Personal Life

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?

Posted on September 16, 2009 by Yoshke in Emo, Family, Personal Life |

Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest memory is, in fact, months before that.

It was a Saturday morning. I woke up to see the house in complete disarray. It seemed like we had been robbed. But there was no thief. There was only my father, rummaging through the house, looking for something. That time, he had just undergone surgery. He had a nasty liver.

I went out to see a number of people looking at my dad on the roof. He was also searching the roofs. And he kept on yelling, “Where are my millions?” It sounded silly because we were poor and there was no way our family savings could reach the million mark. But my dad kept looking for his “millions.” Take note, “millionS.” Plural.

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The Promil Kid Got Company!

Posted on August 25, 2009 by Yoshke in Family, Humor |

Almost three years ago, just when I thought I could not handle another mischievous kid in the family, God gave us another walking mayhem. Not many of you are aware that I also have a niece. And she’s just as endearing (the kind that you wanna strangle) as my nephew.

My niece is now three years old. She’s called Natalya. My nephew’s name is Yoshke. I gave him that name. He’s now five. For the sake of this blog entry and to avoid confusion, let’s call my nephew Yoshke “Nephew,” and my niece, “Niece.”

Nephew and Niece are seldom in the same place at the same time. You see, they are not siblings. They are cousins. Nephew is my sister’s son while Niece is my brother’s daughter. But whenever they are together, they make a hilarious duo. Nephew is shy but inquisitive. Niece is a star, hence she has a star complex. She is a queen bee in the making. Maldita. Atribida. Echosera.

What happens when they are together?

TWO GLASSES

Other than fighting, one of the activities that they love doing together is drawing. My brother-in-law is a painter. Nephew got that gene. (In fact, he was Best in Art in his batch last year.) One time, I joined them in their crayon-happy session and told them to draw whatever entered my head. I asked them to draw a flower; they did. I asked them to draw a house; they did. I asked them to draw a pencil; they did.

And then I asked them to draw a glass and a plate.

Using a pencil, Nephew did it well. He colored the plate blue (like the real plate he actually uses). And then left the glass colorless. It’s transparent, anyway, so I let it go.

Niece, on the other hand, colored her plate pink. I was about to praise how well she drew the glass when she whipped out a black crayon and scribbled all over it until the glass was almost completely covered.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?! WHAT’S THAT?” I asked.

“Black gulaman,” was her answer.

TWO MANGOES

The same thing happened when Me-Ann, their tutor, asked them to draw a ripe mango.

Nephew colored it green. “It’s not ripe yet,” he argued. “It will turn yellow later.”

Niece colored hers black. Before their tutor could even ask, she declared, “It’s already rotten.”

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Unusual Breakfast

Posted on August 24, 2009 by Yoshke in Flash Fiction, Love |

Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I’m getting tired of this really. Everything’s a routine. And for what it’s worth, you’re the only same old thing that I’m not tired of. But I’m tired of this. Having the same food for breakfast before we go to work.

“What are we really?” I speak first.

You give me a puzzled look.

I speak again. “You said we’re friends. But the things we do — the things I do with you — the thing’s I’ve done FOR you — and the things I’m so willing to do. They are things I don’t usually do with or for my friends.”

You reach for the menu and browse through it like you’re not hearing a thing.

“And the things you’ve done. They are things no other friend has done for me…. Are we really friends? Is that all we have? Friendship?”

You refuse to talk. You just sit there.

“Just friendship? That’s all we have?”

But I seem to be talking with myself. You give no decent reaction to the question I’ve long wanted to ask you. The question I think I’m wasting all my energy asking.

Disappointed, I release a deep sigh. You continue to pretend trying hard to decide what to have for breakfast when we both know you’ll be having the same old thing. You’re just avoiding the topic. So I just let go of it and try not to spoil this morning like it hasn’t been yet.

I change the topic. “You ready to order?”

“Sure. I’m starving.” Finally, your first words for today. It’s so clear how much you hate talking about that topic. Talking about us.

I call on the waitress, the one who’s always served us our meal. In fact, she knows our name and we chat when she’s not busy. We are regular customers. She approaches our table.

“What are you two having?” Her tone sounds like she never really has to ask for she knows exactly what food we are gonna order.

You put down the menu, look at the waitress, smile, then turn to me. And say, “Something more than friendship.”

(I swear I heard the waitress say “I know, ‘right.”)

…
Note: Blogger’s original work. This is fiction. Please see legal and ethical reminders on the sidebar. Thanks very much.

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The Giraffe in the Ref and the Completely Puzzled Life

Posted on August 14, 2009 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor, Mysteries, Whatnots |

image courtesy of warkitty.com

One December evening in Paranaque, Andre, Dane and I were killing time by solving puzzles that I compiled in my head since I was a little boy. You see, I love solving puzzles and challenging my friends to put their problem-solving skills to a test. It was one of those nights. We spent hours solving the detective stories I throw at them. Mind you, they were very difficult puzzles.

Just before daybreak, Dane said:

Dane: I am used to simple puzzles like the giraffe-elephant-fridge puzzle.
Yoshke: What’s that puzzle?
Andre: OMG! You don’t know that?
Yoshke: No. Everyone else does?
Andre: Yep. So give it a try.
Dane: Alright, Yoshke, in three steps, how do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Yoshke: Hmmm.

Hmmmmm…

I spend twenty minutes trying to figure it out. When I blurted, “Don’t tell me it’s ‘Open the ref, put the giraffe, and then close it.’”

They laughed their asses off.

Hey, I was expecting a serious puzzle and this silly puzzle just caught me off-guard!

Andre: How about this: In four steps, how do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Yoshke: (confident) (1) Open the door. (2) Move the giraffe aside. (3) Put the elephant inside. (4) Close the door.

Andre and Dane: WRONG!
Yoshke: Seriously? What’s the right answer?
Andre and Dane: (1) Open the door. (2) Take out the giraffe. (3) Put the elephant inside. (4) Close the door.

Yoshke: But I wanted to just move the giraffe aside!
Andre: Well you can’t! You have to remove the giraffe!
Yoshke: WHY?!!?
Dane: Because it won’t fit!

With that, I snapped!

Yoshke: HOW DARE YOU DICTATE HOW BIG MY REFRIGERATOR IS!!! I MANAGED TO PUT THE DARN GIRAFFE INTO IT; OF COURSE IT CAN ACCOMMODATE AN ELEPHANT!

Alright, so I took that puzzle too seriously. Wahaha.

We all love puzzles. Some people can endure trying to solve one puzzle game and not give up even if they end up hating themselves and hitting someone else for failing to solve it.

Whether it’s just a short detective quiz that a friend has shared or a simple anagram or even a mere puzzling question, we always try to solve them and share them with others. Today, most people are going crazy over sodoku, a puzzle originated in Japan and took the world by storm.

image courtesy of sentimentalrefugee.com

Why do most people love puzzles? Maybe it’s because it is human nature to always ask why or how. Maybe it’s because we love the feeling of being up for the challenge. Maybe it’s the sense of pride and accomplishment when we are able to solve one. Maybe it’s because puzzles divert our attention and escape the real world.

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How to Burn Bridges

Posted on August 3, 2009 by Yoshke in How To, Love |

Status: Hap-hap-happy.
Music: Broken Strings | James Morrison feat Nelly Furtado

Care to solve the following problems? Drop your two cents here.

Problem #1

You’ve had the best five months together. Suddenly, you get distracted. You become busy with other things. You’re still in love with her but time isn’t one of the things you can give her right now. Before you know it, it’s been weeks.

One day, finally, you decide to meet her and talk. She asks if you want to end the relationship. You say, “it’s up to you.” Pissed, she tells you “Aright, it’s over.” And being the prideful person that you are, you don’t wanna look like the one on the losing end, so you say, “Okie. No big deal.” And then you part ways.

The funny thing is, you are still in love with each other. MADLY. But you are both afraid to look like the one aching for it. Since then, you haven’t heard from each other. You’ve never been in love with anyone after her. She’s in a relationship now but she’s still deeply in love with you.

Three years later, you meet again. It’s the day you’ve both been waiting for. You ask her to leave her boyfriend for you. She does.

And because you’ve always loved each other, you are both in euphoria. But as the days pass, you realize that everything isn’t how it used to be and that you’ve been in love with her memory and not with who she is now. And now, you want to end it. How are you gonna tell her?

Problem #2

She’s always been in love with you and it’s no secret. Your family and friends are aware of it. In fact, they have been teasing you, pairing you up with her all the damn time. She’s pretty, kind, and very likable. She’s almost the perfect girlfriend.

But you’ve been having this identity crisis lately. It is starting to dawn on you that you are turning gay.

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The Promil Kid Goes to Church

Posted on July 28, 2009 by Yoshke in Family, Humor |

It’s been really, really difficult to feature my nephew here lately. I seldom see him since I visit Batangas once every three weeks. But finally, I have collected enough anecdotes under one theme. All it took was a little trip to Antipolo!

BLOOD OF CHRIST

When I visit Batangas, one of the tasks that I need to do is to accompany my nephew to church. At first, I was hesitant to do this because I’m agnostic and I don’t believe in religion. However, since no one actually knows about this side of mine, I don’t really have a choice.

His dad is not Catholic so he won’t take him. Other members of the family attend the 6am mass, too early and too cold for a toddler. So the burden is passed on to me every time and I pretend I enjoy the priest’s homily and endure the physical workout that is kneeling and standing every now and then..

It’s interesting to go to church with an inquisitive kid. For one, I am always careful not to mention my beliefs (or the lack thereof). His mother wants him to be raised a faithful Catholic, hence the Catholic school and his obsession to Sto. Nino.

One Sunday morning at the local church:

Nephew: Are priests drunkards?
Yoshke: Well, it’s wine. It’s healthy.
Nephew: I’m not allowed to drink wine.
Yoshke: That’s because you are a kid.
Nephew: When I grow up, I too will drink wine in front of many people.
Yoshke: No, it’s not like that. Weren’t you listening to the priest? The wine symbolizes the blood of Christ.
Nephew: The wine is the blood of Jesus’?

He looked at the statue hanging at the end of the church. It’s an image of Jesus Christ, nailed on the cross, soaked in blood. He stared at it for what was like 10 seconds and turned to me.

Nephew: Why would they want to drink that?

He began scratching his head. And I answered, “I have no idea.”

THE OLD MAN ON TV!

Last Sunday, my family and I went to the Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage in Antipolo City, Rizal. The entire time I was with my nephew. My sister and the rest of the family went inside the church and insisted that my nephew be left with me since the place was already crowded and other devotees chose to stay outside anyways. There were TV screens outside the church so the ones outside could see the priest and what was happening inside.

I was shocked when he asked, “Tito, can we switch that to Cartoon Network? The old man is boring.“

JUST CAN’T WAIT

“Tito, is it over yet? Let’s go to Enchanted Kingdom now!”

It had only been 10 minutes but my nephew was already itching to go to Enchanted Kingdom in Laguna, which was next in our itinerary.

Yoshke: Well, we need to finish the mass before we could go.
Nephew: How long is this going to take?
Yoshke: Like usual. Less than an hour.
Nephew: (sad face) Why do we have to go through this?
Yoshke: We just need to.
Nephew: Why?
Yoshke: Because you won’t be allowed to enter Enchanted Kingdom without listening to the priest telling you that you have sinned.
Nephew: Why?
Yoshke: Because!
Nephew: Why?!?! (just about to throw tantrums)
Yoshke: You see that lady <points to a figure of Mama Mary in front of the church>. Well, that’s Our Lady of Enchanted Kingdom! If you don’t stay here longer, she’ll know. You won’t like that.

He behaved like an angel.

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Yoshke, The Dreamer

Posted on July 25, 2009 by Yoshke in Oddities, Vanities, Whatnots |

One of the first books I received was a children’s bible. It was small, red, and a little too thin for a bible.

Of course, as a kid the first thing I did upon receiving it was scan it and see the pictures. On every page was an image and a short story. My uber-Catholic parents and siblings used to read me biblical stories to sleep. (Oh yes, I grew up in a so very Catholic environment and look how I turned out, haha, agnostic, gay and reckless). Thus, I recognized some of those stories instantly — Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah, Abraham, Jacob — so I didn’t bother reading them.

What caught my attention was the story after Jacob’s. There was a picture of a kid being pulled up a well, and in the background were several men and a caravan. I read it and fell in love with it right away. It was the first story I read on my own. The story — Joseph, the Dreamer.

I admire Joseph. I’m in love with him. He is kind. He is vengeful. He is human. And in my head, he’s hot.

Also, “dreams” fascinate me the way porn does. Not that I like porn. Yeah, I do, who doesn’t? But I meant, how it fascinates other people. Yeah, dreams fascinate me the way porn fascinates other people. Haha. Nagmalinis daw.

Anyway, I’ve been dreaming a lot recently. And I sorta remember those dreams even up to now. So I’m reminded of Joseph once again. But unlike Joseph, I’m not really good at interpreting dreams. Anyone here who’d like to play Joseph and try to figure out what my dreams mean?

If you’re right, I’ll give you.. err… nothing. If you’re right, good for you.

Here are the dreams:

MUTE USHERS AND A BROKEN CELLPHONE

There was a blogger event at Star Mall parking lot. I’m assuming it was Star Mall because I could see an overpass leading to SM Megamall from where I was seated. One of the ushers was a college friend. For this narrative’s sake, let’s call him Joseph. Well, so Joseph was an usher but ushers were not allowed to talk. He was wearing this weird usher uniform which resembled a London guard. He approached me and he said that I won a cellphone. I was confused because I didn’t even join any contest or raffle. Without talking, he was able to let me know that he was not allowed to talk any more. So he walked me to the overpass. Once there, the organizers gave me a high-end phone but it had a girl-ish decoration, something like flower stickers. Worse, it didn’t have a battery. I asked why the phone was like that but no one would talk. So I left and sat again. And then, I woke up.

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Andre and the Passersby

Posted on July 4, 2009 by Yoshke in Celebrities, Conversations, Humor |

SM Megamall

Andre, Shy Guy and I were walking around looking for a place to have dinner at when we passed by Petit Monde. The store’s facade is covered with huge posters of Carmen Soo.

Yoshke: Nagagandahan ba kayo kay Carmen Soo?
Shy Guy: Oo. OK lang. Bakit, ikaw?
Yoshke: Oo naman. Ikaw, Andre?
Andre: Oo namaaan. Iba kasi eh. Simpleng ganda lang. Parang… parang… parang ako.

Hala. Maganda daw sya!

Trinoma

Days after the Carmen Soo incident, Andre and I found ourselves in Trinoma. I forgot why we were there (but I swear it wasn’t bird-watching). Anyway, this time, we passed by Bench where a poster showcasing the buffed physique and nakaka-ihing sex appeal ni Gerald Anderson in a sleeveless shirt, his hands under his head, his armpits exposed.

Andre: (squeezing may left shoulder) Gaaaaaah. Eeeeeeh.
Yoshke: O ano na naman?
Andre: Ang sarap naman ng kili-kili ni Gerald… Parang gusto ko dun tumira…

Go lang! Tumira ka sa kili-kili ni Gerald Anderson! Hindi kita pipigilan!

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Darna’s Kili-kili Power!

Posted on July 3, 2009 by Yoshke in Blurts, Celebrities, TV |

Darna 2005 and Darna 2009 without their costumes and showing their kili-kili. Angel Locsin vs Marian Rivera! Game on!

They’re both hot, aright? But uhm yeah, someone is hotter than the other.
images courtesy of Folded and Hung, and Jag.
special thanks to Shy Guy for the title. haha

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Moving in, Grooving

Posted on June 30, 2009 by Yoshke in Blurts, Friends, Rants |

I moved in to a condo unit along EDSA with Shy Guy, Andre, and other friends last Sunday. It was the most intense pseudo-work out I had in years. Transporting appliances and pieces of furniture was so beyond my masculine capacity.

But of course, after everything was set up and decorated, the satisfaction that I got from being in a lovely home a stone’s throw from my office was immeasurable. The view isn’t bad, either. To our left was Ortigas skyline and to our right, Pioneer Street with The Fort in the background.

However, it wasn’t perfect. So not.

For one, the condominium building is along EDSA and our unit is directly facing the violent (and insufferably noisy) tremors of the metropolis. I did not expect EDSA was producing 10 million decibels. Last night was our second night and we still had not gotten any decent sleep.

Every time an ambulance went speeding through the highway, we would wake up. I even wished, “Come on, just let the damn patient die and let us sleep.”

Every time a bus driver hit his horn, we would be sucked out of dreamland and my rage against city buses was multiplied by the number of times they break road rules.

We’d love to close the windows but using the air-conditioner is gonna hurt our pockets. Darn. We better find a way to sleep sound.

…

The night we moved in, after a series of heavy lifting, we had a pig-out session, food courtesy of Andre. I had more than my share. Later that night, Shy Guy was giving me a massage. He started giving my upper back hard pushes. Finally, he worked on my lower back really hard and I farted just like that.

Nabigla ako eh. Sorry naman.

We ended up laughing, talking about farting for the rest of the night.

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I blog for myself. This is a personal online journal of a nobody. Every person has a story. Every place brings back a memory. Every object triggers an emotion or a thought. What I blog about are these ordinary, average, little things, little happenings, little lives around me. But I have always believed that the universe is fueled by things common and little. And I hope that this blog, no matter how personal, would somehow touch, move, or inspire others the way they inspired me to blog. Even just a single person. Even just a little.

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