Status: In Pain
Music: Never Be the Same Again - Melanie C feat Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopez

BREATHE IN, DAMN IT!
My nasty lungs are giving me the torture of the century. Every effin’ breath hurts. Damn. And now I’m imposing a cigarette ban on myself. For now.

###

A TALE OF MY BLOODY TOENAIL
My right big toe is swollen. I got ingrown toenails, and I had been complaining about it since, like, forever but I couldn’t do anything because I was afraid it would bleed. And you know how I react when I get up close and personal with blood. Aargh. My housemate told me to forget about shoes for a while. What?! Are you kidding me? I could stand that pain but not the feeling of looking like a fashion disaster. So I still wore my fave pair of Chucks and got through my day filled with walking, walking, and uh, walking. It was excruciating. Like I said, every breath hurt, and every step did, too. I knew I should’ve just worn slippers. Hehe.

Later that day, I went home limping. Bad mood, of course. I took off my shoes and turn my PC on. But it wouldn’t boot. I pressed power again. Nah. Restart. Nah. In utter frustration, I began jerking the monitor and kicked the CPU with my right foot.

HOLY MARY MOTHER OF CHRIST!

The ingrown nail cut through my big toe and blood started to squirt. Painful is a freakin’ understatement. Not to mention the blood that made me feel more uncomfortable. My initial reflex was to wash away the blood with something. Looked into my bag and found my bottle of Green Cross alcohol, and without thinking, poured some on my bloody toe.

You know what happened next. (Was I cursing in Russian?)

Damn alcohol.

###

THE TROUBLE WITH LOVE ME IS
And of course, there’s this painful feeling of being alone. I’m happy but I still believe I could be happier. My last relationship ended almost two years ago. It was with Liza. Back then, I was busy with my thesis and crazy over someone else (ehehehe, I was so evil).

Hmmm. I’ve been single that long already. Wah.

Prech and Patti told me once that I didn’t know how to handle relationships. That all I was good at was just fall in love. But relationships… I suck (they say). I believe them.

I’ve only had three girlfriends (and zero boyfriends, hehe) but not one of them lasted more than five months.

###

“OKIE. NO BIGGIE.”
Here’s how one of my exes, Michi, and I broke up.

“Hey, so how are we?” She said.
“I don’t know,” I answered.
“Do you want it over?”
“It’s up to you.”
“Won’t you say anything?”
“If you want it over then fine. It’s really up to you.”
“I want it over.”
“Okie. No biggie.”
“I’m serious. I want it over.”
“I am, too. And it’s really no big deal.”

After that, we hated each other sooo much. Both claiming how we still loved each other but incredibly hurt that the other did not even try to fight for the relationship. Yeah. I know, right? I just didn’t want to look like I was on the losing end. Too bad, she shared the same thought.

Oh, pride.

###

“…So when I’m lying in my bed, thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead, I’m loving angels instead….”
— Angels, Robbie Williams

Note: This is not a poem.

To you, uber-cute son of a bitch (sorry, foul language),

Damn you, don’t text me.
When you text me, I can’t help replying.
When I reply, we start talking.
When we talk, we get to know each other better.
If we keep on doing that, we’ll become friends.

And we can’t be friends.
If we’re friends, we’ll get closer.
If we’re closer, I’ll care so much.
When I care that much, I might fall.
If I fall, I might get hurt.
When I’m hurt, I become vengeful.
You won’t like that.

Your sister won’t like that, either.

So please, don’t do this.
We can’t be friends.
Seriously.

And oh, again, don’t text me.
And stop calling me!!!

So there. I said it.

*** Actually, I really, really like the guy. He’s intelligent, knowledgeable, articulate, funny, and most of all, CUTE. But that’s exactly the problem. If he continues being nice to me, I’ll fall. To quote Ian Hainsworth (Desperate Housewives): “If we can’t have anything more than friendship, then we’d rather have nothing. Nothing at all.”

Waaaah. But damn! I like him.

Status: Wet
Music: Back for Good - Take That

I got the title from a peyups.com poster -otep-, which he got from some other website. If you don’t watch the TV programme Heroes, that line “Save the Cheerleader. Save the world,” is actually very, very important for one character, the cheerleader, must be saved so they could all save the world. I refused to watch Pinoy Big Brother for the longest time, but coincidentally, when I was about to continue my Heroes marathon last Monday, I saw Gee-Ann hysterically expressing her frustrations and anguish about the current situation and how Wendy seemed to manipulate everyone in the house. Bravo, Gee-Ann, bravo! And I started watching Pinoy Big Brother again since. And although it’s been more than a month since I vowed not to watch PBB again, I realised I did not really miss anything significant. But this one, hmmm, I bet ABS-CBN is celebrating right now thinking that their “wise”, albeit unfair, decision of shoving Wendy back into the big yellow house is finally paying off. One word, baby: ratings.

These are the things about the housemates that watching PBB again has proven to me:

1. Gee-Ann is indeed a fine lady. No matter how squatterly Wendy’s approach to the situation is, Gee-Ann continues to do things with class and poise. Poor girl she is, though. She’s rich, pretty, and smart, but she’s a weakling. Her self-confidence is below sea-level (which I understand because most weak people I know are actually  goodlooking and intelligent and wealthy. As if it’s God’s way of balancing things up. Weird.) And that’s what Wendy found out when she was evicted, and now that she’s back, she takes advantage of that. Nasapul mo Gee-Ann, “Kung ako, sume-strategy lang, hindi siya (Wendy) ang ino-nominate ko, dapat ikaw (Bea). E ikaw tong hindi mapa-tumba e. E siya, naevict na!”
2. Bea is indeed calm. And being calm and composed always doesn’t mean being plastic. It just shows us that the girl thinks and does not do things which she knows will not do her any good. You go, girl. Have a happy period! Ehehehe.
3. Mickey is indeed rational. Wendy could’ve manipulated everyone inside the house but not Mickey. I remember when Wendy was ranting about how Gee-Ann nominated her despite Gee-Ann’s claim that she loves her. Mickey said, “Don’t you love Bodie? Why did you nominate him?” Also, how he smashed Wendy’s face with statements like, “So it’s all about the money?” and “Don’t you think what you’re saying is unfair?”
4. Bodie is indeed a wallflower. I still barely notice him. But it’s nice that now, he realised he had been fraternising with the wrong people inside the house. Too late, dude. You’re never gonna get my support. And my vote is precious. Ehehehe.
5. Nel is indeed a sidekick. I loved what Bea told Nel the other night, “Basta ako, bida ako sa kwento ko. Ikaw, sa kwento mo, alagad lang.” Haha. Nasapul mo! Mabuhay ka Bea. Ayan kasi, Nel. Masyadong tuta ni Wendy.
6. Bruce is indeed dumb. Shame on him. Being a UP grad, nakakahiya siya. How could he not realise that Wendy is just using him? And that he’s being controlled by that bitch? And how he makes gatong or making the situation worse instead of trying to fix things? Where’s your spine, man? When you think, use your brain, not your balls! Damn. He could’ve been one of the best contenders for this season’s Big Winner, but he lost it just because of damn lust. Ano ba naman, Bruce? Libog lang yan, nagpapaka-tanga ka na. To quote Asta, “Tonta. stupid. moron.” And for that, you and that fuckin’ Wendy fuckin’ deserve each other.
7. I was wrong when I said that Wendy is the root of all evil inside the house. I was so wrong. She’s not the root of all evil. Wendy is evil. She is evil personified. My God. All my life I never thought that such a bad person could exist. And she’s doing it just to get the public’s sympathy so she could get that P1 Million na parati niyang bukambibig. You wish, arsehole. Oo na, totoong tao ka na. Lahat ng nakikita namin sa’yo, totoo. Pero sabe nga ni mental_indigestion, how about your boobs? Are they real, too? Hahahaha. Last night, Wendy asked Bruce: “Salbahe ba ako?” Damn. Nagtanong ka pa. And Bruce answered that with a firm “No!” Anubayun? SHUNGA! *ahem* TANGA! She’s a psychotic, greedy, stupid, insecure, envious, proud, egocentric, pathetic, fake-boobed son of a bitch! Sorry, I just had to say that. (A’right. *composing myself* Back to being diplomatic. Ehehehe.)

(more…)

Status: Hopeful
Music: 4 in the Morning – Gwen Stefani

I am not a fan of film festivals and competitions. Er… well… I am. But only up to the spectator level. I’m not really into joining them. Unlike my friend Tonet, who joins every contest imaginable (and won some), I am not the type who really watches out for film festivals.

Yes, I have joined some. Our class project “Comfort Zone” has been to a number of competitions, too. But it wasn’t really my decision. My groupmates took care of the application, requirements and everything. “Sangang Daan” has never exited my room to participate in any contest, primarily because my thesis partner Jerwin and I are too busy and too lazy to actually move a muscle. “Bad Trip,” the documentary I filmed with Nep, made it to ABC5’s TV show “Dokyu” because it was Nep who practically did everything. I didn’t have the drive. I didn’t have the motivation. I didn’t have the passion. And I was just too lazy.

The truth is, long before I graduated from UP, I had already given up Film as a career. So then, I could not see the point of joining competitions and winning any. Back then, I knew I wanted to become a diplomat. I tried looking for Film-related jobs not because I was planning to pursue a career in it, but because I need fillers. I need something to do while waiting for the Foreign Service exam.

But if there’s one thing I could not give up about Film, that’s screenwriting. I’ve always enjoyed writing and I always will.

Last year, Tonet dragged me with her to ABS-CBN for a pitch for CinemaOne Originals. She initially wanted Leo to join her but realising Leo was too busy to be her chaperone, she chose me instead. I never really liked being the second choice but that was Tonet. I could not let her down. She’s a great friend.

CinemaOne Originals had a theme: modern Filipino family. Tonet already had a concept. Although I did not really love her storyline, I helped her in developing it. Though it was Tonet’s project alone (I was just a sabit), I felt proud that Tonet made it to the semi-finals – or finals – the part where you get to pitch. Our pitch was terrible. There were too many flaws in the story. Right there and then, I felt sad. We would not make it. And unfortunately, we were right.

When the winners were announced for that season last year, I was aghast. There were too many big names — film directors, advertising people, and one of our professors back in college. All I could say was, “Oh-key.” But disappointment eventually turned into anger upon realising that their concepts were not really about modern Filipino families — fake identities, boobies falling in love in Rome, metlogs? I mean, come on. So much for having a theme.

(more…)

Status: Traumatised
Music: Say OK – Vanessa Hudgens

For the longest time, I’ve been a fan of Pinoy Big Brother. From Season 1 to Celebrity and Teen Editions to the current season, I tried to defend PBB from my friend-detractors. And now I find myself being one of them — the detractors. This post might be a spur-of-the-moment thing, but considering how the PBB management has been trying to manipulate everything in the show, even lacking logic or rationality and breaking their own rules of the game, I realised I’ve had enough.

What’s with the Balik-Bahay thing? This is sooo unfair. The people have already decided. And they chose to kick them out of the house. In Season 1, there was also something like this, but that was to replace Bob (forced eviction). This time, Maricris already had a replacement. There is certainly no reason for doing this Balik-Bahay crap. This is just another desperate attempt to save Wendy’s ass and shove her back into the house.

The ex-housemates have already seen and experienced the outside world. And they have been evicted. By the people. Putting them back in the competition ruins the very essence of the program.

And rationalising it by saying that it has been done in other countries? That’s rubbish. They must have had shortage of people creative enough to come up with a hokum. Or maybe not. After all, I doubt if they could really think of a good excuse for this.

And don’t give me that everyone-deserves-a-second-chance reason. Second chance, my ass. That’s bull shit. I know that’s sooo sweet, almost romantic but damn, this is a game. The rules are simple. Housemates nominate those they want out. Viewers decide who’s gonna stay. Viewers. The people. The ones watching the show. The ones who vote. Using their own money. Just to save the ones they like. And trash those they abhor. I really believe that this Balik-Bahay rubbish is a betrayal of the people. And their trust. The people who supported them. And I’m one of them. (Yes, I feel betrayed. Console me.)

I would worship PBB for all its worth kung entertainment value rin lang. HOWEVER, this time, they just crossed a very very important line. This is also a game. And so, fairness is crucial. As much as I wanted to make the show more exciting by letting them put Wendy back into the game, I know that’s not fair — to the housemates left inside and the viewers who spent money just to save their housemates of choice. Because I said, this is not just a show, or a reality show, this is a game.

I can’t believe they’re doing all of this just because of their vested interests. Two things. The roots of all evil. One is money. And the other is Wendy. They might’ve earned a lot when Wendy was nominated that most people, even those who didn’t like Dionne and Saicy, voted for the other two just to have Wendy evicted. And now that Wendy is up for another chance, the management may be enjoying another round of addictive profits. And here we go again, Wendy gets so much airtime. Stories all focus on the Wendy-Bruce all-for-show fake team-up (hoping they would make a bankable loveteam outside). Direk Lauren Dyogi must really love this bitch. And that makes Dyogi a filthier bitch, licking Wendy’s ass all the time.

And if airtime ain’t enough, just take a look at this article:

While the housemates were confined in the boys room, Wendy and the others were allowed out of their secret room and into the kitchen to prepare their lunch…

Hmmm. Wendy and the others? And Wendy is the only one who deserves a name to be mentioned? Who is she, Nicole Kidman? Damn it.

I really, really feel betrayed and violated. This is a scam! We are cheated by the management. Sayang lang ang mga load natin na ginamit para ma-evict yung ayaw natin, maibabalik lang din naman pala sila. Ano ba ‘to eleksyon? Hanggang PBB ba naman, uso ang dayaan? Pinaglalaruan na lang tayo ng PBB. Niloloko na lang tayo. Binabastos na lang tayo. Ginagago na lang tayo. The viewers are not dumb. We are not stupid. I-boycott ang PBB.

Fuck you, PBB. You’ve just lost a fan. And I’m sure I’m not alone.

(But I really hope this is just one of my spur-of-the-moment things. Coz I love the show. Or at least, I used to.) *photo courtesy of 43things.com

Dear (?) Wendy Valdez of Pinoy Big Brother Season 2,

You don’t know how much you made me happy when you got evicted from the PBB house last night. It was one of the most glorious moments of my TV-watching life. It made my day.

At sa ABS-CBN, mabuti naman at hindi n’yo minanipulate yung resulta ng botohan tulad ng pag-manipulate nyo sa airtime (the Bitch, Wendy, had had more than her share) at pag-edit out ng mga scenes wherein the Bitch was backstabbing the other housemates.

At muli, Wendy, my final words, mabuti nga sa’yo. At feeling mo, popular ka. Sana ay hindi ka magka-career dito sa labas.

[ evil laugh ]

See this post first. In fairness to ABC5, they already changed their tagline for American Idol. God must have heard all my prayers for them to see the light. They did see the light but not that clear, though. This was their previous tagline:

Find out who will America choose next!

I told my friends, who used to work for ABC5 and they just laughed at this tagline. Now, their tagline is:

Find out who will be the next American Idol!

Nyahahahaha. Why can’t they figure out that there’s a syntax error? If I showed this to some Grade School students, they would easily detect what is wrong. But I guess, some people never learn.

Status: Wasted
Music: Wasted – Carrie Underwood

I am irritated by ABC5’s little tagline for American Idol.

Find out who will America choose next.

My goodness! They should send the poor guy who came up with this sentence back to school and learn Third Grade English. But hey, maybe they should just ignore this pathetic syntax error because there are other things that they should pay more attention to — Ethics, for example. [evil laugh]

Status: Huh?
Music: Home – Daughtry

I love cloudy days. But I hate cloudy nights — especially when there’s a TOTAL lunar eclipse happening, and you just can’t see the damn celestial beauty because the damn clouds are blocking the obscure moon! I hate it! I hate it! You see, I waited for March 4 just to see the lunar eclipse. March 3 started really well: clear skies, fine weather, cool winds. But evening came, and it started to rain here in Batangas. By 5am of March 4, it was almost overcast. And to my utter annoyance, the clouds began to go away when the sun started to peek three hours later. I didn’t get to see the red moon, not even any part of it. Not even a single freakin’ star. All I could see were clouds. Damn! I was really outraged. Those were the times when, knowing how fast the weather can change, I just want to be X-Men’s Storm. Damn! All I can do now is wait for another total lunar eclipse some time in August this year.

*Picture courtesy of digitaljournal.com