Yoshke is Evil | The Beef-Forcing Cashier

This  is a part of the Yoshke is Evil series, in which I will narrate incidents where I thought I was inconsiderate, hateful or evil. This incident happened two years ago and I still can’t get this out of my head.

Midnight. I had been studying for hours with a friend at Gloria Jean’s Café in Tomas Morato when I felt hungry so we decided to move to a Chinese fast food restaurant across the street for a few minutes. I was smilingly greeted by a female cashier who was ready to take my order. There was something weird about her smile, I could tell. It was like she was tired or unhappy.

Yoshke: Pork Chao Fan with pork siomai, pork tofu, and large pineapple juice. Dine in.
Cashier: OK sir, that’s pork chao fan with pork siomai, pork tofu, and pineapple juice large for dine in.
Yoshke: Yep!
Cashier: Sir, just to confirm, it’s pork siomai, right?
Yoshke: Yes, pork. Right.

So she started pressing away and then she fetched my order. I looked at my siomai and found them darker than usual.

Yoshke: Miss, I think this is beef siomai. I wanted my siomai pork.
Cashier: Oh, sorry sir. Yeah, you said pork siomai, sorry.

And then she just stood there for several seconds, perhaps thinking of what to do next. She then turned to me and asked:

Cashier: Sir, wouldn’t you like beef siomai, instead? I already punched it by mistake…
Yoshke: No, I want pork siomai.
Cashier: Sir, please. They taste exactly the same, anyway.
Yoshke: Miss, I don’t eat beef siomai. I don’t eat beef at all. I wish I did so you wouldn’t need to have my order voided but I really don’t eat beef. Since childhood.
Cashier: Sir, perhaps your friend is going to order beef siomai.

So I asked my friend. She had no interest in my beef siomai because she was on a vegetarian diet that night and she would just order black gulaman.

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Yoshke is Evil | The Guard in our Building

I am a good person. At least I think so. I always believe in the good in people. I have faith in a person’s goodness until he proves otherwise. I think I’m kind. I think I’m compassionate. I think I’m helpful. I mean, unlike some people, I wanted to become a diplomat because I actually, genuinely, sincerely, honestly believe in peace and that I had something to contribute to promote it. I donate to charity twice a year. I stand by my friends. I make sure things are fair as far as I could. I like goodwill. So yeah, I think I’m a good person.

Usually, that is.

Sometimes, I question it. Yeah, especially at rare times when I’m orchestrating my plans for revenge retributon justice. Or at rare times I sin in the name of equality or fairness. Or at times I just want to make fun of something… or someone. Or when I scream “Bitch” at a stranger in a very public place. But that’s about it, nothing harmful. Haha.

But there have been a few occasions where I doubted my goodness. I mean really doubted it. They say we all have an evil bone inside of us. And now, the following few posts are some incidents in which I felt that it was the only bone I have left. Here’s the first installment of the “Yoshke is Evil” series.

THE GUARD IN OUR BUILDING

I moved in to my condo building more than a year ago. In my first few months living here, there was a particular guard stationed at the entrance of our tower always blocked me from entering, asking for my ID and the my unit number. In the first several days, I let it go. After all, it was normal. But then, months into my contract, he still continued doing it and it had become the most annoying thing.

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The Road to Death

This is our home in Batangas. And this road in front of it is part of the national highway connecting the Batangan towns of Lemery and Balayan — also known as the Road to Death. This part of the road in the picture is just before the crossing that connects this highway to another highway leading to Tagaytay City in Cavite, and if you go farther, Manila.

Given these facts, you can just imagine how busy it is. When I’m home, I always have to close the windows tight so the noise could not distract me from doing my usual activities comprised mainly of watching TV and err… watching TV. Open the window a little bit and your viewing experience is ruined. This explains why almost every room in our house is air-conditioned.

But the noise is not what makes this part of the road earn its name “The Road to Death.”

The noise is tolerable. It’s been there before us so we have no right to complain. What’s relatively new is the long island in the middle of the road. It was added to this wide street perhaps four years ago, making both of its sides narrower. What they failed to install in addition was a light post. You see, at night, this little road island is invisible. And because it is part of the national highway and may even be the only part of the highway in 5km radius with a concrete island or anything protruding from the ground, motorists are always caught off-guard. Ergo, ACCIDENTS.

As a matter of fact, every time I spend the weekend in our Batangas house (which is every three weeks), I always witness road accidents in this area. The culprit — you bet it’s that damn island. Most of the time, motorcycle drivers fall victim. Sometimes, bigger vehicles. I have seen a truck carrying hundreds of chickens tumble over here. There was even an incident where a truck containing inflammable content having the same fate — my neighbors were all in panic.

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Responsibility Comes with the Territory

image courtesy of www.uproxx.com

Remember this post in which I enumerated the types of people that annoy me the most? Well, let add some more to it.

One of the things I hate the most is neglecting responsibilities. Many times, we find ourselves under a certain obligation. You see not all obligations require written agreement or contracts. Most of the time, different scenarios impose obligations on you. These are responsibilities that are not written, but courtesy dictates that we honor them.

Confused? Well, let me enlighten you with these examples, which I believe many of you have experienced.

JEEPNEY

Don’t you just hate it when you ride a jeepney and the person seated closest to the driver refuses to get your fare to pass on to the driver? Others would do it but would give you an irritated sneer.

I have a couple of friends who do refuse to touch other people’s coins in the jeepney. They say it’s dirty. As if the coins in their pockets aren’t!

God, if you’re taking a jeepney, it is a given that you are obligated to pass other people’s money to the driver, especially if you’re sitting right behind him. Agree?

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Christina Aguilera’s ‘Not Myself Tonight’ Music Video Review

Well, not really a review. More like a rant.

I just hate it that people are saying that Christina Aguilera is ripping off Lady Gaga and Madonna in her newly launched music video “Not Myself Tonight.”

First of all, I really don’t see any Lady Gaga resemblance in that video. She’s been crazy since Dirrty. It just annoys me that people are claiming Christina is copying Lady GaGa’s kinky moves when we all know Christina pushed the boundaries of teen pop music in her time when she released Dirrty and its even dirtier music video in 2002. She was criticized for that, saying she was being too provocative, too naughty. Now, almost every female pop performer is dirrty and even naughtier than X-tina. I think none of what pop bitches, including Lady Gaga, are doing today would have been as appreciated this much if Aguilera didn’t take the fall in 2002, if she didn’t pave the way, if she didn’t push the envelope so hard that time.

image courtesy of Merlito of pinoyexchange.com

Second, my God, some people just don’t understand what “homage” is. The music video is clearly a TRIBUTE to the one and only Queen of Pop, MADONNA. The scene wherein Christina’s on top of the stairs against a misty, foggy backdrop, among others, is inspired by the music video of Express Yourself (1985). Also, the leather-driven orgy scene is obviously a contemporary version of some scenes from Madonna’s Human Nature (1995). And many other scenes are reminiscent of Madonna.

See the Human Nature music video here and Express Yourself here.

I don’t really love the Not Myself Tonight music video but I think it’s genius! Why? Because this video is able to do the following:

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The Crazy Christina Aguilera – Lady Gaga Comparison

I just don’t get it!

I don’t understand why in the world would people try to lambaste Christina Aguilera for the supposed “attempt to copy Lady Gaga” with her new single “Not Myself Tonight” and upcoming album “Bionic.”

image courtesy of www.holamun2.com

It’s not secret. I adore Christina Aguilera. I have blogged about her so many times. I have a copy of all her albums. I even started saving for the first time in my life just to see her on concert (the Manila leg of her Back to Basics tour). Beautiful is probably my all-time favorite song. She’s really one of the best singers (or artists) out there. She has been since Genie in a Bottle, over a decade ago.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Lady Gaga to pieces, too. Been a fan since Just Dance. My Most Played lists on iTunes and Winamp have her songs.  I even have all her music videos on my iPod.

But the comparisons are just absurd.

Today, a Christina Quote is all over the net. It was from an interview in which she addressed this comparison.

“It just comes with the territory. That, in particular, is not even worth wasting the breath to comment on. I’ve been around for over a decade and I think my work speaks for myself.”

And now people are saying how conceited she is, how highly she thinks of herself, what kind of copycat she has become, whatsoever. But man, it’s true. She’s been around for years. And it was only brought up because the DJ asked her about the negative things Akon had to say about her. It’s just sad people never mentioned that. I actually believe it’s a tactful response to the question.

So here, I prepared a list of questions and accusations commonly thrown at Christina with some of my answers.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: Christina Aguilera was out of the music scene for so long sitting her ass off. And now she’s back out of nowhere with the same look and sound as Lady Gaga’s. What’s up with that?

A: What’s up with you? Are you on drugs? She got pregnant! She friggin’ delivered a baby. Of course she would stop for a moment, rest until her vagina healed, spend time with her son and build a family. You know why? Because that’s what people do. It’s not all about fame and glory. That bitch has a heart.

And besides, she’s been doing a film called “Burlesque!”

Also, Aguilera is known for taking too much time preparing for one album. And if you ask why, go ask the Grammy’s why they nominated Stripped and Back to Basics for Best Pop Album.

Q: So what? She still copied Lady Gaga’s music and stole her look!

A: As early as 2008, when she was on Back to Basics tour, she was already very vocal about the theme of her next album, which was still untitled then. She would go to the completely opposite direction of Back to Basics, which is a blast from the past. She declared she would be doing pop again (since Back to Basics sounded like a pop-R&B crossover).

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What’s With the H?

I found this statement somewhere. (But of course, it’s not just somewhere.) Someone described herself with this:

I hate people whose names have the letter H in their names randomly inserted to it, like in Mhe-Ann and Rhon. It’s just uncalled for. It pisses me off.

The first time I read it, I gasped, “What did I do to her?”

To all who don’t know, Yoshke is just a pen name. My real name is quite common but (yes, you guessed it right) it has an H randomly inserted to it. Like Mhe-Ann. Or Rhon.

I don’t even know the girl, yet she hates me for my name. Of course, my first reaction was “It’s not my fault. I didn’t choose my name.” But the more I think about it, the more I realize that it wasn’t my parents’ fault either. Or anyone’s. It isn’t a fault at all. What’s so annoying with a randomly inserted H, really?

But then, I can’t blame anyone who hates people who have the letter H in their names where there shouldn’t be. After all, I have my own share of irrational hatred. For one, I hate cooked carrots. It’s yummy and delicious and orange. But I hate it for no reason at all. My friends say I discriminate cooked carrots but I can’t help despising it.

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Moving in, Grooving

I moved in to a condo unit along EDSA with Shy Guy, Andre, and other friends last Sunday. It was the most intense pseudo-work out I had in years. Transporting appliances and pieces of furniture was so beyond my masculine capacity.

But of course, after everything was set up and decorated, the satisfaction that I got from being in a lovely home a stone’s throw from my office was immeasurable. The view isn’t bad, either. To our left was Ortigas skyline and to our right, Pioneer Street with The Fort in the background.

However, it wasn’t perfect. So not.

For one, the condominium building is along EDSA and our unit is directly facing the violent (and insufferably noisy) tremors of the metropolis. I did not expect EDSA was producing 10 million decibels. Last night was our second night and we still had not gotten any decent sleep.

Every time an ambulance went speeding through the highway, we would wake up. I even wished, “Come on, just let the damn patient die and let us sleep.”

Every time a bus driver hit his horn, we would be sucked out of dreamland and my rage against city buses was multiplied by the number of times they break road rules.

We’d love to close the windows but using the air-conditioner is gonna hurt our pockets. Darn. We better find a way to sleep sound.

…

The night we moved in, after a series of heavy lifting, we had a pig-out session, food courtesy of Andre. I had more than my share. Later that night, Shy Guy was giving me a massage. He started giving my upper back hard pushes. Finally, he worked on my lower back really hard and I farted just like that.

Nabigla ako eh. Sorry naman.

We ended up laughing, talking about farting for the rest of the night.

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Irritants and Guts

Una sa lahat, gusto ko lang isingit na ang hot ni Dennis Trillo sa mga Soda Man pictures nya.

Yun lang. Haha. Hindi sya related sa entry na ‘to. Pero gusto ko lang i-post. Bakit ba?

…

One of the most irritating things in life has to be waking up early so you could come to work on time but you get stuck at some MRT station because the platforms can’t contain passengers anymore, and the train stops even in between stations because the train ahead is also stuck, and you stand beside a guy who keeps chewing — oh no, not just chewing — popping* his gum!

And surprise, surprise, you’re an hour late. Pfffft.

Mantra for the day: Life is good, life is good.

…

But it’s not just this morning. The entire week has not been kind to me, either.

The restroom kept calling me! For four days, my tummy had been tormenting me, urging me to let go of the nasty load I was carrying inside me.

Warning: Graphic language and psychological violence.

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Summer is a Lie!!!

image courtesy of veer.com

Like Santa Claus.
Like the jobs GMA claims her government has created.
Like GMA7 being the number 1 network in the country!

It’s a lie! Summer is a figment of our imagination.

Like Christmas and Valentine’s, used by the media and the capitalists to squeeze money out of us. It’s a lie! I didn’t even feel it. I wasn’t able to hit the beach and it’s raining already. Gaaaaaaaaah.

Mother Nature is being too vengeful. Boo. Haha.