Top 10 Ways to Break Up

Note: I originally wrote this for crunkish.com, a superduper fun website that features top 10 whatever things. If you wanna check it out, knock yourself out.

People make mistakes. It’s part of human nature. Sometimes, we purchase something and realize that it is useless. We say words we never expected to come out of our mouths. We do things that we will eventually regret in the future. When it comes to choosing our partners, we make lots of mistakes, too.

Falling in love is one of the best things in life. It gives us a shot at happiness. It gives us a chance to grow. It gives us the feeling that we are not alone and that (illusion that) we will never be. It gives us the assurance that we are needed and loved. It gives value to our existence.

We know, of course, that not all good things last forever. Most of the time, it’s very difficult to admit that we chose the wrong person for us and that the relationship is going nowhere. Parting ways with someone you have been in love with or you thought you were so in love with can be much harder than starting a relationship.

Certain circumstances, however, leave us with no choice. Sometimes, we find ourselves being with the wrong person. Sometimes, we wake up only to realize that everything was a mistake. If this is the case, then you really have to cut your ties. Here are some ways of saying goodbye to the one you thought you could spend the rest of your life with. (Warning: Items 10-9 must not be taken seriously. Lol. Just trying to prove a point.)

10. “Every man changes. I’m a man.?

One study reveals that most men are afraid to break it off with their partners. Thus, since they can’t say it directly, they destroy the good and lovable image they made to turn their partners off. If you are one of these men, you may want to change voluntarily to drive your love away. Stop saying words that take her breath away. Stop showering. Stop making love with her. Stop being the man she loved, loves and would continue to love.

It doesn’t mean you have to turn bad. Well, basically, you really have to be bad but only for a time. Once the relationship is over, compose yourself again and find another woman. Yes, it’s not fair but is there anything fair in this world? That’s life. She has to live with it.

9. “If you can’t beat me at World of Warcraft, we can’t be together anymore.?

If you’re the playful and cunning type, then make her agree to a dare and have your relationship as a bet. That sounds silly but hey, you’re desperate. You really have to get rid of him/her or you’d rather play online games all your life. Any game will do. Whether it’s basketball or hangman, make sure it is something that you’re really good at. After you win, say this: “You know I love you babe, but rules are rules.?

8. “Friends forever.?

If you really can’t say it directly, order a cake and have “Friends Forever? scribbled over it. This will surely give her a hint of what it is that you really want. Make sure that it is chocolate cake because she will need it to reduce the pain. You also have to prepare yourself because you might just find that cake smashing into your face soon after. Aside from cake, there are also other options such as a bracelet or twin shirts.

7. “My goodness, you look ugly.?

If you really want to win this battle, you have to hit the right spot — his/her ego. Tell him/her nasty things. Show your partner that you don’t deserve him/her because you’re just waaay too good for this relationship. If you can’t say how much you loathe this relationship, then make him/her feel it. Emphasize the things you dislike and hate about him/her. Reiterate them. Tell him/her how you see your future and make sure you don’t include them. This will piss him/her off and eventually end the relationship himself/herself.

6. “Hello, sweetie! Bye.?

If you really need to break it off, then there’s a very simple solution for you — disappear. Go to North Korea. Better yet, go to Iraq and help in humanitarian projects. It doesn’t matter where, just disappear. Make sure he/she doesn’t find you. Give it time and you will surely forget about each other.

5. “Please leave your message after the beep.?

If you can’t afford to vanish and move to some far away land, then just ignore him/her and pretend he/she doesn’t exist. Don’t answer his/her calls. If he/she comes over, hide. Act like you’re too busy and you need to focus on your studies and career. Time, or the lack of it, usually the reason relationships don’t work.

4. “I’m in love with God.?

If you really don’t want to hurt your image but you want to get out of the relationship, ask for God’s help. No, it doesn’t mean that you have to pray and wait for a miracle. Use religion as an excuse. It sounds blasphemous but it’s a good trick. Tell him/her that you can’t make love because it’s a sin and you don’t want to go to hell. Tell him/her that you need to fix and strengthen your faith. Better yet, tell him that you want to become a priest or a nun. It will work.

3. “ When I told you I loved Brad Pitt, I meant, I LOVED him.?

Another surefire way to get out of a relationship is to pretend you have turned gay. It WILL drive her away. Show her your collection of Spice Girls album and start squeezing in the words fab, uber and divine in your sentences. Listen to Madonna and Cher and sing their songs when you’re on a date. If you’re a woman, tell her he has turned you to a lesbian. If you’re already gay, tell him you made a mistake and you’re straight now. That’s really a divine and uber-fabulous way to do it.

2. “I tried to tell you but…?

Another thing that most men do instead because they are so cowardly to admit that they are not happy with the relationship anymore is fooling around. Start dating someone else and let him/her catch you the hard, painful way. Yes, this will really work. He/She will break it up in an instant, right at that moment. You have to be prepared, though. Things might go nasty and even scandalous.

1. “Honey, let’s talk.?

You can come up with a number of tricks and gimmicks but still, the best way to end a relationship is to sit down and talk about it. Muster all the courage you can and then blurt it out in a manner that you won’t regret in the future. It’s true that every breakup is painful and there’s no way to do it without someone being hurt. If you can reduce the pain, however, do it.

Even if you want out of the relationship now, you still have to treat him/her like you really loved him/her. Consider how he/she feels. He/she loved you and for that, he/she deserves some respect and comfort. Break it off in the least painful way possible by taking some time, talking about it and explaining why it has come to this point.

Be honest. This will allow for a healthy relationship in the future not as lovers but as friends.

Every minute, countless couples end their relationship all over the world. Only a small fraction of that, however, ends in a nice way. “Breaking up hard to do,? says one song by Neil Sekada. Indeed, if there’s one thing that is incredibly difficult and painful to do in a relationship, that has to be breaking up. There is no easy way to say goodbye.

Comments

  1. “I’m in love with God.? otherwise known as “the sam milby way.”

    ba’t nga ba parang somber ang tono, yoshke? something on your mind? 🙂

    • somber? HINDI AH! It’s a happy post! It’s supposed to be funny. But yeah, the intro may be a little too serious. Waaah, I’m now thinking I wrote something GLOOMY…

  2. it’s not funny though. very true, even. i’ve always used number 10. yes, it sucks and it’s not fair but i don’t want to break the news. better lose the love because of my fault than lose it with her agonizing what did she do wrong, right?

  3. deym, yoshke. I’m a girl at medyo napaisip ako dito sa blog na ito.

    I haven’t got a bf so I’m getting a bit scared regarding the “break-up thing”..

    o well, at least safe ako from heartbreaks dahil I’m a happy single lady 🙂

    but thanks for this “substantial” info… I’ll keep this in mind.

    para at least you know, when THIS happens to me, I’m ready..(sana)

    are you sure you’re happy,ha? medyo gloomy nga eto, break-up issue, eh.

    (napahaba pa ata comment ko) =p

  4. good tips… don’t use any of them except #1 ,.. the rest definitely hurts her/him and if he/she loved u too much it might bring HER (not him) to commit suicide…

  5. oo nga, naalala ko bigla si Promil Kid.. Malake na ba sya??? 😀

    sya nga pala, nagcomment ako dun sa comment mo Yoshke dun sa blog ko. hehe…:)

    SINGLE LADY 🙂

    pero minsan, winiwish ko na matagpuan ko na SIYA. kung sino man SIYA.

    ahehe..

  6. Sana may maisulat ka rin about killing your ex after having moved on. Or just killing your ex, even though you still haven’t moved on. Hehehe.

    • Maganda yan. Gawin ko kaya yan. Tapos magsusulat ako ng Top 10 Most Evil Gay Guys in History. I’m gonna top my own list. Hahaha. 😀

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