Whatnots

I Prefer It Free, Sorry

Posted on December 7, 2011 by Yoshke in Gay, Rants, Sex, Travel |

The other week, my self-esteem was crushed by a small piece of paper.

I was fixing my bag outside a convenience store in Tagaytay City when somebody gave me a piece of paper with a short note on it. Without looking at the stranger and the paper, I pocketed the note and expected the guy to leave me alone. Unfortunately for me, he was there for business.

“Massage, sir? I can massage you, sir, while you’re here in Tagaytay,” the stranger said.

“No, thanks,” I declined. “I’m on my way back to Manila.” I was still busy trying to put all the pasalubongs into my backpack.

“I also do business in Manila, sir,” the stranger insisted.

“No, thanks. I’m busy.”

“Where in Manila do you live?”

I refused to say anything more.

“I’m Romeo. How about you?”

Silence is my middle name.

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24 Comments

A Break-up Letter

Posted on September 25, 2011 by Yoshke in Health, Humor, Whatnots |

I never expected I’d be writing you this letter. We’ve had six years of wonderful memories but I’m afraid it had come to the point where you started to break my heart. I should’ve seen it coming since I’ve been finding it hard to breathe lately. It’s time to end the pain that I’m feeling and I just have to say goodbye.

I’ve known you since I was a kid but it was only before my college graduation that we had a real relationship. At first, it was difficult for me to get along with you considering the nasty things some people say about you. They said you would hurt me, and you did. They said, if I continued spending time with you, it would be so hard to let go. It was.

True, you are all the bad things they were saying. Still, I accepted you. I let you get to me deep within. You’re smokin’ hot. I loved the feeling of your body in my mouth. I loved it when my lips touched your butt. You taste like euphoria. You reek of obsession.

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Welcome to the New Yoshke.com

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Yoshke in Blurts, Whatnots |

New look. New attitude. New experiences.

Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had been unforgiving on weekdays and I had been traveling on weekends. There had been moments when I felt like I lost the drive to blog. I needed a new inspiration.

The “inspiration” was not really an inspiration but a wake-up call. It came in the form of a global hacking incident. My blog had been affected and unavailable over the weekend, along with many other blogs. I realized I shouldn’t take this blog for granted for this contains the good 6 years of my life. After fixing it, I decided to give it a new look and promised myself to blog more frequently, especially the many remarkable experiences, realizations, and encounters I’ve had the past few weeks.

If you’re new to this blog, allow me to introduce this online journal. Yoshke.com is a personal blog, chronicling the simple, ordinary joys in life but somehow get me moved or entertained. Like I said on my About page, every person has a story. Every place brings back a memory. Every object triggers an emotion or a thought. What I blog about are these ordinary, average, little things, people and events in my life.

I’m a nobody. Nothing about me is extraordinary. All I can do is share some words about the little things, little happenings, little lives around me. But I have always believed that the universe is fueled by things common and little. And I hope that my personal experiences and thoughts would somehow touch, move, or inspire others the way they inspired me to blog. Even just a single person. Even just a little.

20 Comments

THE “Relaks, Puso Lang ‘Yan, Malayo sa Bituka” PLANNER 2011

Posted on October 26, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Reviews, Whatnots |

Remember when I featured the crazy project that my friends were selling last year? The I-was-supposed-to-get-that-coffeehouse-planner-but-I-got-fat-and-broke-on-the-10th-frappe planner? Well, it sold like hotcakes. Thanks to all of you who got your copies. Especially those who bought tons of copies!

This year, Tonet and Chinggay are at it again! They now call themselves Witty Will Save the World, Co and this time, they are going hopeless romantic!!!

From the crazy girls who brought you the I-was-supposed-to-get-that-coffeehouse-planner-but-I-got-fat-and-broke-on-the-10th-frappe planner, presenting this year’s perfect Christmas gift. (Click on the image to enlarge.)

Above is the cover art. It’s 6″x6″ hardcover, springbound.

Below is one of the first pages. A disclaimer.

I’m telling you guys, this is the wittiest, funniest thing you can ever give or want to receive this Holiday Season! And I’m not saying that because they’re my friends. It’s just really hilarious! And to prove that, here’s a glance of the inside pages

It also comes with a LET GO MOVE ON tracker. Here are the pages of this very useful feature:

Viewed 3239 times by 736 visitors this month

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How to Kill Cockroaches the Funny Way

Posted on July 10, 2010 by Yoshke in How To, Humor, University |

My college friends and I used to have a barkada forum and a blog. We used to post there absolutely anything that we could think of. Simple things like our dreams. Crazy things like our own dictionary. And weird things like how we prefer to kill cockroaches when we see one.

image courtesy of www.lifehackery.com

One of my college friends called my attention to a certain blog post we posted back in the day. I’d actually forgotten about it already. But now that I’m reading it again, I just can’t help laughing. And I’m sharing it with you. However, I apologize to all my Pinoy readers as some parts are in Tagalog and I kept it that way. Translating it would just ruin it.

HOW TO TORTURE AN IPIS
by Pam Condeno

1. Pour Green Cross alcohol.

2. Get encyclopedia and drop it right on the target. Make sure it finds itself in a very AWKWARD situation where it will render itself confused, disturbed, and a bit in a vertigo state.

3. Make sure when it flies, you have an alcohol with you and swish it to make it pilay.

HOW TO KILL IPIS (especially with wings)
by KZ Ottara

1. Camouflage with the wall

2. Grab a slipper

3. ATTACK!!!

4. Step on the slipper to make piga

5. LEAVE OVERNIGHT FOR MORE FLAVOR!

HOW TO KILL COCKROACHES IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE HOUSE
by Reen Ladignon

1. Slam foot on ipis. (Said foot should be wearing a shoe or slipper.)

2. If ipis is on wall, take off shoe or slipper and make sapak the ipis.

3. If ipis is on kisame, get walis and swish at the ipis to make it fall down. Then proceed to number 1 or 2.

4. If Reen sees ipis while she is washing dishes outside their house, then she makes squirt-squirt it with dishwashing liquid and pours the dirty water on it. See them scatter. If ipis crawls near the hand, grab the nearest kawali and slap it on the ipis. Do nothing if it crawls down the drain.

5. If ipis is flying, grab a Baygon can and spray mercilessly towards the ipis. You will be momentarily disgusted at seeing the legs of the ipis in all their glory nearing toward you—but then you will soon have the satisfaction seeing the ipis make gewang-gewang as it falls to the ground.

All done while screaming like a headless chicken.

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Top 10 Funniest Facebook Fan Pages | Batch 1

Posted on May 7, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Lists, Web, Whatnots |

The advent of Facebook gave the other social networking sites a run for their money. Facebook is just so awesome. I’ve been on Facebook since 2007 and I liked the idea that it does not allow users to personalize the design of the interface. That’s why I left Myspace and Friendster, my friends’ profiles starting to get all messed up that it annoyed me to death.

But because Facebook does not enable users to personalize their user profile interface, I thought it would hinder its population’s creativity. But Facebook fan pages provide just that — an avenue through which users can express their imagination, wit and humor.

So here we go, here are the top 10 funniest fan pages on Facebook that I found.

10. Pandas are the least racist animal. They’re black, white AND asian!

1,587,570 people like this

I love pandas! But I never really thought about the idea of it being black and white and Asian until this fan page! LOL. Sadly, Facebook took away the creator’s publishing rights! Bad, bad! So now it’s a fan page with virtually no engagement. Would’ve been awesome.

9. I dont care about your farm, or your fish, or your park, or your mafia!!!

6,015,966 people like this

“We also DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR CAFE, ZOO, OR YOUR SORORITY! Wait, WHAT?!?!?!?! PETVILL?!?!?!?! ENOUGH OF THE FLIPPIN VILLS IN GENERAL,” adds the creator of the fan page.

True, it gets annoying sometimes. But as a social media specialist, I understand why Farmville, Yoville, Mafia Wars and whatever encourage people to post their updates, progress and screenshots on their wall. Obviously, they’re going for virality. But I won’t blame other people who gets irked.

Viewed 1895 times by 615 visitors this month

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The Writings on the Wall | Funny Posters around the Philippines

Posted on April 18, 2010 by Yoshke in Gay, Humor, Whatnots |

Sometimes when we feel so alone and sad, all we need to do is look around us. Many times, the things that will make us happy and forget all our problems for a moment are just around the corner, written or posted on a wall somewhere.

I was organizing my gallery when I stumbled upon some old photos that really made me ROTL. I took these pictures at different places across the country and with the intention of blogging about them but they kind of slipped my mind. Good thing I love organizing files in my laptop.

PLEASE BEAR WITH US LITERALLY

First up, there’s a building being constructed near Shangri-La’s Chi spa in Mandaluyong. My friends and I were passing by on the way to El Pueblo when we noticed this very cute advisory. Loveth.

TOUCH ME NOT

The next picture was taken at a souvenir shop in Vigan.

In case you can’t read what’s written in the picture, it says, “H’wag hawakan, LUMALAKI.” (Do not touch. Grows bigger when touched.)

Nice. Because of that, I bought one. Kidding.

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Top 10 Simple Ways to Make a Relationship Last

Posted on February 24, 2010 by Yoshke in How To, Lists, Love |

image courtesy of Wired.com

Impress him. Surprise him. Cheat not. Hit not. In simpler terms, these are the most important pieces of advice on keeping a relationship. But sometimes, no matter how strictly you follow these commandments, relationships still die. Some of natural death. Why? Because we tend to overlook simpler but not any less significant things we have to remember when we are the other half of a couple.

10. When you make mistakes, say sorry.

Your heart should be bigger than your ego. Pride will get your relationship nowhere. When you suddenly threw tantrums in the middle of your seventh monthsary dinner (ulimately ruining the night), say sorry. It’s your fault, take the blame. It’s simple, really: When you make a mistake, apologize.

9. When your partner makes mistakes, say sorry.

Shit happens. Everybody makes mistakes. Your partner is not an exception. When your partner does and he or she apologizes, don’t pin all the blame on him/her. Analyze the situation. I mean, REALLY analyze it and you’ll find you have shortcomings, too. Example:

He’s late. It’s his fault, yes. But did you remind him?
He called you a bitch. It’s his fault, yes. But are you really not?
He’s out with friends yet again. It’s not really a fault but let’s say it is. Was it clear you didn’t want him to go out with friends four times a week?

Point is, it wouldn’t hurt to get your share of the blame sometimes. After all, you’re partners.

8. Don’t self-pity.

If you think you’re so ugly or so stupid or so whatever and you think you’re not good at anything, stop it. Self-pitying will only make you feel bad. And if you feel bad about yourself, imagine how it makes your partner feel. Has it ever occurred to you that the more you tarnish your confidence, the worse your partner is hurt?

Think about this: He loves you. If you think you’re worthless, you are insulting your partner in a way.

Viewed 4663 times by 1657 visitors this month

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I Tweet! Follow Me.

Posted on January 18, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Whatnots |

Before anything else, I’d like to thank Kevin, Vins, The Lady in Green Ruffles, Noah, and Jake for being the top commenters on this blog for 2009. Dahil dyan, may nagtext!

“Uy, ilibre mo naman kami one of these days bilang top commenters.”

Ay, DELETE! Sorry, blame my reflex. Wahaha!

…

So now let’s proceed to the real topic of this post — Twitter. I looooove Twitter so much better than Plurk. Plurk has its strengths but they don’t work for me. I have a Plurk account (Add me! Add me!) but its horizontal orientation drives me nuts.

Some say that the problem with Twitter is that it’s too simple. But I guess that’s exactly what made me a certified tweep — it’s simplicity. 140 characters. Linear. Simple. And not to mention it’s so flexible in terms of third-party applications.

Anyway, like always, when I’m running out of things to blog about, I just post my status messages here on my blog. So here are the things that ran through my head and kept me busy the past several days.

Minsan pag nalulungkot ako, nanonood ako ng GMA7. Gumagaan kasi ang loob ko pag nakikitang may mas pangit pa pala sa buhay ko. -Gege, 2009 | about 1 hour ago
Ampanget ng boyfriend ng ex-girlfriend ko. | about 13 hours ago
has just finished watching THE HURT LOCKER and THE BLIND SIDE. The former is so powerful, the latter so Hollywood. | about 14 hours ago
Dear Dick Gordon, I like you but the Silent Night jingle for your political ad is soooo last year. It’s 2010. Christmas is over. Move on. | 7:07 AM Jan 16th
Mamatay na ang mga sumisingit sa pila! | 1:19 AM Jan 16th
Tigilan ako ng Johann-Cathy-Hermes sh*t. Kaka-dinner ko lang. Ayoko masuka. #PBB | 6:34 AM Jan 15th
Ang ganda ng smile ni Carla Abellana. I hope she quits acting and stick to what seems like the only thing she’s good at — smiling. | 6:05 AM Jan 14th
RT @djmotwister: This just texted to me,gave me a bit of a laugh.Villar: Sipag at Tiyaga, Gibo: Galing at Talino, Noynoy: Mama at Papa. | 6:35 AM Jan 12th
DAVID GUETTA music before going to sleep para upbeat ang gising. Wut? | 9:32 AM Jan 11th
OMG. Suspended daw ang SHOWTIME ng 20 days??!? Dahil dyan, MAY NAGTEXT! Sabi, “Wahaha,” -Wilma Galvante. | 4:51 AM Jan 11th
loved Sarah Geronimo’s performance of TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART on ASAP. | 12:38 AM Jan 10th
Andre: Kaya pala maitim si Binay, kasi nasunugan sila nung bata siya. LOL! | 4:51 AM Jan 9th
is craving for isaw from UP. But i don’t live in QC anymore. Too bad. | 1:06 AM Jan 9th
Someone tried to insult me on my blog by slandering Muhammad. He thinks I’m a Muslim. When insulting me, insult me right. http://ow.ly/U91V | 2:33 AM Jan 8th
Friday always brings this wonderful feeling of hope, relief. Friday is like the light at the end of the tunnel! Haha. | 2:20 AM Jan 8th
My hubby is so cute, I don’t know what good I did to deserve him. Haha. | 5:02 AM Jan 7th
It’s been 2 months since my Ilocos trip but i still have a pack of Vigan longanisa in my fridge. | 2:07 AM Jan 7th
has the biggest pimple in the history of mankind. | 12:33 AM Jan 7th
My tummy is bigger than my ego. And I’m telling you, my ego IS big. | 7:15 PM Jan 5th
My nephew is beside me sleeping like a rock. Like a rock rolling down a volcano. Ang lakas humilik! | 8:58 AM Jan 3rd
Mom is giving me another lecture on my excessive use of aircon in my room. She has to understand that i get hot easily. Whut? | 8:00 AM Jan 3rd
has finished watching THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL remake on cable. It’s so ugly, it’s criminal. | 7:37 AM Jan 3rd
I think I know why SHARON CUNETA is huge! Could she be stealing her daughters’ NIDO?! | 6:44 AM Dec 16th, 2009
I spend more time with MS Powerpoint than my boyfriend. I should marry Powerpoint. We’ll have cute deck babies! Busy, busy Wednesday! | 11:38 PM Dec 15th, 2009
I kinda miss the days when “lunch” is just lunch and not “working lunch.” Haha | 8:30 PM Dec 15th, 2009
is at UP Cineastes’ Studio Alumni Homecoming. Direks Joyce Bernal & Cathy Garcia Moliina are here, too! | 7:48 AM Dec 12th, 2009

There. So my blog post for this week is covered. I may now go back to being busy.

And oh, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER! Also, post your Twitter usernames here and I will follow you.

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I Was Supposed to Get that “Coffeehouse Planner” But I Got Fat, Broke and Insomniac on the 10th Frappe

Posted on November 5, 2009 by Yoshke in Reviews, Whatnots |

If you don’t understand why everyone is going ga-ga over that certain planner a certain coffeehouse is selling or giving away after you’ve turned fat, broke or insomniac, welcome to the club.

Well, there’s nothing wrong with it actually. If you always buy coffee, then it makes perfect sense to avail of the planner in question. In fact, I admire the passion and determination of others to the point of skipping lunch or dinner or both just to grab their copy of that planner every year. (I even know a couple of kids who ask money from their parents and claim it’s for a project for their Social Studies class. Social, alright.)

It’s a cool planner I must admit. If I were that into overpriced coffee, I’d probably get myself one, too. But I’m happy with my Kapeng Barako so, thanks, but no thanks.

Anyway, just as that coffeehouse everyone is ga-ga over releases their planner that everyone is ga-ga over, a couple of friends came up with a brilliant idea of producing their own planner that could give that “coffeehouse planner everyone is ga-ga over” a run for its overpriced life. It’s more like my friends’ personal project but they printed 498 more, so you might want to buy a copy. LOL.

So what is this ingenious planner that threatens the order of the society?

Well, it’s called the “I-was-supposed-to-get-that-coffeehouse-planner-but-I-got-fat-and-broke-on-the-10th-frappe planner.” Sorry for its quite lengthy name, but there’s no other name more suitable.

This mocking planner talks to you in Tagalog and treats you as a real friend, the kind you always suspect of being gay or schizophrenic. It does not give you boring inspirational quotes every page. Heck, it might even insult you, like a real friend. And on top of it all, like a real friend, it’s the one you’d like to use as much as you can.

It has art, it has wit, and you don’t have to buy 30 frakkin’ cups of coffee just to get it. You just have to shell out P320. See? Like a real friend, it’s cheap.

The picture above is the cover. Now, take a look at the inside pages:

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About Yoshke

On May 31, 1985, tragedy struck when 41 tornadoes hit Canada and the US, leaving 76 people dead. At the same time, a doomed couple in the Philippines were having the best orgasms of their lives. Nine months (280 days) later, a healthy baby boy was brought into this world by normal delivery. That was exactly a week before Microsoft had its initial public offering.

Today, Yoshke Dimen resides independently in Mandaluyong City. He got a degree in Film from a university in Diliman but is now pursuing a career in Social Media.

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