that you never respect; those royal purple undies you have
always disgusted; those designer clothes you enjoy
to bash harshly; those elegant jewellery you keep
complaining about; those blue roses that you are
allergic to; those leather shoes that make you
stumble; that exquisite bed you choose
to avoid; that velvet rope you say you can hang
yourself with; that silver pen that can only write
my name; that wrapped gift you left
untouched; that gold ring you love
to misplace; but I won’t buy any of them.
I’m just here to kill

some time. I only have enough money
for that ugly metal door and those new locks as tough as
you. And they are not for sale

today.

Note: Blogger’s original work. Don’t plagiarise. To those who would dare, as Ayn said it, may the wrath of heaven and earth fall upon you. Please see legal and ethical reminders on the sidebar. Thanks very much.

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The First Day of December

Posted on by Yoshke in Flash Fiction, Love |

Note: Blogger’s original work. Don’t plagiarise. To those who would dare, as Ayn said it, may the wrath of heaven and earth fall upon you. This is fiction. Please see legal and ethical reminders on the sidebar. Thanks very much.

It’s been a bad day. After wasting hours at a cafe drinking practically every cup of coffee that place had to offer, here I am now. Alone. And waiting for the bus. I’ve been to different places in Europe but this is my first time in Bulgaria. And it turns out to be the most frustrating day I ever lived since I stayed in Europe. Four hours at a cafe. And almost an hour here at this bus stop. I just want to go home. And just when it seems like it can’t get any worse, it starts to rain. I can’t believe it. The forecast said it would be sunny the whole day. I’m pissed. This is really a terrible day.

When suddenly a man in his late 20s, runs towards the bus stop I am at. He’s all wet. Probably walking when it started to pour. And I’m just glad he found shelter under this shed. And I just can’t believe I’m sharing this shelter with him. This man is ruggedly beautiful. Seems to have been very lazy to shave off his facial hair for five days now, he still looks so handsome, I just can’t take my eyes off of him.

Not to mention his height. Probably a little over six feet. Just like the distance between us, a little over six feet. I want to talk to him but I don’t want to freak him out. He doesn’t even look at me. He’s just so quiet, it’s like the only person at this place is him. But god, I can look at him for like, forever.

And here I go again, I’m starting to imagine things. I really wish he would face me and ask me, “Hey, you’re not from here, are you?”

And I would answer, “Yeah.”

And he would tell me, “So where are you from?”

And before I could even answer, he would speak again. “Uhmm, let me guess… uhm, Thailand?”

I would shake my head. And he would try again. “Malaysia?”

“Philippines,” I would correct him.

“But, of course.”

“You know any Filipino?”

“Personally?” He would pause, and then say, “No.”

And I would feel sad. But he would not notice. He would ask me, “So what is a Filipino guy doing in Bulgaria?”

I would smile at him. “Oh, nothing really.”

And then he would give me that cute puzzled look. “You flew from Southeast Asia to Europe for nothing? You must be really wealthy!”

I would laugh with him. “It’s not really like that. I’m a diplomat, and I’m based in Munich.”

“But still, Germany is miles away from here. What are you doing here in this humble city of ours?”

I would release a deep sigh. “I was supposed to meet someone who lives in this city. We were supposed to meet… over there. At that cafe.”

“Someone, eh? A lover?”

“No. Just a friend. A special friend.”

He would look around. “Wow. Flying from Munich from here, that friend must be really special. So where’s that special friend now?”

I would not answer. Instead, I would look at him intently.

“Oh… I’m sorry. Ey, you got stood up!” He would laugh a little.

“There’s nothing funny about it,” I would complain.

“Oh, I apologise. That’s too bad. He might’ve forgotten.”

“Surely.”

Again, he would give me that puzzled look. “What makes you so sure?”

I would reluctantly answer, “Because, we made the promise that we would meet up here… eight years ago.”

He would be so shocked. And even when he looks surprised, he’s still so damn goodlooking. “No kidding?”

“No kidding,” I would smirk.

“That’s so nice of you to have actually remembered that promise.”

“I don’t break promises.”

“So how did you meet?”

“We haven’t met personally yet. Had he shown up today, it would’ve been the first.”

“He?” Again, he would look surprised. But he would just smile afterwards. “Oh. How did you become friends, then?”

“Online. Ten years ago. We met in cyberspace. He’s from this city. We became really good friends despite the distance and the fact that we’d never met before.”

“That’s interesting. I used to have online friends, too, you know. But anyway, what happened?”

“We used to always talk about meeting at that cafe,” I would point to the cafe I was in an hour ago. “We were very excited about it. We promised each other that no matter what happens, we would meet up at that place on the first day of December ten years after we first met online.”

“First day of December…. That’s today!” He would look excited.

“But he never came, you see. I waited there for more than four hours. He never arrived.”

“Maybe he was there. You just didn’t recognise him.”

“Oh no, I have so many pictures of him, and we used to chat with our webcams on. I would surely recognise him if he was there.”

“Maybe, he will arrive. Maybe you should wait a little more.”

“I doubt that. I think he has already forgotten about the promise. Or even me.”

“How could he forget about you?” He would be confused.

“You see, after two years of chatting, we eventually became good friends. Almost special. We didn’t really feel the distance. Or the fact that it was only online. But all of a sudden, he just disappeared.”

“Disappeared?”

“Yeah. Disappeared. He was never online again. I don’t know what happened. He never returned any of my e-mails. I’ve never seen him again in cyberspace. It’s been eight years since we last talked.”

“And yet, eight years later, you’re here. Hoping he hasn’t forgotten about you and your promise? That’s sweet.”

“Sweet. Yeah. And sad.”

He would finally come closer to me and break the six-foot distance between us to tap my shoulder. “So what happened next?”

And then, the rain turns to drizzle. The rain stopped. And my fantasy is over. I’m back to reality. The truth is, that beautiful man I wish would talk to me is still standing a little over six feet away from me, and has never said a single word. And now, he steps forwards, and looks at the sky, checking if it would rain again. Pleased with what he saw, he begins walking away from the bus stop. And then he disappears.

It pains me. We didn’t even have a chance to talk. And why didn’t I approach him? But it’s too late. He’s gone.

But in my mind, in my fantasy, the man is still there. Tapping my shoulder. He would ask me again, “Hey, so what happened next?”

And I would look at him in the eye, and tell him, “He never arrived at the cafe. But after I waited for four hours, I was at the nearest bus stop. It rained suddenly and to my surprise, walking in the rain towards the same bus stop I was at, was him. Probably a coincidence. And he just stood there. Stayed a little over six feet away from me. When the rain stopped, he just left. He never said a word to me. He didn’t even recognise me.”

And then it starts to pour again.

Inspired by: Haruki Murakami’s On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning, the best contemporary romantic short story for me.

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Oh, Men!

Posted on by Yoshke in Blurts, Love, Sex |

…They’re like chocolate cakes, like cigarettes. I know they’re bad for me but I just can’t leave them alone….
— Buses and Trains, Bachelor Girl

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