image courtesy of wired.com

I’m not sure if you have experienced this:

“You wake up, but you can’t move a muscle. Lying in bed, you’re totally conscious, and you realize that strange things are happening. There’s a crushing weight on your chest that’s humanoid. And it’s evil.” (Wired.com)

Scientists have a name for this medical condition — sleep paralysis. I have a name for this, too: fudgin’ nightmare. It’s pretty common, though. In fact, it is believed that half of the population has experienced this. You’re not alone. Yay for that.

Even without these stats, I’d still tell you you’re not alone — simply because I’ve had more than my share of sleep paralysis “attacks.” And no matter how much I google sleep paralysis, there are things that keep me bothered.

It all started on a trip to a province in the South. One morning, I woke up and found myself paralyzed. I couldn’t move but I could speak. Suddenly, I heard a grim male voice. Although I could not see him, he was talking to me. And he was mocking me every time I try to speak.

“Wag mo nang labanan… Hindi ka makakagalaw…”

I started calling Shy Guy but he was totally in slumber.

“Hindi ka nya naririnig. Hindi sya magigising…” Then he laughed so boisterously, I easily concluded he was more like a demon than a maligno.

I struggled. Then he spoke again, “Wala ka nang magagawa! Akin ka na… Kahit saan ka magpunta, susundan kita…”

I started shouting, “Hinde, hindi mo ako makukuha. Umalis ka. Umalis ka!” But he was mocking me, repeating the words I uttered.

And then I started doing something I had not done for a veeery long time. I prayed.

He stopped mocking me. But as soon as I was finished, he began talking again. “Walang magagawa ‘yan… Nakatakda ka nang kunin.. Kukunin ka na namin…”

It lasted for about 10 minutes but it was the longest 10 minutes of my life. He was just telling me he would get me and that there was nothing I could do about it.

Suddenly, I was able to move and started scooting to one corner of the bed. I was sure it wasn’t a dream; I was fully awake.

Paranormal? Nah, I thought it was what scientists call sleep paralysis. Here’s the medical explanation for it, again from Wired.com:

“This research strongly suggests that sleep paralysis is related to REM sleep, and in particular REM sleep that occurs at sleep onset,” write researchers Julia Santomauro and Christopher C. French of the Anomalistic Psychology Research Unit, Goldsmiths, at the University of London. “Shift work, jet lag, irregular sleep habits, overtiredness and sleep deprivation are all considered to be predisposing factors to sleep paralysis; this may be because such events disrupt the sleep–wake cycle, which can then cause [sleep-onset REM periods].”

I would’ve shaken it off but I have had the same experience a number of times since then, even now that I’m here in the comforts of the city. It was the same guy, the same awful feeling. The monster who would get me in my sleep. Call me childish but it really scares the hell out of me.

Sleep paralysis? I think so. Nothing paranormal.

…

That may be a typical case of sleep paralysis but that doesn’t explain what happened to my friends.

THE GREASE-BLACK PEOPLE

Four of my friends drove to Subic to shoot a short film. They were Tonet, Dohna, Rex and Mimay. They hit the road early morning to catch the sunrise, which was integral in the film. They arrived in Subic at around 4am, around 2 hours too early so they decided to sleep in the car while waiting for the rest of the crew.

There were two cars. In Car A were Tonet and Rex; while Dohna and Mimay, Car B.

Tonet was facing an open window with trees on her view. She fell asleep. Later, she woke up only to find herself unable to move. She could not even turn her head so her sight was fixed on this area in front of her. From somewhere an old man appeared in the distance. He had long hair, red eyes and greasy black skin. Greasy because it was shiny and it felt like it bounced the moonlight, making him visible in pitch darkness.

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One of the first books I received was a children’s bible. It was small, red, and a little too thin for a bible.

Of course, as a kid the first thing I did upon receiving it was scan it and see the pictures. On every page was an image and a short story. My uber-Catholic parents and siblings used to read me biblical stories to sleep. (Oh yes, I grew up in a so very Catholic environment and look how I turned out, haha, agnostic, gay and reckless). Thus, I recognized some of those stories instantly — Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah, Abraham, Jacob — so I didn’t bother reading them.

What caught my attention was the story after Jacob’s. There was a picture of a kid being pulled up a well, and in the background were several men and a caravan. I read it and fell in love with it right away. It was the first story I read on my own. The story — Joseph, the Dreamer.

I admire Joseph. I’m in love with him. He is kind. He is vengeful. He is human. And in my head, he’s hot.

Also, “dreams” fascinate me the way porn does. Not that I like porn. Yeah, I do, who doesn’t? But I meant, how it fascinates other people. Yeah, dreams fascinate me the way porn fascinates other people. Haha. Nagmalinis daw.

Anyway, I’ve been dreaming a lot recently. And I sorta remember those dreams even up to now. So I’m reminded of Joseph once again. But unlike Joseph, I’m not really good at interpreting dreams. Anyone here who’d like to play Joseph and try to figure out what my dreams mean?

If you’re right, I’ll give you.. err… nothing. If you’re right, good for you.

Here are the dreams:

MUTE USHERS AND A BROKEN CELLPHONE

There was a blogger event at Star Mall parking lot. I’m assuming it was Star Mall because I could see an overpass leading to SM Megamall from where I was seated. One of the ushers was a college friend. For this narrative’s sake, let’s call him Joseph. Well, so Joseph was an usher but ushers were not allowed to talk. He was wearing this weird usher uniform which resembled a London guard. He approached me and he said that I won a cellphone. I was confused because I didn’t even join any contest or raffle. Without talking, he was able to let me know that he was not allowed to talk any more. So he walked me to the overpass. Once there, the organizers gave me a high-end phone but it had a girl-ish decoration, something like flower stickers. Worse, it didn’t have a battery. I asked why the phone was like that but no one would talk. So I left and sat again. And then, I woke up.

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Yesterday, Valentine’s Day. This month, Love Month. Gaaawd, it’s mating season once again.

My supposedly 1.5-hour travel time from Makati to Lemery, Batangas became 4.5 hours last night! I was stuck in traffic in Tagaytay for more than three fuckin’ hours! And when I say fuckin’ hours, I mean fuckin’ hours. There are too many people celebrating the Love Day in Tagaytay last night. Damn you lustful people, damn you.

So let’s talk about sex. Aah, sex. Sex — everybody loves sex. Ask your parents, your grandparents or even random strangers on the streets (especially the streets of Tagaytay last night) and they’ll be lying if they tell you they don’t enjoy sex. Admit it, even you enjoy sex as much as everyone does. There’s nothing wrong with it. Everyone does it. Birds do it. Bees do it. Even worms do it. But do you have any idea how exactly animals do it?

You’ll be surprised by how strange the mating rituals of some animals can get. If you think your foot fetish or fascination to bondage and leather is weird enough, take a good look at how our friendly neighborhood animals fulfill their duty to reproduce. Prepare yourself to be blown away by some of the most bizarre mating rituals in the animal kingdom.

10. Tasmanian Devils

Of course, sex is not just about orgasms and all the other heavenly feelings that come with it. Pain is almost always a part of the entire sexual experience. And if there is one animal that knows this fact of life very well, it has to be the Tasmanian devil. If you want to move to Tasmania, expect hearing shrieks from the devils from late February to mid-March, their breeding season. Their mating ritual can be described as a very violent affair. These sadomasochist marsupials engage in ritualized combats. Female devils solicit the males and choose their mates according to physical strength and experience. In other words, they beat up each other, which often results in injuries to the head, rump and neck. Tough love, huh?

9. Pandas

If you think only human beings can appreciate porn, think again. To some pandas, porn is not a stranger. More interestingly, they are not forbidden to watch porn. In fact, they are encouraged to view taped hot, steamy panda-to-panda action by researchers. This is because for quite a while, zookeepers had a hard time getting pandas to breed. They showed very little interest in sex until someone from Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding and Research Base in China decided to show them panda porn!

Although this habit is somewhat forced to them by humans, you cannot deny that their increased interest in making love is enough to make our heads spin. Porn-watching is encouraged today in order to enhance their sexual ability, increase their reproductive capacity and make their population bigger. Thank God for porn!

8. Clownfish

“Finding Nemo” may have taught you a number of facts about the ocean and marine life but there’s something the filmmakers forgot to tell you — Nemo can switch genders. It doesn’t mean that Nemo is gay (But who knows? Haha). It’s just that clownfish, in general, can really switch genders. These lovely bright orange-colored wonders of the sea live in a group which consist of a breeding couple of male and female together with some non-breeding males. The hierarchy is strictly based on size: the biggest is the female, the next biggest is the male. But in the event that the female gets fished or dies for any reason, the breeding male will change his sex and become the female. Then, the largest of the non-breeding clownfish will be promoted to become the breeding male.

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When I decided I would write about this several months ago, I did some research. Apparently, several other websites have similar lists. So I compiled what I found very interesting. Hmmm. Anyway, let me still post my version.

Dreams always catch the attention of experts. It is the subject of many studies, trying to uncover everything about it. However, no matter how much they try, they can only give us so much information about dreams. They are still poorly understood, making them intriguing and fascinating. Although we are yet to learn more about dreams, here are ten interesting facts about them that the experts have uncovered.

10. Dreams are symbolic.

Most often, dreaming about a certain subject doesn’t mean that the dream is about that. For example, if you dream about a particular chicken your neighbour takes care of, how likely is it that the dream you just had is about that chicken? You can’t be in love with that chicken, can you? Dreams use a very symbolic language that can be very difficult to comprehend. This is because the unconscious mind attempts to compare the dream to something similar.

If you dream of something that bothers you, don’t expect anyone else to interpret it but you. Only you can decipher the code that your dreams give you. The things we dream about are often symbols for objects, places, people and experiences we have encountered or emotions we have felt. Dream dictionaries may help you but the meaning is specific to an individual.

9. Things around us while we sleep become part of our dreams.

Scientifically called “dream incorporation,” our mind interprets the external stimuli that our senses are bombarded with when we are asleep and make them a part of our dreams. This means that sometimes, in our dreams, we hear a sound from reality and incorporate it in a way.

For example, you may have heard a fire alarm in your dream, when in reality, your alarm clock just went off. Sometimes, what our bodies feel is also incorporated. For instance, you may have dreamt that you were drowning when in fact, you were just thirsty and your body desperately needs water.

8. Dreams prevent you from losing your mind.

Dreaming is not just a free movie your brain gives you after a long tiring day. It is actually essential for mental health. Believe it or not, dreams can prevent psychosis and schizophrenia. In a sleep study, students awakened at the beginning of a dream but still allowed to get eight hours of sleep suffered from irritability, lack of concentration, hallucinations and signs of psychosis after three days. Finally, when they are allowed their REM sleep, their brains increased the percentage of REM sleep tremendously. Having inadequate dream activity is also a sign of protein deficiency and a personality problem.

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Status: I’m not dense. I just had a slight lack of common sense…
Music: Go On Girl – Ne-Yo

Note: I know Halloween has long been over but I just really have to blog about this because this is the first time I experienced something like this since I started blogging in 2004.

I don’t really have a third eye or sixth sense or something. But I have had a few encounters with the supernatural since I was in Grade School. I don’t see them, though. I hear them. I feel them. I just know when there’s someone else (or something else) present in the same room I am in. But it doesn’t happen all the time. Here are some of my past encounters:

- When I was in High School, my friends were shocked to see two “me’s” in the same room. Yep, someone took my form and did a freak-fest with my friends. I never saw him.

- Back in college, I was in Manila when I received a call from a cousin who was staying at our house in Batangas. She told me that she was currently looking at someone who looked exactly like me. That someone was standing at the doorway of our house.

- I was staying at my friend’s house when a heavy invisible force struck me. There was a part of their house that I couldn’t lay my eyes on. It was painful to the eyes and it really felt heavy. I can’t describe it properly. Another friend noticed how I was acting that night. She said, “You see him? I can. It’s an old man.” Later, we found out that it was where my friend’s lolo died.

As I said, since I started blogging in 2004, I haven’t had any contact with them. Until I got this job.

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Status: Gluttonous
Music: Dangerously in Love - Beyonce

Just like every Holy Week, I did a little visita iglesia yesterday (Good Friday) with my family. Again, I’m not a Christian but my family are. I’ve been schlepping myself lately on the road to Christianity but it’s really hard to force myself to have faith in Jesus Christ again. But so as not to disappoint my mum, I joined my family visit one church after another. It wasn’t that difficult actually, because I usually enjoy travelling. And we do this every year so I kinda get the hang of it.

Our first stop yesterday was Caleruega in Nasugbu, Batangas. This is one of my favourite churches — I like it better than the gigantic Basilica of San Martin de Tours in Taal. Maybe because of its location. Caleruega is on top of a hill. Very windy. Lots of flowers. More like a park than a church, actually.

Anyway, there was nothing spectacular that happened yesterday… other than Dennis Trillo was there, saying his prayers with us, in the same chapel. It was funny because I knew everyone recognised him yet no one, even the people nearest him, dared to approach him because hey, we were there to pray to God and not worship some star.

But damn, he was really cute.

*photo courtesy of imagesphilippines.com

Status: Dumbfounded
Music: Time of the Season – Blake Lewis

When I visited my hometown Lemery in Batangas last week, I was flabbergasted by the immense support that people were giving nominated Pinoy Big Brother season 2 housemate Gee-Ann Abrahan. When I was walking down the main street, I couldn’t help but notice the huge banner in front of our town’s premier hospital. And I thought it was just the banners. When I went shopping in a local department store and bought some groceries in a supermarket, there were flyers that said “Text BB G-ANN and send to 2331 or 231″ in every counter.

I didn’t know if Gee-Ann or any of her parents is from Lemery or any neighbouring municipalities, but the support for Gee-Ann in our town is incredible. And I don’t have any problem with that actually because she’s one of my favourite housemates. This week, Gee-Ann is nominated for eviction again but I don’t think she’d get the boot. The support that she gets from the people in my town alone is too strong.

And I heard Gee-Ann last Monday extending her gratitude to the Batanguenos. Good thing.

Status: Starved
Music: Candyman – Christina Aguilera

Asta and Dohna have told me a number of times that I am very picky when it comes to food. Actually, they didn’t use the word picky; they said I’m too maarte. If I were a different person, I would’ve felt bad. But apparently, it’s true. I’m really maarte, but only on food. And I’m not just picky. I’m strangely picky. Here are some of my strange habits and preferences:

3. Aside from Filipino and Chinese cuisines, the only Asian foods that I munch on are Thailand’s tom yam, Indonesia’s nasi goreng, and Japan’s chicken teriyaki and pork tonkatsu. Anything else — thanks, but no thanks. I love the Korean people, but….

2. I won’t eat carrots once they’re cooked. And I won’t eat tomatoes until they’re cooked. Fresh carrots and cooked tomatoes taste better. But aside from that, I’m like this for health reasons. Recent studies show they’re healthier.

1. I don’t eat beef. I don’t know why. My brain must have had repressed the memory of my experience that made me hate beef so much. I throw up because of the mere smell of beef, raw or cooked. And nope, not even hamburgers I can stand. Ironically, everyone in my family is a beef-lover. And they love preparing kare-kare, beef steak, caldereta, bulalo, etc., so whenever they cook something with beef, I lock myself in my room so as not to smell anything… beefy.

When I was younger, my parents made a rule that I had to eat, or at least taste, anything that they were serving on the table. But I guess I was just a severely spoiled brat they did not succeed in any way. How? Because I really would not eat and starve myself, and my parents would show pity on me, and prepare something else. Since then, they never forced me to try beef again.

Status: Huh?
Music: Home – Daughtry

I love cloudy days. But I hate cloudy nights — especially when there’s a TOTAL lunar eclipse happening, and you just can’t see the damn celestial beauty because the damn clouds are blocking the obscure moon! I hate it! I hate it! You see, I waited for March 4 just to see the lunar eclipse. March 3 started really well: clear skies, fine weather, cool winds. But evening came, and it started to rain here in Batangas. By 5am of March 4, it was almost overcast. And to my utter annoyance, the clouds began to go away when the sun started to peek three hours later. I didn’t get to see the red moon, not even any part of it. Not even a single freakin’ star. All I could see were clouds. Damn! I was really outraged. Those were the times when, knowing how fast the weather can change, I just want to be X-Men’s Storm. Damn! All I can do now is wait for another total lunar eclipse some time in August this year.

*Picture courtesy of digitaljournal.com