I spent weeks trying to figure out the password to an email account that I had set up two years ago. It was an account especially created for all work-related top-secret files that my colleagues and I kept back then. I was the only one who knew the password. And none of my neurons could remember it. The only thing I was sure of: my password is usually the name of someone I love — Nicole Kidman, Francois Truffaut, Christian Bale, Miroslav Klose…
A password-resetting email was sent to my secondary email address. The problem was, it was already inactive. So I was forced to answer a security question:
What is your pet’s name?
Silly me. I never had a pet. Ever. Damn. I don’t know why I chose this security question in the first place. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
For many nights, I tried to come up with pet names that I might have possibly used as my password. None worked. It was only minutes ago when, out of utter frustration, I typed in “YOSHKE.”
Bingo. It opened. So much for being a UP graduate, cum laude.
I immediately rummaged through my mailbox and found the file I was looking for. Downloaded it. Opened it. But to my surprise, another “Enter password” bullshit popped up. Not again, I thought.
And then, you crossed my mind. Just like that. You crossed my mind. Reluctantly, I typed in something — your name. My fingers spelled it correctly. Yep, the file opened.
Good thing I thought of you first.
Right now, my fingers are still stammering your name. They used to shout it out loud. Two years ago.
There have been notable transformations for a single role in the past decades. Who would forget Robert DeNiro’s stint when he inflated his body for his role in Raging Bull? Vincent D’Onofrio even set a Guiness World Record for the most weight gained for a single film role for his mind-blowing presence in Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket.
Contemporary actors, however, will not be left behind. In fact, in recent years, we have seen celebrities shed off their glamorous skin and almost magically transform to give life to some of cinema’s most unforgettable characters. Here is a list of the top 9 most amazing celebrity transformations that rocked Hollywood in the past 10 years.
9. Renee Zellweger, Cold Mountain (2003)
Although starring opposite the ravishing Nicole Kidman will surely make anyone look “unpretty,” Renee Zellweger surely has the spotlight all on her in Cold Mountain. Fortunately for Renee, she has a more interesting role to play — a boyish country girl who never runs out of spirit and humor. After losing an Oscar (also to Nicole) the year before, she came back with a vengeance, winning her much-deserved, first Oscar for this role. She mastered every twist and turn of a farmer’s daughter, who is full of spunk and energy that you wouldn’t think she was that jazz-singing murderess in the hit musical Chicago. Transformation is not really a stranger to Renee as we have seen her gain lots of baby fats like a sack of french fries for her portrayal of Bridget Jones.
8. Edward Norton, American History X (1998)
As if his good looks aren’t impressive enough, Edward Norton takes everyone’s breath away with his intense acting skills. He surely showcased this in American History X, where he played a white supremacist. One of the scariest transformations to date, Edward gained more than 30 pounds before filming. As he ate a lot, he made sure the gym was his second home for his desired toned look. Like many other transformations, this schoolboy-looking wonder was able to transcend the physical by owning the character. This performance earned him his second Oscar nomination.
7. Nicole Kidman, The Hours (2002)
Many people think that it was all in the nose. The truth is, Nicole Kidman’s highly depressing performance is more than that. The nose just added to the character that Nicole had already created for The Hours. Yes, Nicole had to say goodbye to her doctor-that’s-what-I-want nose and wore a scarily large nose plus additional makeup to look like the famed writer Virginia Woolf. But even without it, she would still have won that Oscar. Her performance is beyond the physical. She perfected the accent, gestures and the overall character of an incestuous, insane genius. The result is a performance as beautiful as she is.
REEVED UP
I am currently addicted to Jason Reeves and his music. Thanks to Berg. I especially liked “Reaching” and “Someone Somewhere.” Cool mixture of folk, acoustic and alternative. He’s absolutely awesome. And don’t just take my word for it, see for yourself and listen well.
SOMEBODY BUY ME THIS ALBUM!!! Come on. Give me a copy of this and I’ll love you forever!
…
ALMOST ROMANTIC
As the hot doctor advised me, I’ve been on 1000 mg of pure vitamin C per day for more than a month now because my body’s relationship with infections and diseases is almost romantic. The funny thing is, I still catch a cold every now and then. (Told ya, it’s almost romantic.) Damn. Sometimes I feel like infections and my body are ganging up on me. (Yeah, like in college, haha.)
…
QUITTING NICOTINE
Since my last tonsilitis, I haven’t touched a cigarette. Er, maybe once. Aright, fine, twice. Twice. Believe me, only twice. Hey, that’s good enough! It’s been two months and I have smoked only two sticks. Er, maybe more.
I may be gay but I consider myself a gentleman. When riding the train, I usually give my seat to the woman standing in front of me. And when a woman and I happen to enter a building or a store at the same time, I give way and hold the door for her. These things, I do because I believe I am a good person. And of course, whenever I practice such acts of respect and generosity, and as common courtesy suggests, I expect a simple “Thank you.”
If the woman fails to thank me, I usually just shrug it off. Yes, I expect a tiny display of gratitude but I don’t really give a damn if her parents did a terrible job raising her. But what the woman shouldn’t do is screw me after I held the door for her. And that’s exactly what happened last Tuesday.
After walking around Glorietta with my very pretty cousin, I felt the need to check my email. So we headed to Netopia somewhere near Ayala MRT Station. As always, I opened the door for my cousin. Another woman entered as I was holding the door. After I had closed it, I approached the counter. There was an old man logging in so I stood behind him and waited for my turn. This woman approached the counter and positioned herself BESIDE the old man in front of me. She said to the cashier demandingly, “Internet, please.”
At that moment, I knew she was trying to get ahead of me and jump the queue. Two customers who had just arrived stood behind that woman, forming a longer queue.
Seconds later, the man in front of me was logged in and walked away from the counter. Again, the woman said, “Internet, please.” And because I knew what she was up to, I also said to the cashier, “Miss, Internet.”
To my surprise, the cashier reminded me that there was a line and asked me to stand at the end of it. I flashed a joshed look and protested tactfully, “Miss, I am first in line.”
Then, the woman beside me (the one I held the door for) said, “No, I am first here.”
I ignored the woman and said to the cashier, “I was standing behind the man who just left.”
But the woman was insisting, “No, I am first.”
At that moment, I felt my blood reach boiling point. So out of utter rage, I turned to that ugly, little bitch and said, “What the hell are you talking about?! You know I am first in line. I approached the counter first. And my Gawd, I even held the door for you when you were coming in!”
The woman yelled, “No, you’re a lier! You did not held the door for me!”
Believe it or not, I still managed to snicker! But I didn’t mind her grasp of the English language (or the lack thereof). I turned to the cashier and insisted calmly, “Miss, I am first in line. You may have thought this ungrateful woman here was because she kept on saying ‘Internet, please’ even when you were busy entertaining the man who was in front of me.”
With that, she logged me in and gave me a number. I turned around and started to walk away. But that old, ugly witch kept on shouting “You’re a lier. Stop lying!” She went on and on.
Lord, forgive me for having done this. I stopped walking, turned to her, and bellowed “BITCH!!!”
That shut her up. My cousin gave me a tap on the back and uttered smilingly, “Good job!”
…
PS: When I was logging out, the cashier apologized to me and claimed that her co-workers had just told her that I was THE first in line.
So we’ve come to the end of the road. After almost a year of counting down my 50 all-time favourite films, we have now reached the end. If you missed the first 49, here’s help: Top 50-41, 40-31, 30-21, 20-11, 10-4, 3-2.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you my #1 favourite film of all time.
Genre: Drama
Director: Stephen Daldry
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep, Ed Harris
Plot: The time to hide is over. The time to regret is gone. The time to live is now.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 80%
“A woman’s whole life in a single day. Just one day. And in that day her whole life.”
If you haven’t seen this film yet, here’s the trailer. Prepare to be blown away.
And here’s a clip from this stunning piece of work.
That’s arguably the most troubling among the many unforgettably affecting scenes in the movie. It’s actually very hard to choose one outstanding scene from the film because almost every scene is important and effective.
Anyway, I’ve seen this film exactly 20 times. I memorized probably 80% of its dialogue. Haha.
Let me enumerate the things I adore about this superb film and the reasons it’s on the top of my list:
Its quietness. It’s a very, very quiet movie but it moved me. Thanks to the awesome screenplay.
Its musical score. Although often dubbed ‘the weakest aspect’ of this film, I was totally haunted by the score.
It’s not preachy. It tackles life, death and everything in between with so much depth but without any attempt to force the audience to believe it. It gives enough space for the audience to think for themselves. Very insightful.
It’s liberating. Although many who have seen this think that this is one heck of a depressing film, I believe otherwise. Yes, it creates a sad atmosphere but it actually urges us to breakaway from sadness and just live life the way we want to.
Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep… How can you not love this movie?
Ed Harris delivers a poignant performance here, earning him an Oscar nomination although he was in only two scenes.
It’s the film that gave Nicole Kidman her first Oscar. Just how amazing Nicole is in this movie? See for yourself.
For the longest time, “The Hours” was considered “unfilmable.” Now it’s a real masterpiece.
Note: This entry was written for Crunkish.com, a site that our team put up. It is still under construction but if you want to take a peek, knock yourself out.
Throughout history, we have witnessed the rise and fall of countless rulers. Many of them did a really admirable job that their names are written in countless history books. Others still linger in our consciousness today not because of their delightful contributions to mankind but their crazy, twisted ways.
“Crazy” is a very vague word. It can refer to someone mentally ill, utterly evil or just plain ridiculous. Whatever your definition of this word is, here are the top ten craziest leaders in world history.
10. KIM JONG IL (North Korea)
For many people, his name suits him well. Kim Jong Il is really as ill as any leader can get. The current ruler of North Korea, he succeeded his father and the founder of North Korea, Kim Il-sung. He did not just replace his father, he proclaimed himself “Eternal President.” He has been consistently criticized by many contemporary leaders and international organizations for his lack of commitment to make the peninsula free of nuclear weapons.
The country also holds large concentration camps where 50,000 people including women and children who are accused of political crimes are being held. Violations of human rights are being reported left and right — murdering babies and enslaving inmates.
While his country is suffering, he enjoys a very luxurious lifestyle. He boasts North Korea’s finest wine cellar, containing 10,000 bottles of expensive wine. He also purchases bottles of Hennessy Cognac worth $700,000 every year. He had also spent more than $20 million on 200 Mercedes Benz S500 sedans added to the country’s pile of 7,000 Mercedes. He is also a huge movie fan with a collection of over 20,000 tapes.
Craziest quote: “National defense is the sacred duty of the young and all other people. “
Craziest moment: He showed off his country’s nuclear power by conducting two rounds of missile tests on July 5, 2006. The tests received immense negative reactions from the international community. But hey, it actually worked for him! Haha. Clever.
I know this post is long overdue. It’s been seven months since I posted the last installment and I think it’s just time to reveal my top 3 favourite films of all time. You may view the rest of the list here: 50-41, 40-31, 30-21, 20-11 and 10-3.
Again, usual disclaimer: this is not a list of the BEST movies for me. This is a favourites list — films that I can watch over and over again, regardless of how many awards they swept.
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Director: Richard Curtis
Starring: Colin Firth, Keira Knightley, Emma Thompson, Hugh Grant, Bill Nighy, Liam Neeson
Plot: Follows the lives of eight very different couples in dealing with their love lives in various loosely and interrelated tales all set during a frantic month before Christmas.
Top Critics’ Average Mark: 60%
“Christmas is a time for people with someone they love in their lives.”
This is the ULTIMATE romantic comedy. If you want to feel good and believe that one day, you’ll find the right person for you, watch this movie. Wahaha. This is extremely enjoyable and, er, romantic. In fact, since its release, watching this film on Christmas Eve has become a tradition in my room. Haha.
What I love about it is that it is entertaining and touching. Despite the huge cast and the Altmanesque approach, each storyline actually managed to create a connection to the audience (at least, to me). I especially liked the line of action of Jamie (Colin Firth) and Aurelia (the Portuguese girl).
I also fell in love with the scene above. It’s just moving but poignant. Emma Thompson is also effective here. I felt her pain. Laura Linney’s struggle, too. And oh, that worse-than-the-agony-of-being-in-love kid is love.
Status: Way better.
Music: Feelin’ So Good | Jennifer Lopez
The past few weeks have been a bitch-ass on me. I struggled with tonsilitis, giving me hellish fever and excruciating time eating. For two weeks, I couldn’t get out of bed. The only time I went out of the house was when I decided to see a doctor. After all, this was my fourth tonsilitis this year and my usual meds didn’t seem to work this time. Ah, damn illness loves me so.
Since our family doctor was somewhere in the South celebrating summer, I chose to visit a hospital. My mum went with me and yes, I let her (because that meant she’d be the one payin’ the bills).
When I approached the front desk, it suddenly dawned on me that it was the hospital my ex-girlfriend works at. I prayed she won’t show up (coz I looked hideous). Thank God she did not. Instead, when I entered the emergency room (which also serves as the hospital’s clinic), I was welcomed by a young doctor — A HOTTT DOCTOR.
Life is pretty fair after all, I thought. Haha.
The nurses did the usual stuff — temperature, blood pressure, etc. And then the hot doctor (probably in his late 30s) started asking questions about my condition. He seemed puzzled that I had been taking the right meds but they weren’t working. And then he asked, “Have you been smoking?”
Thank God my mum was busy texting, she didn’t hear a thing. I asked her if she could just wait for me outside because hey, I’m 22.
After kicking my mum out of the room, I told the doctor that I had been smoking. Like any sane doctor, he asked me to stop. He then asked me to open my mouth coz he needed to take a look at my swollen throat. His brows met.
Me: Is it bad? Doc: Let’s just say I couldn’t see your tonsils. They’re covered with pus. Me: I’ll take that as “bad.” Doc: What have you been shoving down your throat? (Rhetorical) Me: You have no idea.
I grinned. He snickered. Haha. Then he placed his hands on my neck, just below my jaw and started feeling my swollen whatever.
Doc: Does it hurt when you swallow? Me: Depends on what I swallow. Doc: Haha. What else is there to swallow other than food? Me: I meant, it depends on whether what I swallow is hot or cold. Cold, hurts big time. Hot, doesn’t.
NOTE: I only have used several websites that compile absurd laws as my references. There’s no way I can verify if these laws actually exist. Read at your own risk.
Laws are highly dependent on the culture of the jurisdiction. Laws in one country can be seen as idiotic by others. Differences in cultures result in differences among national and state laws.
History also plays a major part on the reason for the existence of some laws. Something might have happened in the past that led the lawmakers to come up with such policies. However, as times change, some laws fail to evolve and cope with the people’s modern way of life. Ergo, there are laws that seem so stupid and utterly foolish to us.
Often, these absurd laws have obvious explanations. For example, in France, naming your pig “Napoleon” is punishable by law. This is because France is the country of the great historical figure Napoleon Bonaparte. Napoleon is the hero of France. That’s why for the French, it is really inappropriate to name a pig “Napoleon.” It’s like someone from the Vatican naming his pig Jesus Christ or Benedict XVI.
For 12 years, chewing gums have been forbidden in Singapore. This may sound ridiculous to many but this law assures the Singaporean government of waste reduction.
Yes, there is an explanation behind every absurd law. However, some laws just sound so dumb that when you hear it, there is no way that you won’t smile, snicker or roll on the floor, laughing to death. Here are 37 of them.
The Married Life
37. In Owensboro, Kentucky, it is illegal for a woman to buy a new hat without her husband trying it on first. (How about a girly hat?)
36. In Pennsylvania, no man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. (Booo! Boo! Haha)
35. In Vermont, it is illegal for women to wear false teeth without written permission from their husbands.
34. In Arkansas, a man can legally beat his wife but only once a month. (Beat her twice, you’re going to jail!)
33. In Colorado, it is illegal for men to kiss their wives on a Sunday.
32. In Hong Kong a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah. Justice is sweet.)
Against the Horny
31. In Iowa, it is illegal to kiss for more than five minutes. (How about 5.01 minutes, no?)
30. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation. (Whew! I’m in the right Southeast Asian country! Thank God.)
29. In Washington, it is illegal to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Under ANY circumstances? Really? Really?)
28. In Tremonton, Utah, no woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of the city. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and “her name is to be published in the local newspaper.” The man isn’t charged nor is his name revealed.
On May 31, 1985, tragedy struck when 41 tornadoes hit Canada and the US, leaving 76 people dead. At the same time, a doomed couple in the Philippines were having the best orgasms of their lives. Nine months (280 days) later, a cute baby boy was born. That was exactly a week before Microsoft had its initial public offering.
Today, Yoshke Dimen resides independently in Quezon City. He got a degree in Film from an overrated university in Diliman but is now desperately trying to pursue a career in Foreign Service. To kill time, he amuses himself with idiotic thoughts by secretly observing other people's behaviours.
Fifteen years from now, he will make history as the youngest ambassador to the United Nations.
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Some short stories and / or other literary articles which are written by the blog owner are fiction. Names, characters, and incidents are product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or individuals is purely coincidental.
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