A Break-up Letter


I never expected I'd be writing you this letter. We've had six years of wonderful memories but I'm afraid it had come to the Read more

Welcome to the New Yoshke.com


New look. New attitude. New experiences. Honestly, I had been neglecting this blog the past few weeks because of my awfully hectic schedule. Work had Read more

Sometimes We Burn to Live


Whenever I meet people for the first time, it always happens. When they start their sentence with "I hope you don't mind me asking but," Read more

Judging By the Cover


Our office is just a stone's throw from where I live. In fact, all I have to do is cross EDSA and voila, hello Read more

Fireworks, Hormones, and this Blog Post


You remember last week when I told you I found it difficult to blog since I met you? Since we became a couple officially, Read more

Do They Read Blogs in Heaven?


Whenever I say that the earliest memory I have is the accident wherein I had my left arm somewhat toasted, I lie. My earliest Read more

Unusual Breakfast


Here we are again. In the usual corner. Usual table. Usual diner. Usual time. And most probably, usual meal. I'm getting tired of this Read more

Top 10 National Stereotypes


Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by Read more

EDSA


It could have been a horrible Saturday. I was in the passenger seat. It was a bit raining. Normally, EDSA gets on my nerves. That's why Read more

Why Nursery Rhymes Are So Violent


A few months ago, I was teaching my 4-year old nephew some nursery rhymes with a DVD. After a lot of singing, he slowly Read more

Top 10 Worst Things to Say During Sex


Sex is the art of love. It must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. This act of love of two Read more

The Promil Kid Drops the Bomb


Of all the living things created by God, I love my nephew the most. I call him the Promil Kid. He’s the cutest thing. Read more

» Hanging-Outs

Two Salesladies

Posted on by Yoshke in Conversations, Humor |

Coming from a meeting in Ortigas, I dropped by SM Megamall to buy a laptop bag. It was around 10:30 am and there were not so many people at Cyberzone. I entered a store and I was the only customer at the time. I was sharing the room with one saleslady who was busy at the counter.

After finally choosing the bag I wanted to purchase, I approached the saleslady and gave her the item. And then something weird happened. She looked at me from head to toe and then stared for a few seconds. It wasn’t condescending. The stare screamed of frustration, of remorse. I was wearing black denim pants, a T-shirt covered with a black coat and leather pants. She wasn’t saying anything so I broke the silence, “Miss, kunin ko na ‘to.”

She took the item and began preparing the paper bag. Then she spoke.

Saleslady: Sir, ilang taon na po kayo?
Yoshke: 24. Malapit nang mag-25.
Saleslady: Ano pong trabaho n’yo, sir?
Yoshke: Sa Marketing ako. Bakit?
Saleslady: Wala lang, sir. Alam n’yo sir, magka-edad lang tayo. Gusto ko rin po mag-marketing dati. Nung high-school ako, gusto ko yung ganyan. Marketing, advertising. Ganun.
Yoshke: San ka nag-college?
Saleslady: Naku, wag nyo na alamin, sir. Hindi rin naman ako nakatapos. Pero matalino daw ako, sir. Nasa top ako ng high school.
Yoshke: O, ano nangyari?

She paused. I swear there were some tears building up in her eyes.

Read more

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And That’s the Bottom Line!

Posted on by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

Here are some completely innocent statements but my friends’ dirty minds tell them otherwise.

SANAY NA

One very toxic night, I had been editing political ads on my laptop with my small marketing teammates at our apartment FOR HOURS. My friends Dohna, Dane, and Frances were sitting on the airbed while I was on the stairs facing a chair where the laptop was on. There was just no place in the mattress left so I had to sit on the bottom step of the staircase despite the discomfort.

Dohna grew concerned about my situation so she asked, “Yoshke, masakit ba?”

And without thinking, I replied, “Hindi naman. Sanay na ang pwet ko.”

Everyone burst into laughter. I meant I got used to being seated for hours.

PUMAPASOK

Frances, Dohna, Asta, JT, Maikel and I were at Starbucks Shangri-la last Thursday night when we agreed to exchange horror stories. Frances was narrating a horrifying encounter when they stayed in Baguio a few years ago, wherein an old lady was torturing her in her sleep but she was awake and she couldn’t move. More like a case of sleep paralysis.

Frances narrated, “Tapos hindi talaga ako makagalaw. Tapos gusto kong sumigaw pero hindi ko magawa, walang lumalabas na boses. Tapos weird, ang hirap ng i-explain. Alam nyo yung feeling na may malaking bagay na pumapasok sa katawan mo?

“Oo, alam ko ang feeling nang may malaking bagay na pumapasok sa katawan ko,” I interrupted.

Everyone gave me a look as if saying “You ruined dinner.” Sorry naman. She asked! I just answered. I meant I had the same sleep paralysis experience.

HINDI QUALIFIED

While preparing dinner at the condo a few months ago.

Andre: Pag nagkaroon ng Top Chef Philippines, parang ang sarap sumali. Kaso hindi ako qualified.
Yoshke: Bakit naman?
Andre: Hindi kasi ako “top.”

He meant he’s not that experienced a cook!

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Pasaway sa Pasay

Posted on by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

Vice President wannabe Jejomar Binay’s Ganito Kami sa Makati promotional ad-slash-political ad in disguise says a lot about the city he’s running. Whether it’s true or not, I think Makati is one of those cities in Metro Manila that project a relatively positive image to the public. But how about the others?

It’s actually quite funny what kind of impressions some cities have on people. For example, I’m sure you have heard people making fun of Malabon and its Venice-like situation, except devoid of all grandeur. Or how many of us still associate the entire Muntinlupa with New Bilibid Prison as though the prison is all there is in the city.

This post isn’t about Makati, Malabon, or Muntinlupa. It’s about another city in the southern part of the metropolis — Pasay City.

I’ve been told a number of times about the city’s reputation. For example, when I’m going to Pasay and I’m asking my mom or my friends for directions, they would insist that I do not go alone or that I do not bring any valuables. Even my dear  friends from Pasay tell me how frustrated they are with how things go, especially how things are being run.

Is Pasay really that bad? I’m asking coz the only parts of Pasay I go to frequently are the SM Mall of Asia area, DFA, and MRT Taft station.

Here are some instances in which I thought Pasay was used by people around me for their random display of sense of humor.

ANYTHING GOES

Fresh from iBlog Mini at World Trade Center a few weeks ago, Andre and I decided to proceed to SM Mall of Asia to check out the new line of hoodies at Fox Men. We didn’t know where the jeepney terminal was so we started looking for it.

Andre: I don’t think it’s here. Maybe it’s over there?
Yoshke: But we have to cross the road to go there.
Andre: So let’s cross, come on.
Yoshke: Err, wait. Can we? This may be a no-jaywalking zone.
Andre: Yoshke, duh? This is Pasay. There are no rules!

A TALE OF A MISSING COMB

“Where the hell is my comb?!”

Debbie had spent minutes trying to find her comb in the office. This happened two years ago, I was a web writer then. Debbie misplaced her comb and she just could not find it in her cubicle. Out of utter frustration, she talked to herself like she normally did.

Read more

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The Drowning in Batangas

Posted on by Yoshke in Public Affairs, Travel |

Someone drowned in Matabungkay, Batangas last Sunday. But it seemed like that guy was not the only one that needed saving.

My travel buddy and I spent the long weekend at a beach in my home province. We had grander plans actually — Palaui Island in Cagayan, Caramoan in Camarines Sur, Sagada in Mountain Province, Hundred Islands in Pangasinan — but our weird schedules made the long weekend completely pointless. So we were forced to choose a beach that was close to the city.

Matabungkay in Lian, Batangas is indeed close to me. I’m not just talking about physical proximity but more importantly emotionally. I stayed there for two months when I managed an English camp for Korean grade school and college students in 2006 and we made wonderful memories and bond in that barangay. I was very familiar with the place. Matabungkay was an easy choice. You see, memories, which needed revisiting, were littered on the sands of Matabungkay.

Apparently, it wasn’t just memories that were all over Matabungkay. Trash, too. I wish I’m talking figuratively here.

It had been three years since I last visited the popular Batangas beach but a lot has changed. There was so much garbage lying on the sand and swimming with tourists. Seaweeds are a common sight in the area but what really ruined the place were plastic cups, glass bottles, aluminum foils, Lucky Me Pancit Canton wrappers… (Sorry, the brand got stuck in my head coz it’s my favorite and there were so much of them there.) It was really heartbreaking.

And yeah, someone drowned while we were swimming. I hope he was able to reach the hospital on time.

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Andre and the Passersby

Posted on by Yoshke in Celebrities, Conversations, Humor |

SM Megamall

Andre, Shy Guy and I were walking around looking for a place to have dinner at when we passed by Petit Monde. The store’s facade is covered with huge posters of Carmen Soo.

Yoshke: Nagagandahan ba kayo kay Carmen Soo?
Shy Guy: Oo. OK lang. Bakit, ikaw?
Yoshke: Oo naman. Ikaw, Andre?
Andre: Oo namaaan. Iba kasi eh. Simpleng ganda lang. Parang… parang… parang ako.

Hala. Maganda daw sya!

Trinoma

Days after the Carmen Soo incident, Andre and I found ourselves in Trinoma. I forgot why we were there (but I swear it wasn’t bird-watching). Anyway, this time, we passed by Bench where a poster showcasing the buffed physique and nakaka-ihing sex appeal ni Gerald Anderson in a sleeveless shirt, his hands under his head, his armpits exposed.

Andre: (squeezing may left shoulder) Gaaaaaah. Eeeeeeh.
Yoshke: O ano na naman?
Andre: Ang sarap naman ng kili-kili ni Gerald… Parang gusto ko dun tumira…

Go lang! Tumira ka sa kili-kili ni Gerald Anderson! Hindi kita pipigilan!

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Finally An Update

Posted on by Yoshke in Blurts, Career, Movies |

Wuhooooo! After a seems-like-forever hiatus, I’m back, blogging.

The hell week is finally over.

I filed a week-long leave of absence for the Foreign Service Oral Examinations. It was tough, intense, and mind-blowing. Very. Waaaaah, I really hope I could make it.

One of the questions they asked me was, “Who’s your favorite Hollywood director?”

And I just stared at them for 10 seconds. I was beyond nervous. I didn’t know what to say. I don’t even have a fave Hollywood director. Wong Kar Wai and Francois Truffaut, yes, but they’re so not Hollywood.

The first name that came to my mind was David Fincher but I was worried they would think my choice was too violent. And then Steven Spielberg, and I thought they would think I was too juvenile.

And so I said, “Stephen Daldry.”

Poor me. Can’t even think of a much more famous director. But come to think of it, he really is my favorite right now. “The Hours” remains my all-time fave film, after all. And I really liked “The Reader.”

Another question they asked me: “Brilliante Mendoza has just won Best Director at Cannes Film Festival for his film about a young cop who raped and killed a woman and chopped her to pieces. What can you say about this?”

My answer? Hmm… I think I’ll just keep it to myself. Ehehe. My opinion is not very pretty.

Of course, days before the Exams, I was brushing up on my International Affairs. Was at Gloria Jeans Coffee in Tomas Morato/Timog a number of times. (Free Wi-Fi!)

On Monday, we saw Kim Chiu and Gerald Anderson. Yum Yum. Haha.

Last Tuesday, we finally found a new home! So later this month, my friends and I will be moving to GA Tower along EDSA, a stone’s throw from my workplace.

Yesterday was our Barrio Fiesta in Lemery, Batangas. Perfect, perfect. After a gruelling, almost suicide-inducing Foreign Service Exams, it was time to PIG OUT!

I love fiestas. Basically because I love to eat.

Kudos to the Spaniards for injecting the fiesta tradition to our culture. Ahahaha.

So right now, I’m back in the violently jolting metropolis. Work’s piled up. So I gotta split now.

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What’s Up With Me

Posted on by Yoshke in Blurts, Movies, Music, News, The World |

Because updating Twitter and Plurk every whatever hour is too grueling a task for me (yeah, I’m lazy like that), why not deliver updates all at once every week? Wahaha.

  • February na! Birthday season. Hahaay. Most of my friends are Februarians. And as I said before, unlike January which I have a love-hate relationship with, February is ALWAYS kind to me. And I know this year ain’t gonna be different.  :D
  • Kelly Clarkson is baaaaack! Although I actually think that My Life Would Suck Without You isn’t one of her best singles, I’m just ecstatic she’s back on top, making history. Hihi. She now holds the record for Billboard’s greatest jump formerly clung under Britney’s belt. Eat that, Britney! (Kidding! I love Britney Spears, too.) Also, she’s the first American Idol to score two Billboard Number 1′s. I’m soooo happy for her. She’s my fave Idol ever. And Carrie Underwood. And David Cook… Aright. I have many fave Idols ever.
  • I’m loving I Hate This Part by The Pussycat Dolls. Lovet. I gotta do eeeet… I gotta do eeeet… I gotta do eeeeeeeet
  • I’ve just found out that Boyce Avenue is coming to Manila. Somebody slap me now! I just can’t help getting giddy this early. They will be performing in the following:
    February 12 – SM Cebu, 6 PM
    February 13 – SM Mall of Asia, 7 PM
    February 14 – SM North Edsa, 5 pm
    February 15 – SM Megamall, 7:30 PM
    I’ve been in love with them since like the Cretaceous Period! I remember the time when their youtube pages had only a few views. Now, they’re getting bigger and more popular. I’m happy for them.
  • I was at Red Box in Greenbelt 3 last Friday night with clients. And it dawned on me that boy band songs love me. I don’t know what he does to make you cry. But I’ll be there to make you smile…
  • I’ve finally seen The Reader. I’m sorry Slumdog Millionaire, The Reader just stole my heart from you. Oscar Best Picture? The Reader for the win. (Kate Winslet is love.)  I’ll be posting my Oscar predictions and the second part of my Movie Rundown: Oscar Contenders post soon. I just need to see Frost/Nixon.
  • Amanda Tanen of Ugly Betty is the apple of my eyes right now. But no, I’m not going straight. She’s more like my role model. My answer to the question: Whom do you want to be like when you grow up? Wahaha.

  • I keep on finding myself in Trinoma lately. Actually, I don’t feel like going out lately. But I have to. Meetings. Groceries. My usual tambayan is at Dairy Queen in Glorietta 4. But Trinoma has been attracting me gravitationally. But it’s aright, Trinoma is my fave mall after all.
  • I didn’t realize there’s actually a Froyo (Frozen Yogurt) place near my place. Yogurbud! Waaah. I know they have branches at SM Megamall and The Podium but I didn’t know there’s also one along Tomas Morato. Yaaaaay! Someone’s gonna be a regular!
  • I’m buying a fridge. Yay. Finally, I can store as much yogurt as I want. And ice cream. And milk. And salad…
  • Andre spent the weekend at my apartment again. So yes, there’ll be a Weekend with Andre Part 2.
  • I was WTF-ing and WTF-ing when I read this report: A Filipino machine operator was reportedly sacked by an engineering firm in Australia allegedly for his toilet habits. A Townsville Bulletin report posted on news.com.au said Amador Bernabe, 43, a Filipino machine operator was kicked out of his job by the Townsville Engineering Industries (TEI) for using water, instead of toilet paper, to clean himself during toilet visits. (abs-cbnnews.com)
  • Dear God, why is it sooo hard to quit smoking! Give me the determination to expel nicotine from my body.
    images courtesy of dessertcomesfirst.com and stereogum.com

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Words of Wisdom from Dohna Sarmiento

Posted on by Yoshke in Conversations, Friends, Humor |

Trinoma, Quezon City. September 2008.

I don’t eat beef.

Don’t ask why not. I don’t know either. I just don’t.

But of course, I know how it tastes like. Last month, I was at FoodEx Trinoma to taste beef for the first time. (It was the first of the three times I ate beef in my life.) Mimay, JT and Dohna were all there to witness the momentous event. Mimay had it recorded. Video uploaded to Facebook.

I ordered T-Bone steak. They were all crying “Oh my God” repeatedly in anticipation. Because you know, one day, I’ll be so famous and I’ll be a great historical figure and people will go back to that moment as the first time I ate beef. They’ll be erecting a monument in the middle of that mall captioned “This was where The Great Yoshke Dimen had his first beef.” And it will become a popular tourist destination besting New York’s Statue of Liberty, Rio’s Jesus Christ the Redeemer and the then most visited Manila’s Yoshke The Full-of-Himself Tower.

Anyway, just when the first morsel touched the tip of my tongue, Dohna asked me “How was it?”

It took me several seconds before I could finally answer. I had to chew and swallow, you know.

Yummy. A bit gummy,” was my answer. “Not as bad as I expected but not as good as people say it is.”

They were all delighted with my response. It meant “I liked it.” I was just sorta in denial but I liked it.

You see? You liked it, right? Beef is very good,” Dohna said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly. “Beef is our friend.”

If beef is our friend, why do we have to eat it?” I replied.

Well…” Dohna paused and then uttered confidently, “Because sometimes we have to eat our friends! In  order to live.

Wahaha.

Mimay added “And because they eat us, too. Unto unto others, unto unto you!

Ad Congress. Subic Bay. November 2007.

After the Neil Gaiman event, Ayn, Astrid, Dohna and I decided to kill time at the Subic Bay Christmas Carnival. We hadn’t been at a “perya” in a long time. Enchanted Kingdom not counted. When I say “perya,” I mean those horrible yet fun places where you feel like the Ferris Wheel will come crashing down any minute and whenever you brush your hand with the grimy metal railings, you feel like a bottle of Green Cross alcohol won’t be enough and you won’t touch food in the next 72 hours. And whenever you hear a scream, you assume it’s not of excitement but of agony and you picture a little girl free falling from that Ferris Wheel you thought was made of rust. Haha. But peryas are fun. Haha.

After almost an hour of deciding what rides to take, we ended up not taking any. Haha. So we just agreed to wait for Lei and hitch a ride back to Manila — the only ride we were gonna take that day.

We were staying near a puto-bumbong stall — all tired, sleepy and waiting. All quiet. No one was saying anything. Until Dohna broke the silence with a song. Out loud, she started singing “Burn” by Tina Arena.

Do you wanna be a fo…” And then she stopped singing so suddenly. She realised she might have mispronounced something. Might have. Haha.

Ayn, being herself, smirked and asked “What? A FFFoet? Do you wanna be a FFFoet?

Ah sarcasm. Sarcastic bickering. My favourite hobby.

I was gonna say ‘FOREST!’” said Dohna, thinking she could fool us.

I butted in, “Why on earth would you want to be a forest? Why would anyone want to be a forest?!?

We all laughed. Dohna was silent.

Err… Coz they want to… burn? ” was her answer. Clever.

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Whatever Happened to Queue Courtesy?

Posted on by Yoshke in Conversations, Rants |

Status: Pissed.
Music: What About Now | Daughtry

I may be gay but I consider myself a gentleman. When riding the train, I usually give my seat to the woman standing in front of me. And when a woman and I happen to enter a building or a store at the same time, I give way and hold the door for her. These things, I do because I believe I am a good person. And of course, whenever I practise such acts of respect and generosity, and as common courtesy suggests, I expect a simple “Thank you.

If the woman fails to thank me, I usually just shrug it off. Yes, I expect a tiny display of gratitude but I don’t really give a damn if her parents did a terrible job raising her. But what the woman shouldn’t do is screw me after I held the door for her. And that’s exactly what happened last Tuesday.

After walking around Glorietta with my very pretty cousin, I felt the need to check my email. So we headed to Netopia somewhere near Ayala MRT Station. As always, I opened the door for my cousin. Another woman entered as I was holding the door. After I had closed it, I approached the counter. There was an old man logging in so I stood behind him and waited for my turn. This woman approached the counter and positioned herself BESIDE the old man in front of me. She said to the cashier demandingly, “Internet, please.”

At that moment, I knew she was trying to get ahead of me and jump the queue. Two customers who had just arrived stood behind that woman, forming a longer queue.

Seconds later, the man in front of me was logged in and walked away from the counter. Again, the woman said, “Internet, please.” And because I knew what she was up to, I also said to the cashier, “Miss, Internet.”

To my surprise, the cashier reminded me that there was a line and asked me to stand at the end of it. I flashed a joshed look and protested tactfully, “Miss, I am first in line.

Then, the woman beside me (the one I held the door for) said, “No, I am first here.

I ignored the woman and said to the cashier, “I was standing behind the man who just left.

But the woman was insisting, “No, I am first.

At that moment, I felt my blood reach boiling point. So out of utter rage, I turned to that ugly, little bitch and said, “What the hell are you talking about?! You know I am first in line. I approached the counter first. And my Gawd, I even held the door for you when you were coming in!

The woman yelled, “No, you’re a lier! You did not held the door for me!

Believe it or not, I still managed to snicker! But I didn’t mind her grasp of the English language (or the lack thereof). I turned to the cashier and insisted calmly, “Miss, I am first in line. You may have thought this ungrateful woman here was because she kept on saying ‘Internet, please’ even when you were busy entertaining the man who was in front of me.”

With that, she logged me in and gave me a number. I turned around and started to walk away. But that old, ugly witch kept on shouting “You’re a lier. Stop lying!” She went on and on.

Lord, forgive me for having done this. I stopped walking, turned to her, and bellowed “BITCH!!!

That shut her up. My cousin gave me a tap on the back and uttered smilingly, “Good job!”

PS: When I was logging out, the cashier apologised to me and claimed that her co-workers had just told her that I was THE first in line.

image courtesy of bonnvoyage.wordpress.com

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Never Have I Ever Regretted a Drink

Posted on by Yoshke in Career, Emo, Friends, Vanities |

Status: I’d walk with my people if I could find them.
Music: Deep Inside of You – Third Eye Blind

Last Friday our team had a party at Lauren‘s place as a part of our semimonthly office gatherings. There were lotsa fun, food, and of course booze. Among my officemates, there were only a few people who knew about my sexuality — Bridget, who used to be my classmate in UP; Aika, who is also from UP; Chemae, who said she could be bisexual so I confessed to her, too; and Jon, a straight guy whom I volunteered the information to when we were having a drink two weeks ago. But I’m sure others had a clue. I mean, with all my YM status messages, it was pretty obvious. Perhaps, some were just afraid to ask.

Anyway, back to the party we had a drinking-slash-honesty game called “never-have-i-ever.” In this game, a player says a statement beginning with “never have I ever.” For example, “Never have I ever had sex.” All those who have had sex MUST drink. Then another player says another statement. It’s really a nice way to get drunk, hihi.

My officemates came up with statements like:

  • Never have I ever had flunked a Math subject. (I didn’t drink.)
  • Never have I ever slept at work. (I didn’t drink.)
  • Never have I ever been attracted to anyone in the office. (I didn’t drink.)
  • Never have I ever had sex in a public place. (I didn’t drink.)
  • Never have I ever had sex with a stranger. (I didn’t drink.)

I thought, Heck, when will I have to drink? And then came Chemae with her very provocative statement:

Never have I ever had sex with someone from the same sex.

I drank. Bottom’s up.

Wow. The reactions varied widely. Disbelief was painted on some of them. I heard a couple of oh-my-gawd’s. Some are shocked. Lauren kept yelling at me (more like cursing, really). Others weren’t surprised at all giving me an “I-knew-it” look. The ones who knew had a grin slashed on their faces. Their eyes glued to the man of the moment — ME.

I said defensively, “What? Whoever said I was straight?!”

Yep, I didn’t tell them about my sexual orientation but I never told them I was straight. Besides, they never asked. “Coming out” to them was not a good feeling. But it wasn’t bad, either. Until now, I’ve been thinking if I did the right thing. Sometimes I think that maybe I should’ve just kept it to myself and enjoy the idea of my colleagues thinking I’m straight. You know, some things are better left unsaid. But it was an honesty game. And I was just being honest.

My sexuality is something that I am not proud of, but I am not ashamed of, either. I don’t usually volunteer the information. I only tell a person when I’m asked. It was never an issue for me (unless when the person asking knows my family or is family).

So far, I still haven’t felt the aftermath of my honesty. That night, there was no tension or friction or discomfort or whatsoever. Heck, they were all drunk. Today that work resumes, I shall know.

One thing is for sure, though: I do not and will not regret the moment that I drank that glass of beer.

image courtesy of euroross.blogspot.com

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