A Break-up Letter


I never expected I'd be writing you this letter. We've had six years of wonderful memories but I'm afraid it had come to the Read more

Welcome to the New Yoshke.com


New look. New attitude. New experiences. Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had Read more

Sometimes We Burn to Live


Whenever I meet people for the first time, it always happens. When they start their sentence with "I hope you don't mind me asking but," Read more

Judging By the Cover


Our office is just a stone's throw from where I live. In fact, all I have to do is cross EDSA and voila, hello Read more

Fireworks, Hormones, and this Blog Post


You remember last week when I told you I found it difficult to blog since I met you? Since we became a couple officially, Read more

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?


Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest Read more

Unusual Breakfast


Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I'm getting tired of this Read more

Top 10 National Stereotypes


Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by Read more

EDSA


It could have been a horrible Saturday. I was in the passenger seat. It was a bit raining. Normally, EDSA gets on my nerves. That's why Read more

Why Nursery Rhymes Are So Violent


A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly Read more

Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex


Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two Read more

The Promil Kid Drops the Bomb


Of all the living things created by God, I love my nephew the most. I call him the Promil Kid. He’s the cutest thing. Read more

» dohna

College Friends Bring On the Crazy!

Posted on by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

I clearly remember how my friend Dohna attempted to start singing Tina Arena’s Burn with “Do you wanna be a fo…” and tried to get away with it by claiming she was about to say “forest,” not “foet.” And how she shared some words of wisdom, telling me that “sometimes we have to eat our friends in order to live and because they eat us too.

Well, Dohna is a college friend. And she’s not alone. There are a lot of people like her where she came from. Many of my college friends are hilariously epic.

College friends at Anawangin Cove

Meet Icang

Icang is your girl-next-door type, who just seems lost sometimes. Oh, make that most of the time. She’s the type who reacts to what my other friends and I are talking about just when we have completely moved on to the next topic. She’s adorable like that. No, really, she’s one of my favorite people in the world.

It had been years since I last saw her when we met at Greenbelt last week. I was still single when we last had a conversation and she had a boyfriend then. When we met again, we switched shoes. She was now single and I, happily committed. I was so excited to tell her how happy I was with my current relationship. “We’ve been together for over 2 years,” I said proudly as if saying there’s no way we would break up! “Two years, Icang, 2 years!”

She tapped my shoulder, smiled, gave me a look that I did not know what to make out of, and said “Good for you.” In my head, I was like What the eff was that?

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Farewell, Friendster

Posted on by Yoshke in Emo, Friends, University, Vanities, Web |

I’m so tempted to ask Friendster “What took you so long?”

Friendster has become irrelevant for many people and many of us expected it was only a matter of time before they announce to wipe out user content posted on their site.

Well, the day has come.

A part of me is mourning. Although I have not logged into my Friendster account since, like, forever, I still like the idea of having my profile out there for my old friends to see. I can say that Friendster was the first full-blown social networking site that I joined. I was a college sophomore then, the latter months of 2003.

Looking at my Friendster profile, I realized just how much I had changed. My Friendster profile is like a portrait of the old me, with testimonials reinforcing that image. It contains my previous dream of becoming a diplomat, my past ambition to become a filmmaker, and my obsession with fire. (Of course, it wasn’t an exactly accurate portrait. Coz if it were, I would’ve found the words ass, bitch, damn you, pathetic loser, wuss, lunatic all over my testimonials section. LOL.)

Speaking of testimonials, I’m saving the ego-boosting vanity posts (aka testimonials) here on my blog.  And my reaction today as I backread. And just a heads up, every time you see the words kind, mabait, cool, note that it’s sarcastic. Hahaha.

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And That’s the Bottom Line!

Posted on by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

Here are some completely innocent statements but my friends’ dirty minds tell them otherwise.

SANAY NA

One very toxic night, I had been editing political ads on my laptop with my small marketing teammates at our apartment FOR HOURS. My friends Dohna, Dane, and Frances were sitting on the airbed while I was on the stairs facing a chair where the laptop was on. There was just no place in the mattress left so I had to sit on the bottom step of the staircase despite the discomfort.

Dohna grew concerned about my situation so she asked, “Yoshke, masakit ba?”

And without thinking, I replied, “Hindi naman. Sanay na ang pwet ko.”

Everyone burst into laughter. I meant I got used to being seated for hours.

PUMAPASOK

Frances, Dohna, Asta, JT, Maikel and I were at Starbucks Shangri-la last Thursday night when we agreed to exchange horror stories. Frances was narrating a horrifying encounter when they stayed in Baguio a few years ago, wherein an old lady was torturing her in her sleep but she was awake and she couldn’t move. More like a case of sleep paralysis.

Frances narrated, “Tapos hindi talaga ako makagalaw. Tapos gusto kong sumigaw pero hindi ko magawa, walang lumalabas na boses. Tapos weird, ang hirap ng i-explain. Alam nyo yung feeling na may malaking bagay na pumapasok sa katawan mo?

“Oo, alam ko ang feeling nang may malaking bagay na pumapasok sa katawan ko,” I interrupted.

Everyone gave me a look as if saying “You ruined dinner.” Sorry naman. She asked! I just answered. I meant I had the same sleep paralysis experience.

HINDI QUALIFIED

While preparing dinner at the condo a few months ago.

Andre: Pag nagkaroon ng Top Chef Philippines, parang ang sarap sumali. Kaso hindi ako qualified.
Yoshke: Bakit naman?
Andre: Hindi kasi ako “top.”

He meant he’s not that experienced a cook!

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The Horrors of Being Asleep Yet Awake: Sleep Paralysis

Posted on by Yoshke in Mysteries, Oddities |

image courtesy of wired.com

I’m not sure if you have experienced this:

“You wake up, but you can’t move a muscle. Lying in bed, you’re totally conscious, and you realize that strange things are happening. There’s a crushing weight on your chest that’s humanoid. And it’s evil.” (Wired.com)

Scientists have a name for this medical condition — sleep paralysis. I have a name for this, too: fudgin’ nightmare. It’s pretty common, though. In fact, it is believed that half of the population has experienced this. You’re not alone. Yay for that.

Even without these stats, I’d still tell you you’re not alone — simply because I’ve had more than my share of sleep paralysis “attacks.” And no matter how much I google sleep paralysis, there are things that keep me bothered.

It all started on a trip to a province in the South. One morning, I woke up and found myself paralyzed. I couldn’t move but I could speak. Suddenly, I heard a grim male voice. Although I could not see him, he was talking to me. And he was mocking me every time I try to speak.

“Wag mo nang labanan… Hindi ka makakagalaw…”

I started calling Shy Guy but he was totally in slumber.

“Hindi ka nya naririnig. Hindi sya magigising…” Then he laughed so boisterously, I easily concluded he was more like a demon than a maligno.

I struggled. Then he spoke again, “Wala ka nang magagawa! Akin ka na… Kahit saan ka magpunta, susundan kita…”

I started shouting, “Hinde, hindi mo ako makukuha. Umalis ka. Umalis ka!” But he was mocking me, repeating the words I uttered.

And then I started doing something I had not done for a veeery long time. I prayed.

He stopped mocking me. But as soon as I was finished, he began talking again. “Walang magagawa ‘yan… Nakatakda ka nang kunin.. Kukunin ka na namin…”

It lasted for about 10 minutes but it was the longest 10 minutes of my life. He was just telling me he would get me and that there was nothing I could do about it.

Suddenly, I was able to move and started scooting to one corner of the bed. I was sure it wasn’t a dream; I was fully awake.

Paranormal? Nah, I thought it was what scientists call sleep paralysis. Here’s the medical explanation for it, again from Wired.com:

“This research strongly suggests that sleep paralysis is related to REM sleep, and in particular REM sleep that occurs at sleep onset,” write researchers Julia Santomauro and Christopher C. French of the Anomalistic Psychology Research Unit, Goldsmiths, at the University of London. “Shift work, jet lag, irregular sleep habits, overtiredness and sleep deprivation are all considered to be predisposing factors to sleep paralysis; this may be because such events disrupt the sleep–wake cycle, which can then cause [sleep-onset REM periods].”

I would’ve shaken it off but I have had the same experience a number of times since then, even now that I’m here in the comforts of the city. It was the same guy, the same awful feeling. The monster who would get me in my sleep. Call me childish but it really scares the hell out of me.

Sleep paralysis? I think so. Nothing paranormal.

That may be a typical case of sleep paralysis but that doesn’t explain what happened to my friends.

THE GREASE-BLACK PEOPLE

Four of my friends drove to Subic to shoot a short film. They were Tonet, Dohna, Rex and Mimay. They hit the road early morning to catch the sunrise, which was integral in the film. They arrived in Subic at around 4am, around 2 hours too early so they decided to sleep in the car while waiting for the rest of the crew.

There were two cars. In Car A were Tonet and Rex; while Dohna and Mimay, Car B.

Tonet was facing an open window with trees on her view. She fell asleep. Later, she woke up only to find herself unable to move. She could not even turn her head so her sight was fixed on this area in front of her. From somewhere an old man appeared in the distance. He had long hair, red eyes and greasy black skin. Greasy because it was shiny and it felt like it bounced the moonlight, making him visible in pitch darkness.

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Bulleted Blurts

Posted on by Yoshke in Blurts, Health, Movies, Music, Travel, TV |

Status: Perfectly functional.
Music: Smack into You | Jon Mclaughlin

  • Wow, time flies. January has only a few days left.
  • I still got tonsilitis. Dammit. But it’s aright, I’m completely functional. Just that my breath smells like a slice of durian you trap in a jar for a week and then you open it and voila… welcome to Payatas. Yaaak.
  • So now I’m in Batangas with my family. Yesterday, I was in Tagaytay. And it was COLD. I know what you’re thinking. “Come on, it’s Tagaytay, of course, it’s cold. Duh?” Well yeah, but not that cold. I’m always there. Thanks to its proximity to our house here. But it was really cold.
  • And I realized that listening to my dear Jon Mclaughlin‘s album “OK Now” in a freezing weather is therapeutic. I’m starting to think that I’m only getting better coz of it. (Yeah, screw antibiotics! Men are THE cure! It’s always men!)
  • It’s Sunday! My favorite day. And it’s not because of the church. It’s Philippine showbiz, baby. Sunday means ASAP 09 and The Buzz. Haha. I looove seeing Ruffa Gutierrez and Kris Aquino bickering on POV (Points, Opinions, Violent Reactions). Gaaawd. They really HAVE to replace Boy Abunda. When he sits in between Ruffa and Kris, he’s getting blander and lamer and uglier by the second.
  • Been hooked to Tayong Dalawa. Ehehe. Fantastic ensemble. Even Gerald Anderson is impressive. Sana may quotable quotes din like Iisa Pa Lamang, haha.
  • Andre, Dohna, Ayn, and I are planning to go to Thailand. And Cambodia. And Vietnam. Later this year. Yay! Me excited. Eeeeeeeh.
  • I’ll be posting my Oscar predictions. But I need to watch all the nominated films first. But even though I’ve only seen a few, my heart already belongs to one film — The Reader. I worship Stephen Daldry. I pray to him before and after every meal. (Char!) And as my friend Ayn pointed out, he has made only three movies, but all of them are Oscar-nominated. (The others being Billy Elliot and The Hours.) I might change my mind after I’ve seen all the films, though.
  • In a bit more than a month from now, I’ll be turning 23. But I can still barely say I’m a grown-up. It hurts to grow. It hurts to grow.

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Words of Wisdom from Dohna Sarmiento

Posted on by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

Trinoma, Quezon City. September 2008.

I don’t eat beef.

Don’t ask why not. I don’t know either. I just don’t.

But of course, I know how it tastes like. Last month, I was at FoodEx Trinoma to taste beef for the first time. (It was the first of the three times I ate beef in my life.) Mimay, JT and Dohna were all there to witness the momentous event. Mimay had it recorded. Video uploaded to Facebook.

I ordered T-Bone steak. They were all crying “Oh my God” repeatedly in anticipation. Because you know, one day, I’ll be so famous and I’ll be a great historical figure and people will go back to that moment as the first time I ate beef. They’ll be erecting a monument in the middle of that mall captioned “This was where The Great Yoshke Dimen had his first beef.” And it will become a popular tourist destination besting New York’s Statue of Liberty, Rio’s Jesus Christ the Redeemer and the then most visited Manila’s Yoshke The Full-of-Himself Tower.

Anyway, just when the first morsel touched the tip of my tongue, Dohna asked me “How was it?”

It took me several seconds before I could finally answer. I had to chew and swallow, you know.

Yummy. A bit gummy,” was my answer. “Not as bad as I expected but not as good as people say it is.”

They were all delighted with my response. It meant “I liked it.” I was just sorta in denial but I liked it.

You see? You liked it, right? Beef is very good,” Dohna said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly. “Beef is our friend.”

If beef is our friend, why do we have to eat it?” I replied.

Well…” Dohna paused and then uttered confidently, “Because sometimes we have to eat our friends! In  order to live.

Wahaha.

Mimay added “And because they eat us, too. Unto unto others, unto unto you!

Ad Congress. Subic Bay. November 2007.

After the Neil Gaiman event, Ayn, Astrid, Dohna and I decided to kill time at the Subic Bay Christmas Carnival. We hadn’t been at a “perya” in a long time. Enchanted Kingdom not counted. When I say “perya,” I mean those horrible yet fun places where you feel like the Ferris Wheel will come crashing down any minute and whenever you brush your hand with the grimy metal railings, you feel like a bottle of Green Cross alcohol won’t be enough and you won’t touch food in the next 72 hours. And whenever you hear a scream, you assume it’s not of excitement but of agony and you picture a little girl free falling from that Ferris Wheel you thought was made of rust. Haha. But peryas are fun. Haha.

After almost an hour of deciding what rides to take, we ended up not taking any. Haha. So we just agreed to wait for Lei and hitch a ride back to Manila — the only ride we were gonna take that day.

We were staying near a puto-bumbong stall — all tired, sleepy and waiting. All quiet. No one was saying anything. Until Dohna broke the silence with a song. Out loud, she started singing “Burn” by Tina Arena.

Do you wanna be a fo…” And then she stopped singing so suddenly. She realised she might have mispronounced something. Might have. Haha.

Ayn, being herself, smirked and asked “What? A FFFoet? Do you wanna be a FFFoet?

Ah sarcasm. Sarcastic bickering. My favourite hobby.

I was gonna say ‘FOREST!’” said Dohna, thinking she could fool us.

I butted in, “Why on earth would you want to be a forest? Why would anyone want to be a forest?!?

We all laughed. Dohna was silent.

Err… Coz they want to… burn? ” was her answer. Clever.

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Nigel Barker and Sausages

Posted on by Yoshke in Celebrities, Fashion, Friends, Hotties |

Status: Dangerously Hungry
Music: Makes Me Wonder – Maroon 5

Nigel Barker visits Manila. And Ayn, Dohna, Tez, and I were there to show some hospitality and lovin’. If Nigel Barker doesn’t ring a bell, OK, let me tell you that he’s a celebrity photographer and the British bashing (and dashing) judge on America’s Next Top Model. I actually didn’t know he was here until Dohna sent me a text message forcing me to go to Greenbelt with her. And being the kaladkarin that I am, pumayag naman ako despite the rain and very humid atmosphere. While at the train station, we came across Tez who was about to go home but we managed to do a little brainwashing on her. The program was less than an hour but it was very, very substantial. Nigel made a lot of sense and imparted several useful practical tips on fashion photography. And not to mention he was cute. At least his lips were.

I’m being a glutton nowadays. I eat a lot. I usually find myself craving for something. Two days ago, I was desperately wanting sandwiches. And yesterday, while having lunch with Shiena, Luke, and Helen (my friends from Ateneo review classes), I was crazy over sausages. Yes, sausages — food. Not the other thing you have in mind. Though I wasn’t able to have sausages for lunch yesterday, I got a bunch in the evening. Yum yum. And lately, I’m always hungry.

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Peter, Peter, Pumpkin-Eater…

Posted on by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends |

Status: Delighted
Music:
Always Be My Baby – Mariah Carey


Dohna, Peter, and Asta in Matabungkay, Batangas

If there was only one thing that I would never forget about the six-week English camp, that would be the friendship I had with Peter. Peter, or Lee Jeong-Hoon was the brightest kid in that camp. He was consistently the top student. And he was incredibly close to me both physically and emotionally. And right now, of all the students we had in that camp, Peter, definitely, is the one I miss the most.

So I was really delighted when I received this e-mail from him a day after they went back to Korea (this morning, actually):

Hello, Teacher. This is Peter. I’m back home. I’m very happy to meet my family again. Thank you for your kindness when I was in the Philippines. I miss you so much. I wish we will see each other again.
- Peter

I was really thrilled. I’ve had a number of Korean friends before. But Peter is different because he is a kid. I’m not really fond of children, but for some reason, I got really close to him. He is such a sweet kid that I really want to adopt him. I swear.

And it kind of made me laugh. No matter how many times Peter had told me that I was his most hated teacher, or his least favourite, not once that I believed him. I knew he was bluffing everytime. How could I buy something like that when all he was writing about for his Writing Class was me. Nyahaha. The night before they left for Seoul, he told me he would NEVER miss me and that he would NEVER want to see me again. And I told him he did not mean what he was saying because I could feel I was his favourite teacher. *evil laugh* Now, Peter, wherever you are, you’re telling me you miss me so much?! *evil laugh again*

I will soon post my Matabungkay Camp Chronicles when I’m ready to. Meanwhile, bear with me. Hehe.

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First Impressions

Posted on by Yoshke in Friends |

Status: Can’t get enough of Keane!
Music: Somewhere Only We Know – Keane

My entry for today actually has nothing to do with the picture on the left. I just promised Dohna (that crazy-looking woman in the pic) that I would upload it on my blog so here goes her pic. It was taken at the Cinemanila Young Cinema whatever that was held in Glorietta some time last month. Unfortunately, Dohna and Glenn (that i-don’t-know-how-to-describe-him-properly guy in the pic) didn’t win. “One-Man Show,” their college thesis, lost to a lengthy Landbank promotional material…. Oh! That was a FILM?!? Seeeeesh, alright, they lost to a lengthy film.

Dohna is one of the closest friends I got right now. One reason is proximity. We live in the same area… well, not really, but I know you get the point. And it makes sense. I’m geographically close to her. And whenever I feel bored and have nothing to do, I would just text her to meet up with me and she would just appear from a puff of smoke. Yeah, like magic.

As a matter of fact, Dohna, Astrid and I had dinner together last night. Our topic of discussion was pretty interesting: first impressions. It all started when I admitted to Astrid that my first impression of her was not really good. It’s not good at all that I won’t even mention it here. And then we reminisced and thought of the first impressions we had of our college friends. Here are my first impressions of some of my friends:

  • Pam – The first time I met her, she was wearing a batik-designed skirt and a brown top. And I think she was also wearing earrings made of wood. So I thought she was a member of UP Kontra-Gapi.
  • Jerwin – err… well… gay.
  • Nep – one noisy why-can’t-he-keep-his-mouth-shut guy. The day I met him (the first day of our CWTS class) he just kept on talking the whole day.
  • Ayn – first day of our Film 104 (Genre) class. She was sitting beside me and Mimay. They were already friends back then and they were singing broadway songs like they were not in a classroom. It was like, “The last time I checked, I enrolled in a Film class.” Later, they decided that they would do a report on musicals.
  • Icang - friendly, pretty, and lovable. Very Icang.
  • Irene - female version of Nep.
  • Joyce – another, and worse, female version of Nep.
  • Yosha – girlfriend material.
  • KZ – This was running through my head when I met her, “Yikes! I need to get out of this room fast! She’s a BIG Britney Spears fan!” — cos I was (and still am) a HUGE Christina Aguilera fan.
  • Tonet – Oh.
  • Leo – One funny character. Film 112 days, My seat was just opposite his, and he would do hilarious stuff like speaking in Spanish as if he really knew the language, and singing modern songs the Kundiman way.
  • Andre – the quiet, timid type. Obviously, I was wrong. Absolutely wrong. I’d never been that wrong in my entire life.
  • Glenn – “Uhm, kuya, doon po ang Fine Arts.”
  • Bebs – “Never will he be my friend. He is soooo gay. And he is soooo intellectually and toxically loaded.” Wow, Bebs, libre mo ‘ko pag nabasa mo ‘to.
  • Tez – Leo and Irene combined + ka-weirduhan.
  • Deane – Ponkan na ponkan!

So there. Some of them turned out to be accurate. Some were just plain wrong. Most changed over time. But I’m sooo glad that once in my life, I met them regardless of my initial impressions of them.

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I Know What I Did Last Summer (And It Wasn’t Scary)

Posted on by Yoshke in Travel |

I’m still trying to figure out the easiest way to post my Palawan pictures here. Anyway, here’s a couple of group pics from our Pangasinan trip. I didn’t know my skin was this dark last summer. Too much swimming, I guess.


Bolinao, Pangasinan.


At Jerwin’s place.

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