Heart Check-up

I just received the most ridiculous text message from Frances:

“Sudden realization. I think you’re in love with Astrid. I don’t know, it just entered my mind.”

What the..?! Where did this come from?! Asta is an incredibly good friend. Yes, she’s very special to me, considering the ups-and-downs that we’ve been through. We’ve experienced the worst in our friendship. We hated each other so much, and now, we’re good friends. We’re close, but nowhere close to having a romantic relationship. Really.

Anyways, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the condition of my heart lately. And I realized something:

The truth is: B1* is the reason I smile everyday. But B2* is still the reason I cry at night. Damn.

Considering that it’s been more than a year since B2 hurt me, I just can’t get over it. I want to be angry at him but he’s too cute to be mad at. Gawd, I hate myself. I hate what happened. And until now, I still haven’t forgiven him, myself, and the other guy. But it pains me that they seem to have moved on, and now, I’m the only one left in pain. It’s just… painful. And sad. Good thing B1 is here. Obicham Te, B1.

Earlier today, Andre sent me a message, which he got from “The Purpose-Driven Life.” I snickered. I never imagined I could use the words Andre and “The Purpose-Driven Life” in one sentence. That was just sooo un-Andre-ly. Anyway, here’s the message:

“…Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now — unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. Your past is past, nothing will change it. You are only hurting yourself with your bitterness. For your own sake, learn from it and then let it go….”

I just wish it’s that easy to let go. Andre also said that I was (and still am) full of resentment. But Andre himself is in the same situation that I am now. And so I suggested that we set up a Bitter Men’s Club; and I’m willing to be his Vice Chairman. Hehehe.

I was also able to meet up with my very first girlfriend last week. And damn, she’s still beautiful. She’s even more attractive now. God, why is it that my ex-girlfriends become more beautiful after break-up? That’s just… RUDE.

*Obviously, not their real names. I can’t be in love with bananas.

Comments

  1. aww I know how you feel. Luckily, I have gotten through it and so can you. Sometimes we have to see ourselves as human and nothing more. You must omit feeling and move on knowing only truth (truth of the past). I know this might sound stupid but it’s really good advice. It was how I got over my problems. When you realize truth in the matter, you seek forgiveness and move on searching and creating a naturally blissful road for yourself. I recommend you try it sometime. Rationalize your situation. Even write it down on paper. Sometimes when you see it in your eyes it makes it easier to understand your own feelings. That way you can find an easy way to resolve the issue with yourself. This may sound stupid but oh well. It always feels good to know that you’re not alone in your decisions. I hope this advice helped you. I’d love to get an update on the way you feel after you read this message. It’d make me feel better to know that things are looking up for you. Feel well soon. ^_^

  2. Thanks naimah. When I finally get to KILL that son of a bitch who broke my heart, I’ll surely let you know. Hehehe. Kidding.

    Hey, i’d love to visit your blog, too but I think you provided a broken link.

  3. ei…can i join the club ???i NEED to… hehehe…who is that very first gf ??? parang i know her…tama ba??? xa yun???

  4. yep.ย whoever is in your head, that’s right. it’s her.ย ๐Ÿ™‚

    and you can join the club. the Secretary position is available. Hehehehe

  5. Advice is so easy to give isn’t it? I would be nice if things were that easy. I know how hard it is to try and let go. He’s to hoping you get there soon!!

  6. I think that if letting go of loves were easy, then chocolate wouldn’t be as popular.

    I’m going through it too. Hopefully you’ll get better at it than I am. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. I hope things will span out for you… moving on from one portion of your life is easier said than done… and sometimes it just takes a lot more of the soul search than anything. ^_^

  8. Everyone sucks. People are so nice, until you get into relationships with them and then they suck. Then you, who are the one who deserves to be happy are miserable and they who are assholes are happy. WTF? I’m going through a very very similar situation minus the B1 unfortunately.

  9. I think that if letting go of loves were easy, then chocolate wouldnโ€™t be as popular.

    Hahaha. This is sooo funny. But I get your point. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. Just read this entry. O di ba? Where the heck did that come from, FRances? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Really ridiculous!

    All I can say is:

    I love yah mah friend!

    astrid

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