From My Handwritten Journal: Not the Coffee Kind of Love
MANILA, Philippines — I have no idea what had gotten into me. Maybe it was the rain or the slow ballads that I had been listening to the whole day. I was feeling a little down again, thinking about my childhood and the idea of talking to a shrink came up again but the idea did not live that long. Before I knew it, I was digging my box of old notebooks.
I keep a handwritten journal. I still do. Earlier this afternoon, while trying to find something to read, I stumbled upon one of my handwritten diaries. I spent the next 30 minutes smiling, laughing, and sometimes offended by my own words. Haha. Anyway, I decided to start another series on this blog featuring snapshots of the pages of my handwritten journals that contained experiences that, for whatever reason, I was not brave, strong or prepared enough to publish on this blog at the time of writing.
Here’s one of them, written over five years ago: (Read after the jump)
I’m starting to fall in love with him again. He just told me something that made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I had always wished he would say those words. Sad because there is this awful nagging feeling of uncertainty that lingers in the air. I’m not really confident that this relationship — if this is indeed a relationship — will push through.
So here’s what he told me this morning:
Him: I love you. And it’s not the I-love-this-coffee kind of love. You told me once that there’s a difference between “loving” someone and “being in love with” someone. I know that, too. And I’m sure I’m in love with you.
Me: I don’t believe you.
Him: I’m not telling you this so that you believe me. I’m telling you this because it’s true.
– SOM III, Ateneo de Manila University
16 June 2007. 11:46 am
Well, well. The first thing that entered my head was, “Shet, ang haba na pala ng buhok ko nung 2007.” Haha. Translation: Ang landi ko na pala noon pa lang. Yeah, I’m just bragging now.
On a serious note, I was right. It did not really end well. We’re both committed to another now and we’re both happy. We remained friends, though. But reading this after a long, long time still made my enormous pimply cheeks rosy as a baby’s. Maybe I should start listening to that I remember the boy but I don’t remember the feeling anymore song right now.
On the bright side, it made my day a little bit lighter.
Awww. Ang sweet. I wish I would be as happy as you are someday (chos, bata pa ko). I’m in a stage of personal ‘crisis’ that I’m having a hard time to accept. (One of the reasons why I fell in love with this blog at first sight is because… you serve as an inspiration, LOL)
Basta. Hahahaha. XD
Mali po pala. I thought the words were from ‘shy guy’. Hindi pala. Pero ganun pa rin naman. The important thing is, you’re happy.
Hahaha, yeah. It’s a different guy. 🙂
nice, being in love. sana… sana..
Haha, hanap ka, dali! 😛
ang ganda naman ng penmanship mo. cursive din ako magsulat pero parang penmanship ng doktor. hehe
Panget pa nga yan eh. You should see my penmanship pag di nagmamadali. CHAR! ANG YABANG KO. POTAH. hahahahha
wait, nag-aral ka sa ateneo for a while?
3 months. Short course lang after graduating from UP. 🙂
Parang nakwento mo sa akin yung chorva na yan! hahaha. Grabe, ang landi mo nga!
Haha, naka-anonymous ka pa eh kilala naman kita, AIKA! hahaha. Oo naman, nakwento ka na yan sayo dati. 🙂
I do keep journals too before. But I always burn them at the end of every year.
Anyway, this post is pretty sweet. <3
WHAAAAAA! Why you burn your journals??? 🙁 Sayang.
short but elegant..hahha..bsta pag nababasa ko post mo naliligayahan ako..:))
Hihi, ako rin. Pag nababasa ko comment mo, naliligayahan din meee. Hahaha. ANudaw???
waaa I miss you yoshke and I miss this blog!! Hihihi ang haba haba nga ng hair mo teh! :p at isang comment, ang ganda ng handwriting mo!! Inggit ako! :p
I missed you here, too! Maganda talaga ang handwriting ko and mahaba talaga hair ko! Mwahaha. #CHAR LANG. Yabang!
ikaw na talaga! :p hahaha