A Break-up Letter


I never expected I'd be writing you this letter. We've had six years of wonderful memories but I'm afraid it had come to the point where you started to Read more

The New Yoshke.com


New look. New attitude. New experiences. Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had been unforgiving on weekdays and Read more

Sometimes We Burn to Live


Whenever I meet people for the first time, it always happens. When they start their sentence with "I hope you don't mind me asking but," I know they are going Read more

Fireworks, Hormones, and this Blog Post


You remember last week when I told you I found it difficult to blog since I met you? Since we became a couple officially, I have not had enough Read more

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?


Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest memory is, in fact, months Read more

Unusual Breakfast


Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I'm getting tired of this really. Everything's a routine. And Read more

Top 10 National Stereotypes


Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the Read more

Why Nursery Rhymes Are So Violent


A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly digested the story that the Read more

Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex


Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two naked individuals reminds us that Read more

The Promil Kid Drops the Bomb


Of all the living things created by God, I love my nephew the most. I call him the Promil Kid. He’s the cutest thing. I’ve always written about him Read more

•••••

» tonet

Akala Mo Lang Wala Nang SLUMBOOK, Pero Meron, Meron, MERON!

Posted on May 30, 2011 by Yoshke in Friends, Humor |

Once upon a time, I had a witty friend who had a witty idea. Her name was Tonet. “Yoshke, I have a brilliant concept for a business,” Tonet exclaimed.

“Ano na namang kagagahan ‘yan?” I asked, knowing her history of kagagahan.

“Let’s create a witty planner that will rival that of Starbucks,” my witty friend explained. “We will sell copies of it. It will be epic!”

“Haynaku friend, I’m so busy with my full-time job. I don’t know where to find time to create a witty planner with you,” said I, who was trying to prove my buzzkill reputation right.

We parted ways and she never brought it up again.

Months had passed when I received a message from her, asking me to blog about the planner she published with a new partner. “Wow, you pushed through with it. Congrats! Send me photos of its pages and if I found them hilarious, I’d blog about it.”

It was hilarious. I blogged about it. Others blogged about it. Needless to say, with the content of the planner, there was no way it would flop. Mainstream media picked it up while a cult following was brewing underground. Soon, my witty friends who created the planner called themselves Witty Will Save the World. I was so proud of them.

After the “I was supposed to get that Coffeehouse Planner but I got fat and broke on my 10th frappe” 2010 Planner, they released these two:

And now, after the success of their first slumbook, they are reprinting the “Akala Mo Lang Wala Nang Slumbook pero Meron Meron Meron” slumbook with added features. (When I say features, I mean kagagahan, haha.)

And in the spirit of friendship and fulfilling promises, I’m blogging about it. Oh, I take that back. The truth is, I’m promoting it not because of the friendship and the people behind it but because of the product. It is a real gem, a true treasure, a genuine jewel, and I’m running out of synonyms. It is epic. No, it is E-fawking-P-I-C.

So what is in the slumbook? Well, it has everything you expect in a slumbook and everything you don’t expect in a slumbook. You think I’m confusing you? I won’t do that! I love you coz you’re reading this blog. But I’ll just stop blabbing and let these photos do the talking.

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Judging By the Cover

Posted on December 7, 2010 by Yoshke in Fashion, Public Affairs, Rants |

Our office is just a stone’s throw from where I live. In fact, all I have to do is cross EDSA and voila, hello office. But even within such a short distance, I get plenty of opportunities to step back, take a look at myself and think about the world I live in.

What am I talking about, eh? Actually, I feel like every single day I feel judged based on how I look and the clothes I wear.

image courtesy of www.drewsmarketingminute.com

You see, the best thing about the company I work for is that they allow employees to come to work in any get-up that the employee finds comfortable. With only a few restrictions — no sandos, no sandals, no slippers. Many times, my co-workers and I choose to just report to work in a T-shirt, a pair of jeans and Chucks. That’s all right with the company. After all, I always have a semi-formal jacket handy in case an emergency meeting presents itself.

But there are occasions when I feel that it is imperative to level up the wardrobe. When I know that there will be important meetings with clients ahead that day, I will wear my long sleeves, coat, black slacks, and leather shoes. That normally happens twice a week.

And on the days that I look formal or semi-formal, I notice some little things that allow me to see just how differently we treat people based on how they look.

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THE “Relaks, Puso Lang ‘Yan, Malayo sa Bituka” PLANNER 2011

Posted on October 26, 2010 by Yoshke in Humor, Reviews, Whatnots |

Remember when I featured the crazy project that my friends were selling last year? The I-was-supposed-to-get-that-coffeehouse-planner-but-I-got-fat-and-broke-on-the-10th-frappe planner? Well, it sold like hotcakes. Thanks to all of you who got your copies. Especially those who bought tons of copies!

This year, Tonet and Chinggay are at it again! They now call themselves Witty Will Save the World, Co and this time, they are going hopeless romantic!!!

From the crazy girls who brought you the I-was-supposed-to-get-that-coffeehouse-planner-but-I-got-fat-and-broke-on-the-10th-frappe planner, presenting this year’s perfect Christmas gift. (Click on the image to enlarge.)

Above is the cover art. It’s 6″x6″ hardcover, springbound.

Below is one of the first pages. A disclaimer.

I’m telling you guys, this is the wittiest, funniest thing you can ever give or want to receive this Holiday Season! And I’m not saying that because they’re my friends. It’s just really hilarious! And to prove that, here’s a glance of the inside pages

It also comes with a LET GO MOVE ON tracker. Here are the pages of this very useful feature:

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I Was Supposed to Get that “Coffeehouse Planner” But I Got Fat, Broke and Insomniac on the 10th Frappe

Posted on November 5, 2009 by Yoshke in Reviews, Whatnots |

If you don’t understand why everyone is going ga-ga over that certain planner a certain coffeehouse is selling or giving away after you’ve turned fat, broke or insomniac, welcome to the club.

Well, there’s nothing wrong with it actually. If you always buy coffee, then it makes perfect sense to avail of the planner in question. In fact, I admire the passion and determination of others to the point of skipping lunch or dinner or both just to grab their copy of that planner every year. (I even know a couple of kids who ask money from their parents and claim it’s for a project for their Social Studies class. Social, alright.)

It’s a cool planner I must admit. If I were that into overpriced coffee, I’d probably get myself one, too. But I’m happy with my Kapeng Barako so, thanks, but no thanks.

Anyway, just as that coffeehouse everyone is ga-ga over releases their planner that everyone is ga-ga over, a couple of friends came up with a brilliant idea of producing their own planner that could give that “coffeehouse planner everyone is ga-ga over” a run for its overpriced life. It’s more like my friends’ personal project but they printed 498 more, so you might want to buy a copy. LOL.

So what is this ingenious planner that threatens the order of the society?

Well, it’s called the “I-was-supposed-to-get-that-coffeehouse-planner-but-I-got-fat-and-broke-on-the-10th-frappe planner.” Sorry for its quite lengthy name, but there’s no other name more suitable.

This mocking planner talks to you in Tagalog and treats you as a real friend, the kind you always suspect of being gay or schizophrenic. It does not give you boring inspirational quotes every page. Heck, it might even insult you, like a real friend. And on top of it all, like a real friend, it’s the one you’d like to use as much as you can.

It has art, it has wit, and you don’t have to buy 30 frakkin’ cups of coffee just to get it. You just have to shell out P320. See? Like a real friend, it’s cheap.

The picture above is the cover. Now, take a look at the inside pages:

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The Horrors of Being Asleep Yet Awake: Sleep Paralysis

Posted on November 3, 2009 by Yoshke in Mysteries, Oddities |

image courtesy of wired.com

Have you experienced this?

“You wake up, but you can’t move a muscle. Lying in bed, you’re totally conscious, and you realize that strange things are happening. There’s a crushing weight on your chest that’s humanoid. And it’s evil.” (Wired.com)

Scientists have a name for this medical condition — sleep paralysis. I have a name for this, too: fudgin’ nightmare. It’s pretty common, though. In fact, it is believed that half of the population has experienced this. You’re not alone. Yay for that.

Even without these stats, I’d still tell you you’re not alone — simply because I’ve had more than my share of sleep paralysis “attacks.” And no matter how much I google sleep paralysis, there are things that keep me bothered.

The Mocking Voice

It all started on a trip to a province in the South. One morning, I woke up and found myself paralyzed. I couldn’t move but I could speak. Suddenly, I heard a grim male voice. Although I could not see him, he was talking to me. And he was mocking me every time I try to speak.

“Wag mo nang labanan… Hindi ka makakagalaw…”

I started calling Shy Guy but he was totally in slumber.

“Hindi ka nya naririnig. Hindi sya magigising…” Then he laughed so boisterously, I easily concluded he was more like a demon than a maligno.

I struggled. Then he spoke again, “Wala ka nang magagawa! Akin ka na… Kahit saan ka magpunta, susundan kita…”

I started shouting, “Hinde, hindi mo ako makukuha. Umalis ka. Umalis ka!” But he was mocking me, repeating the words I uttered.

And then I started doing something I had not done for a veeery long time. I prayed.

He stopped mocking me. But as soon as I was finished, he began talking again. “Walang magagawa ‘yan… Nakatakda ka nang kunin.. Kukunin ka na namin…”

It lasted for about 10 minutes but it was the longest 10 minutes of my life. He was just telling me he would get me and that there was nothing I could do about it.

Suddenly, I was able to move and started scooting to one corner of the bed. I was sure it wasn’t a dream; I was fully awake.

Paranormal? Nah, I thought it was what scientists call sleep paralysis. Here’s the medical explanation for it, again from Wired.com:

“This research strongly suggests that sleep paralysis is related to REM sleep, and in particular REM sleep that occurs at sleep onset,” write researchers Julia Santomauro and Christopher C. French of the Anomalistic Psychology Research Unit, Goldsmiths, at the University of London. “Shift work, jet lag, irregular sleep habits, overtiredness and sleep deprivation are all considered to be predisposing factors to sleep paralysis; this may be because such events disrupt the sleep–wake cycle, which can then cause [sleep-onset REM periods].”

I would’ve shaken it off but I have had the same experience a number of times since then, even now that I’m here in the comforts of the city. It was the same guy, the same awful feeling. The monster who would get me in my sleep. Call me childish but it really scares the hell out of me.

Sleep paralysis? I think so. Nothing paranormal.

…

That may be a typical case of sleep paralysis but that doesn’t explain what happened to my friends.

THE GREASE PEOPLE

Four of my friends drove to Subic to shoot a short film. They were Tonet, Dohna, Rex and Mimay. They hit the road early morning to catch the sunrise, which was integral in the film. They arrived in Subic at around 4am, around 2 hours too early so they decided to sleep in the car while waiting for the rest of the crew.

There were two cars. In Car A were Tonet and Rex; while Dohna and Mimay, Car B.

Tonet was facing an open window with trees on her view. She fell asleep. Later, she woke up only to find herself unable to move. She could not even turn her head so her sight was fixed on this area in front of her. From somewhere an old man appeared in the distance. He had long hair, red eyes and greasy black skin. Greasy because it was shiny and it felt like it bounced the moonlight, making him visible in pitch darkness.

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A Bitter Man’s Whining

Posted on May 29, 2007 by Yoshke in Career, Emo, Movies, Rants |

Status: Hopeful
Music: 4 in the Morning – Gwen Stefani

I am not a fan of film festivals and competitions. Er… well… I am. But only up to the spectator level. I’m not really into joining them. Unlike my friend Tonet, who joins every contest imaginable (and won some), I am not the type who really watches out for film festivals.

Yes, I have joined some. Our class project “Comfort Zone” has been to a number of competitions, too. But it wasn’t really my decision. My groupmates took care of the application, requirements and everything. “Sangang Daan” has never exited my room to participate in any contest, primarily because my thesis partner Jerwin and I are too busy and too lazy to actually move a muscle. “Bad Trip,” the documentary I filmed with Nep, made it to ABC5′s TV show “Dokyu” because it was Nep who practically did everything. I didn’t have the drive. I didn’t have the motivation. I didn’t have the passion. And I was just too lazy.

The truth is, long before I graduated from UP, I had already given up Film as a career. So then, I could not see the point of joining competitions and winning any. Back then, I knew I wanted to become a diplomat. I tried looking for Film-related jobs not because I was planning to pursue a career in it, but because I need fillers. I need something to do while waiting for the Foreign Service exam.

But if there’s one thing I could not give up about Film, that’s screenwriting. I’ve always enjoyed writing and I always will.

Last year, Tonet dragged me with her to ABS-CBN for a pitch for CinemaOne Originals. She initially wanted Leo to join her but realising Leo was too busy to be her chaperone, she chose me instead. I never really liked being the second choice but that was Tonet. I could not let her down. She’s a great friend.

CinemaOne Originals had a theme: modern Filipino family. Tonet already had a concept. Although I did not really love her storyline, I helped her in developing it. Though it was Tonet’s project alone (I was just a sabit), I felt proud that Tonet made it to the semi-finals – or finals – the part where you get to pitch. Our pitch was terrible. There were too many flaws in the story. Right there and then, I felt sad. We would not make it. And unfortunately, we were right.

When the winners were announced for that season last year, I was aghast. There were too many big names — film directors, advertising people, and one of our professors back in college. All I could say was, “Oh-key.” But disappointment eventually turned into anger upon realising that their concepts were not really about modern Filipino families — fake identities, boobies falling in love in Rome, metlogs? I mean, come on. So much for having a theme.

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My Top 9 Unforgettable Moments of 2006

Posted on March 15, 2007 by Yoshke in Career, Lists, Travel, University, Vanities |

Status: Reminiscin’
Music: Say It Right – Nelly Furtado

I know this comes a bit late. But what the hell? I just want to say this. You know, 2006 is not that pretty a year for me, but it’s not terrible either. But surely, the past year gave me a lot of memories I can never ever let go of. Here are the top 9 highlights of the past year:

9. World Tour (?).
Have you ever gone to more than five countries in just one day? Sounds impossible, eh? Well, Maw and I have. Some time in July or August, the quest for a Film school scholarship started. Maw and I did a little world tour. And because technically, foreign embassies are foreign territories, we felt like we were having a world tour when in fact we never left Manila, entering one embassy to another, sending letters to ambassadors, and talking with some foreigners. It was fun.

8. Mugged!
Talking with Tonet while walking has to be my biggest regret last year. Just a block away from Andre‘s apartment (which is now my apartment), a stranger with a knife approached me and forced me to hand him my cellphone. I did not become upset because of the cellphone. It was the idea that I was mugged. It was terribly traumatic. And for the longest time last year, I was cursing the entire urban poor population, and whenever I saw a squatters’ area, I secretly wished for a big fire. See this post for more. But after several months, I grew tired of hating them and learnt to understand them, and eventually got over it. I’m a good boy now.

7. This Kiss, This Kiss
It’s not the kiss per se that is unforgettable. It’s how the issue exploded way out of proportion in no time. Nah, I rather not discuss it.

6. North Luzon Trip
Straight from a Palawan trip, I joined Winwin, Icang, Dohna, Pam, Lei, Nep, and KZ on a three-day trip to Northern Luzon — Pangasinan, Baguio, and every place in between. A lot of things happened that I don’t know what to say. Heehee.

5. Thesis Defence
Yes, it was nerve-wracking, but after a few months, I could barely remember the entire thesis defence experience. Maybe because, there was really nothing spectacular and nothing horrible to remember. It was just, all right, we faced the faculty, defended our film, and that was it. All happy.

4. Palawan Trip
A simple trip to Palawan turned into a wake, when my grandfather died while we were having a vacation there. All my plans were cancelled and for a week, I just helped my relatives take care of the wake and ran some errands. But less than an hour after the funeral, I went island-hopping. Hahaha. And it felt fantastic. I told you, I’m the type who easily moves on.

3. World Cup — Germany
Unlike Ayn who really flew to Germany and its neighbouring countries and felt the stagerring energy the world’s favourite sport creates, I satisfied myself by just staying inside my room and having my eyes glued to my TV screen as I watched football game after game after game. And when the quarterfinals kicked off, I stayed in Manila just to see the games live in Ateneo. And yes, the lowest point of last year for me was when Germany lost to Italy in the semi-final. That was totally bad… and painful.

2. Thesis Production
The memories of the entire thesis production linger longer than the thesis defence. I learnt a lot of things and met new friends in the process. Pre-production — I got closer to Prech. Principal photography — I got closer to several people, some of which I did not even imagine I could be friends with. Editing — I got closer to Andre. And of course, from the very start up to the very last minute of production, Winwin was with me. And that was really unforgettable.

1. Graduation
Finally, after four years in a hell-like heaven, it was over. I was very proud, and indeed, it was the most unforgettable.

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First Impressions

Posted on December 7, 2006 by Yoshke in Friends |

Status: Can’t get enough of Keane!
Music: Somewhere Only We Know – Keane

My entry for today actually has nothing to do with the picture on the left. I just promised Dohna (that crazy-looking woman in the pic) that I would upload it on my blog so here goes her pic. It was taken at the Cinemanila Young Cinema whatever that was held in Glorietta some time last month. Unfortunately, Dohna and Glenn (that i-don’t-know-how-to-describe-him-properly guy in the pic) didn’t win. “One-Man Show,” their college thesis, lost to a lengthy Landbank promotional material…. Oh! That was a FILM?!? Seeeeesh, alright, they lost to a lengthy film.

Dohna is one of the closest friends I got right now. One reason is proximity. We live in the same area… well, not really, but I know you get the point. And it makes sense. I’m geographically close to her. And whenever I feel bored and have nothing to do, I would just text her to meet up with me and she would just appear from a puff of smoke. Yeah, like magic.

As a matter of fact, Dohna, Astrid and I had dinner together last night. Our topic of discussion was pretty interesting: first impressions. It all started when I admitted to Astrid that my first impression of her was not really good. It’s not good at all that I won’t even mention it here. And then we reminisced and thought of the first impressions we had of our college friends. Here are my first impressions of some of my friends:

  • Pam – The first time I met her, she was wearing a batik-designed skirt and a brown top. And I think she was also wearing earrings made of wood. So I thought she was a member of UP Kontra-Gapi.
  • Jerwin – err… well… gay.
  • Nep – one noisy why-can’t-he-keep-his-mouth-shut guy. The day I met him (the first day of our CWTS class) he just kept on talking the whole day.
  • Ayn – first day of our Film 104 (Genre) class. She was sitting beside me and Mimay. They were already friends back then and they were singing broadway songs like they were not in a classroom. It was like, “The last time I checked, I enrolled in a Film class.” Later, they decided that they would do a report on musicals.
  • Icang - friendly, pretty, and lovable. Very Icang.
  • Irene - female version of Nep.
  • Joyce – another, and worse, female version of Nep.
  • Yosha – girlfriend material.
  • KZ – This was running through my head when I met her, “Yikes! I need to get out of this room fast! She’s a BIG Britney Spears fan!” — cos I was (and still am) a HUGE Christina Aguilera fan.
  • Tonet – Oh.
  • Leo – One funny character. Film 112 days, My seat was just opposite his, and he would do hilarious stuff like speaking in Spanish as if he really knew the language, and singing modern songs the Kundiman way.
  • Andre – the quiet, timid type. Obviously, I was wrong. Absolutely wrong. I’d never been that wrong in my entire life.
  • Glenn – “Uhm, kuya, doon po ang Fine Arts.”
  • Bebs – “Never will he be my friend. He is soooo gay. And he is soooo intellectually and toxically loaded.” Wow, Bebs, libre mo ‘ko pag nabasa mo ‘to.
  • Tez – Leo and Irene combined + ka-weirduhan.
  • Deane – Ponkan na ponkan!

So there. Some of them turned out to be accurate. Some were just plain wrong. Most changed over time. But I’m sooo glad that once in my life, I met them regardless of my initial impressions of them.

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One Narcissistic Moment

Posted on September 20, 2006 by Yoshke in Blurts, Music, TV |

Status: Drunk and happy
Music: I’m Not Missing You - Stacie Orrico

Just give this chance to me. It is not everyday that I post pictures of me on this blog. Hehehe. The pics were taken inside my tuquoise-painted room in our house in the province. (And Dohna, KZ and Tonet, NO, it’s not neon green!)

In other news: I’m not a faithful viewer of Pinoy Dream Academy but I just fell in love with the song Yeng Constantino composed, Hawak Kamay. I’m still trying to figure out how to find the lyrics to this song. (I just can’t understand Jun Hirano‘s part.) I don’t really like Yeng but she’s really good. I like Jay-R and Kristoff. Hehe. They’re, er, cute.

Other songs that make me happy these past few days are: Stacie Orrico’s I’m Not Missing You, JoJo’s Too Little Too Late, Christina Aguilera‘s Save Me From Myself and Pink’s Who Knew (I cried the first time I heard this song…). And also, Anastacia’s theme song At the Beginning (Richard Marx and Donna Lewis).

If you still haven’t grabbed a copy of Christina Aguilera’s third effort Back to Basics, then do it now. I bet it’s gonna get Grammy‘s next nod for Album of the Year. And Ain’t No Other Man, Record of the Year. (The album debuted #1 in the Billboard 200 chart, although the carrier track only reached #6 in Hot 100.) Other tracks that I really adore are Slow Down Baby, Hurt and Understand. Xtina rocks!

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