I spent most of my years in Batangas and although my Dad was from Masbate/Palawan, I’ve always considered myself a 100% Batangueno. I’m your typical Batangueno — great and proud of his roots. In Tagalog, magiting at mayabang. Joke lang. Pero half-meant. After all, wala pa akong nakitang Batangueno na hindi proud na taga-Batangas. Gaah, that’s for another story.

Ayun na nga, magiting at mayabang. Sa madaling sabi, barako. Haha.

image courtesy of wowbatangas.com

My mother has a store in Lemery’s New Public Market. Batang palengke ako, ika nga. I used to roam around the market. My eyes, feasting on almost endless colorful arrays of stalls selling toys, clothes, food and other stuff. One of the most noticeable colors also has a very noticeably strong smell. Brown. Coffee. Kapeng barako.

Barako is not a common coffee variety, although it is abundant in Southeast Asia especially in the Philippines. It has the largest beans of all the coffee varieties. Its taste is said to be superior to Robusta, and most Filipino coffee drinkers prefer Barako to Arabica. The Arabica-Barako blend is a popular gourmet coffee. Barako is considered to be the best among Liberica species. (Wiki)

The Lemery Public Market was like a vast coffee pantry. To be honest, even when sleeping, I’d know if we had entered the market premises once that aroma started tickling my nostrils. I used to see at least a couple of “barako stalls” within one block. Parang bigas na may mountain range-type na nakadisplay tapos doon sinasalok yung coffee beans or powder. In one lane, I’d find at least five coffee stores. And God knows how many lanes our market had at the time.

Since I stepped foot on college, I had always asked my mum to buy me packs of kapeng barako. I had not gone back to that market. Until last month. Seven years had gone so fast that I failed to see how much that market changed. At the time, I knew something had changed but I couldn’t quite put a finger on it. I couldn’t figure it out.

Last month, I was approached by someone from Howie Severino’s team from GMA7’s iWitness. She asked me what was worth featuring in or about Batangas. Topics flooded my mind — from the fish pens on the edges of Taal Lake to the soon-to-be-erected Monte Maria Shrine (bigger than Rio de Janeiro’s Jesus Christ the Redeemer) to political dynasties (ahem Ermita ahem Leviste ahem).

As I was thinking of something to suggest, it hit me. What is “wrong” with our local public market today, what’s changed, what’s missing are the barako stalls. They are practically vanishing.

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Yesterday, Valentine’s Day. This month, Love Month. Gaaawd, it’s mating season once again.

My supposedly 1.5-hour travel time from Makati to Lemery, Batangas became 4.5 hours last night! I was stuck in traffic in Tagaytay for more than three fuckin’ hours! And when I say fuckin’ hours, I mean fuckin’ hours. There are too many people celebrating the Love Day in Tagaytay last night. Damn you lustful people, damn you.

So let’s talk about sex. Aah, sex. Sex — everybody loves sex. Ask your parents, your grandparents or even random strangers on the streets (especially the streets of Tagaytay last night) and they’ll be lying if they tell you they don’t enjoy sex. Admit it, even you enjoy sex as much as everyone does. There’s nothing wrong with it. Everyone does it. Birds do it. Bees do it. Even worms do it. But do you have any idea how exactly animals do it?

You’ll be surprised by how strange the mating rituals of some animals can get. If you think your foot fetish or fascination to bondage and leather is weird enough, take a good look at how our friendly neighborhood animals fulfill their duty to reproduce. Prepare yourself to be blown away by some of the most bizarre mating rituals in the animal kingdom.

10. Tasmanian Devils

Of course, sex is not just about orgasms and all the other heavenly feelings that come with it. Pain is almost always a part of the entire sexual experience. And if there is one animal that knows this fact of life very well, it has to be the Tasmanian devil. If you want to move to Tasmania, expect hearing shrieks from the devils from late February to mid-March, their breeding season. Their mating ritual can be described as a very violent affair. These sadomasochist marsupials engage in ritualized combats. Female devils solicit the males and choose their mates according to physical strength and experience. In other words, they beat up each other, which often results in injuries to the head, rump and neck. Tough love, huh?

9. Pandas

If you think only human beings can appreciate porn, think again. To some pandas, porn is not a stranger. More interestingly, they are not forbidden to watch porn. In fact, they are encouraged to view taped hot, steamy panda-to-panda action by researchers. This is because for quite a while, zookeepers had a hard time getting pandas to breed. They showed very little interest in sex until someone from Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding and Research Base in China decided to show them panda porn!

Although this habit is somewhat forced to them by humans, you cannot deny that their increased interest in making love is enough to make our heads spin. Porn-watching is encouraged today in order to enhance their sexual ability, increase their reproductive capacity and make their population bigger. Thank God for porn!

8. Clownfish

“Finding Nemo” may have taught you a number of facts about the ocean and marine life but there’s something the filmmakers forgot to tell you — Nemo can switch genders. It doesn’t mean that Nemo is gay (But who knows? Haha). It’s just that clownfish, in general, can really switch genders. These lovely bright orange-colored wonders of the sea live in a group which consist of a breeding couple of male and female together with some non-breeding males. The hierarchy is strictly based on size: the biggest is the female, the next biggest is the male. But in the event that the female gets fished or dies for any reason, the breeding male will change his sex and become the female. Then, the largest of the non-breeding clownfish will be promoted to become the breeding male.

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When I decided I would write about this several months ago, I did some research. Apparently, several other websites have similar lists. So I compiled what I found very interesting. Hmmm. Anyway, let me still post my version.

Dreams always catch the attention of experts. It is the subject of many studies, trying to uncover everything about it. However, no matter how much they try, they can only give us so much information about dreams. They are still poorly understood, making them intriguing and fascinating. Although we are yet to learn more about dreams, here are ten interesting facts about them that the experts have uncovered.

10. Dreams are symbolic.

Most often, dreaming about a certain subject doesn’t mean that the dream is about that. For example, if you dream about a particular chicken your neighbour takes care of, how likely is it that the dream you just had is about that chicken? You can’t be in love with that chicken, can you? Dreams use a very symbolic language that can be very difficult to comprehend. This is because the unconscious mind attempts to compare the dream to something similar.

If you dream of something that bothers you, don’t expect anyone else to interpret it but you. Only you can decipher the code that your dreams give you. The things we dream about are often symbols for objects, places, people and experiences we have encountered or emotions we have felt. Dream dictionaries may help you but the meaning is specific to an individual.

9. Things around us while we sleep become part of our dreams.

Scientifically called “dream incorporation,” our mind interprets the external stimuli that our senses are bombarded with when we are asleep and make them a part of our dreams. This means that sometimes, in our dreams, we hear a sound from reality and incorporate it in a way.

For example, you may have heard a fire alarm in your dream, when in reality, your alarm clock just went off. Sometimes, what our bodies feel is also incorporated. For instance, you may have dreamt that you were drowning when in fact, you were just thirsty and your body desperately needs water.

8. Dreams prevent you from losing your mind.

Dreaming is not just a free movie your brain gives you after a long tiring day. It is actually essential for mental health. Believe it or not, dreams can prevent psychosis and schizophrenia. In a sleep study, students awakened at the beginning of a dream but still allowed to get eight hours of sleep suffered from irritability, lack of concentration, hallucinations and signs of psychosis after three days. Finally, when they are allowed their REM sleep, their brains increased the percentage of REM sleep tremendously. Having inadequate dream activity is also a sign of protein deficiency and a personality problem.

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A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly digested the story that the rhymes tell. And then he began asking rather uncomfortable questions. One of the first rhymes I taught him was Humpty Dumpty.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses, And all the King’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again!

He might have finally understood the rhyme when he gasped and said curiously, “Did he die?”

“Well,” I replied, “he’s an egg. Who cares?”

“I like eggs. Did they cook Humpty Dumpty?”

“Maybe. Who knows?” He looked sorry but we went on singing. And then there was Rock-A-Bye Baby.

Rock a bye baby on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

And again, my nephew asked, “Tito, did the baby die?”

“I hope not. But it was just a baby and it fell from a tree. So… Poor baby.”

“Why was the baby on top of the tree?”

“I dunno. Maybe it was a baby koala bear,” I dodged, not realising that a-koala-cub-in-a-cradle was a very stupid thought. But really, my nephew was right, why the hell is the baby on the tree top, anyway?

I went on teaching him more nursery rhymes. Itsy Bitsy Spider. Pop Goes the Weasel. Peter Peter Pumpkin-eater. Old King Cole. Baa Baa Black Sheep.

I’ve always noticed that many of our nursery rhymes are actually very violent. I don’t usually give a damn. But my nephew was smart enough to understand what he was singing and sensitive enough to actually feel for the characters. After almost every rhyme I taught him, he would ask me what happened to the character.

• to Peter’s wife whom he kept inside a pumpkin. (Peter Peter Pumpkin-eater)
• to the itsy-bitsy spider after going up the spout again (Itsy Bitsy Spider)
• to the three blind mice after the farmer’s wife cut off their tails (Three Blind Mice)
• to the four and twenty blackbirds that were baked in a pie (Sing a Song of Sixpence)
• to Jack who fell down and to Jill who tumbled after (Jack and Jill)

I had to remind my nephew that it was bad to make fun of blind people (or blind mice, for that matter) and that pies don’t have dead black birds in them (at least, not usually). And guess what my nephew said after Jack and Jill. “Tito, did they die?”

Thank God he didn’t ask how many people were killed when the London Bridge fell down.

But even before this incident, I’ve always been wondering why these nursery rhymes have a sort of violent theme. Glenn once told me that they reflect history — what was happening at the time of the rhyme’s creation. It was only five minutes ago when I did some research and this is what I have found.

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Everybody knows the story of how Archimedes accidentally realised how to measure the volume of irregularly-shaped objects just by soaking himself in a tub. The story of how Alexander Fleming unintentionally discovered the bacteria-fighting properties of a certain mould, which would later inspire the invention of penicillin, is being taught in schools. These are just two of the most amazing accidental discoveries that most people are aware of. If you are blown away by how chance played a huge role in many accidental discoveries, you’ll be more whacked out by some of the greatest and funniest accidental inventions.

Whether it is an experiment that went utterly wrong but produced unsolicited results or a simple situation that squeezed the creative juices out of people, an accidental invention is surely something that never fails to introduce our jaws to the floor. Here is a list of the ten greatest accidental inventions in the past that caught mankind off-guard.

10. Ice Cream Cones

If you don’t believe in fate, ice cream cones will make you. Ice cream cones are a worldwide sensation today. Who would have thought that fate had a lot to do with its advent. The humble beginnings of these yummy cones can be traced back to 1904 at the World’s Fair in St. Louis, Missouri. Prior to that time, ice cream was served on bowls.

But on one particularly sweltering day, two stores were standing near each other. One was selling ice cream while the other was selling zalabia, a kind of Persian wafer thin waffle. While the latter was not doing good business, ice cream was a hit at the fair. Then, the ice cream store ran out of dishes. Instead of panicking, the store owner came up with an excellent idea of buying zalabia from the other store, rolling them into cones and popping the ice cream on top. The rest is delicious history.

9. Potato Chips

If creativity is the root of all ice cream cones, annoyance is to blame for the creation of the good ol’ potato chips. In 1853, George Crum, a chef in Saratoga, New York, had a very hard-to-please customer. Cornelius Vanderbilt, a railway magnate, refused eating the fries that the chef served him. He repeatedly sent them back, demanding that the fries be sliced a bit thinner. The miffed Crum finally reached the boiling point so he sliced the potatoes so thin and fried them so that his fussy customer couldn’t eat them with a fork. The comedy is that Vanderbilt actually liked it. Soon, all the guests at the resort were craving for the crisp potatoes. Later, it officially became part of the menu as Saratoga Chips.

8. Post-it notes

In 1968, Spencer Silver, a 3M scientist was trying to improve adhesive tape. Unfortunately, he only managed to produce semi-sticky adhesive that is not even suitable for tape. Despite being so frustrated about the failure, he decided to set aside his invention, hoping that it could be of great use in the future but he didn’t know what.

Four years later, another 3M researcher, while singing with his church choir, needed something to keep his marker from falling out of his hymnal. Chewing gum would prove to be a little messy, so what he needed was something that would not stick permanently. Then, he finally saw the light when he remembered the weak glue that his co-worker invented a few years back. It was the beginning of the ubiquitous post-it note, which would later be created in 1980.

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When the human body is broken down into its chemical components — carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, etc. — it is only worth $23.80.
— National Geographic Channel FAQS

They say that the human soul weighs 21 grams. I wonder how much it costs. Hmmm. I guess the human soul is priceless.

Status: Annoyed
Music: Just so You Know – Jesse McCartney

More people die annually from eating sharks than being eaten by sharks.
- National Geographic Channel

The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.
– Mrs. Bree Van De Kamp, Desperate Housewives
– (coincidentally, or maybe not) Isaiah Washington
of Grey’s Anatomy in an interview with Oprah.

Status: Learning to spit fire.
Music: On the Radio – Nelly Furtado

Although there’s no rule, most Bulgarians nod for “no” and shake their heads for “yes”, which really confuses foreigners. Weird, huh?

Status: Supposed to be working but what the hell?
Music: Dahilan – Barbie Almalbis

I finally checked out Tourism Department’s official website and all I could say was “WOW!” It is sooo nice I even forgot I was in the office “working.” And gosh, I was so overwhelmed by how much I still have to learn about the Philippines, considering that I have lived my entire life here. Looking at their trivia page, all I could utter were more wows. Here are some of the information I found that might interest you (Although most of them I’ve been pretty aware of since childhood, they are still worth posting):

• Filipino bowler Rafael “Paeng” Nepomuceno was the first bowler to be elevated to the International Bowling Hall of Fame based in St. Louis, Missouri, USA. The Philippine Congress has named him “Greatest Filipino Athlete of All Time.”

• Philippine National Hero and writer Jose Rizal could read and write at age 2. He grew up to speak more than 20 languages, including Latin, Greek, German, French, and Chinese. What were his last words? “Consummatum est!” (“It is done!”)

• The popular toy, the yoyo, was invented by 16th century hunters in the Philippines.

• The Philippines became the first Asian country to win FIVE major international beauty pageant crowns — two for Miss Universe, in 1969 and 1973, and three for Miss International, in 1965, 1970, and 1979.

• The antibiotic erythromycin — used to treat a wide variety of bacterial infections, such as respiratory tract infections, middle ear infections, and skin infections — was created by Filipino scientist Abelardo Aguilar, and has earned American drug giant Eli Lilly billions of dollars. Neither Aguilar nor the Philippine government received royalties.

• Philippines Herald war journalist Carlos P. Romulo was the first Asian to win a Pulitzer Prize in Journalism in 1942. He was also aide-de-camp to General Douglas MacArthur in World War II; Philippine resident commissioner in the U.S. Congress from 1944-46; and the first Asian to become UN President in 1949.

• On January 18, 1995, Pope John Paul II offered mass to an estimated 4 to 5 million people at Luneta Park, Manila, Philippines, making it to the Guiness Book of World Records for the Biggest Papal Crowd.

• There are 12,000 or so species of seashells in the Philippines. The Conus Gloriamaris or “Glory of the Sea” is the rarest and most expensive in the world.

• Of the 500 known coral species in the world, 488 are found in the Philippines.

• Of the eight species of marine turtles worldwide, five are reported to be found in the Philippines: the Green Turtle, Hawkbill, Leatherback, Olive Ridley, and Loggerhead.

• Of the eight known species of giant clams in the world, seven are found in the Philippines.

• The largest bell in Asia hangs at the belfry of the 221-year old Panay Church. It is 7 feet in diameter and 7 feet in height, and weighs 10.4 tons. Its tolling can be heard as far as 8 km. away. It was casted from 70 sacks of coins donated by the townspeople as a manifestation of faith and thanksgiving.

• The World Cup, which was instituted in 1965, is contested annually by the national champions of the Federation Internationale des Quilleurs (FIQ). The highest number of wins is 4, by Filipino bowler Rafael “Paeng” Nepomuceno: 1976, 1980, 1992, and 1996.

• Tagala – the Philippines first Filipino-Spanish dictionary which was printed in 1613, 25 years older than the first book printed in the United States.

• In the Philippines, Filipinos were introduced to the English language in 1762 by British invaders, not Americans. Philippines is the world’s 3rd largest English-speaking nation, next to the USA and the UK.

• The world’s largest pearl was discovered by a Filipino diver in a giant Tridacna (mollusk) under the Palawan Sea in 1934. Known as the “Pearl of Lao-Tzu,” the gem weighs 14 pounds and measures 9 1/2 inches long and 5 1/2 inches in diameter. As of May 1984, it was valued at US$42 million. It is believed to be 600 years old.

I’m leaving you with a quote from a British traveller, which I really agree to.

“Mayon is the most beautiful mountain I have ever seen, the world-renowned Fujiyama (Mt. Fuji) of Japan sinking into perfect insignificance by comparison.”
—British traveler-writer A. Henry Savage Landor

*photo courtesy of members.cox.net