What’s On My Mind?

“What’s on your mind?”

Every night, while lying in bed before we go to sleep and I’m unusually quiet, you’d look at me and ask, “What’s on your mind?” I’d answer with a dismissing, “Wala lang. (Nothing.)” And then, we’d talk about something else.

The truth is, I wasn’t thinking about nothing. I was thinking about you.

Have you ever wondered why I would always make sure you go to sleep before me? That’s because I love looking at you while you’re in dreamland. I would look at you, just look at you. And then I’d just find myself praying, “God, what good did I do to deserve him?”

The funny thing is, I’m not even sure if I believe in God, but I believe in you. You are real. Your love for me is real. Nothing is more real than this. What good did I do to deserve this?

I’d lool for reasons. I would consider the moment I looked for the woman who dropped her pouch when I was at a shopping center in my hometown. Or my yearly habit of donating clothes and books to kids at an orphanage in Taal, Batangas. Or that I usually volunteer. But no, they are not good enough. You are bigger than all of them combined.

I got scared sometimes. I’d think, maybe the question I should be asking was “What bad did you do to deserve me?” Or maybe this happiness actually came with misery that I was yet to feel. Worst, “What if I don’t deserve you at all?”

That’s what ran through my head every night when we were about to sleep or when I watched you sleep. I couldn’t figure it out. I was looking for a reason you’re mine.

Not anymore.

I woke up today with a smile. Last night I had an epiphany. Screw karma; screw it. Who cares if I deserve you or not? Who cares if you deserve me? Who cares why you’re here? What matters is you ARE here, you are mine, and I’ll be the biggest idiot if I ever let you go.

When you see me looking at you like that again, there’s no need to ask me what I’m thinking and why I’m not saying anything. I’ll say it now. When you’re looking at the best thing that ever happened to you, the most beautiful man, your one and only source of inspiration, there really isn’t much to say but this, “Thank you.”

Happy 15 months.


  1. waaaaaa…… loooooovvvveee it! hahaha! happy monthsary sa inyo! Super kilig
    which reminds me of my zero love life awts! haha lol!

  2. I can stay awake just to hear you breathing….watch you smile while you were sleeping, while you’re far away dreaming—-it’s true, we feell it…it happens….be glad you do.

  3. ang mushy ng post na ito. nde ko alam more than a year na pala kayo. hayz. buti kapa yoshke. ako kaka-break lang last week. sigh. ewan ko ba. sana nga mahanap ko na rin ang para sa akin. am really happy for you yosh. you really deserve it.

  4. envious as hell… huhu

    naalala ko naman ang “butterfly kisses” dyan, although pang father-daughter un.. “With all that I’ve done wrong, i must have done something right… to deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night…” awwww..

    haaay buhay… happy for u 🙂

  5. SWEETNESS.. 🙂

    I know how it feels, looking at God’s greatest creation sleeping beside you and breathing the same air you breathe..


    You’re so romanitic and passionate Yoshke..

    Happy monthsary.. ! 🙂

  6. waaaaaaaaaa laglag na naman ang puso ko… hay… you’re such a wonderful person that’s why you deserve him yoshke… or else aagawin kita sa kanya.. nyahaha… yun ang karma.. hehe


    happy 15months…
    anong panlaban ko sa 15months? hmmmm

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.