A Break-up Letter


I never expected I'd be writing you this letter. We've had six years of wonderful memories but I'm afraid it had come to the Read more

Welcome to the New Yoshke.com


New look. New attitude. New experiences. Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had Read more

Sometimes We Burn to Live


Whenever I meet people for the first time, it always happens. When they start their sentence with "I hope you don't mind me asking but," Read more

Judging By the Cover


Our office is just a stone's throw from where I live. In fact, all I have to do is cross EDSA and voila, hello Read more

Fireworks, Hormones, and this Blog Post


You remember last week when I told you I found it difficult to blog since I met you? Since we became a couple officially, Read more

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?


Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest Read more

Unusual Breakfast


Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I'm getting tired of this Read more

Top 10 National Stereotypes


Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by Read more

EDSA


It could have been a horrible Saturday. I was in the passenger seat. It was a bit raining. Normally, EDSA gets on my nerves. That's why Read more

Why Nursery Rhymes Are So Violent


A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly Read more

Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex


Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two Read more

The Promil Kid Drops the Bomb


Of all the living things created by God, I love my nephew the most. I call him the Promil Kid. He’s the cutest thing. Read more

••••••

Conversations

Lessons from Behind the Wheel

Posted on October 22, 2011 by Yoshke in Conversations, Personal Life, Travel |

I don’t own a car. To get from one point to another, I use public transportation. I get from Point A to Point B either by the MRT or a cab. When I’m in a cab, I take the passenger seat. And it has been a habit to engage the driver in a conversation for two reasons — so I won’t get sleepy and so the driver won’t, either. Many times, I find myself sharing an interesting, sometimes enlightening, conversations with the man behind the wheel. Here are some of those instances.

Photo by my boss, Sir Rolen

What is it with heights that many, myself included, get so obsessed with? I easily get attracted to anything tall. I mean, all my exes are taller than 5’10″. And I don’t think I’m alone. Seems like every five years or so, the tallest manmade structure record gets broken. But I don’t know much about such records in the Philippines.

“Yan ang pinakamataas na building sa buong Pilipinas,” the cab driver said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly when I told him where I was headed to. I was to meet my friend that afternoon.

“Yung PBCom Tower po?” The building had no significance to me whatsoever.

“Oo, yan ang pinakamatangkad na building sa Pilipinas.” he reiterated.

“Hindi halata.”

The driver chuckled. “Eh kasi, matatangkad din ang katabi.”

“Siguro nga po.”

I had never looked at the PBCom Tower the same way again since then. Every time I pass by it, I look up and try to see the top of it. To me, it was beautiful.

A few weeks later, I was about to meet the same friend at the same place. I took a cab again. When I climbed into the vehicle and told the driver where I was going, I thought I could give him a bit of trivia.

“Manong, yun pala pong PBCom Tower ang pinakamataas na building sa Pilipinas.”

With his brows met, he looked at me and grinned. “Hindi siguro.”

“Yun nga daw po. Sabi po sakin ng isang taxi driver dati. Tapos ni-research ko. Tama nga. Yun nga pinakamataas.”

“Sabihin natin na tama nga,” he said, “Eh ano ngayon?”

###

The news on the radio was about the possibility of a fare hike. The cab driver turned up the volume. After the news bit, he shook his head. To my surprise, he was against it. This happened almost four years ago.

“Di po ba kayo pabor na tumaas ang pamasahe?” I asked.

“Hindi naman lahat ng driver gusto tumaas ang pamasahe,” he stated.

“Di po ba tataas ang kita nyo pag tumaas din ang pamasahe?” Read more

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Keeping Them Straight

Posted on October 8, 2011 by Yoshke in Conversations, Gay, Humor |

“What’s wrong with me?” cried Celine, a friend and colleague. Moments earlier, she mastered the art of using all the functional muscles on her face to signal that there was a hot, goodlooking male behind me. Drowning in excitement and a deadly sin, she watched the guy behind me like she was ready to mate.

“Yeah, he was behind me in the queue earlier. He’s tall. He smelled really nice.” I told her. “And he’s gay.”

“No, he’s not.” First stage of grief, denial.

“Don’t you sense it?” I added. “Look at their body language, Celine. The other guy is his boyfriend.”

“Really? That‘s his boyfriend?”

I nodded.

“Really?! THAT GUY??! With THAT face?” Second stage of grief, anger.

Read more

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She Who Shines

Posted on August 16, 2011 by Yoshke in Conversations, Emo, Friends, Personal Life |

She came walking slowly towards me, sat beside me and introduced herself, “Hi! I’m Astrid.” Her name means “star.”

“I’m Yoshke,” I replied. Reluctantly, I shook her hand. “Nice to meet you.” The whole thing was totally weird to me.

It was the moment when, I think, she and I truly became friends. I wouldn’t say we became inseparable since then but I missed her every time we were apart. From then on, we became distant companions. Although we lived miles away, I knew I could rely on her any damn time. She would text me whenever she was around and she would always invite me to an afternoon of enjoying street food. Or just a day of doing nothing at all.

She’s like that every time. She appears whenever she feels like it and I can always expect her to constantly flicker in and out of my world. She’s like a friend from an alternate universe. She’s a flicker of joy. Every moment with her is short, is sweet, is a recurring dream, something I always look forward to and enjoy when it finally comes. She’s the twinkle every dreamer, who has been endlessly watching a certain star, waits patiently for.

She and I seldom get in touch but I always make a point she’s one of the first to know whenever I experience a sudden surge of emotions — when I’m down, when I’m extremely happy. And even when nothing happens, I send her a random, sometimes almost empty, message just to let her know a dreamer is thinking of a star.

One time in Puerto Princesa City, on the way to Crocodile Park, we were in a trike and sat silently next to each other. “I love this,” she uttered. “Do you remember this one scene in Pulp Fiction?”

“Which scene?” I asked, intrigued.

Read more

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Shy Guy and I: The Thought

Posted on August 7, 2011 by Yoshke in Conversations, Humor, Love, Personal Life |

One romantic night, my hubby Shy Guy and I were lying in our bed. It was one of those nights when we would just drop everything we were doing and just enjoy the moment. No one was saying anything. Just exchanging glances and smiles. After a sweet long embrace and a gentle kiss, he looked at me and found me staring back at him.

“Anong nasa isip mo?” he asked.

I smiled, touched his face and whispered, “Antaba mo na!”

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What’s Up, Doc? Really, What’s Up?

Posted on July 13, 2011 by Yoshke in Conversations, Health, Rants |

This happened more than two years ago. But it’s still pretty clear in my head.

June 2009. It was the time when I was constantly having serious digestion problems. Sometimes, my digestive system would not do its job dissolving food while other times, it would just overdo it. I finally had enough so I decided to see a doctor.

Image courtesy of www.doctortipster.com

 

Together with my hubby Shy Guy, I went to a hospital near my office. (Clue: it’s somewhere in Mandaluyong.) We approached the reception desk and said what we were there for. The woman at the desk then told us to proceed to a clinic upstairs. We fell in line and waited a full hour for our turn. We then filled out some forms coz it was my first time at that hospital. Everything was going well until the actual consultation.

Shy Guy chose to just wait for me outside while the doctor and I talked. Inside the room, the doctor asked me to describe what I had been feeling and how long it had been going on. I did and he explained to me what could have been happening in my body. He said I probably had “Irritable Bowel Syndrome.” It was a funny name for a disease, I thought. (It’s a real disorder, though.) He added that it could have been caused by my diet and too much stress. It actually made sense because back then, I usually felt like hitting the restroom whenever I was stressed out.

After giving me a prescription, the doctor then asked about my lifestyle. I answered, “well, I sleep at around 1am and wake up at 7.”

Doctor: Mahilig ka bang uminom?
Yoshke: Years ago but not recently. It’s under control.
Doctor: How much do you drink and how frequent?
Yoshke: Hmmm. I only drink, like, once a month. 5-8 bottles of beer? And some cocktails?
Doctor: Naninigarilyo ka?
Yoshke: Yes.
Doctor: How many packs a day?
Yoshke: 4-10 STICKS a day.
Doctor: You know what, cigarettes are instruments of THE DEVIL!!!

And then he lost it.

Read more

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College Friends Bring On the Crazy!

Posted on May 13, 2011 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

I clearly remember how my friend Dohna attempted to start singing Tina Arena’s Burn with “Do you wanna be a fo…” and tried to get away with it by claiming she was about to say “forest,” not “foet.” And how she shared some words of wisdom, telling me that “sometimes we have to eat our friends in order to live and because they eat us too.“

Well, Dohna is a college friend. And she’s not alone. There are a lot of people like her where she came from. Many of my college friends are hilariously epic.

College friends at Anawangin Cove

Meet Icang

Icang is your girl-next-door type, who just seems lost sometimes. Oh, make that most of the time. She’s the type who reacts to what my other friends and I are talking about just when we have completely moved on to the next topic. She’s adorable like that. No, really, she’s one of my favorite people in the world.

It had been years since I last saw her when we met at Greenbelt last week. I was still single when we last had a conversation and she had a boyfriend then. When we met again, we switched shoes. She was now single and I, happily committed. I was so excited to tell her how happy I was with my current relationship. “We’ve been together for over 2 years,” I said proudly as if saying there’s no way we would break up! “Two years, Icang, 2 years!”

She tapped my shoulder, smiled, gave me a look that I did not know what to make out of, and said “Good for you.” In my head, I was like What the eff was that?

Read more

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Two Salesladies

Posted on April 9, 2011 by Yoshke in Conversations, Humor |

Coming from a meeting in Ortigas, I dropped by SM Megamall to buy a laptop bag. It was around 10:30 am and there were not so many people at Cyberzone. I entered a store and I was the only customer at the time. I was sharing the room with one saleslady who was busy at the counter.

After finally choosing the bag I wanted to purchase, I approached the saleslady and gave her the item. And then something weird happened. She looked at me from head to toe and then stared for a few seconds. It wasn’t condescending. The stare screamed of frustration, of remorse. I was wearing black denim pants, a T-shirt covered with a black coat and leather pants. She wasn’t saying anything so I broke the silence, “Miss, kunin ko na ‘to.”

She took the item and began preparing the paper bag. Then she spoke.

Saleslady: Sir, ilang taon na po kayo?
Yoshke: 24. Malapit nang mag-25.
Saleslady: Ano pong trabaho n’yo, sir?
Yoshke: Sa Marketing ako. Bakit?
Saleslady: Wala lang, sir. Alam n’yo sir, magka-edad lang tayo. Gusto ko rin po mag-marketing dati. Nung high-school ako, gusto ko yung ganyan. Marketing, advertising. Ganun.
Yoshke: San ka nag-college?
Saleslady: Naku, wag nyo na alamin, sir. Hindi rin naman ako nakatapos. Pero matalino daw ako, sir. Nasa top ako ng high school.
Yoshke: O, ano nangyari?

She paused. I swear there were some tears building up in her eyes.

Read more

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The Nerve: A Laundry Service Washout Story

Posted on March 4, 2011 by Yoshke in Conversations, Rants |

Last month, I had my dirty clothes and two dirty bags picked up by a laundry shop staff. I gave a specific instruction that the bags had to be hand-washed.

A week later, I had my clothes and bags delivered. Shortly afterward, a delivery man knocked on my door with my newly washed clothes. I paid for the service and he handed me the receipt. But I noticed that the bags were not there so I courteously asked the guy. He looked shocked because he said, they did not give him the two bags. He offered to go back and check and he’d let me know.

Now, those two bags had been with me since college. One was a Jansport sling bag, which I used through my college years. The other, a Fila backpack, which my brother bought me in one of his trips abroad. The Jansport sling bag wasn’t really that valuable but the Fila backpack was. It was expensive and it was one of the few things my brother gave me. And not to mention, it was the only backpack I had since college.

Several minutes later, the delivery guy returned and apologized because he was told that they had not washed the bags yet.

Delivery guy: Sir, pasensya na daw po kasi nakalimutan daw po labhan. Kunin nyo na lang daw bukas.
Yoshke: Naku kuya, may flight ako bukas ng umaga. Kaya ko nga kinukuha ngayon kasi nage-empake ako.
Delivery guy: Pasensya na po, sir.
Yoshke: Sige kuya, okay lang. Kunin ko na lang pagdating ko.

I settled with borrowing my hubby’s backpack for my trip to Tacloban the next day.

Three days later, I needed to get the backpack again because I had a flight to Cebu the next morning. So I called the laundry shop and a woman answered.

Read more

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The Other Promil Kids

Posted on October 29, 2010 by Yoshke in Conversations, Family, Friends, Humor |

I have been receiving a lot of emails about the Promil Kid from my readers. If only my nephew could blog, I think he would create his own (which is just right since he has been outshining me here on MY OWN blog, LOL). Or, when he reaches the right age, he’ll ask for his share of whatever I earn from this blog (which he will never get).

Anyway, whenever my friends and I meet, they always ask how my nephew is doing or whether there will be any Promil Kid posts anytime soon. See, he’s stealing my friends, too! That kid is evil! And the worst part is, he doesn’t know it!

Most of the time, my friends would also tell me stories about the little children in their lives. You see, most of us know a Promil Kid. It may not be my nephew but I’m sure you know a smart, know-a-hell-of-a-lot kid. And I never get tired of listening to stories about clever, cute and sometimes rude toddlers! Here are some of them.

PROMIL KIDS ARE VISUAL AND BLUNT.

Mind you, visual + blunt isn’t really a pleasant combination. Take my friend Dane’s little sister for example. A couple of years ago, at the start of classes, her mother came to class only to find out that the little girl was not there. Panicking, she looked for her all over the area and found her in another Kindergarten class. Asked why she was there, the evil kid answered, “Eh kasi yung katabi ko, tulo yung uhog! Kadiri!”

She was brought back to her original class.

The next day, the exact same thing happened. She was missing and they found her  in the other class. My friend’s mother said, “Di ba sabi ko sa’yo, dun ka sa kabilang room? Bakit andito ka?”

The girl responded, “Eh kasi yung teacher ko AMPANGET!!!”

PROMIL KIDS ARE REALISTIC!

Don’t ever mess up their reality! One day, the little sister of one of my friends was having a Science exam. The teacher specifically instructed the children to color living things brown and non-living things yellow.

This Promil Kid went home with one mistake, something that she could not accept. She was pissed.

When her mother checked where she went wrong, she realized that the girl colored the grass green and not brown.

“Bakit mo kinulayan na green? Sabi sa directions, pag living things, kulayan ng brown!”

The kid answered, “Eh sa kulay green yung grass ko eh! Pinipilit nyo ko na kulayan ng brown eh kulay green naman talaga yung grass!”

Read more

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Dump Your Guy, Date Andre

Posted on September 9, 2010 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

The last time I featured Andre and his crazy antics on this blog was in December last year when I posted about Pasay City. A lot has changed since then. For starters, we are now working with the same company. And we’re not just officemates, we’re also in the same team. We’re also housemates. So you can just imagine how many doses of major major “crazy” I get from him every day.

Well, Andre is single. Very much so. And if you’re looking for a witty, brilliant, vibrant young guy who can brighten up your day with just a few words, Andre is for you. (OMG I sound like a pimp.) But hey, seriously, he’s a catch. And if you’re looking, drop a comment because he is looking, too. He has been looking. For a long time. Very long time. Very, very long time. Please guys, somebody just take him! It’s such a looong time already. LOL.

And much like the Promil Kid, Andre is actually a most-requested on this blog. So here’s a piece of him. Reasons why Andre is the perfect guy for you. Take it, take it. (Batteries Sold Separately.)

ANDRE IS CHARITABLE.

Andre and I were walking  to our apartment building when we spotted this goodlooking guy having lunch at a carinderia near our place. He squeezed my arm. (That’s a sign of Andre having a chuvachoo-choo moment. Not that chuvachoo-choo means love; it could be just libog for all we know.)

Andre: OMG, Yoshke. Look over there.
Yoshke: Yeah, he’s cute.
Andre: Eeeeeh.
Yoshke: But he’s kinda not your market. You know, social class-wise.
Andre: True. Pero di ba? Siya yung tipong OK lang saken. OK lang saken na gamitin nya ako. Parang gusto ko syang iahon sa kahirapan. Syeeet. Bibigyan ko sya ng pangkabuhayan showcase a la Wowowee!

ANDRE IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR OPPORTUNITIES

Shy Guy, Andre and I were having dinner when Shy Guy mentioned that from his office, they could see Jake Cuenca’s jaw dropping I-want-to-be-a-pair-of-briefs-someday billboard for Bench Uncut.

Shy Guy: Andre, di ba gusto mo si Jake Cuenca?
Andre: Haynaku, tinatanong pa ba yun?
Yoshke: Honga, eh di ba iniiyakan nya si Jake Cuenca.
Shy Guy: Matutuwa ka sa office namin. Mula sa cafeteria namin, kita namin yung billboard ni Jake Cuenca.
Andre: OMG OMG OMG! May job opening ba sa inyo? Kahit anong trabaho.
Yoshke: Haha, I thought you’re very happy with your job.
Andre: Eeeh, with Jake there, I could be happier!

Read more

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