Words of Wisdom from Dohna Sarmiento

Trinoma, Quezon City. September 2008.

I don’t eat beef.

Don’t ask why not. I don’t know either. I just don’t.

But of course, I know how it tastes like. Last month, I was at FoodEx Trinoma to taste beef for the first time. (It was the first of the three times I ate beef in my life.) Mimay, JT and Dohna were all there to witness the momentous event. Mimay had it recorded. Video uploaded to Facebook.

I ordered T-Bone steak. They were all crying “Oh my God” repeatedly in anticipation. Because you know, one day, I’ll be so famous and I’ll be a great historical figure and people will go back to that moment as the first time I ate beef. They’ll be erecting a monument in the middle of that mall captioned “This was where The Great Yoshke Dimen had his first beef.” And it will become a popular tourist destination besting New York’s Statue of Liberty, Rio’s Jesus Christ the Redeemer and the then most visited Manila’s Yoshke The Full-of-Himself Tower.

Anyway, just when the first morsel touched the tip of my tongue, Dohna asked me “How was it?”

It took me several seconds before I could finally answer. I had to chew and swallow, you know.

Yummy. A bit gummy,” was my answer. “Not as bad as I expected but not as good as people say it is.”

They were all delighted with my response. It meant “I liked it.” I was just sorta in denial but I liked it.

You see? You liked it, right? Beef is very good,” Dohna said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly. “Beef is our friend.”

If beef is our friend, why do we have to eat it?” I replied.

Well…” Dohna paused and then uttered confidently, “Because sometimes we have to eat our friends! InΒ  order to live.


Mimay added “And because they eat us, too. Unto unto others, unto unto you!

Ad Congress. Subic Bay. November 2007.

After the Neil Gaiman event, Ayn, Astrid, Dohna and I decided to kill time at the Subic Bay Christmas Carnival. We hadn’t been at a “perya” in a long time. Enchanted Kingdom not counted. When I say “perya,” I mean those horrible yet fun places where you feel like the Ferris Wheel will come crashing down any minute and whenever you brush your hand with the grimy metal railings, you feel like a bottle of Green Cross alcohol won’t be enough and you won’t touch food in the next 72 hours. And whenever you hear a scream, you assume it’s not of excitement but of agony and you picture a little girl free falling from that Ferris Wheel you thought was made of rust. Haha. But peryas are fun. Haha.

After almost an hour of deciding what rides to take, we ended up not taking any. Haha. So we just agreed to wait for Lei and hitch a ride back to Manila — the only ride we were gonna take that day.

We were staying near a puto-bumbong stall — all tired, sleepy and waiting. All quiet. No one was saying anything. Until Dohna broke the silence with a song. Out loud, she started singing “Burn” by Tina Arena.

Do you wanna be a fo…” And then she stopped singing so suddenly. She realized she might have mispronounced something. Might have. Haha.

Ayn, being herself, smirked and asked “What? A FFFoet? Do you wanna be a FFFoet?

Ah sarcasm. Sarcastic bickering. My favorite hobby.

I was gonna say ‘FOREST!’” said Dohna, thinking she could fool us.

I butted in, “Why on earth would you want to be a forest? Why would anyone want to be a forest?!?

We all laughed. Dohna was silent.

Err… Coz they want to… burn? ” was her answer. Clever.


    • no, im not. i love meat. (no pun intended)

      but i dont like beef. i loooove chicken but i get allergies if i eat too much of it. pork is always safe. haha.

  1. ahahhaha.. d kapala nakain ng baka.. anu keya yun? ahahaha.. parehas tayo pag nakakakain ng manok.. minsan nga feeling ko mangingitlog nako. wahahahaha.. ewan ko ba kung bkit ito pa ang dumapo saking allergy… sarap sarap ng manok eh… pero dhil salamat k dr.wong at dr.kauffsman, ayun mejo nakakakain ndin ako ng matino..

  2. haha!
    β€œBecause sometimes we have to eat our friends! In order to live.β€?–very true but sounds like backstabbing to me! hahaha!

    i love your conversations tag… really funny πŸ™‚

  3. nakakatuwa naman mga barkada mo. para akong sira na tumatawa habang binabasa nag article na to.. miss u. hahaha

  4. I tried veganism last year.. I survived for ONE long month.

    so ngayon, scheduled na yan…

    Vegetarian MWF…

    Eat like a lion TTH…

    eat like a pig pag weekends. lol.

  5. Maybe you should try a medium well done steak with a baked potato and greens like from Outback Steak House. Oooh. I know of a great steak place that I’m sure will change you mind about beef.

    • “I know of a great steak place that I’m sure will change you mind about beef.”

      Where is this place aber? haha. mahilig ako magfood trip, san yan? haha

  6. surely you would’ve known why you didn’t eat beef before, siguro you just never thought to try it out. hehehe, uulitin pa ba? is there a fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh time?

    and oooh gusto ko na si dohna, galing magpalusot hihi

  7. akala ko sa UP nangyari yung forest.
    pero really, forest talaga sasabihin ko.
    for the nth time. haha.

    akala ko ipopost mo yung beef video.

    unto, unto others!

    • mag-ingat-ingat ka sa pananalita mo, carsula. haha. Hindi lang si Dohna ang may randomly inserted H sa pangalan! Marami ka maapakan! WAHAHAHAHA.

      That “H” makes all the difference. haha.

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