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Note: This entry was written for Crunkish.com, a really interesting site that our team put up. It is still under construction but if you want to take a peek, knock yourself out.

Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two naked individuals reminds us that we can be free. In fact, in this very intimate and private activity, we let go of all our apprehensions, fears and insecurities. Some people want to do this in silence. Some prefer the rough, noisy way. Whatever way you choose, never spoil the moment by saying something incredibly stupid. Here are the top 10 most awful things to say while making love.

10. “Cream. We should paint the ceiling cream.”

One of the most ridiculous things you can do while having an intercourse is not paying attention to your highly engaging activity. When you’re making love or even just having a plain casual sex, focus on your partner and what you do. Do not think about the ceiling, that busted pin light, that ugly painting on the wall or, God forbid, your business presentation for the next day. Sex requires your full attention not just for you to enjoy the activity but also your partner. If ever you get bored in the middle of romancing, at least act as if you were enjoying. Your partner might be doing his/her best and as a sign of common courtesy, do your best enjoying what he/she gives you… or pretending to enjoy what he gives you.

Just swallow it: “Where’s the remote?” “Hon, did you lock the front door?”
Spit it out: “You’re the best.”

9. “You are so much like your sister.”

Or worse, her mom. Or worst, her dad. When you’re making love, never ever compare your partner to another person you have had sex with. That just ruins everything. Think about this: you two are alone, enjoying each other’s company. Your mind should be fixed on your partner and not wandering in some other world. Comparing is not just mean; it is cruel. If you want your partner to give you maximum satisfaction, don’t pull down his/her ego by trying to see how similar or how different he/she is to others.

Just swallow it: “Now I understand why he dumped you.” “You are as great as my ex.”
Spit it out: “Nothing compares to you.”

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…They’re like chocolate cakes, like cigarettes. I know they’re bad for me but I just can’t leave them alone….
— Buses and Trains, Bachelor Girl

Caution: The following entry contains sexually explicit language and may be a little graphic. If you are offended by this kind of stuff, please stop reading, skip this entry, or leave now. Thanks very much.

When Tonet and I were having dinner (or should I say partying — there were already several beer and vodka bottles on the table) with Direk Joyce Bernal, Rudy Fernandez, Lorna Tolentino, Philip Salvador, Tirso Cruz III, a couple of actor-senators (kilala nyo na kung sino), and some of Direk’s staff, Direk Joyce suddenly talked about the sex scandals (videos) she had seen on a friend’s cellphone. It was really awkward because I’m not the type of person who talks about sex with other people, especially with big stars like them. Direk was already a bit drunk. She narrated exactly what happened in the video — in detail.

There was a drunk Japanese girl, then the man shoved a finger up the girl’s pussy. Then there were two fingers. Three. And then the entire hand…

BANG. That was it. She was bluffing, I thought. Upon hearing it, I thought it was just an exaggeration. I didn’t believe Direk. How could an arm fit in a girl’s you-know-what. So I went home and shrugged it off.

Months lates, while in the office and had run out of anything else to do, the thought entered my mind again. So, I searched the net. To my surprise, it is true. A hand (and sometimes, a pair of hands) can actually fit inside that thing. And some women enjoy this extreme sexual act. In fact, they have a word for it — fisting.

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Status: Damn horny. (Kidding)
Music: Size Matters - Natasha Bedingfield

Caution: The following contains sexually explicit language and may be a little graphic. If you are offended by this kind of stuff, please stop reading, skip this entry, or leave now. Thanks very much.

When Dohna and I were partying at Sidebar Cafe in El Pueblo, I was also too busy playing with and pulling her dangling earrings. She, then, said to me, “Why do you keep on pulling my danglings? You want me to pull yours?” She lowered her right hand and levelled it at my crotch.

“Dohna,” I said smilingly, “mine is too small to be pulled by anyone.” She laughed to death and shared to everyone what she had heard. I was not embarassed. Not at all. It’s not true, anyway (oh, come on). It was just a joke to stop Dohna from grabbing my “thing.”

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