A Break-up Letter


I never expected I'd be writing you this letter. We've had six years of wonderful memories but I'm afraid it had come to the Read more

Welcome to the New Yoshke.com


New look. New attitude. New experiences. Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had Read more

Sometimes We Burn to Live


Whenever I meet people for the first time, it always happens. When they start their sentence with "I hope you don't mind me asking but," Read more

Judging By the Cover


Our office is just a stone's throw from where I live. In fact, all I have to do is cross EDSA and voila, hello Read more

Fireworks, Hormones, and this Blog Post


You remember last week when I told you I found it difficult to blog since I met you? Since we became a couple officially, Read more

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?


Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest Read more

Unusual Breakfast


Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I'm getting tired of this Read more

Top 10 National Stereotypes


Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by Read more

EDSA


It could have been a horrible Saturday. I was in the passenger seat. It was a bit raining. Normally, EDSA gets on my nerves. That's why Read more

Why Nursery Rhymes Are So Violent


A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly Read more

Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex


Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two Read more

The Promil Kid Drops the Bomb


Of all the living things created by God, I love my nephew the most. I call him the Promil Kid. He’s the cutest thing. Read more

••••••

Vanities

Yoshke, The Dreamer

Posted on July 25, 2009 by Yoshke in Oddities, Vanities, Whatnots |

One of the first books I received was a children’s bible. It was small, red, and a little too thin for a bible.

Of course, as a kid the first thing I did upon receiving it was scan it and see the pictures. On every page was an image and a short story. My uber-Catholic parents and siblings used to read me biblical stories to sleep. (Oh yes, I grew up in a so very Catholic environment and look how I turned out, haha, agnostic, gay and reckless). Thus, I recognized some of those stories instantly — Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah, Abraham, Jacob — so I didn’t bother reading them.

What caught my attention was the story after Jacob’s. There was a picture of a kid being pulled up a well, and in the background were several men and a caravan. I read it and fell in love with it right away. It was the first story I read on my own. The story — Joseph, the Dreamer.

I admire Joseph. I’m in love with him. He is kind. He is vengeful. He is human. And in my head, he’s hot.

Also, “dreams” fascinate me the way porn does. Not that I like porn. Yeah, I do, who doesn’t? But I meant, how it fascinates other people. Yeah, dreams fascinate me the way porn fascinates other people. Haha. Nagmalinis daw.

Anyway, I’ve been dreaming a lot recently. And I sorta remember those dreams even up to now. So I’m reminded of Joseph once again. But unlike Joseph, I’m not really good at interpreting dreams. Anyone here who’d like to play Joseph and try to figure out what my dreams mean?

If you’re right, I’ll give you.. err… nothing. If you’re right, good for you. :P

Here are the dreams:

MUTE USHERS AND A BROKEN CELLPHONE

There was a blogger event at Star Mall parking lot. I’m assuming it was Star Mall because I could see an overpass leading to SM Megamall from where I was seated. One of the ushers was a college friend. For this narrative’s sake, let’s call him Joseph. Well, so Joseph was an usher but ushers were not allowed to talk. He was wearing this weird usher uniform which resembled a London guard. He approached me and he said that I won a cellphone. I was confused because I didn’t even join any contest or raffle. Without talking, he was able to let me know that he was not allowed to talk any more. So he walked me to the overpass. Once there, the organizers gave me a high-end phone but it had a girl-ish decoration, something like flower stickers. Worse, it didn’t have a battery. I asked why the phone was like that but no one would talk. So I left and sat again. And then, I woke up.

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The Jologs Factor

Posted on December 15, 2008 by Yoshke in Celebrities, Movies, Music, TV, Vanities |

I remember this one time I was having a few rounds of beer with my friends Jon and Marck somewhere in Metrowalk when the conversation suddenly made a sharp curve onto “Jologs Avenue.” I was shocked but delighted to learn that they had a jologs side, too. And it made me wonder if my friend Icang was right when she said, “we all have the Jologs factor.”

I am a hodgepodge.

My personality is a mixture of a wide variety of traits and tastes. For example, my taste in music. I appreciate pretty much anything. As in anything. One time, you see me listening to Vanessa Mae; the next minute I’m humming Kylie Minogie’s Locomotion or Nelly Furtado’s Say It Right. Give it an hour, I’m belting out a Basil Valdez ballad or an Aegis classic. Haha.

When it comes to food, I enjoy gourmet food. But if you drag me to the nearest fishball stall, I’ll gorge on street foods nang walang patumangga.


My interests range from a bit highbrow to downright jologs! And I’m proud of it. Haha. And I admire those people who are not ashamed to free their jologs alter-ego every once in a while.

  • One of my friends, Aila, may be one of the most conio-looking Atenean in the world. She has this conio aura. But heck, she used to watch “Ang Pangarap Kong Jackpot.”
  • Another buddy, Marck, translates English songs to Tagalog (and vice versa) whenever he’s bored, which is like every day of his life.
  • Robin just can’t get over the glory days of the Juday-Wowie loveteam!
  • RJ will introduce your jaws to the floor once he enumerates his crushes — Jean Saburit, Jennifer Mendoza, Shirley Fuentes, Bunny Paras, Tina Paner!

And me, well, I have more than my share. It’s innate. In fact, everything I touch magically becomes jolog-ish. Haha. Here are some of my J-Facts (jologs factors).

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How My Friends See Me II:
“Mastering” Vanilla Sex?

Posted on October 12, 2008 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor, Sex, Vanities |

What’s wrong with my friends?

They’ve been so very imaginative lately; they’re accusing me of things. Things that are, well, pretty amusing. Very recently, they, albeit separately, came up with an interesting theory. More like a guess, actually.

ROBIN

While malling. A few months ago.

Robin: I kinda miss the “bossy” you.
Yoshke: Hey, I was never bossy.
Robin: You were. You are. It’s just today that you seem to be not that.
Yoshke: Must be the weather.
Robin: What about the weather?
Yoshke: Humid. Makes me feel sleepy.
Robin: I bet you’re also bossy in bed.
Yoshke: OMG. If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were hitting on me.
Robin: Ass. It was a neutral question! I just wanna know if you boss your partner around…
Yoshke: Hmmm. So you really wanna know? Haha.
Robin: That’s not what I meant, Dimen.
Yoshke: Then, you’ll never know.
Robin: But really, something tells me you’re into S&M (sadomasochism, sadism and masochism, slave and master).
Yoshke: (bonggang bonggang LOL)
Robin: So, are you?
Yoshke: You’ll never know. :P

JT

After watching the hilarious 3D animation “Igor” (starring my fave John Cusack)

You see, most hunchbacked assistants to evil scientists in many celebrated literary and film works (Dracula, Frankenstein, etc) are named Igor.

The movie Igor is sooo entertaining that even after seeing it, JT, Klara, Dohna, Chino and I couldn’t shake it off. When I was finally home, I texted JT.

Yoshke: Igor, you home na?
JT: Yes, master. I’ll pull the switch.
Yoshke: Ah JT, stop impersonating Igor. It’s turning me on. JOKE LANG.
JT: Really? Joke daw.
Yoshke: Haha. Bahala ka. You really think I’m into S&M?
JT: Pwede. So what role do you play?
Yoshke: I won’t answer that question.
JT: You don’t have to. I think I know, Mr. Power.
Yoshke: Hahaha. I won’t confirm or deny anything.

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Hahada Laang: Batangan Tagalog

Posted on August 24, 2008 by Yoshke in Humor, Public Affairs, Vanities |

Status: My room aircon is busted. Waaah. Ang init.
Music: Best Days – Graham Colton

“Hahada laang.”

This was what I told my new housemates in UP Diliman when they asked me where I was going. They laughed their guts out. I didn’t know why. But I laughed with them. Pretended I was getting the joke I didn’t even realise I cracked.

I added, “Bakit? Gusto nyo sumama?”

And they laughed even harder. Way harder. I was a college freshman. And I was straight then. This was why I made a sort of “joker” impression on my housemates even though most of the time, I was as serious as hell. And the only humour I knew was sarcastic.

“Hada” in Batangas, or at least in Lemery, means “to take a walk.” Hihikap. Gagala. Maglalakad-lakad. It took me almost two years to finally figure out that “hada,” in gay lingo, actually means to go out and look for potential sexcapades. I didn’t know.

When I tell people I’m a Batangueno, they are usually shocked. Their first reaction is always to ask me “How come you don’t have the accent?” I never had that accent. I can fake it but I never had it. We don’t have it in the family. But fellow Batanguenos and even those who hailed from other Southern Tagalog provinces easily trace my Batangan roots when I start talking. I may not have the accent, but my diction — ah, my diction — is as Batangan as it can get.

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How My Friends See Me:
Twisted Impressions

Posted on August 11, 2008 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor, Vanities |

Last week at the apartment…

Glenn: Do you have a copy of the first three seasons of House?
Yoshke: The first two are with Dohna. You’re addicted, aren’t ye?
Glenn: Yeah. (He paused a bit and then continued talking.) Every time I see Dr. House, I am reminded of you. No offence meant.
Yoshke: None taken. Haha. May I know why?
Glenn: You’re both sarcastic.
Yoshke: Damn, I thought you’d say we’re both brilliant. Hahaha.

Laughter. Silence.

Yoshke: But, you know, it takes wit to be sarcastic. So I’ll take that. Haha.

…

Last year in Robin’s car, on the way to Tagaytay.

Robin: You should make a career out of that.
Yoshke: Out of what?
Robin: Humiliating people.
Yoshke: I don’t humiliate people!
Robin: You just told me that all it would take was just one queer push and I would turn gay instantly.
Yoshke: But I always tell you that.
Robin: Not over dinner. In front of my entire family.
Yoshke: Aright, forgive my occasional lack of tact.
Robin: You meant to say it. You enjoy humiliating me.
Yoshke: Well, it only matters if you think I’m right. And I’m not. (pause) Right?
Robin: Of course not. I can’t believe we’re talking about this.
Yoshke: Er, aright, I’m sorry.
Robin: Don’t say sorry unless you mean it.
Yoshke: I mean it.
Robin: Friendly tip: don’t make a career out of this.
Yoshke: Out of what?
Robin: Acting sincere. You suck at it.

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Protected: Am I Nuts or What?

Posted on July 27, 2008 by Yoshke in Family, Health, Oddities, Vanities |

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The Winding Road

Posted on July 18, 2008 by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Gay, Vanities |

“I think you’re 80% straight.”

I was startled by these ridiculous words from my friend Chemae. We were walking back to the cottage at a resort in my hometown in Batangas. The conversation went like this:

Yoshke: Well, that remaining 20% makes me totally gay. 1% can make someone gay, you know.
Chemae: I think in time, you’ll go straight again.
Yoshke: You think so? I doubt that.
Chemae: Aila (our common friend) warned me about you.
Yoshke: Warned you about me?
Chemae: She thinks you’re just pretending to be gay when you are really straight.

Wahahaha. That was officially the most preposterous accusation thrown at me since Frances suspected that I was in love with Astrid or since Ken told me that I only claimed I was gay so I could finally break it off with her sister (who was my girlfriend at the time). Hahaha. I’ve always been very touchy with girls and most of them don’t mind because hey, I’m damn gay. But I guess Aila is one heck of a lady to convince.

Yoshke: Even after Daniel (not his real name; an ex-officemate and ex-boyfriend)? She didn’t buy the whole Daniel-Yoshke thing?
Chemae: Apparently not.

It’s funny. I don’t know how many people still think I’m straight when I see myself (and I know Tonet agrees) that I am already as gay as I can be. Either they’re right or they’re blind. Haha.

Aila and Chemae aren’t the only ones. In fact, I also had a similar conversation with my ex-roomie Ethan (not his real name). I’ve always considered Ethan my older brother. I call him Kuya. He’s genuinely straight like the rest of my bestfriends. And he has this “Republican” worldview going on in his head.

Ethan: When will you shape up?
Yoshke: Excuse me?
Ethan: That gay thing. I know it’s just a phase.
Yoshke: I’m telling you this is sooo NOT just a phase.
Ethan: It’s just a phase. Sooner or later you’ll come to your senses and realise everything’s just silly. And then you’ll regret it. And repent. You know, for your soul.
Yoshke: What are you? A priest? And what makes you so sure?
Ethan: Because I know you! This might just be one of your experiments. And even after turning gay, your dreams didn’t change. You still want to have children of your own.
Yoshke: People change, Kuya.
Ethan: No. They just try new things but they don’t change.
Yoshke: A long time ago you said you would never have a gay friend. Here you are sharing a room with one.
Ethan: That’s because I’d known you even before you became like that. And I like you. And to me you haven’t changed.
Yoshke: I have.

I told Glenn (a college friend) about these conversations one night.

Yoshke: Aila, Chemae and my ex-roomie think this is just a phase and I’ll come around. Silly, right?
Glenn: No. I agree with them.

Oh well. What is it with straight people that they’re so hard to convince sometimes?

I’m telling you. This is not just a phase. And even if it were, it had better be a long one because I friggin’ enjoy every minute of it.
image courtesy of cartoonstock.com

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Bioman Who?

Posted on June 27, 2008 by Yoshke in Blurts, Family, TV, Vanities |

I hate it when my friends talk about Bioman. Why? Because I can’t relate. I can’t remember even a single moment I watched Bioman. I don’t know what their powers were and what they could do. I don’t know its theme song, either. I remember Shaider, Ultraman, Koseidon, He-Man, She-Ra, Conan the Barbarian, Maskman, and Power Rangers. But Bioman? Nah. Na-uh. Nadah. Not really.

Funny because my earliest childhood memory was when I was 3 years old. (I’m 22; born 1986.) I remember a lot. As in A LOT. There is a myriad of vivid childhood images that I always play in my head. Sadly, none of those images are Bioman’s. Maybe because I didn’t watch it at all. You see, I’ve always been choosy. Haha.

Another kiddie TV classic that I just can’t remember watching? Batibot. Seriously. I don’t have any emotional connection to the show, Pong Pagong, Kuya Bodjie or Ate whoever-she-was. Every time I try to rummage through my thoughts and search for a bit of any Batibot-related memory, what I always find is ATBP (Awit, Titik, Bilang na Pambata) — Trisha, Rex, Carlo, Tito Miguel (Piolo Pascual), and that ridiculous Kapitan Bilang. No Batibot.

You might be thinking that I missed a great deal of my childhood and how great a loser I was when I was a kid for not watching these programmes. But I think I had a childhood that many would envy. It’s just that TV wasn’t really that fun for me that time. Fun was outdoors. You see, I was a country boy. Haha. Lumaki ako sa lalawigan ng magigiting (Batangas). Less than a mile north of our house are woods and hills; south, a vast field and the beach. TV wasn’t that fun. Fun were the following:

  • flying/running kites
  • wandering around and playing hide-and-seek in the forest
  • climbing trees
  • stealing fruits from some farmer’s orchard
  • shooting birds with a slingshot (I was cruel as a kid)
  • hunting spiders for fights on stick
  • catching fireflies and grasshoppers
  • catching salagubang (June beetle), cutting its legs one by one, and letting it fly while tied to my wrist

Those were my definition of fun even after I was introduced to Sarah, Cedie, Remi, Julio, Julia, Mary, Romeo, another Remi, Tom, Huck, Cinderella, and the rest of them losers. And then, the magnificent world of violent anime. Haha. Starting with Sailormoon. (Er, okay, violent gay anime. Haha.) Zenki, B’t X and Thunder Jet soon followed. And then, the wacky Mojacko and Doraemon.

And oh, I remember being addicted to Superbook and Flying House. Thanks to my Catholic upbringing.

And yeah, right now I just miss my childhood.

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A Salmagundi of Tasteless Thoughts
(In Short, Wala Lang)

Posted on June 3, 2008 by Yoshke in Blurts, Friends, Music, Vanities |

Status: Reaching.
Music: Entwined – Jason Reeves

REEVED UP
I am currently addicted to Jason Reeves and his music. Thanks to Berg. I especially liked “Reaching” and “Someone Somewhere.” Cool mixture of folk, acoustic and alternative. He’s absolutely awesome. And don’t just take my word for it, see for yourself and listen well.

SOMEBODY BUY ME THIS ALBUM!!! Come on. Give me a copy of this and I’ll love you forever!

…

ALMOST ROMANTIC
As the hot doctor advised me, I’ve been on 1000 mg of pure vitamin C per day for more than a month now because my body’s relationship with infections and diseases is almost romantic. The funny thing is, I still catch a cold every now and then. (Told ya, it’s almost romantic.) Damn. Sometimes I feel like infections and my body are ganging up on me. (Yeah, like in college, haha.)

…

QUITTING NICOTINE
Since my last tonsilitis, I haven’t touched a cigarette. Er, maybe once. Aright, fine, twice. Twice. Believe me, only twice. Hey, that’s good enough! It’s been two months and I have smoked only two sticks. Er, maybe more.

… Read more

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My Balls and I

Posted on May 3, 2008 by Yoshke in Sports, Vanities |

I promised myself that I would devote my Sunday mornings to football (soccer). Last week, my friends Jon and Aika were with me playing at the Sunken Garden in UP Diliman. It rained but we still went on. Football in the rain. Woooh. This is the life. Haha.

I am not the athletic type. Certainly not. But it doesn’t mean that I have no interest in sports. I love sports. In fact, when I was in high school, I was our school paper’s Sports Editor (and Associate Editor and Layout Artist and Photojournalist). I was also my school’s representative to sport/Physical Education quiz bees, because of which I have travelled many places. In college, I was first a Sports Science major before shifting out to Film.

Although it doesn’t really show, I am madly in love with sports — especially football, tennis and bowling. I am not great (not even good) at any of them but heck, I absolutely always have fun playing.

FOOTBALL

I don’t remember exactly when I fell in love with football. I have always hated basketball and volleyball. Maybe because when I was a kid, I couldn’t play well because of my then useless left arm. So since I couldn’t move my left arm, I started kicking basketballs around the garden. I started playing futsal in grade school but I never really became good at it. It was my biggest frustration.

Then I got addicted to watching football on TV. I instantly became a Bayern Munich and Chelsea fan. During the 2002 Japan/Korea World Cup, I began admiring Miroslav Klose, who is my ultimate idol right now.

One of my most prized possessions is my Adidas 2006 Germany World Cup ball. I don’t let anyone play with it unless I’m watching. Haha. I bought it out of utter sadness after Germany lost to Italy in the semi-final match. It was darn expensive but heck, I was lonely.

Again, I’m devoting my Sunday mornings to football. So if one Sunday morning, you see someone playing football at the Sunken Garden who looks as if he doesn’t know what he’s doing, that’s probably me. Haha.

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