Status: Wasted
Music: Wasted - Carrie Underwood

I am irritated by ABC5’s little tagline for American Idol.

Find out who will America choose next.

My goodness! They should send the poor guy who came up with this sentence back to school and learn Third Grade English. But hey, maybe they should just ignore this pathetic syntax error because there are other things that they should pay more attention to — Ethics, for example. [evil laugh]

Status: Huh?
Music: Home - Daughtry

I love cloudy days. But I hate cloudy nights — especially when there’s a TOTAL lunar eclipse happening, and you just can’t see the damn celestial beauty because the damn clouds are blocking the obscure moon! I hate it! I hate it! You see, I waited for March 4 just to see the lunar eclipse. March 3 started really well: clear skies, fine weather, cool winds. But evening came, and it started to rain here in Batangas. By 5am of March 4, it was almost overcast. And to my utter annoyance, the clouds began to go away when the sun started to peek three hours later. I didn’t get to see the red moon, not even any part of it. Not even a single freakin’ star. All I could see were clouds. Damn! I was really outraged. Those were the times when, knowing how fast the weather can change, I just want to be X-Men’s Storm. Damn! All I can do now is wait for another total lunar eclipse some time in August this year.

*Picture courtesy of digitaljournal.com

Status: Annoyed
Music: Just so You Know - Jesse McCartney

Here’s the thing. Bumming around is not that good after all — especially when a certified couch potato like me gradually grows tired of staying in front of the television just because my freakin’ cable provider gives me a really weird channel selection. There are more trashy channels than the ones I find useful and entertaining. And they change channel assignments without giving us any notice at all. In the middle of the movie, say I’m watching HBO, the channels would switch, and I have to find that channel again.

If watching National Gerographic and Discovery channels is the top sign of being a geek, then wow, I am definitely one. There are a lot of shows that I really make an effort trying to catch. But I’m terribly pissed. For some reason I am yet to enquire about, my cable provider seems to be stationed in another continent. Why? Because what we have is Discovery Channel Europe and National Geographic Channel Europe.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been wanting to live in Europe from the very moment I learned I don’t. But for a person who grew up with these channels’ Asian counterparts, adjusting to the European versions is a really difficult thing. For starters, all Discovery Europe talks about are engineering, technology, industries, and forensics — stuff that their Asian counterpart also has. But Discovery Asia offers more. They also feature culture, ecology, and other topics that awaken human interest. I’m tired of learning about how incredible the Rotterdam port is, or how massive European ships are, or how speedy German cars can get, or their theories on how the primitive Brits built the Stonehenge. I used to be really amazed, but after a while, I might just want my cable provider to suddenly switch channels.

What infuriates me more is the time gap. Unlike Discovery Asia and NG Asia, the channels we have show European schedules. For example, I want to catch a certain show, I always need to add five or six hours more to the time they show on the screen, because, of course, they’re in Europe. And I never get used to it!

Moreover, their primetime shows (logically, their best shows) I can watch at around 2 or 3 in the morning. Damn.

I better stop complaining and call my cable provider now.

Status: Berserk
Music: Be Without You - Mary J. Blige

I’ve just arrived from the six-week camp I joined since January 3. It was so fun, yes. But to tell you the truth, it was oh-so-painful, too. After loving and being loved by the kids we were with, parting time was something I dreaded. Until now, it pains me. I really have some attachment problem that I really need to do something about. Anyway, I would love to write about that camp but I just can’t right now. Not that laziness got the better of me. It’s just that I can’t. But I will do it soon — complete with pictures.

Meanwhile, I’m going to write about the recent Grammy Awards. I was disappointed. I am a Dixie Chicks fan. Not a big fan, though. Just a fan. And I love the song Not Ready to Make Nice. It really deserves the Song of the Year Award. But I really, really believe that the Record of the Year Award should’ve been given to Mary J. Blige for Be Without You.

Damn. I miss the kids so much.

Waaaah! I’m losing focus because I’m preoccupied with the thought that I may not be able to see those kids again. It’s sooo sad.

Anyway, to Jordan, Daniel, and Chun, I know you’ll be visiting this website, I just want to say, “Hello.” Haha.

Waaaaaaah! I miss the kids! THE KIDS!!! THE KIDS!!! Especially Peter.

I’ve gone berserk! God knows what I might do to this damn keyboard. Hahaha.

Status: Annoyed and starved.
Music: Shut up - Black Eyed Peas

Next to the people who just can’t shut their freakin’ mouth up while watching a movie in a theatre and the people who just keep on feeding you spoilers the day before your favourite TV show’s final episode’s broadcast, the people you are with in an internet cafe, those who are playing PC games who just keep on SHOUTING curse words at each other and at the game, are the most annoying people in the world.

Why do they have to shout for heaven’s sakes? One, they’re sitting beside each other! Second, no matter how loud they curse the computer, it won’t react! They just look stupid. How could they be so insensitive to people like me, who has been focusing on editing HTML stuff for this website?

And what is taking my DSL subscriber so long to install an internet connection at my place?

I’m outta here… before I could even shout and tell them to shut up. Assholes.

Status: Infuriated.
Music: Too Little Too Late - Jojo

It annoys me so much when the people you usually help suddenly accuse you of being the cause of all mishaps in the world.

Yesterday, despite being deprived of sleep and feeling a little sick, I decided to go to work because, although there’s not much to accomplish this week, I wanted to finish what I would be able to so I could just relax in the office for the rest of the week. Then came the time that I needed to print something out. Here’s the scenario: there’s only one printer in the office and it is directly connected to the secretary’s computer. There used to be a network that connects all the PCs to that printer but I don’t know what the fuck happened.

Here’s what happened: I appoached Mariah Carey (name changed to protect identity) and told her that I would be printing something out so I would have to use her computer for a few seconds. I was smiling, mind you. And then she blurted, “Bakit ba parati nyo na lang akong iniistorbo? Hindi mo ba nakikitang may ginagawa ako.” (It was a good thing she said that in Tagalog cos I can hardly stand her English.)

I was shocked, like seeing-Britney’s-pussy shocked. She’s crazy. First of all, the printer is connected to her PC and only to her PC. Second, what was she doing anyway? She was just chatting. Yes, chatting. She was just chatting with men from all over the world trying to find a boyfriend. What’s wrong with that, you ask? Well, get this. She’s married.

Being the warfreak that I am, I answered smilingly. This time, I was faking the smile. “Uhm, maybe because the printer is connected to your PC and not to anybody else’s.” But of course, here’s what I wanted to tell her, “Duh?”

“Ano ba kasing nangyari sa network printer sharing?”

“I don’t know. It is you and Celine Dion (again, name changed) who are here outside.” (Because two other colleagues and I have our own room, separating us from the rest of the employees, and our PCs are not connected to any network, so we really have to use the other computers when printing.)

“E ikaw ang nakasira nun e!”

“Huh? Me? Why me?”

“Di ba nasira yung connection nung may pinaayos sayo si Celine Dion sa computer nya? Di ba ginalaw-galaw mo yung PC niya kaya hindi na maka-connect ang PC niya sa printer na ‘to.”

That’s the point I lost my cool and released the magnificently angry gay me. “Excuse me! It was this network printer connection that she was asking me to fix! Meaning, if you still don’t get it, it was already broken before she even asked me to touch her PC. Nagpatulong sya saken kasi hindi sya makapagprint. I was trying to help, and it’s not like I volunteered. She asked me to help her.”

She was speechless. She must have realised I was really furious and that she was wrong. She then said, “Ikaw naman, nagalit kaagad. Para konting biro.”

NEKNEK MO, LECHE KA. Biro ka dyan. I was waiting for a “sorry,” but it never came.

“Sa susunod at may mangyare sa PC nyo, kahit maglupasay pa kayo sa sahig, hinding hindi ko na kayo tutulungan.” I walked out gracefully.

What made me really angry was the idea that whenever they experience problems with their PCs, they would always call me to fix it. And I would always try. But with the limited computer skills, I can only do so much. They call me when their PCs catch spywares, and to install something on their system, and to ask me the how-to’s. They always turn to me when it comes to technical stuff, and never have I heard a word of appreciation. As if it were really my job to help them with computer-related stuff.

Like, haller? The last time I checked there’s nothing about computer troubleshooting and maintenance in my job description.

And the last time I checked, I’m the Research and Development Head and she’s the secretary.

And oh, the last time I checked, I earn more than she does, more than she could imagine I do, I could even buy her a new husband (definitely an exaggeration), hehe.

Bitch.

Status: At work
Music: Come to Me - P. Diddy feat Nicole Scherzinger

And yes, I already bid goodbye to my German Pride layout and to my entire blogdrive account as well. From now on, I will be using wordpress and the domain name yoshke.com. But if you still want to see my old blog, all you have to do is click this.

# # #

Anyway, as days go by, it becomes more and more difficult for me to conceal my gender from my family. The more I lie, the more I feel guilty. It would be very easy not to let them know about my sexuality, but lately they are getting suspicious and starting to ask questions that are really tough to answer.

Last week, while having dinner, my mum asked, “Oy, Yoshke, when are you going to bring another girlfriend here?”

And I answered so sweetly, “How can I bring a girlfriend? I don’t have one.”

My sister butted in, “The last time you introduced a girlfriend to us was December last year. Isn’t it time for us to meet a new one.”

“But I don’t have a girlfriend,” I uttered. “I have a boyfriend, though.”

Everybody laughed. It was a joke to them. Although it’s not true that I have a boyfriend right now, I wanted to see what their reactions would be. And they just laughed because they thought I was just joshing them.

But last Wednesday night was a different case. Again, we were having dinner when my mother initiated a talk about having a relative in the workplace. My sister and I share the same opinion, “No way.” And then she demanded for a reason.

I told Mum, “I wouldn’t want to be conscious of everything I do… especially when I know that he/she would tell the entire family of the going-ons in my life.”

My sister got curious, “Such as…?”

“Nothing,” I answered.

“Like something illegal, or something gay or something like it?”

And then my mum got on her feet and asked me with an eyebrow raised, “Are you gay?”

“HELL, NO!” I manly denied.

Oh well, that’s life. The dinner ended with a smug look on my face.

# # #

Let me take this opportunity to actually bash some of my gay friends. It annoys me that I always have to explain about my sexuality. In fact I have already talked about it in detail here. And as I said before, I don’t believe in gender. Gender is just a social construct. It doesn’t matter to me if you’re gay or lesbian or bisexual or whatever you want to call the homosexual/bisexual lot. They are just labels anyway. For me, you’re either male or female. And I don’t care if you’re a man who likes women or other men. I just fuckin’ don’t care. To me, you’re still a man because you have a dick hanging between your legs.

And yes, sometimes I use the term bisexual when talking about myself not because I accept the idea but because I want other people to understand. I may like other men but I LIKE GIRLS, TOO. And if you don’t believe me, then don’t. As if your opinion matters to me anyway.

But for a gay person not to believe that there are people who like BOTH men and women, or those who find it so pretentious, it doesn’t make sense. To think that these are the people who have always wanted open-mindedness so that they be accepted. Why can’t you accept that not all people are like you. Not all people who like men cannot love women just as well. Why can’t you understand this? I don’t know if you just have a pea-sized brain or you have some comprehension problem or you are just plain stupid. Anyway, why am I explaining this now when I know that they will never ever understand.

For the last time, I will tell you this, I love both men and women. And if you don’t want to believe this just because you’re not like me, then what can I say? Try this, just get a dick and never take it out of your mouth if it’s the only way for you to shut up.

And yes, I’m talking to you Bebs and Rex.