MANILA, Philippines — I have no idea what had gotten into me. Maybe it was the rain or the slow ballads that I had been listening to the whole day. I was feeling a little down again, thinking about my childhood and the idea of talking to a shrink came up again but the idea did not live that long. Before I knew it, I was digging my box of old notebooks.
I keep a handwritten journal. I still do. Earlier this afternoon, while trying to find something to read, I stumbled upon one of my handwritten diaries. I spent the next 30 minutes smiling, laughing, and sometimes offended by my own words. Haha. Anyway, I decided to start another series on this blog featuring snapshots of the pages of my handwritten journals that contained experiences that, for whatever reason, I was not brave, strong or prepared enough to publish on this blog at the time of writing.
Here’s one of them, written over five years ago: (Read after the jump)
I’m starting to fall in love with him again. He just told me something that made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I had always wished he would say those words. Sad because there is this awful nagging feeling of uncertainty that lingers in the air. I’m not really confident that this relationship — if this is indeed a relationship — will push through.
So here’s what he told me this morning:
Him: I love you. And it’s not the I-love-this-coffee kind of love. You told me once that there’s a difference between “loving” someone and “being in love with” someone. I know that, too. And I’m sure I’m in love with you.
Me: I don’t believe you.
Him: I’m not telling you this so that you believe me. I’m telling you this because it’s true.
– SOM III, Ateneo de Manila University
16 June 2007. 11:46 am
Well, well. The first thing that entered my head was, “Shet, ang haba na pala ng buhok ko nung 2007.” Haha. Translation: Ang landi ko na pala noon pa lang. Yeah, I’m just bragging now.
On a serious note, I was right. It did not really end well. We’re both committed to another now and we’re both happy. We remained friends, though. But reading this after a long, long time still made my enormous pimply cheeks rosy as a baby’s. Maybe I should start listening to that I remember the boy but I don’t remember the feeling anymore song right now.
On the bright side, it made my day a little bit lighter.