Impress him. Surprise him. Cheat not. Hit not. In simpler terms, these are the most important pieces of advice on keeping a relationship. But sometimes, no matter how strictly you follow these commandments, relationships still die. Some of natural death. Why? Because we tend to overlook simpler but not any less significant things we have to remember when we are the other half of a couple.
10. When you make mistakes, say sorry.
Your heart should be bigger than your ego. Pride will get your relationship nowhere. When you suddenly threw tantrums in the middle of your seventh monthsary dinner (ulimately ruining the night), say sorry. It’s your fault, take the blame. It’s simple, really: When you make a mistake, apologize.
9. When your partner makes mistakes, say sorry.
Shit happens. Everybody makes mistakes. Your partner is not an exception. When your partner does and he or she apologizes, don’t pin all the blame on him/her. Analyze the situation. I mean, REALLY analyze it and you’ll find you have shortcomings, too. Example:
He’s late. It’s his fault, yes. But did you remind him?
He called you a bitch. It’s his fault, yes. But are you really not?
He’s out with friends yet again. It’s not really a fault but let’s say it is. Was it clear you didn’t want him to go out with friends four times a week?
Point is, it wouldn’t hurt to get your share of the blame sometimes. After all, you’re partners.
8. Don’t self-pity.
If you think you’re so ugly or so stupid or so whatever and you think you’re not good at anything, stop it. Self-pitying will only make you feel bad. And if you feel bad about yourself, imagine how it makes your partner feel. Has it ever occurred to you that the more you tarnish your confidence, the worse your partner is hurt?
Think about this: He loves you. If you think you’re worthless, you are insulting your partner in a way.
7. Always say ‘I love you.’
Yeah, yeah, showing it beats saying it. But hey, saying “I love you,” especially when you mean it (and you should), has this extraordinary ability of brightening up a day, building confidence, and making your partner feel better.
You know what else has that ability? “Thank you.”
6. Don’t get too attached.
You’re one. You’re partners. Right. But hey, your relationship is not your life. You have a life together but it should not stop you from living a life of your own. Go out with your friends. Visit your family. Experience and enjoy life without him sometimes. It WILL help both you and your relationship.
Besides, ever heard of the word “suffocating?” Many relationships die of that.
5. Manage the drama.
A perfect relationship is a boring relationship. Get jealous sometimes. Feel uber-sensitive sometimes. Feel threatened sometimes. Add some drama to it.
But wait, there’s a thin line. DO NOT OVERDO IT!
It’s perfectly normal in a relationship that sometimes, one acts like a baby. But remember, there’s only one room for an immature person in every relationship. When one is throwing tantrums, the other has to remain calm, understanding and level-headed. Two babies at one time is a deadly combination. When your partner is acting like it, don’t do the same.
4. Spend nights together.
I know what you’re thinking. It’s not just sex. Sex is good, yes. What needs to be underlined here is that incredible feeling of going to sleep and waking up in the arms of someone you really love. Intimacy is important.
3. Know the little things about your partner.
Share secrets. Know the trivial things that most people would not care about or just dismiss. There’s one boy band song that I really like and it says, “It’s the little things that only I know; those are the things that make you mine.” That’s so true.
2. Don’t overpower your partner.
They say that in a relationship, there’s always one that dominates. It may be true. But if power is a problem in your relationship, talk about it. Do not overpower your partner all the time. Don’t insist paying for everything when he/she had already said she wanted to split. Don’t always put yourself on a pedestal; it makes your partner feel low. Don’t make rules by yourself. (And don’t make rules on the spot.) Listen to what he/she has to say.
1. Work it out.
One of the best pieces of love advice that I received came from a friend. She said, “You don’t quit just because you’re not happy at the moment. The whole point of being in a relationship is that you, at the very least, try to work it out.” That’s why it is a “relationship.” It’s a relationship between two people. It’s a collaborative effort.
Every couple has their ups and downs. And when you encounter the down-side of it, you don’t give up just like that. You talk. You listen. You weigh things over. You work it out.
Entering a relationship is not easy. Keeping it is a different story; it’s much harder. It may be challenging but it is very rewarding and fulfilling. You know why? Because you don’t do it alone. The good thing about being in a relationship is that there is someone you can work with. And the best part is, it is someone you love.
At this point, let me greet Shy Guy and myself a Happy Anniversary.