I’m in Pain

My nasty lungs are giving me the torture of the century. Every effin’ breath hurts. Damn. And now I’m imposing a cigarette ban on myself. For now.

My right big toe is swollen. I got ingrown toenails, and I had been complaining about it since, like, forever but I couldn’t do anything because I was afraid it would bleed. And you know how I react when I get up close and personal with blood. Aargh. My housemate told me to forget about shoes for a while. What?! Are you kidding me? I could stand that pain but not the feeling of looking like a fashion disaster. So I still wore my fave pair of Chucks and got through my day filled with walking, walking, and uh, walking. It was excruciating. Like I said, every breath hurt, and every step did, too. I knew I should’ve just worn slippers. Hehe.

Later that day, I went home limping. Bad mood, of course. I took off my shoes and turn my PC on. But it wouldn’t boot. I pressed power again. Nah. Restart. Nah. In utter frustration, I began jerking the monitor and kicked the CPU with my right foot.


The ingrown nail cut through my big toe and blood started to squirt. Painful is a freakin’ understatement. Not to mention the blood that made me feel more uncomfortable. My initial reflex was to wash away the blood with something. Looked into my bag and found my bottle of Green Cross alcohol, and without thinking, poured some on my bloody toe.

You know what happened next. (Was I cursing in Russian?)

Damn alcohol.

And of course, there’s this painful feeling of being alone. I’m happy but I still believe I could be happier. My last relationship ended almost two years ago. It was with Liza. Back then, I was busy with my thesis and crazy over someone else (ehehehe, I was so evil).

Hmmm. I’ve been single that long already. Wah.

Prech and Patti told me once that I didn’t know how to handle relationships. That all I was good at was just fall in love. But relationships… I suck (they say). I believe them.

I’ve only had three girlfriends (and zero boyfriends, hehe) but not one of them lasted more than five months.


Here’s how one of my exes and I broke up.

“Hey, so how are we?” She said.
“I don’t know,” I answered.
“Do you want it over?”
“It’s up to you.”
“Won’t you say anything?”
“If you want it over then fine. It’s really up to you.”
“I want it over.”
“Okie. No biggie.”
“I’m serious. I want it over.”
“I am, too. And it’s really no big deal.”

After that, we hated each other sooo much. Both claiming how we still loved each other but incredibly hurt that the other did not even try to fight for the relationship. Yeah. I know, right? I just didn’t want to look like I was on the losing end. Too bad, she shared the same thought.

Oh, pride.

“…So when I’m lying in my bed, thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead, I’m loving angels instead….”
Angels, Robbie Williams


  1. my toe usually bleeds like crazy everytime I cut my nails, hindi kasi ako marunong eh. Nasanay ako na yung nanay ko ang naggugupit ng kuko ko.

  2. fashion before comfort.. nice. huwaw. congrats sa iyong fashionista creed bilang pilosopiya. === Are you kidding me? I could stand that pain but not the feeling of looking like a fashion disaster.

  3. Waw mehn dami talagang hurts and pains sa mundo! Woooh! Let’s all jump the cliff!!! Hehehe. =P

    Yewch. You’re the third person I’ve read who experienced a bodily injury this week. What’s with the world?

  4. I hate in grown toenails. I had a sore toe this week as well, but I’m not sure if it was caused my an ingrown toenail or not. I hope your toe is doing better now. That sounded like a big nasty mess!

  5. I know how it feels.. ending the relatioship. Although my closure parang kulang pag walang away or argument na nangyari. Yung bang ok kayo but hindi pala.

    And with the lungs thingy, i also now how you feel. I was born with weak lungs so basically thats my dilema since birth.

    Grabe namiss ko to!!!

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